Who Said Life Wasn't Funny?

2012-01-22T16:20:00.002-05:00

I fucking hate winter. I hate winter and I hate women that hit on my husband. I hate them almost the same amount.

This chick went up to my husband to hit on him so he politely responded that he was married and that I would be joining him shortly, and she said "If you cheat on your wife tonight, I hope it's with me."

Are you serious. Okay hooker. Put your dukes up and prepare to see how it feels to be a human mop. And don't think I'm past urinating on you either... that's what mops are for bitch. As you are about to learn...

Classy. I know. Wonder why my hubby wouldn't point her out?

It is so freaking cold outside that I have declared a state of arrest and am ordering in all of my meals to avoid having to go outside to reach the grocery store. I miss summer.

Well I came back so where the hell did y'all go?

2011-12-21T16:18:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas everyone!

Spanx and My Inner Battle

2011-12-05T13:31:00.002-05:00

So most of us like Spanx yes? I too liked them for the purposes of wearing them under bridesmaid dresses on occasion when thousands of pictures would be taken...

That is until my husband expressed his intense hate towards said underclothing. "Never Spanx - NEVER."

Not about mine mind you - since he has never seen me in them as I prefer to wear the types of pretty lace bits n pieces for my own resident prince charming. Not the spanx. Nothing sexy there. Those are really just for nights out where you might run into people from high school who you want to be jealous of you - or ex girlfriends of the hubby and so on. You get the picture. But as to appease my lovely hubby for many years I have ix nayed them.

Recently I have decided to order up some pantyhose from the spanx. They have a seam on the back and a control top and I had to have them. Anyone who has had babies appreciates the idea of a control top. Some who haven't appreciate the control top. It's a never too thin/too rich thing. It also hides panty lines.

Here's the kicker - getting into those goddamned things is almost as painful as childbirth AND if you stop part way to catch your breath - you will either bruise yourself or cut off circulation to your legs or both. Not only that but you need to do what I like to call the squat dance to hike them up so the crotch isn't mid-thigh.

The next issue is the having to pee after a few drinks - then you are a little drunk in a restaurant bathroom in 5 inch heels trying to squat dance without taking a swim in the toilet.

The last issue is - when you get home after looking particularly svelte all evening - your husband will want to "romance you". Let me assure you there is nothing sexy about getting stuck - and appearing as though you have an elastic tightly secured mid thigh. This is when the husband says again to make sure you listen, "No Spanx. Never Spanx. Ever."

2011-12-04T10:57:00.006-05:00

I spent half my day yesterday crafting Christmas Cards and getting drunk on Bellini's. Cards are pictured above - I'm sort of attached to them and my tummy hurts when I think about mailing them. (Is it a bad thing if I mail myself a couple? I might sign them from famous people just for giggles.)

Babs and Roo made a gingerbread train and decorated some sugar cookies. Which they then ate. (She got MOST of it off of her face) Gingerbread is just gross. The only thing that's fun is reenacting that scene from Shrek where you break off the ginger bread man's leg and make him yell "You're a Monster". Then after, Babs perfected her turban skills.

17 days until holiday adventuring begins. I keep decorating and it must be stopped.

Also, if you look really close you can see my reflection in the vase. THANK god I wasn't nekkid. Get your heads out of the gutter.

I'm off in search of Christmas shows and some coffee...

Cucumber Sandwiches and Otis Redding

2011-12-02T08:17:00.006-05:00

I'm obsessed with these two things presently.

You wouldn't think that they go together splendidly but in fact - they do. You can use the cucumber as a microphone. Or a spoon... or pretty much anything in the kitchen. Plus, somehow everything tastes better when you cook it to music (and drink wine the entire time).

Having a tea party tomorrow a.m. Yeah that's right. Tea and cucumber sandwiches. And Otis Redding. And champagne. And I'm dressing like a 40's housewife. This is how I entertain myself these days.

Pedicures and Paranoia

2011-11-29T19:39:00.003-05:00

I refuse to answer them when my kids yell "Mom, Mummy, MOM?" from other floors in the house when they know where I am. Unless they sound like they are injured. Then I might answer. Just thought I'd share.

Last week I went for a spa day with me own Mummy when I went for a visit. It started out super nice. Had a lovely massage and even stopped caring if the lighting made my backside look fat part way through - that is the sign of a good massage. *sigh* After the massage and facial (feeling very rubbery and shimmery) we made our way out to the pedicure area whereupon the one esthetician began recounting to us the story of her mother being diagnosed schizophrenic... and how she thinks it isn't fair to tell people what they are and are not really seeing.... because when she was three she clearly remembers a baby being sacrificed and bleeding allover her Mother's nightgown.

Ok. So. Not so much trusting the crazy ass with the file in close proximity to my Mom suddenly...but how do you back out slowly in such circumstances? So we sat and finished our treatment trying our damnedest not to bring up anything that might incite violence or baby sacrifice. WTF is that???? Seriously why do I even try???? No more spas...

Bring it on Santa

2011-11-14T09:00:00.003-05:00

House has been fully covered in a thick and unyielding layer of Christmas. I have even managed to (mostly) vacuum up the stray sparkles... except the ones who have kindly imbedded themselves into my eyeball.

Instead of finishing cleaning my kitchen and shaving my legs (I'm QUITE the multi-tasker) I decided to pour myself a coffee and blog. (see again with the multitasking) I should be busy getting ready for Spartan arrival at 2 pm sharp... but I donwanna just yet. Instead I want to bitch about chicks.

Don't get me wrong - there's some nice ones but this isn't about them. This blog is about that crusty bitch of a woman who lives across from me and I have mentally declared my enemy. Cause she is a twat. I don't usually go around calling women that. But this one deserves it. She deserves the crown. That's right the Twat Crown. (Does this conjure up an image?) I would love to go into what a small minded complete loser she is but it doesn't make me better than her (cause I already am). She is an older mom (test tube babies- and no I'm sonotfuckingkidding) and a total bitch -- and so I mailed her depends. Which makes me better than her. I am such a grown up. I get special points for that one in hell. Especially since I am still laughing hard enough to need them myself and this was 6 months ago.

Why are women such total bitches? I have my friends and they are great - the best chicks ever - but dudes out there - or women who date women - I feel so freaking sorry for you. 75 percent of us are completely insane (not in a good way). And this is a conservative number. Believe it or not boys - we usually treat each other way worse than we treat you. It starts early too - my son is only in 3rd grade and one of his best friends is a girl (she is cool) but the other girls are starting the "mean girls thing" and since she is new and hangs out with the boys - she is their prime directive. Example? The leader of the mini bitch pack says to the other followers, "Whoever hates so and so put your hand in." (to the center of the table where her little hand waits while the other is on her hip). I can't mail them depends.. so instead I am going to volunteer in the classroom... I'm going to take those little "bitches in training" down. I'm thinking things like putting bugs in their lunchbags or "accidentally" crushing their art sculptures... hiding their homework - or maybe exlax cookies? (ok pretty sure that last one is illegal so as much as I'd like to -- I will keep those for Queenie).

I am back and back into the routine

2011-11-09T17:24:00.005-05:00

I have returned from the trip where I drank in the views and the beer. It was wonderful. Now I have begun full throttle xmas decor and shopping. I know it is early but i feel the festive. And when I feel the festive anything I can reach gets red bows or little white lights.

Spartan was home for a couple of days and we spent it eating, working out, drinking red wine and giggling. He's such a lovely hubby. Turns out I like Ahi Tuna steaks (not a lover of fish - or seafood period really) and also ate sushi today... which leaves me equally confused and feeling slightly dangerous. I know that sounds strange but I've never been adventurous enough to try it - so when I saw people eating it I sort of felt I was watching something mysterious and now that I'm part of that society and fully prepared to up my mercury levels - I feel like I'm living on the edge. Which is better than living on the edge of the couch I always say.

Off to spread some more xmas cheer about the house. I'll be at this for a month. The work comes when I have to take down all that stuff and find a closet to stuff it into again.

Here I is and isn't -isH

2011-10-05T22:25:00.004-05:00

I am so fucking tired. It is 6:30 am and I'm in a lounge in Helsinki. The airport. They are morons and can't figure out how to check me through to the states because my Canadian passport has a visa, which they keep trying to take (because they suck reindeer balls and also don't really know how to do anything useful. I have to board now. Wish me luck...

Jumping the pond and crafting

2011-09-24T08:32:00.004-05:00

My husband has to go to work in Europe and his company funds the wives to tag along... so I am off to destinations that are mysterious and unknown to me this Monday. I am uber giddy. Also, I got a puppy. He has the cuteness and he is possessed.

I am very excited that my Mommy is coming to visit/hang with ankle biters - and I have so much laundry and dusting to do that I have found myself confused and dusting the laundry. All of this fascinates you to no end, I'm sure of it. I also dusted the very screen I type to you on now. Impressed? No matter. I am.

I had a craft night with my girly friends last evening. This is such great fun. We craft... we consume wine and eat chili and a smattering of yummy treats and we giggle. We go home - we eat a package of gas x and sleep. Then the next day we try to make the craft look like it was not made by a drunk ... or we just say our little kid made it when people ask. If you don't have a little kid- you volunteer at a home for the aged and your pal Betsy who is 106 made it with her poor arthritis riddled hands. That serves two purposes; locks in your vote for sainthood and makes them now look upon your creation with a new found admiration. It's fun. You should do it. I was in a book club...but nobody read the books so we changed plans. Besides...Betsy is nearly blind and loses interest in books on tape...and I'm so not going to read to her - I have laundry ;-) which I should get back to....

