Sunday, January 29, 2006

A Poem For My Daughter

I'm sort of cheesy. I wrote this for Smooshkin's scrapbook - and thought I'd share so you can all make fun of
Little Angel

Little angel is sleeping away,
Playing is hard to do all day!
Running, laughing, hide and seek,
Under the bed - why you little sneak!

Kisses and hugs for you all day long,
And in my heart there is always a song.
You delight me and fill my days with sunshine -
Precious precocious daughter of mine.

Sleep now and dream of wonders and fun,
More playing and laughing when sleeping is done.
More hugs and kisses and games to play
Until the day when I hear you say;

I’m big and I’m grown and to school I go,
To learn all the things that I’ll need to know.
No time for kisses or hugs and baby toys!
I’m grown now and have to give up those joys -

But still when my angel is sleeping at night -
When kisses are easy to give without fight-
I’ll cover her from her big girl head to her toes-
And tell her I love her so her heart always knows.

For no matter how big she grows or how tall,
I’ll always remember how she started out small -
First a wish that I made with my heart -
Then my dreams came true and so hers start…

Dream big and dream wide and they might come true -
Look at me - I got my wish when I got you.
Travel the world and when you are done -
Come home to your Mom and tell of your fun!
(- I’ll be hiding under the bed ! XOX)

Friday, January 27, 2006


Thank gawd. This will make life easier. Why didn't anyone tell me this before?

What the @$*!?

Maybe that blog with the chickenhead nugget did some damage to Mickydee's?

This actually reminds me of the guy at the gym yesterday. (Such an interesting place, this gym). He had a touque sort of stuck to the top of his head, long greasy hair, crazy beard (sort of) and was carrying a 4L jug of water around with him while he occasionally lifted weights. But, mostly he just stood there staring at people and drinking water. Gives me the shivers just thinking about it. At least he provided some level of entertainment for those last 5 excruciating minutes of cardio. Other than this slovenly fella, it appeared for the most part to be seniors day at the gym since - most of yesterdays patrons were well over 65 - so it made me feel superior in my exercise abilities. (This is funny and sad all at the same time.) All except for that seriously in good shape woman - who should be on Oprah. She's in the most fantastic shape of anyone at the gym by a long shot and she's easily in her 60's (?). She could seriously kick my butt.

Gotta go - I think my kids are playing with the cleaning supplies again. (I'M KIDDING - they are actually climbing allover me and really making it hard to dk;ofiyoe;8ory oiewhrjkj .... type. Ahem.)

See ya.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I Have a New Skill

I've been practising all week...LOL

Like Butter - or Like Butter Gone Bad? It's All About TV Today.

A few things to discuss;

The Bachelor.
Oh yes, he is beautiful creature. Intelligent, tall and well built, educated and kind. (If only I knew such a being existed I'm sure it would have altered the course of my life exponentially. LOL) But seriously - it is very easy to watch him without his shirt on for one hour every week - it would be better if his shirt was off for the whole hour but - I digress. My concerns about this show lean more towards the selection process of the "harum" they have chosen for this god like man.
The first I would discuss is the female doctor whose "eggs are rotting" (Her phrase). This was wrong on so many levels I don't know where to begin. She actually told him her purpose in this was to procreate. Who does this upon first meeting a potential mate? A gorilla, a salmon maybe, but not a normal human. My conclusion about her - just not normal. Far far from it. And then when he didn't select her to receive a rose she attacked him wanting to know what was wrong with her - boobs too small, too short not attractive? She should go crawl into a hole somewhere and stay there for a really long time. If her eggs are rotting she might want to visit something known as a sperm clinic and leave it at that since finding someone to actually mate with her is a long shot - even more so since the show. (Are they sure she's not a patient from a mental hospital?)
Next is the red head - who at first glance appears to be lovely but she's really just a shit disturber and she is always really drunk (seriously- watch her she is - she's drunk. All the time.).
The last up for discussion today - I would like to defend the poor girl who put the orange peel in her mouth. She wrote him poems and it really was cheesy -but she was also well meaning and very sweet. Too sweet maybe. Not his type but the editing crew did their damdest to make her look like a nutcase. I felt sorry for her - and not just because I've acted like that on dates. Ahem.

Next topic- Surface - are you friggin serious people? Ya just went off the deep end. You had potential, you really did. But then you had to go and do that little girl/Ape thing "have you seen my Mommy" now let me attack and ravage you because I'm really a beast. The eyerolling was ongoing and ridiculous throughout this episode. I actually needed to massage my eyes afterwards and got dizzy. You've disapointed me. I can't say for sure if I'll tune in next week. I'm thinking no. But my exciting life may dictate otherwise 6 days from now.

