Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Monday, December 05, 2011

Spanx and My Inner Battle

So most of us like Spanx yes? I too liked them for the purposes of wearing them under bridesmaid dresses on occasion when thousands of pictures would be taken...

That is until my husband expressed his intense hate towards said underclothing. "Never Spanx - NEVER."

Not about mine mind you - since he has never seen me in them as I prefer to wear the types of pretty lace bits n pieces for my own resident prince charming. Not the spanx. Nothing sexy there. Those are really just for nights out where you might run into people from high school who you want to be jealous of you - or ex girlfriends of the hubby and so on. You get the picture. But as to appease my lovely hubby for many years I have ix nayed them.

Recently I have decided to order up some pantyhose from the spanx. They have a seam on the back and a control top and I had to have them. Anyone who has had babies appreciates the idea of a control top. Some who haven't appreciate the control top. It's a never too thin/too rich thing. It also hides panty lines.

Here's the kicker - getting into those goddamned things is almost as painful as childbirth AND if you stop part way to catch your breath - you will either bruise yourself or cut off circulation to your legs or both. Not only that but you need to do what I like to call the squat dance to hike them up so the crotch isn't mid-thigh.

The next issue is the having to pee after a few drinks - then you are a little drunk in a restaurant bathroom in 5 inch heels trying to squat dance without taking a swim in the toilet.

The last issue is - when you get home after looking particularly svelte all evening - your husband will want to "romance you". Let me assure you there is nothing sexy about getting stuck - and appearing as though you have an elastic tightly secured mid thigh. This is when the husband says again to make sure you listen, "No Spanx. Never Spanx. Ever."

Sunday, December 04, 2011

I spent half my day yesterday crafting Christmas Cards and getting drunk on Bellini's. Cards are pictured above - I'm sort of attached to them and my tummy hurts when I think about mailing them. (Is it a bad thing if I mail myself a couple? I might sign them from famous people just for giggles.)

Babs and Roo made a gingerbread train and decorated some sugar cookies. Which they then ate. (She got MOST of it off of her face) Gingerbread is just gross. The only thing that's fun is reenacting that scene from Shrek where you break off the ginger bread man's leg and make him yell "You're a Monster". Then after, Babs perfected her turban skills.
17 days until holiday adventuring begins. I keep decorating and it must be stopped.

Also, if you look really close you can see my reflection in the vase. THANK god I wasn't nekkid. Get your heads out of the gutter.
I'm off in search of Christmas shows and some coffee...

Friday, December 02, 2011

Cucumber Sandwiches and Otis Redding

I'm obsessed with these two things presently.

You wouldn't think that they go together splendidly but in fact - they do. You can use the cucumber as a microphone. Or a spoon... or pretty much anything in the kitchen. Plus, somehow everything tastes better when you cook it to music (and drink wine the entire time).
Having a tea party tomorrow a.m. Yeah that's right. Tea and cucumber sandwiches. And Otis Redding. And champagne. And I'm dressing like a 40's housewife. This is how I entertain myself these days.