Have a great weekend.

Hotter than hades

2011-07-22T08:51:00.002-05:00

I type this sitting in a bucket of tepid water. This - in a vain attempt to remain cool. It is so hot. Attempted to golf last week and lost 70 pounds in water weight. (ok maybe a I exaggerate). People get strange in the heat... though I suspect they may have been strange before as well - the heat just really brings it out. Was packing my groceries into the back of my car the other day and a man (who I thought I was being paranoid but appeared to be stalking me in the produce aisle) waiting for me in the parking lot - drove up behind me and here is the conversation;

"Excuse me?" man says politely while pulling up behind me in a truck he must have borrowed from Roddy Piper.

I turn around suspecting someone is about to ask for directions, "Yes?"

"I saw you inside and I just wanted to tell you..."

At this point I imagine he is going to say something like - you have toilet paper on your shoe...but wait...

"...that you have an INCREDIBLE BODY." Then he just nodded at me as though this was a perfectly appropriate thing to say to a perfect stranger. At which point I decided maybe he was going to tell me I had toilet paper on my shoe and chickened out so I checked anyways. Didn't see toilet paper --- odd...

As he drove off he emphasized "Absolutely amazing."

I was torn between being strangely flattered/offended and feeling a need to shower.

Who does that to a stranger?!

My lovely hubby is coming home to save me...

2011-06-03T15:55:00.002-05:00

WHAT A WEEK.

The Bachelorette - are you kidding me? This reminds me of all of the horrible dates before I met my hero *Spartan* swoon. Still doing that (not the horrible dates the swooning)- probably more so now than before since I love him more everyday. (vomit in your mouth yet?) He has been away for work a lot lately so I have been in charge of cleaning up basement floods, the removal of ticks (niiiice), letting the children out of their cages and repairing general household things. Hubby is coming back to save me. I am very happy about that. I'm at the end of my imaginary rope... and nearly out of wine.

I went for a fish pedicure last week. Fish tortured me with their toothless little mouths by biting at my feet for 20 minutes. Before you wonder - yes - I paid for this experience...and I'm not entirely sure why. It was kind of horrible ...like when your little and someone tickles your feet to the point where it just hurts. I saw Diane Sawyer do it so I figured, what the hell. Then I sat there for 20 minutes thinking... what the hell?!

Okay I have to go feed the carnies.

Beauty and Sex

2011-05-06T10:20:00.002-05:00

Got your attention didn't I?

Actually I just came here to tell you that Botox is the best thing ever. I wish I had found in 10 years ago. Now excuse me while I go flirt with myself in the mirror again...

Have a great weekend.

Potty mouth, tornados and the royal weddedness

2011-04-28T09:06:00.004-05:00

I've been swearing a lot lately. Not sure why...not sure I'm going to do anything about it. Just thought I'd recognize it. Put it out there.. own it. Fucking embrace it.

Bad weather. Tornados and thunder storms all around me. The entire east coast looks like when the gates of hell opened in ghost busters. (Is that what was happening? You know with all the swirly dark clouds and such.) The kind that touch down and steal your livestock - or your kids. (Which is funny because we got an email from the school urging us to walk our kids to the bus because of the weather - which makes me object on many levels...and I was like hell no I'm not getting swept away too!! I'm kidding. I thought that... but I still went....)

Anyways - in light of the storms I thought the best thing to do would be to talk on the phone, run a bath and type a post on my computer. At the same exact time. All three things would make my mother keel over directly. All three things done together will clearly make her head explode. She has been convinced for her entire life that the lightening will come through the pipes and the phone and cook your brain. I'm sure the computer is the same since it is on our list of storm no-no's.
When I was a kid she would usher us into her make shift bunker beneath the basement stairs. If you think tornados scare you mom, I blame your fear of them for my fear of spiders and small places. It isn't like the woman ever experienced a traumatic event personally from a storm... you could say I did since my childhood kitty was killed by lightening - but not her. She freaks the second she thinks a storm is coming to this day. She watches the weather channel for hours on end to make sure she is on it. She is like the opposite of the storm chaser. She will point at a fluffy white cloud in a blue sky and announce that it doesn't look right... that it looks like a tornado cloud... and then spend a ridiculous amount of time staring it down.

I have to wake up at 4 am to watch Prince Wills marry Katherine. I dvr'd just in case I drink myself into a coma before bed - well you know in celebration and such. LOOK - I'm Canadian and that means that he is going to be my King... so it is my duty to celebrate. I can't wait to see what she wears and her hair, what he wears, so swoon romantic! Weddings! Princes! Carriages... etc. Sadly my very own Prince Charming is trying to fly home but is trapped where he is because of the weather (I stopped myself from swearing just then... don't want to overdo it...). Hope he gets home so I can tuck my feet up under him at bed and gaze adoringly at him as I fall asleep.... (in my wedding dress... lol)

*bonus* Last week I had a dream that I commissioned a painting of my Spartan on the ceiling of our bedroom. Then I woke up and was like, "wtf?" and then eventually came round to thinking it might be a good idea... which would be waaaay creepier if we had just started dating or something. Just saying. Not exactly normal when it's your husband but less creepy... right? Maybe a little? HMMM?

Ants, birds and a dripping faucet and not in that order

2011-04-27T09:03:00.003-05:00

I'm annoyed.

Birds in my dryer vent scared the shit out of me this morning while I was looking for socks for Babs... hadn't quite woken up yet either. Very disturbing. For a split second the irrational thought; "This is it the end of the world... tiny squeaking aliens are about to come through a porthole that just happens to be right where my dryer is. Fanfuckingtastic." I think I read too much science fiction. I'm afraid to turn on the dryer and cook those suckers.

Ants. Fucking ants are trying to turn my very lovely home into an ant farm. They appear to like the cracks in the corners of the doorway... which means I have to call out the pest folks who appear in the form of one very young giggly fellow who I'm not sure does anything useful at all.... CUZ ANTS ARE EVERYWHERE and he just came 3 weeks ago...

Lastly - my faucet in the kitchen is dripping. It's slowly making me lose my grip with reality. Last night when the house got quiet - it seemed to get much louder to the point where I jumped up and yelled "I'll tell you what you want to know - JUST MAKE IT STOP."

I'm going to the store to buy one of those tiny blowtorches they use for creme brulee... I think it might be able to solve all of my problems - even if only temporarily...

Oh and seriously if Donald Trump runs for office why don't we urge Madonna to take over as Treasurer and maybe one of the reality stars from the hills could get in there... or maybe a character from sesame street.

You really want to know what I think....

2011-04-23T08:29:00.002-05:00

In Canada visiting family. While here I decided to check into a hotel nearby to free up room for other relatives with small(er) children. Also so I can use the gym...and yeah ok the spa. But mostly because I kick ass in the generosity dept ;-)
Anyways when I went to use the gym which is really really small -about the size of my walk in closet-and it isn't an Oprah closet before you ask... So I'm working away sculpting and such (that's what happens in the movie in my mind-in reality I thInk it just ensures I can still do up my jeans which is also nice...) when suddenly 3 adults and their tiny spawn enter the gym whereupon they ALL start playing. The kids were hanging on the pulldown bar and then they played on the elliptical and so on. The adults didn't do anything useful either. They just got in the way. What do I really think? Get out. I'm busting my ass here and in about 5 minutes I'm going to play "catch" the medicine ball with your three year old - and that will only end in tears. My other plan involves bowling overhand with both of your brats with them ending up somewhere in the hot tub cooking them into children stew. Yep. That's what I really think. The arcade is in the lobby you terds.
I gave up after about 20 minutes and cut my work out short. I spent the next hour wishing them ill-which I'm doing again right now....

So then this morning I went to breakfast and there was this family who was trying to break the Guinness record on carb inhalation and they are sitting right in front of me so I am totally staring. Can't help it they were fascinating. So this kid with them is about 7 and he is alternately
Opening his mouth for his mother to stuff waffles in and playing is ds. Evidently the battery died on his electronic device because he collapsed into a blubbering heap of loud tears. Know what his mommy did to make him feel better? She built him-and in mean built this would have challenged even the best architectural engineer- a waffle sandwich stuffed with at least 30 pieces of hot greasy bacon. Then she flattened it and handed it to him. So he stopped crying and in the most horrific way imaginable ate it all and ask for toast. I looked down at my plate of fruit and felt very proud... And I wrapped my bacon up in a napkin to hide it...lol....for myself more than anything. Plus I thought the kid might attack me for it when he was done eating his toast like the cookie monster. Jeez people. Why not just feed him a vat of lard and give him some ciggies? The gym is on the 2nd floor you terds... (see what I did there?)

Side note- this post was painstakingly typed out on my iPad folks-it took me forever. Hope you appreciate my efforts to tell you what I really think... Happy Easter!

Let's see if she has anything interesting to say folks...

2011-04-09T12:02:00.003-05:00

Since every single time something funny happens I still find myself writing about it in my head... I figured I might as well write it here.