And - WHERE THE HELL DID INVASION GO? (While I'm at it, does anyone know when the next Survivor starts?)

I need to get a life.
I have to go watch Oprah now. (kidding) No, I'm not actually.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Celebrity Symmetry

Someone I know had this on their blog a while back and I earmarked it in my favorites. Just thought I'd share. It's cool.

See you all tomorrow on Happy Monday.

Friday, January 20, 2006

I'm NOT Swimming In the Ocean Ever Again.

Imagine this swimming up to say hello?

I don't even know what this is but I don't ever want to meet it.

Further to the big bugs blog (camel spiders)...

Hey yall.

Remember that Blog about big bugs? And if that isn't bad enough - last week I opened a carton of milk and a spider came flying out onto my hand (I really don't know how I just know it actually happened. The universe is toying with me?) Needless to say the spider got really dead lightening fast and I am still trying to clean the milk off the ceiling. I actually had a hard time sleeping that night and took me about 30 minutes to slow my heart and stop spazzing out. (To clarify, 'spazzing out' for me is made up of this contortionist inspired dance with a little shiver and my arms sweeping off imaginary bugs from all over my entire body. To the untrained eye this might have appeared to have been some twisted version of some tribal rain dance or Well, if I thought that was bad I could have had to have seen this in real life... I know I would not have had the presence of mind to have been able to video tape.

It is just wrong that these exist. And I don't think it's fair that people need to live near them. They can actually move at up to 10 MPH. (That's pretty fast for a bug - or arachnid or whatever). I did however learn (from my extensive research) that they actually don't eat people and will only bite a person by accident (phew). They would much rather eat lizards (see above) birds and mice. I still fear them like nothing on earth. If I had to sleep anywhere near them I would surround my self with mice, birds and lizards and fasten myself securely into a bubble suspended from the ceiling - and there will be no milk allowed in that bubble. .. or grapes (but that's another story...)


Thursday, January 19, 2006

Vacation Time

My cold is gone - only a couple of days. That usually doesn't happen. I'm the one who usually gets those freik illnesses that last 6 months and no one really knows why.

You all know that I'm turning 30 soon - no one is allowed to say that out loud though - and my birthday wish was to go out west and have a chance to relax (and a wee bit of drinking too) and have a sleep in. My wish was granted and I leave on March 15. An entire week - sigh. I couldn't be happier. Now, however, I must very diligently continue my workout regimen - since vacations seem to be prime picture taking opportunities and I don't feel photo worthy at present. (If most of my posts from vacation show me hiding behind a tree you'll know that I didn't get as far as I wanted).

Anyways - a tribute to my being 30 soon - Thanks Densie... (the bowling blog is coming...)

For the 30 and older crowd;
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways ... yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that...
I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy!
I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! When I was a kid we didn't have The Internet.
If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! (Do kids even know what the dewey decimal system is?)
There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter ... with a pen & pencil! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually walk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! (YEAH!)
And talk of about hardship? You couldn't just Download porn! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options! We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! ! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! .. Just like LIFE! When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hatsat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed! Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu
and no remote control! You had to use a little bookcalled a TV Guide to find out what was on!
You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV tochange the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards! And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire ...imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that Stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
-The 30 Something crowd!

I like stuff like this.
See you all later!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I Hab a Code

Ahhhhhchhhooooo. (Repeat - several times.) Feel sorry for me would you? My own pity party isn't sufficient. I hate being sick. I did (pats on the back) still go to the gym today because I wasn't sure if I would be able to force myself to tomorrow. (Note: it takes sheer luck to be able to elliptical and blow your nose at the same time without falling and making a total ass out of oneself. A woman of many talents - I know.) The bald lecherous man wasn't there today. But - there was this really adorable tiny little man in FILA shorts pulled up to his armpits and a white t-shirt and (are you ready) MOONBOOTS. Where is my camera when I need it? I kept staring at him in utter shock. I am not sure if he too was a victim of forgetfulness (remember the blog about the slippery pedals on the bike in socking feet?) and he opted for the boots. Either that or he is my BLOG stalker and he is just making fun of me.
Here is some information I found on this site ; in case you were wondering...
Is it a Cold or is it the Flu?
Colds usually begin slowly, two to three days after infection by the virus and normally last only two to seven days. A bad cold can last up to two weeks, but this is unusual. You will first notice a scratchy, sore throat, followed by sneezing and a runny nose. You may get a mild cough several days later. Adults and older children usually don't have a fever, but if they do, it will be very mild. Infants and young children, however, sometimes run temperatures up to 102°F (39°C). If you have the flu, you will have a sudden headache, dry cough, and you might have a runny nose and a sore throat. Your muscles will ache, you will be very tired, and you can have a fever up to 104°F (40°C). Most people feel better in a couple of days, but the tiredness and cough can last for two weeks or longer. The flu is a respiratory (breathing) illness. You cannot have a "stomach flu." Symptoms such as nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting are uncommon with the flu, except in very young children. Check with your health care provider if you have questions about the diagnosis and treatment of these illnesses.
Well... at least I know where I am headed. Well, maybe not. Is it a cold or flu? I JUST DON'T KNOW. It feels like my brain is in slo mo. Kind of like my thoughts are stuck in peanut butter and are hard to pull out of my head.
I'll be back tomorrow - if I can walk.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