Still living in America. Looks like I might be the first generation to permanently move back here since my Grandfather. Way back when someone in my gene pool jumped over the pond from somewhere in Europe - rumored to be Scotland and Ireland and eventually came to the States and some to Canada and now my family is split betwixt. And I spend so much time going back and forth and forth and back that I still feel split betwixt.

This is a good pairing of cultures since I can now benefit from both Thanksgivings and preferred taxation.

I went on a field trip to the Museum of Natural History last week. I had the flu - well I was through the worst of it but then I sat in the back of the bus...as imagined not a good plan. I spent 3 hours in between dizzy spells and feeling nauseous - mix in the odd dinosaur skeleton and 5,000 hyperactive children and that pretty much sums up my day. Seriously, who decides this shit is fun. Next year I'm going to suggest a field trip where the adults can drink. It's only fair. Children like to see how shit is made right? Why not wine? That's what I say.

I'm going to make sure I start researching this right away... :-D

So Goodbye For Now...

2010-11-06T07:59:00.003-05:00

I know this sounds stupid but it just seemed to final to say goodbye... life is just too busy right now. I know you guys aren't surprised.

BUT I promise that one day I will return. I actually miss you guys so much! I feel like I moved away from you guys too!!

I think about you guys all the time! I will make an effort to at least stop into your fabulous blogs on a regular basis - now that the pressure is off ;-)

Love Lizzy

PS-WTF is with Toe Shoes?

Philly- wooooohoooo

2010-06-05T16:39:00.002-05:00

I went to the Game 4 of the Stanley cup finals yesterday. I took the train. It was very fun. I got a hideous orange swag shirt *for free* AND stayed up stupid late (6am ish). I am prone to motion sickness... train ride was not so easy... I must seek the comfort of my lovely bed very early tonight - And some meds to assist with nausea.

That was the most fun I've had in AGES. I think I might not be able to stay up that late again in my lifetime... I'm getting too old for sleep deprivation. But I highly recommend that once or twice a decade - you act like a teenager and stay up all night. I"m pretty damn sure we solved a lot of the worlds problems... if only I could remember the conversation ;-D

Adventures... and a train.

2010-05-30T09:09:00.003-05:00

I am going on an adventure by train next Friday. I am excited. I'm tempted to dress up like the characters in White Christmas - when they were on the train to Vermont. But - it is pretty likely I would die of heat exhaustion.

I had my cholesterol tested for the first time a week ago. Made me feel old. I was kind of surprised to see it was 200. I eat super healthy and work out all the time - plus I'm not overweight. HDL was 94, LDL was 93 and triglycerides were 63. I think I would already have high cholesterol if I had a different lifestyle. That freaks me out. I fully intend to live forever. Lucky for me my blood pressure is 100 over 70. I'm sure that will buy me a year or two.

Going to see Sex in the City movie this afternoon. Going to order nachos with cheese... I hear they do wonders for cholesterol...

Health returns

2010-05-27T16:21:00.003-05:00

I'm finally feeling better.

Anyone here watch Cougar Town? Love that show.

Anyone here eat at Chipotle's? Love that place.

Anyone here ever see this picture. Love kids.

srsly?

2010-05-25T07:51:00.003-05:00

Day two

Feel like I'm running the sick bay on the Star Trek Enterprise and you are the ship's log. Yes. The cold meds are that good. The only drawback is - I keep thinking that the laundry room is the holodeck and it's malfunctioning.

Babs has ceased puking and is now found in various rooms on the floor asleep. Spartan is getting my cold because I suck. Roo is the only healthy one thus far. I think I might make him captain.

Sick comes in waves...

2010-05-24T12:19:00.002-05:00

....much like nausea.

Last week Babs had a runny nose. This week - the day after my annual physical ---- which is never a highlight ----- I came down with a cold that had me on my ass for two straight days. I'm still kind of green and my head is all floaty. Which is kind of nice compared to the previous two days... but then...

- the kids biodad came to spend the weekend with them which is lovely but- he had the flu. He had the flu and then after three days with the kids Babs puked in the back of his new car. He has to drive 6 or 7 hours home. Shheeeesh. Not the fun weekend he had in mind...

Just returned from holding back the wee Babbies hair while she hurled yet again into a bucket.

She just quietly finished and said... "...guess the medicine didn't work..."

Guess not.

She's finally asleep for a wee nap.

The final icing on the cake if you will; just had the carpets Oxicleaned yesterday. *SIGH*

Oh the universe and its sense of humor. Never ceases to amaze me.

Oh yes - and did I mention that Spartan finally came home from a long road trip to find us in this extreme situation? Yep. *SIGH*

2010-05-18T08:55:00.002-05:00

Might I have abandoned you too long?

Getting married, moving and all manner of drama. Forgive me and please come back...

Bedazzler be damned....

2010-05-15T15:14:00.002-05:00

Instead Va-jazzled?

There is a place that bedazzles your nether regions...

New York City’s Completely Bare Spa, as a post-waxing add-on service (only because it would get a bit ick with all the hair and such...). An esthetician decorates your newly waxed private bits with Swarovski crystals.... with what I'm not sure. Crazy glue perhaps. (?) Hot glue gun? I'm thinking after a bikini wax you wouldn't even think it hurts.

Completely bare... with a flare.

I might bedazzle my hoo hoo with a sparkly portrait of spartan for our anniversary... or maybe just a great big heart with our initials in it...

Seriously people... what are you thinking. I wanna know.

Am I Cursed?

2010-05-09T10:28:00.003-05:00

Ever feel like a walking train wreck? My husband deserves a medal for being married to me. I decided to wash his precious car and managed to scratch the shit out of the hood. Millions of tiny little scratches on black paint - looks like a cloud.

It took me nearly a week and many missed hours of sleep to admit my mistake. He had already seen it. He wasn't mad. He laughed at me and said "We'll get it fixed, you meant well."

Now I feel worse. I think I would have felt (temporarily) better if he had just yelled at me and told me I was an idiot. As it stands I have done that repeatedly to myself in the mirror since I messed up.

In other stories - I had a kiddy bday party the other day for my daughter. I took millions of kindergarteners to a movie and dinner. (Okay - maybe only 6 kids but... it felt like far more.) One of them bitched, whined, complained and cried the entire time (thank god that one didn't belong to me). Statements like, "I hate this movie - it's boring. I wanna go home. I don't want gummies I WANT CHOCOLATE!..." All of these statements delivered with a sour or angry crying face. But then miraculously when her mother appeared she sprouted wings and an angelic face to match. That child is the devil - I swear. If she ever comes to another party I will bring chocolate for everyone but her.

Helloooooooooooooooo

2010-05-04T07:51:00.003-05:00

Okay people... I think I have settled enough into a routine now that the 'routine blogging" in my head can start appearing here again. I debated ending the blog but I can't say goodbye to you guys... your like some demented online family presence to me. I talk to you in my head. So you might still be stuck with me.

My wonderful magical prince of a hubby and I have been moved in and living in the U S of A for nearly 9 months now. I still get occasionally called out for the manner in which I evidently pronounce "sorry" but otherwise I can usually pass for one of the natives.... not like Native Americans but like a native American.... that seems redundant and confusing. Not that it would be bad to be mistaken for a Native American! I'm rambling. (When I say it in my head with the emphasis places just so - it makes sense... promise.)

I have been to many new places since we moved; Detroit, New York City (loved it), Philly, New Jersey and Wegmans. I'm starting to really have fun - as are the short people.

I have yet to go to lunch with the Obamas - but I'm sure the invitation is in the mail.

My sweetheart has planned some exciting adventures for the summer - so I'm busy trying to get back into bikini shape (damn you Wegmans). I don't know if you guys remember when I started running (like Frankensteins monster) or if you were still around when I reached my own tiny goal of running a mile nonstop? I'm now running 5K a few times a week... nonstop ;-) I am still trying to suppress the urge to run with my arms out in front of me.

Now that we are all caught up I've got to go do something useful.

Missed you guys.

WTF CVS??!!

2010-05-01T07:55:00.003-05:00

I went into the CVS Pharmacy the other day to find a hair gel called Dippity Doo. Despite the name being kind of lame - it has been around for a thousand years. Everyone has heard of it. Except the guy working at CVS. (also for added reality in your imaginings the gentleman had a thick east indian accent - so imagine it up);

"Hi, do you guys carry the brand of gel 'Dippity Doo'?"

Shocked stare and then, "Pardon me madam?"

"You know Dip-pit-y DOO?" ...friendly patient smile "...do you guys have that brand?"

A more shocked stare... "I think it is in the feminine hygiene aisle..."

Then I returned his shocked stare.

Seriously - WTF?! I mean - come on. That's just disgusting. Imagine what he thought I must have been looking for? Whatever would a woman find in the feminine hygiene aisle with a name like that? I don't think I will be going back to CVS.

Happy Valentines....

2010-02-07T22:12:00.002-05:00

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

The Snow Storm of the Century... and a deer!

2010-02-06T07:59:00.001-05:00

The Snow Storm of the Century... and a deer!