White Bread Will Kill You (or him, at least)

They say to stop eating so many carbs right? This would stop me. It's all about right off the trees for me now people.

Well - here's the quickest way to diet in my books...

Friday, January 13, 2006

Do Things Like This Only Happen To Me?

So I pulled my neck out over the holidays. That was fun. I suffered through many a disfunctional family celebration in sheer agony (both physical and mental). Then I was given a free massage by an in law and - me thinks to meself - what great luck! I book my appointment for a Tues. By the time Tues rolled around I was no longer in pain - but I figured it would still be nice to have a massage - right? So off I go. The massage therapist is a waif. I think to myself - exactly how effective can that little wisp be? I think to soon. She pummels me from head to toe - thoroughly and I am oiled to slippery perfection. Off I go home, bruises and all.
I retire to bed that evening thinking how nice it was to have had a free beating (I mean, massage) and as I drift off to sleep I recall a vague itching sensation on my arms and back. Soon I am off in dreamland only to awake the next morning and dash into the washroom to shower. I am thinking three things instead of my usual two 1.COFFEE 2. PEE and this morning 3. ITCHY. I peel back my clothing to reveal.... my entire person covered in an ugly (DID I MENTION ITCHY) red rash. Apparently I am the one human on planet earth allergic to Holly Oil. The therapist did thankfully switch from her old oil that caused many a client to go into anaphalactic (sp?) shock. Thank god for that - since as my luck was running I am sure to have been one of them. Moral of the story - nothing is ever free.
My rash persists, but I have been assured that it will not kill me if it hasn't already (comforting).
I'm off to the dollar store to buy several of those wooden back scratchers from Asia. I have an idea that if I glue several together I can cover more ground.
This sucks.

Have you met the squirrel woman?

Throughout my somewhat sheltered and short life I have been lucky (?) in that I have come in contact with some of god's most questionable creatures. They invariably claim to be human. I am left questioning this possibility again and again. I question this as some bear (ha ha) an undeniable resemblance to animals - such as the flying squirrel lady. She appears at family functions and no one is sure why or how to stop this from happening. She garbs herself in clothing that some (few) might consider fashionable but most just find confusing. It is reminiscent of the clothing that one of the golden girls used to wear - makes me wonder if she too was a member of this secret race that we shall now refer to as the "Squirrel People". They hide their wings in copious amounts of fabric - that would be superfluous to most humans - but not the "Squirrel People". For them it accomplishes two things; it provides warmth for the wings and more importantly disguises them so they can raid Christmas dinner (again and again). Another reason I have come to believe that this is a squirrel descendant is - the manner in which she packs her generous cheek pockets with astonishing amounts of food. She also had an odd accent that I can only assume is a remnant of squirrel speak. I have attempted to woo her from the home with peanut butter and marshmallows but she seems oblivious to my ploys (too busy stuffing all the pine nuts from the stuffing in those billows). I have, however, recently enlisted the aide of one (who shall go unnamed) family member who also questions her presence at such family gatherings and wishes to shoo her back to the forest from whence she came.
Please let me know if you have experienced something similar and have and ideas for me.
PS. You know I just had to Google 'squirrel people" right?
I bet she's from Venezuela. Thus the accent. Aha! I'm onto you squirrel woman!
Yeegawts! More clues!!
Who knew?!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

The gym Is a Wonderful Place

The fat bald guy was back but... today I managed to work out behind a post for most of my workout. Funnier still was this 18 year old girl who would only work out in front of a mirror and would crank her neck on extreme angles to give herself the eye. She actually went to such extremes that (I kid you not) on the one where you jump up on your knees and pull yourself up with your arms - you know - anyways she fell of it trying to dig herself around some other equipment. And - in case any of you DON'T KNOW - when you laugh or speak with an ipod on - IT'S LOUDER. And so, I started everyone in the gym who had already noticed little Miss "dontchawishyagirlfriendwashotlikeme" laughing too. It was pretty funny that she was to busy ensuring that her belly ring was unscathed to notice that the laughter was at her expense. I know that sounds terribly bitchy but it really was too funny. Hope she's there next week - I managed two extra minutes on the elliptical watching the show.

See you.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Follow up - 80's flashback (Thanks Amy)

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's or Early 90's If:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies (or had some)
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince ofBel-air" and can do the"Carlton"
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy (weren't we...Dee?)
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect. (see the things we can teach kids? We are treasures)
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales Woo ooh!
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday towatch cartoons. (this one rings especially true since today IS Saturday and there's nothing on - don't know why I still get up a 6?)
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head. (Just the other day as a matter of fact)
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen...and still know the turtle's names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. (Anyone know what that means?)
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would holdyour shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter,House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.(She's truly outrageous.)
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie. (NO. I AM a Goonie - but not the deformed one)
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only femalesmurf. (I have to say that I know the answer to this - didn't you know I was a Smurf expert? Gargamel invented her by magic. What's more...she started out EVIL and communicated with Gargamel by way of her make-up compact and was initially a brunette.... but *poof* turned blonde when she gave up her evil ways...I'm still waiting for my magically blonde locks)
27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence
30. You remember Hyper color t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favourite band.
32. You thought She-Ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (And like #24,probably in neon colors, too)
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I knowyou are, but what am I?" (Sadly, this is still my best comeback)
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there wereinline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party atMcDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember "Popples". (Ya, so like... where is my popple?)
43. "Don't worry, be happy"
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down and sometimes still do...getting yelled at by "younger hip" members of the family (are you trying to say that this isn't cool or something. Whatever.)
46. You remember boom boxes..? And walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales"
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB". (now I'm just plain mad...NKOTB forever man.)
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on Saved by the Bell"
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART. (and your to blame - you give lo-uve a bad name...)
55. You just sang those words to yourself. (and to you- that's creepy)
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts... (The shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool! (When was that exactly? Oh yeah about the same time that rat tails were in.)
59. You had a mullet! (No - I did not.)
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a banana clip
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?" (Ya, but the cool version ... Whatchootalkinboutwillis?)
65. You had big hair and you knew how to use it. (Still do. Party people)
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!!! (WTF?!)
67. "Thunder...thunder...thunder...thunder cats...HO!!!!!!!! (I wanted to name my cat Snarf)
68. You wore overalls with only one strap on your shoulder.
69. You see the new commercial of the "Heinz" boy Mikey and wonder if that is REALLY him, all grown up. (Got me on that one - but seriously, no mullet.)
70. You know that Adam Sandler started his career as Theo's friend on Cosby. (NO WAY?!)

Friday, January 06, 2006

Why do I find this so terribly amusing?!

The Invention of the Snorkle

I was watching Liv (dear friends daughter) running around with a snorkle in her mouth pretending to be an elephant yesterday and it got me to thinking...(uho). Do you think whoever invented the snorkle did so because they were watching an elephant swimming around and thought - gee, if I had a tube like that I could breath underwater too? Because, if you ever really LOOK at a snorkle - it really does look like an elephant's trunk - except the part that is the end of the elephant nose is the part that we put in our mouth (kind of gross when thought of that way but terribly effective all in all). So now I am going to google this and enlighten you with the results;
First off I have discovered my inability to spell - that would be SNORKEL - for all you superior spelling wizards out there (and I would have fixed it but it was kind of funny)... and then I found this... (I soooo want one of these - Happy 30 soon - what a perfect gift to awe me with) Then I found this and promptly stopped looking... you will see why... And so I have learned that googling the most innocent of things is never really safe even though at first - I really thought someone invented a snorkle for a cat and I was intrigued (naive maybe?) anyhoo...
What I never found out was who invented the frickin snorkel or how they came up with it. So I have used my powers of deductive reasoning to decide that there is a very good possibility that they came up with this idea while watching an elephant. From this day forward that is what I will choose to beleive. There you have it. End of story. (But please share any ideas you have - unless it is along the lines of that last - shudder - search).