2010-02-06T07:59:00.000-05:00

Defining Moments

2010-01-26T09:20:00.002-05:00

I just figured something out; we define the most important things in our lives by focusing on them. Be there negative things from our past that we bring up (mentally or in talking to friends) or positive things from the present that we focus on - that's what goes a long way to tell people who you are. It's not that we should not share our experiences - but we should focus on how much importance they play on the now. You know, pay attention to it.

I choose to let all of the negative things and experiences in my past - just go away. They served their purpose in getting me to where I am - and I've never been happier in my life. I am thankful every single day for the exact moment I am in. I am truly happy now. So from now on I choose to live in the present and enjoy the gift it truly is.

Also, I choose to drink vodka tonic (with a wee lime) as I have evolved somewhat from pina coladas and fruity drinks. Not that I'm saying they aren't still good - it's just that I've expanded my repertoire. It's all part of the now....

*yay*

dust bunnies

2010-01-12T16:02:00.002-05:00

I've become somewhat handy in the past several months:

1. Not only do I now know of the existence of filters - I know how many my house holds within its walls and how to change them. I actually even change them. Huzzah.

2. I can change lightbulbs but often choose not to. My vain attempt at defying the universe. Sadly, I have ended up with several bruises because of it. I may have to find another way to go about this.

3. I love how everywhere in the USA has cards - member cards - everywhere. I have to buy a new wallet to house them. I have gotten pretty good at remembering which ones I already have... well I'm trying anyways.

4. I fixed the toilet. Seriously.

5. I have only forgotten to take the garbage out once.

6. The garb-orator provides me with endless hours of fascination. I especially love garborating limes and hamsters (just kidding - checking to see if you were listening).

7. I'm going to make it afterall. (Thanks MTM *throws hat joyfully in the air*)

Fa la la la l...l'over

2010-01-09T21:33:00.003-05:00

the holidays over... partly sad and partly relieved I find myself sitting upon the couch with nowhere I need to be and no person I need to call... just sitting. *sigh*

Over the holidays I found myself held captive by several airlines in several different cities and decided that if a blind woman named Helen, who could not hear viewed life and - all of its experiences - as an adventure - well-that I should too. So I endeavored to just that very thing. I adventured to several places and stayed there despite not wanting to initially and I... well I met people; people who had been married 40 years and still liked each other more than anyone else on earth, a young woman who had never been up front - I taught her to get as many snacks as possible (-FREE - fill your bag babe!)and I told her to keep trying in school despite thinking it didn't make her feel cool (I never felt cool), and AND I learned that the human spirit is stronger and more lovely than ever. I also learned that no matter where you are - it really is who you are with that makes it worthwhile. I got to wave a fond farewell to the year I married my prince and welcome the new year in WITH my prince. I am truly lucky in every way you could imagine.

I braved the airport in Toronto on what has been deemed the worst day in a decade to do so. I saw stupidity (lots) but I also saw resilience. Oodles of it. That's what I take away. The spirit of it. That and the fact that all the crap made me think one thing... so many things to blog about ;-)

Happy 2010

Tis the Seeazin

2009-12-22T13:14:00.002-05:00

Last night we got jolly. We played a board game (You Know You're a Redneck If...) that had us almost weeing in our pants. I didn't win... I think that's a good thing. I did, however, get to use my new perfected redneck accent. I also learned that port is scrumptious - well... I learned it a while ago but refreshed my memory last night.

I find myself in British Columbia for these festive celebrations. I have to admit that I am quite joyful about being in Canada for the holidays. Not just here but with my loving Spartan, his family and the bestest of friends surrounding us at all times. I'm so excited I practically scream Merry Christmas at poor unsuspecting strangers that I pass throughout the day. Everything is making me sort of ridiculously happy these days. My cheeks are a bit sore from the smiling.

Now in an unrelated story; went to the hotel gym yesterday for a quick work out. There was a woman on the elliptical with hobbit type harry legs, wearing capri's in bare feet... and when she left she put on knee high rubber boots. Does this type of shit only happen around me? I felt like I was drunk only I hadn't been drinking...

Merry Christmas you guys. Stuff yourselves full of yummy goodness and hug your loved ones up tight.

2009-12-12T17:43:00.001-05:00

Herrrro out derrrrrr

2009-12-11T08:28:00.002-05:00

I'm baaaack. Back to bitch, whine and complain and laugh about random stuff. Sorry about the absence; life took over for a while.

So let's refresh; in the past 6 months I have, a) gotten married to the love of my existence, b) moved to an entirely different country and c) all manner of other stressful stuff.

I can't believe it's been almost half of a year since we got married! Time flies. And indeed we have been having fun. Our next little adventure takes us back up to Canadia for the holidays - huzzah. I'm getting my snow shoes all shiny. Then for some reason the fates find me heading to Detroit - of all places - to bring in the new year. I'll be with Spartan *double happy claps and a wee bit of jumping in cheerleader type fashion* Yeah. Tell me that's not something a self respecting 33 year old should be doing....

Regarding the move - there are a lot of angry people around here. I mean ANGRY. It's insane. This place is funny all of the time. Lots of the women are the super competitive "that's nice" sort - kind of southern stereotype. Pretend nice but they are really just nasty. Example:

"Miss Liz! How are you!"

"just fine! How you doing Miss Rachel?"

"Just fine! Cept I accidentally dropped a chef knife right into the top of my foot when I was making dinner... and it's still there! What did you do today?"

"That's nice! I just got back from my mani-pedi and kick boxing class despite the fact that I have two broken legs - and I ran all the way there and back. I also took my daughter - remember her? She's little Miss Alexandria - over to the school so she could receive her "Nicest Peachy Smile and Wave" Award. Then of course I volunteered at the local shelter and popped a Prime Rib in and made some fresh bread... while it was cooking I repainted the house. What did you make for dinner Miss Liz?"

"Um... I made frozen lasagna.... and I shaved my legs today."

Anyways - I've given up on attempting to fit into their mould (mould - on purpose - mold - get it - he h

e he...). Not happening. I still clean my own toilet and look hot doing it (I got a cute apron and gloves with a ruffle - no shit - it's my way of making fun of them and looking good doing it)

The schools? That's a whole other blog. I might start one. Let me just say this - they fully expect their 5 year olds to graduate kindergarten being able to read Grapes of Wrath and then write their own novel. It's a bit crazy. I know in the long run it will serve the children well. But it's a little over the top to give a 7 year old an hour of homework every night.

**If they did a study - I would bet loads of money that the prescriptions for antianxiety medicines is higher in this area than anywhere on earth. Seriously.

I'm here and I can breathe... almost...

2009-09-13T09:32:00.005-05:00

It's been quite the last couple of weeks. There are still several boxes here and there that need to be unpacked. Also a mountain of cardboard to be dealt with at some future date.

Moving is hard isn't it?

The kids swear that the Honey Nut Cheerios taste different. I'm inclined to believe them. Everything is familiar and slightly strange all at the same time here. I can only imagine what it must feel like for someone to move somewhere where everything is different. My heart goes out to them; even I struggle at times to understand some of the thicker accents here. Usually it is harder on the phone to understand but - at least it's the same language. I can't find Zoodles, but they do have Spagettio's - similar... but different. I think if I saw a Tim Horton's I might cry. Stupid, I know. I love it here - but I miss it there. The familiarity of it and the close proximity to friends. I know that time will make here feel more that way.

I suppose it doesn't help that Spartan is on the road. It's hard to settle into "our" new life when it's just me at the moment. Don't get me wrong; I know he has to (someone has to pay for the shoes!) but - I miss him. Like air. The feel of him beside me at night and the sound of his breathing. The smell of him. I keep sticking my face into his pillow and inhaling - at first I can smell him but then suddenly it fades - like I've inhaled the last bit of him that was there... only later on I can come back and do it allover again and I can detect that essence of him that lingers there - if only fleetingly. I didn't know...when you meet someone you love so much that every time they are gone from you it feels like a great big empty hole in your chest. It's what tells me unequivocally that I have never known love before and it is one of the most powerful things I have ever experienced. It's like a drug or something..

I have also never experienced such a powerful blow of jealously when I stumble across pictures from his life before me. It's alien to me. I hate that either of us ever had a past - if only I had known! It's funny how I would do anything to go back to when I was 16 - when I met my first boyfriend and have met Spartan then. But then I'm sure I wouldn't be who I am now or appreciate him and what we have the way that I do. Sometimes it's just hard to reconcile. He was a very kind husband; he gave me free reign to shred as I see fit. I have a level of guilt about that though. It feels small and petty... but then again it also feels kind of good. Like therapy. Maybe that's what I need; therapy! Or maybe I just need to feel that allover calm that I do the second he comes into a room.

I have to go make Spagettio's now. ;-) and maybe sniff the pillow....

This

2009-08-26T16:05:00.004-05:00

I'm ready for the end of the big events and settling into my life. My whole new - very lucky and very happy - life.

It makes me reflect; leaving here and packing up... finding old photos of old friends. Saying goodbye is more than a phone call, a coffee or a dinner with friends and family isn't it? It's knowing that some of the places you are going - and have been going for the past several years - might never be gone to again and some of the people might not be here when I get back.

So today, with a strange sort of clarity I "saw" and "heard" some of the places that I have been going all these years. It almost seemed like - in an odd way - for the first time. Like my brain was recording everything.

I have thusly committed myself to being a little more "present" and awake everywhere I go from here on out. Because I've always been a big fan of telling myself that the goal is ---- not to live in the past... or live only looking forward to the future but instead, to look forward to right now.

Pst. Spartan, Honey? Know what I'm looking forward to? THIS. I love you. Thank you for right now and every right now from here on out.

Packing packing packing and SPIDERS

2009-08-19T14:01:00.004-05:00

It never ends.

I have discovered several new species of arachnids. They exposed themselves to me in the damp dark fruit cellar portion of the basement that sits beneath my house.

They did so under duress; upon the detonation of a carrot juice bomb. I inadvertently touched the bottle and KABOOM resulting in shards of glass, a loud noise and whatever was once carrot juice - that now was vinegar like - copious amounts - oozing about the fruit cellar and making way for the drain.

This was followed by an explosion of large furry eight legged creatures running haphazardly about trying in desperation to avoid my shoe. While I tried to avoid getting any of them in my shoe - or on my person.

**This development seriously rerouted my previous "make believe" game that all of the spiders went to live outside - thus my ability to remain rational and actually enter the basement to pack.

Of course, vinegar attracts fruit flies. So - I was trapped in the fruit cellar being attacked by spiders and fruit flies trying to gulp air and clean up. I think I only inhaled one of the flies. I promptly put on a mask.

I HATE BUGS. Which is why I will never live in a house that is a century old again. That wasn't my smartest choice. Actually, I don't think I will live in anything over 15 years old.

Remind me not to let carrot juice ferment again. That was utterly stenchy.

A Canadian in America

2009-08-02T09:04:00.003-05:00

Hello blogland!

Sadly; shortly after being all wedded up to my hero we were banished back to both of our respective kingdoms on either side of the continent. Seems quite a cruel trick the universe at large is playing upon us. Back to several phone calls and text messages a day - where if I close my eyeeees hard enough I can almost pretend he is with me and we are just having a conversation. But then there are times at night where I wake up disoriented and go looking for him in the bed only to discover that I am - all alone. No closing of the eyeses helps the feeling I get in my tummy - like someone punched me.

But! The reason I am here and he is there is because we are packing up our respective kingdoms to prepare to move to our new home... in VA. *yay*

Luckily for us we have a smattering of friends there - so it is not as if we are without subjects. (I jest -- ha ha see what I did there?) - but it is an entirely different country.

Though I have lived a short drive from the US my entire life - I still find the future a little daunting.

I find myself asking important questions, such as: do they have Campbells soup in the US? Do they sell my brand of hair product AND - where will I get my Ketchup and Dill pickle chips from???? Will I like Wegmans and Pottery Barn - and will people still smile and say hello when passing on the street? Will I be allowed to sit on the perverbial fence on big political issues as Canadians are apt to do? Will all of the neighbours think I own snow shoes, speak Canadian and have intimate knowlege of building igloos? Will I be prone to tears when at sporting events and hear the Canadian anthem? Will I forget where I came from? Or how to get home for a visit? Driving back to visit - whole other terrifying prospect. I'll have to look into getting a GPS that speaks Canadian *wink*.

It appears the train to adult hood has picked up speed... *sigh* Guess I'd better buckle in.

So... back to the onerous task of donating items no longer in use, throwing out broken things and preparing for the final phase of my whole new life and missing my darling husband. It's amazing how much stuff you accumulate in 33 years... and how much of it seemed to be important but now seems nothing more than excess baggage.

Introducing Mr. & Mrs. Spartan!

2009-07-25T14:33:00.002-05:00

Photos courtesy of my fabulous photographer, Michael Wachniak. He rocks. Truly.

Greetings blogland! I'm finally Mrs. Spartan! It was a whirlwind - an absolute fairytale. I'm back home now - busily packing up all of my worldy belongings and getting ready to move in 5 short weeks.

I couldn't be happier. The wedding was wonderful! The food, the friends, the everything! All of my friends were so wonderful. Couldn't have done it without them. They very kindly administered the wine at regular intervals.

I will post more pictures when I can. In the meantime - hope you are all well and we are nearly to a point when life will slow down enough for me to join back into the blogging world.

Cheers!

I leave in 12 days!

2009-06-20T10:51:00.002-05:00

Okay people. I've been pretty distracted lately. (As Badger noted in the last post ;-))

A few things have happened;

We bought a house. It has a force field.

We are moving to Virginia, in the U.S. of A. I hear there is less snow there... they also have wild ponies and a wonderous place called Wegmans.

I am getting married in a couple of weeks and I am super excited!!

So - the posts may be sparse for a tad longer but I promise once I'm settled I will be back to annoy you with every last detail of my life.

35 days and counting

2009-06-06T18:17:00.004-05:00

I love that post card! (http://www.postsecret.com/)

I am still here... just insanely preoccupied at the present. 35 days to go and the dress actually zips up. Off to a fantastic start. I am so excited!!! Can't wait to be Mrs. Spartan!!!! I'm such a lucky girl. He is the most wonderful man on earth.

35 days till I do and 25 days till I leave en route to the destination! Have I mentioned I'm excited?!

Hope all is well with everyone and I'll be back soon....

...

2009-05-11T07:55:00.002-05:00

Okay people - 2 months left. Less than until I fly to the location of the actual wedding. Hurray.

Rings are ordered. Excitement is growing.

I let Babs style my hair this morning. It was an experience. She told me she was practising to do it for me on the wedding day. *silent scream*

Speaking of silent screams; WTF? Happy Mother's Day... So many levels of icky.

Lawn Mower Fun

2009-04-20T14:44:00.002-05:00

So the other day I accompanied my parents to purchase a lawn mower... this would normally be a somewhat onerous task... but not with me involved;

We arrive in the lawn mower section where upon my Mother and I spy riding lawn mowers. What could be more fun than that? Exactly. We decide to have a self propelled riding lawn mower race. This is accomplished by one saddling up and rocking the lawn mower back and forth in neutral until you build up enough momentum to move it in the desired direction.

So we choose our steeds wisely and the race commences. Picture it. My mother with her Nanny hair do and I - perched atop riding lawn mowers actively trying to beat each other in the race.

We got quite into our fun and failed to notice the appearance of would be spectators... until one of them started cheering. At that point my Mother turned quite red in the face and dismounted. She then scuttled away to hide behind my father who was regarding the entire event with great amusement. I, on the other hand, threw my arm up in the air to signal victory and shouted, "I won!!". The crowd applauded and I wandered off to purchase a weedwacker - which I am quite proud of, I must say. It will be much easier than running about the edges of the yard with a pair of scissors... seeing as it is about 1/2 an acre. Why didn't I think of this before?

Spring... and a bunch of unrelated stuff

2009-04-05T07:40:00.003-05:00

Well - here we are just about to welcome the warm weather around here. Although, yesterday there was the threat of snow... I'll just ignore it. Keep right on wearing my open toed shoes and pretending it doesn't hurt like hell. I can't wait to play with the kids in the yard with water balloons again! Especially since I am bigger; I always win! Muah hahahahaa.

Made a weekend visit to DC over the last couple of weeks - and the blossoms were out! So incredibly pretty. What a lovely place. Plus... 10 degrees warmer. Starbucks on every corner. I stood outside the FBI building trying to catch a glimpse of the agents being dispatched - looking all mysterious... all I saw was cute little old ladies carrying coffee. (Or maybe - they were just really good disguises?). I think I may have watched far too much TV.

98 days left until the wedding! I've been busy as a wee bee organizing the music list and getting all of the last minute-ish details mapped out. It's fun! So many of the things are coming together now - it's almost here and I couldn't be happier! So looking forward to it! But then... I think you guys know that by now ;-)

I had this really strange dream last night that these evil little faeries took blossoms and used their magic to turn the blossoms into nice little faeries - but the nice faeries were controlled by the evil faeries. The blossom faeries were so lovely and cute that people couldn't help but try to catch them - but when you did the evil faerie would make the blossom do mean things. I should have to pay admission to go to sleep sometimes.

Lastly - in another unrelated point - I promise that after the summer I will blog more frequently... I'm just really freakin tired right now! But happy tired - which is nice.

Happy thoughts to you all!

Girl Power

2009-03-12T17:22:00.005-05:00

A post about Barbies, Bratz, Miss America, my little ponies and heels... you boys'll love it!

Barbies are dolls. They are to be played with. Nobody has ever figured out what a Bratz doll would look like in life size with the same proportions - ...or maybe they have... - my guess is that it would have a rather difficult time supporting its ginormous head.

I recently read an article somewhere tearing apart Mattel for selling barbies. The article took the stance that Barbies are responsible for setting unrealistic expectations on our bodies growing up. I don't know about you ladies - but Barbie? Nooo. That's more the ex-husband dept of Toys r Us. Barbie - ahhh Barbie. She was great for having imaginary weddings (with Ken - the looooove of her life - sigh - who always told her she was beautiful... just like Spartan does), making her hair into ratty yet original styles, re-enacting an argument with your BFF (just last year***) coloring allover with marker and for bossing about in general - I also noticed that they are very aerodynamic when launched at my older brother feet first. Girls have launched them at their older brother's for more than half a decade. Why would they stop now?