Funny and Stupid Laws

Real (Strange) Laws

In Alabama, it is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

In Texas, it is illegal to curse in front of, or indecently expose oneself to, a corpse.

In Michigan, a man legally owns his wife's hair.

Kansas law prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat.

In Idaho, the law states all boxes of candy given as romantic gifts must weigh more than 50 pounds. (I LOVE THIS)

In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.

In Alabama, dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

In New York City, it's illegal to shake a dust mop out a window.

In Pueblo, Colorado, it is illegal to let a dandelion grow within city limits.

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on in North Dakota.

In Nogales, Arizona, it is illegal to wear suspenders.

In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

In the state of Texas, it is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

In Canada, It is illegal for a teen to walk down main street for Fort Qu'Appelle with their shoes untied.

In Canada, It is illegal to leave your horse in front of the Country Squire without hitching it securely to the hitching post.

In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor in Denver.

In Woodstock, NY it is illegal to walk your bear on the street without a leash.

In Florida, women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

In Florida, if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit in Sarasota Florida.

In New Mexico, females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown in Florida.

Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state in Ohio.

In Florida, any form of sexual contact other than missionary position is a misdomeanor. (This is still a law. There have been several cases of people being brought up on these charges in the past 5 years alone. If the police enter a home with a warrent for some other crime and catch the 'culprits' in action, they can, and are, brought up on those charges.)

Anyone interupting a meeting of the British Columbia Grasshopper Control Committee can be arrested.

In Kentucky, by law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." (the person who wrote this was clearly drunk)

It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket in Kentucky. (again with the drinking)

Key West, Florida, has an ordinance prohibiting turtle racing within the city limits.

A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five
dollar permit in Texas.

You are not allowed to play a musical instrument in a park in Windsor, Ontario.

It is illegal for children to eat ice-cream cones on the streets on the Sabbath in Ottawa. (but at least they can hide them in their pockets)

In Texas it's legal for a chicken to have sex with you, but it's illegal to reciprocate.

In Delaware, you'll get in trouble if you try to pawn your wooden leg.

In Portland, Maine, it's illegal to tickle a girl under the chin with a feather duster.

You are not allowed to saw wood on the streets, or wash your automobile in Toronto.

In Halifax, no citizen is allowed to chop wood on the sidewalk.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

As promised - the Marshmallow Fellow in all his glory!


So here he is - the Staypuft man in all his glory. Thanks Dee for sending those pictures... (most of them anyways. LOL). I have also included someone named Mike in this post (below). I don't know Mike but I have to say that I think he looks too cool and rockstarlike to not be famous. Apparently he doesn't usually dress like this and that saddens me greatly. It should be his calling.

I'll be back later when I have something interesting to say.


Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Speaking of breakdancing cowboys -

This should help with that mental picture... also hello to Mar and Hubby (WHY can't I remember his name - it's a very nice name but I just can't remember it.... must have been the 'toit'ness of the tail)... Cheers.

I want my MTV...

Well, Happy New Year to all.
I hope you all had a great time ringing in 2006, but I'm gonna bet you didn't look as cool as we did. I know you all dig the side pony tail and wish you too could exact this look with such pizzaz. Cooler still, Denise and Ian could do an album cover. If the 80's came back and I could choose a look - it would be a cross between Dee's outfit and my own. This would be the ultimate in coolness. (And I would only date men who wore cowboy boots on the outside of their pants - because this clearly sends a message... I'm still working on what that message is exactly...but I really thought this look did something for Ian.) I am waiting for Dee to email me the pictures of the stay puffed marshmallow fellow and friends (ghostbusters -) since they seriously deserve a metal for their costumes. Thanks to Mar for bestowing the jelly bracelets on the gang. You will never know just how cool I felt or how much I will treasure these always.

I hope everyone survived the morning after (ahem....Ian) and didn't need stitches after all (who knew break dancing could inflict such pain or that men wearing cowboy hats could breakdance in the first place...)

So in the end I decided we should make this a tradition. Except next year I get to pick the music - and everyone needs to learn the African Ant Eater Ritual before the party. (Didn't anyone watch movies in the 80's???!!! I mean - really people - everyone should know this dance. You've no excuse. Mar's husband tried to make me feel better by uttering something about that looking familiar but I think they all thought I'd had one too many Wildberry coolers...or that my side pony was a wee bit too tight)

Well anyhoo, now that I have humiliated myself and some of my dearest friends I should go and try to wash the lipstick off my eyelids - any suggestions on how to best accomplish this?

Love to all and Happy 2006.