Stop blaming a plastic toy. I get that Hollywood places unrealistic expectations that women sometimes feel pressure to emulate. Miss America? Same thing. But as long as the world is turning - they will have plastic dolls with long legs, teeeensy waists and big boobs AND they will have some kind of pageant awarding women for something that they had very little to do with - genetics and hair spray. Don't get me wrong; some of these ladies are very committed to healthy living and to working out - and god knows I get how hard that can be since I work my ass off - some have even demonstrated some impressive levels of academia... but mostly people - they are there because they have mastered the most important skills of all; teasing their hair, putting just the right amount of Vaseline on their teeth and knowing which heels will really set that bikini off... (who actually wears heels with their bikini? I might start. Hell - I might even swim in them... maybe even jogging.). I still watch the shite. I still ~~play with~~ buy Barbies (for my daughter...) Can't help it. And really - it's kind of the fault of the mass populous that this still goes on - we're just a bunch of critical enablers.

My point is - I think blaming Mattel for poor body image makes about as much sense as blaming a toy company because you couldn't find a real pink pony with wings. Unless someone actually has... in that case - I want one too...

*** who out there hasn't made your Barbies beat the crap out of each other? Come on! You pick em up and they start beating on each other - with mostly their heads until they are basically a great pile of messy hair and limbs that are attached at rather unnatural angles by the time your mom calls you for dinner. Sometimes their heads even pop right off and roll under the bed - seemingly lost forever. Until one day you move and you find it under the bed and there is a spider living inside it and then you are traumatized - and then you have to check inside the heads of all barbies everywhere to ensure they too haven't become an arachnid haven... I got a little side tracked there. Have a lovely Friday ;0)

The Highway of Heroes

2009-03-07T18:16:00.002-05:00

My brother, the ever eloquent, thoughtful and engaging soldier who wanted a fallen comrad to be honoured in memory when the papers were slaughtering his reputation. He spoke up and wrote to a newspaper (The Globe and Mail) and his comments were published in an article. That was the first time I heard him voice his opinion on Canada's perception of our involvement in the middle east.

The Canadian Military has lost 111 lives in Afghanistan. There will be more. Generally, the media picks up on the stories as they happen and tell about the lives of the soldiers lost and of their families trying to put back the pieces of their shattered lives. But Canada as a whole doesn’t know why our troops our are there. People are left feeling as though these losses of life were for naught. That does not do the memory of these fallen heroes justice. We must honour their memories by understanding why they were there and feeling pride and respect when we think of it.

If we stood back and idly watched what happened there, we would read about it in history much like we do the holocaust and question in anger why we didn’t help. But now, instead, people who hear someone on a political podium make a comment about how these deaths are senseless and that it isn’t our war – walk around repeating it like robots without knowing the whole story.

We are there because the people of Afghanistan have suffered indescribably and because we can help them change that. Because our troops can disarm land mines, build schools and help to hunt down and neutralize al-Qaeda members in that country, as well as toppling the Taliban regime, which has claimed to be supporting international terrorism.They can help the people there rebuild. They can help to give hope to people who have lived in fear and tried to carve out a life in a desolate place. In order that their children can laugh, and more mothers there can watch their children grow up. They are helping to exact a change that has been needed for a very long time. How can anyone think this is without merit?

Canadians generally group Iraq and Afghanistan into the same group and many protest against our inclusion in this war. They are two vastly different situations and though I too want my brother safe at home; I know that Canada’s involvement in Afghanistan is necessary. I believe in him and I believe in his mission. I am overwhelmingly proud of him.

I am outraged at Canada’s lack of education with respect to our involvement in Afghanistan. I believe that the responsibility should fall to the media and our government to convey the facts and inform our country. At least if we make the information available, there is the hope that each person who dares to speak their opinion takes the time to education themselves first. We owe it to our soldiers to understand why they are there and to be damn proud of them for it.

Soldiers have had to send home friends; Mother’s have had to accept the loss of their children; Wives have had to accept the fact that they will never have a chance to look their husband in the eye and tell them they love them; children will have to grow up seeing loved ones in a picture frame instead of having them there. The list goes on ad infinitum.

The least we could do is surround these families with the feeling that we know, we took the time to understand why their father, mother, brother or friend gave their life and that we salute them.

I know this isn't my usual style of writing - especially not here... but sometimes there is no funny. I can't make light of every situation. I just needed to get these thoughts out there. Thank you for making an exception to the norm and for considering what I have expressed...

Birthday card from Roo...

2009-03-02T07:54:00.002-05:00

Roo to Mom

I love you Mommy
I don't no wut to doo with ewt you at all
Happy Brthday Mommy

To Mom
Frum Roo

Oh shit there goes another year...

2009-03-01T12:37:00.003-05:00

The years just pick up speed, don't they? Of course this post is a shameless attempt at soliciting happy birthday wishes - but - it is also here to serve as a look back over the last year and a look at what 33 will bring...

The year of 32:

1. Proposed to by the man of my dreams. This alone would have made the year worthwhile - but wait... there is more...

2. Seeing oodles of my BFF Carrie out west.

3. Being a godparent to Carries' newest addition - with Spartan.

4. Curacao. With Spartan. Lizards, birds, eels, laughter and pina coladas. Yay!

5. Getting my body back from having babies! Huzzah!

6. Having healthy family and friends. Double huzzah!

The year ahead:

1. Duh. No brainer what will slide into first place here. Marriage to a most marvelous, loving, kind, supportive, handsome, sexy, and breathtaking man. Of course all of the things that go with it... such as more kisses and hugs from him!

2. Seeing more of my BFF this summer for the festivities.

3. Lots of wonderful friends having babies... including my brother and sister in law!

4. A happy me!

Okay. Gotta go slap on some wrinkle cream and hang upside down for a while.

Free shit and funny stuff.

2009-02-26T06:31:00.003-05:00

Caffine... go here for a chance to win a free book! (And stock up on caffine.)

I am so tired this morning... my eysees are having trouble staying open. Mornings are not my favorite place.

Funny kid quotes;

Roo is standing in the kitchen and sees my dad using a spatula, he turns to my father and says; "Papa, could you make me some crabby patties?" (He was dead serious).

Babs (there are two this week...)

1. She walks into her room where construction of her new built in bed is taking place, she slaps her hands to her hips and says; "Is this going to be done soon? Cuz... right now it just looks like a bunch of crap!" (how do you not laugh? she is 4).

2. She is misbehaving and I explain that people will begin to look at her when she does like she looks at Angelica. She gets this look of terror on her face and says; "Oh. That would be...horibibble." (again...how do you not laugh?).

Kids are great.

139 days...

2009-02-23T09:14:00.001-05:00

Wow. 139 days till the wedding. In a lifetime that is a blink. So little time left to hit the gym...

I mailed my invitations today. Quite sure the lady at the post office thinks I was mental. I was smiling from ear to ear and tears were welling up in my eyes!!

I am so excited!

Other than that - there is not too much happening over here in lizland. Just waiting for spring and cursing the cold. It's almost March... when does the snow stop?!

Did I mention that I mailed out the wedding invitations today?! Weeeeeeeee!

I has a sad... and the whipping cream did something unexpected...

2009-02-17T15:22:00.005-05:00

Just spent a fabulous 3 days with the love of my life and now he is gone again. The world needs him. I hate sharing.

While we were away overnight we brought with us a can of whipping cream. Chocolate flavoured. We thought it would be a delectable addition to our morning coffee... anyhoo... it 'sploded.

We heard this hissing sound. We had just come back from breakfast. We looked at each other *perplexed*. I followed the sound to the can atop the fireplace.

"HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"

Uh. Oh. I grab the can and make for the bathroom. As I arrive in the bathroom the can begins ejecting air and chocolaty whipped cream with increasing ferocity.

"HSSSSFSSSSSWHSHHHHHHHSSSSSSSS"

All over the bathroom. I lunge for the garbage can - throw the whipped cream into a bag - throw the bag into the garbage - put a towel on top and placed it into the tub. Then hit the deck expecting an explosion of epic and chocolaty proportions. Then we quickly checked out.

Oh dear.

Wonder what the maid will think of that.

Spartan sent me a valentine...

2009-02-14T16:42:00.000-05:00

Have a wonderful day!

Monster child...

2009-02-06T07:19:00.004-05:00

There is a kid in my daughter's class that is the SPAWN of the DEVIL. The first day of school, she introduced herself to the other kids by bringing a hammer and attacking them. They, of course, removed her from the class. (Imagine getting expelled from Junior Kindergarten?)

I have history with this kid; she was on Bab's soccer team this past summer. All the parents stared at this kid in awe... and at her mother. I've never seen anything like it. If nothing else - it made for entertainment. Felt sorry for the kids that she punched though... they were only 3 years old.The kid is possessed.

Anyways, the monster child returned to class and upon reading the list of valentine names it dawned on me... the kids name is ANGELICA. Angelica. No shit. Irony there.

P.S. Bad idea: Shrimp pizza... there was a flyer for it in the mail. I almost puked.

Glad it's Friday. I needed Friday.

Wow... Life is Busy!

2009-01-23T17:20:00.004-05:00

Hello there bloggers!

The last couple of months has been a whirlwind of busy stuff. Last weekend, Spartan took myself -along with my little carnies- to DC. So much fun! Went to the Museum of Natural History. I could spend months going to museums to just hang out. What a cool place. Very educational. How very cool of Spartan - he survived 3 days in one room with the bunch of us - not a small thing considering he is used to being solo.

The city was just in the process of putting in place the final preparations for the Presidential Inauguration. The streets had all of the stands up and they were actually starting to block off the streets... and then there was the OCEAN of port-o-potties. So wish I'd taken a picture of it. I'm quite sure they must have brought them in from all of the surrounding states. Quite a funny sight.

I am very much looking forward to winter being over. As a little side project we have been fattening up the local squirrels by giving them daily helpings of peanut buttered rolls. There is a small army of them now. Each of them approximately the size of a mommy raccoon. They are grey with white tummies and white tufts of hair that pop out above their ears. Cute as can be. Babs keeps trying to catch one. She likely will one of these days. They are getting slower by the minute. I'm hoping she catches one actually - they would make fantastic slippers. (I jest.)

In another note - people keep listening in on the fax line at work - and the line identifies it as a voice call so the line rings. I picked it up today and made ridiculous fax sounds into it. My boss is probably still laughing.

I've got no little people at the moment and have already been to the gym today so I am going to gladly take this opportunity to crash on the couch - catch my breath and vegetate whilst watching the idiot box (as my mother calls it). Speaking of TV - Grey's was quite the tear jerker last night... must be trying to up their ratings... it's getting really good these days.

Hope you are all well. I blog to you all very often in my head - I just don't make it to the keyboard as often as I'd like.

Less than 6 months....

2009-01-13T18:03:00.002-05:00

Till wedded bliss. Until I marry the most marvelous man to have ever walked the face of planet earth. Happy? Moi? Indeed. Overjoyed would be the correct term.

Spartan and I were in Toronto over the weekend. We had time to wander about the shopping concourse and do some people watching. I love watching people. I love being with Spartan... so people watching with Spartan? Superfun. We did some shopping too. Also fun... though I suspect watching paint dry with this man would be enjoyable...

I've been laughing a lot lately. It struck me at some point that I really love laughing. You know that feeling in your tummy? Kind of like when you go over a hill really fast. Same thing. Just thought I'd mention.

Speaking of laughing... Tina Fey is stealing from my life and making money out of it. Remember that story of the dwarf in the airport that I thought was a child wandering around without a parent and I attempted to rescue her? (for those of you who don't recall... welcome to one of my most embarrassing moments...it was BAD). Anyhoo - on her new show 30 rock the character is baby obsessed and she touched this little mans head thinking it was a child and... well you get the idea. Only then she pretended it was because she thought he was hot and she went on a date with him. Which I didn't do... but similarish. I didn't come up with any cover at all to dig myself out of my situation... I just stood there stammering.

My parents thought it was funny as hell when they told me they watched a woman just like me on tv. Well... at least they still watch cool shit.

Got me thinking that if we combined stories we could all come up with one hell of a hit tv show.

Off to bed. I is sleeeeepy.

A few pitures...

2009-01-06T21:32:00.002-05:00

Santa came to visit!

I bowl better this way.... seriously.

Not entirely sure what we were looking at but...

Happy New Year!

2009-01-05T18:21:00.002-05:00

Hello blogland! Happy 2009! I hope you all rang in the new year surrounded by friends and loved ones - and perhaps a couple of cocktails! I was lucky enough to have my new year with my Western family; Spartan and Carrie & hubby and some wonderful friends. It was so much fun. We played Wii and Rockband (some of us in ballgowns... some in golf knickers). We laughed and cringed. It was an absolute blast. Pictures will follow shortly as soon as I've a chance to upload them.

I love saying goodbye to an old year and ushering in a new one! This year in particular since I have this summer to look forward to... becoming Mrs. Spartan. Very exciting.

I took the wee ones bowling tonight. They annihilated me. Legitimately. Sigh. I guess I won't make my millions in competitive bowling. One more dream gone *sniff*. I like bowling though. Tis fun.

So... welcome to a new year. Hope it is a great one for everyone. Sadly, I have no resolutions to share... but if you do bring em on.

Here comes 2009...

2008-12-26T10:22:00.003-05:00

Sadly, I was taken out by one hell of a Christmas cold. I am still coughing up several organs at regular hourly intervals.

This year, as with others, is complete with several happy holiday memories for the mental scrapbook I carry around. Not the least of which was the little adventure that was created when we went to get the tree....

I have an artificial one. It's perfectly suitable and does not require fussing about in sub zero weather. BUT... my parents decided they really wanted to take the kids out to a tree farm like we used to do, select the tree and drink hot chocolate.

It seems all warm and fuzzy doesn't it? But my memories of the same tradition as a child picture it more as a form of unusual torture; forced out of bed at an ungodly hour, dressed in so many clothes we could not feel our limbs, driven tired out to a field somewhere - on the way passing by some parking lots filled with lovely pre-selected and pre cut trees - and squishing our faces against the window praying that THAT was the tree farm. On we would drive - usually for 30 minutes. Usually in a snow storm. We would arrive, trek off into the wilderness - our noses running and our fingers threatening to fall off. We would spy a tree and point it out. The standard response was issued, "Let's remember that one..." On we would wander in snow up to our middles, no longer able to feel our toes. Eventually someone would start wining - sometimes even snivelling. Father would get edgy; this was the great tree tradition and it would be fun... eventually we would end up going to the nearest tree, chopping it down and dragging it home to decorate. We would be frozen, grumpy and exhausted. In actual fact, somehow those have turned into some of the best memories I have.

This year was no exception. The poor kids, lol. Dressed up like little Eskimos they trudged through waist deep snow. They gave up several times and just lay down atop the white stuff - but it occurred to them whilst down there to perfect their snow angel making abilities. Way to take the lemons kids! They were amazing. I ended up giving Babs a piggy back for part of the way. But the rest of the time they ended up being little troopers - on a big adventure. The day was cold but sunny and the blanket of snow glistened like diamonds. We wrote messages in the snow to each other - and took turns dragging the tree. We trekked half an hour out into the woods and back again. I occasionally stopped to text message Spartan (and wrote a few messages in the snow for him too). Then we went for hot chocolate and treats. The kids had pink little cheeks and dimples as deep as the snow. They are so proud of their tree.

Don't get me wrong - I love the idea of an artificial tree - but I think once and a while it might have to be part of the tradition to trek out to a tree farm and make some more memories - frozen toes be damned.

Hope you guys all had a wonderful holiday.

Merry Christmas (takes a second to load)

2008-12-25T09:43:00.001-05:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Holy crap I'm trapped

2008-12-19T16:20:00.002-05:00

Luckily INSIDE my house. Going out today in the first place was dumb - almost couldn't make it home. Lucky for me I did... and now I can stand in the window and laugh at all of the people who are stuck in the snow. Plenty of them too. I'd offer my assistance is getting them unstuck but they are the same people who kept getting stuck last year - and I'd have thought they might have learned their lesson. Perhaps if they have to work a bit harder - they will think twice before trying to leave again. Tomorrow morning I have a feeling that I will be getting one hell of an arm workout. If I still have any residual energy - I've plans of building a snow castle in the yard complete with a snow-Spartan to be the resident prince. Should be fun. I'll be sure and take pics.

Spartan and I had our Christmas last week - I was spoiled rotten and left with a heart feeling so full of love it was fit to burst. I have such good people. I am so very blessed. I have such a wonderful, loving, handsome and kind husband to be - wonderful friends and a great big smile on my face (and in my heart).

Tonight - as we are snowed in and such... I think the kids and I will make a pizza, turn on a movie and snuggle up on the couch. *JOY*

Then, after they are tucked in dreaming of Sugarplum fairies and Ninjabread men - I will myself tuck into my warm bed with a sigh and think of how very wonderful life is... and how everything has a way of working out.

Hope you guys are full of Christmas cheer. Or wine. They are often one and the same ;o)

Ok. How much luggage can a person fly with...

2008-12-07T11:03:00.002-05:00

I packed for Wednesday - which may seem a bit premature to some but considering my schedule (kids skating, Christmas preparations etc.) over the next 3 days - it isn't. When I packed everything I realized I only had room enough in my luggage (other than gifts etc) to pack a pair of socks, underwear and a t-shirt. I hope there aren't any formal dinners in my near future or people might begin to wonder... if they hadn't already. I did however keep my priorities straight and managed to squish in 2 pairs of shoes. Talk about down sizing! I usually have an entire case of shoes and hair products. Issues? Yes, but I always had great hair when the need arose. Looks like this season calls for the Lilith look. Perhaps I can dress it up with a sprig of holly. Maybe a little evergreen branch?

Kid quotes of the week;

In a discussion about children misbehaving and what Santa will offer them by way of a gift, Babs shouts, "I know!!! - A junk of coal!!".

In a discussion with a girl at school about the perils of smoking, Roo says, "Oh no - shouldn't ever try that.... you might get attracted to it."

I love kids.

I'm off to the annual girls Christmas brunch - where we will don horrible Christmas sweaters and eat copious amounts of high calorie food. That has to be the best bit of the holidays... that and the kids sparkling eyes when they go to sleep on Christmas Eve.

Christmas is closer every minute. Shit.

2008-11-27T18:09:00.003-05:00

I don't often curse - but in this instance - I thought there was no other way to describe exactly how the panic of not being done shopping this close to the holiday is twisting me into a bit of a grumpy humbug.

I'm tired of all the people rushing about the mall screaming at their tots, shooting dirty looks and seemingly about ready for - and rather in need of - a large biscuit... made with mostly Valium. I start out well enough but then in the end I too am smiling at the crowd through gritted teeth. (Not my most attractive look, must say.)

Otherwise, life is just drumming along. Busy. Crazy busy. I feel about in need of a reprieve from this repetitive insanity that has become my life. Luckily for me - one is in short sight. In a few weeks - I will be safely ensconced in my other home surrounded by people whom I adore and able to sleep in, drink wine and relax with a coffee at random intervals.

I hope those of you stateside are stuffing yourselves with massive amounts of turkey and cheap wine.

Off to write Santa a scathing letter badmouthing random people - you should try it - it's cathartic. Emotional cleansing at its best - Truly.

Ohh my oh me

2008-11-21T16:40:00.004-05:00

I've been a very bad blogger.

It's full on winter now. A month till Christmas. Everywhere you go carols are playing and the sky keeps vomiting white stuff on top of my car. Very fun.

I ordered monogrammed napkins for the tables at the wedding and they arrived today - kind of like an early Christmas present. I was really happy with them - they are so beautiful! I can't wait to use them!! (But if anyone stains them - they get kicked out and slightly maimed.)

This weekend? Big plans; going to bed early and to the gym in the morning. The same thing tomorrow and in between? Organizing things about the house. I know you are all seething with jealousy.

Lastly - the one week countdown begins to Spartan. Thank heaven. I miss him so much I can barely breathe... besides - I can't wait to show him the napkins!! *JOY*

Thank you!

2008-11-15T14:39:00.004-05:00

My wonderful hubby to be sent me flowers... just because! Isn't he wonderful?

They are lovely! They brighten the whole house!!!

Especially nice as it is cold and raining today... and I miss summer already...

This will make me smile... each and everytime I see them or catch a hint of a rose smell as I wander about the house today.

Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!

Hooray for Grey's...

2008-11-13T18:05:00.003-05:00

Had the Kat's kittens again last night and am suffering the consequent sleep deprivation. I love those kids though... it's the mess I shudder at. Kids are messy. I think I am going to start a new rule that my kids are only allowed 10 toys. Total. 5 each. One could be a large plastic bubble - where they keep all of their other toys.... it would be a hell of a lot easier to clean up...

I was also thinking that a velcro room, and little corresponding outfits could be fun for hours. (I mean for me and Spartan though...)

I've started a recent obsession with Little Brittain - this stuff is golden and extremely "off" humour. I don't know why I'd never heard of it before the magic of TMN. Anyhoo - have a peek on youtube. You might become a fan as well. Like me... you might start overuse of the phrase, "Computer says nooooo". People want to kill me.

Lastly - in my "I have no life" fashion my excitement has reached fever pitch; Grey's is on. Terribly exciting that. I have to go get the pillows in order and the popcorn on...

Oooh - and less than 8 months until I'm Mrs. Spartan! (For those of you keeping track ;op) *JOY*

Snow, denial and Christmas vacation

2008-11-10T10:06:00.002-05:00

Here's a link to get you in the mood...

It is snowing. Only a bit. But it's snowing. I know that this happens every year - but each year I am surprised by it. I also continue to wear spring attire until I nearly contract frost bite on my digits and finally give into the winter garb. This usually happens on a day when I am forced to either clean off my car (this tends to hurt the fingers after a few minutes) or when I am outside and my anterior nose hairs freeze. This is a good indication that I should put on a coat. Maybe a matching balaclava... and the open toed shoes must be put away for a few months.

Spartan and I have planned our Christmas. Last year - our Christmas was so much fun! - he even decorated a little tree - which stayed up until July and was the cutest thing I've ever seen. Well - in actual fact he is - but the word "cute" doesn't really suit him... (more like dashing - which goes with the Christmas theme anyhoo...)

Here begins the three week countdown to my angel and the four week (plus two days) countdown to our Christmas! Hooray!!

Christmas is coming....

2008-11-09T11:43:00.002-05:00

And here are a few things on my list for this year;

Thought this was clever.

I want a Clay Aiken Doll. Don't you?

This is a must. Funnier still if it came with a matching toad wallet.

For those cold wintry days. Actually - this one is for my dad... it suits him somehow...

I know you ALL want one of these. Maybe I will get one and breed it...

Finally November Is Here...

2008-11-01T15:58:00.003-05:00

Spartan comes home to me on November 30, so - since I am impatient - I decided to start getting ready now. I went shopping today... I got an outfit to greet him in. Very cute if I do say so myself. I am very excited - and I am going though withdrawal...

In other news, yesterday I was driving along listening to the radio. On came this story about Senator McCain stopping in Cleveland for a rally - at the Spreadeagle Inn and Tavern... n0 shit... and better yet the event was hosted by a gentleman named Mr. Johnson.

... SNL doesn't have to look far for political fodder seeing as it is pretty much handed to them on a platter... at the Spreadeagle Inn and Tavern. (I just had to say it one more time)

2008-11-01T15:51:00.001-05:00

˙puǝʞǝǝʍ pooƃ ɐ ƃuıʌɐɥ llɐ ǝɹɐ noʎ ǝdoɥ ˙ǝuıʍ ɟo sǝssɐlƃ lɐɹǝʌǝs ɹǝʇɟɐ ʇɐ pǝʞool ɹǝʇʇǝq sı sıɥʇ ˙ʍou uʍopǝpısdn ƃolq oʇ pǝpıɔǝp ı ƃuıʇsǝɹǝʇuı sƃuıɥʇ dǝǝʞ oʇ ʇsnɾ os ˙˙˙ʎɐʞo

Suffering post workout leg soreness... but Friday is here. I like Friday.

2008-10-24T14:10:00.003-05:00

Decided to do the leg work out to end all leg work outs yesterday which is making me walk as though I am about 50 years older than I actually am. It's funny - as long as you aren't me. Luckily today is my day off. Tomorrow, however, is going to be the return - and I will probably feel worse tomorrow. Oh well. Maybe I will miraculously heal between now and then. Likely not though.

I thought that the scale at Spartan's gym was a liar - however - it seems they are all sticking together. Some kind of massive scale (see what I did there? massive scale has more than one meaning... oh ho ho ain't i clevah?) "let's stick together" on this type thing. So - clearly they are all liars. Just thought I'd share. Though things are looking up. I'd really like to lose a couple of pounds before the wedding - though it doesn't seem like a lot - it's harder to do when you really only have a couple of pounds left that you can lose... since your body really wants to keep them just in case. So I came up with a back up plan; I have purchased a most delightful corset with which I can widdle my body down a further 2 inches without losing any poundage. This is great really... but it seems that I can't bend, eat or breathe whilst wearing it. Perhaps if I pass out we can change it to a theme wedding (Sleeping Beauty). Then someone can unlace it and revive me in time for the vows...

I have not managed to figure out what gift to present my prince with for the holidays - though I've come up with a few small things. I have, however, come up with an excellent idea for a gift to give him on the wedding day! Don't worry - I'll share.... in 261 days. (What - it gives you people something to look forward to.) I can't tell you here - Spartan will read it.

So glad that Friday got here... I like Friday. Tis a happy day.

I braved the toy store on a Saturday

2008-10-18T17:59:00.002-05:00

I don't recommend you do it. Unless you must, of course. I thought I should get a little jump on my extensive Christmas shopping list. Every little monster in Monsterville (just down the road from Whoville I understand) was there. If I was Santa... well let's just say that there would be some additions to the "naughty list". Like - 500 or so. You would think that being a mom myself that I would somehow be more understanding of such behavior but I think, in fact, it makes me somewhat worse. Lucky for me, my little monsters were perfect angels. Luck of the draw perhaps - or maybe the promise of going out for lunch if they behaved... regardless - they were so good. If they had misbehaved the stink eye I was generously passing out would have seemed somewhat hypocritical...

Now... back to the fact that I am finding myself Christmas shopping already... *shiver*. The shiver is both - uh oh Christmas as well as uh oh - snow. I have visions of brushing off the car and freezing my toosh off for 5 months. I hate winter. Positively loathsome. No redeeming qualities whatsoever in my books... well... maybe Christmas. But - I'd like it better if it fell in July. Really I would. I'd like it even more if Spartan and I were together... well - now there IS something to look forward to isn't it? Next year. All I will want for Christmas is to wake up with his wonderful heart beating beside mine. That would be just about the greatest gift I could receive. Ever.

So... wedding plans are coming along and I have managed thus far to only purchase two dresses. Kudos to me. It may seem excessive to some - but for me - well let's just say I think I've done very well. (There are a LOT of nice dresses out there people - and I simply must look the part on that day in particular... so I may end up changing several times throughout the actual day ---- one dress for the aisle, one for the pictures, dinner, the cake, dancing... etc. But the plan is somewhere in there I will get it right. LOL. Actually - I'll likely stick to just the two... I think.) The shoes, however, well that IS another thing entirely. I have only purchased one pair - which go with the first dress... but then there is the second one to consider. 266 shopping days left. I'm sure it will all work out.

Now I am off to change into some very warm and fuzzyfied pj's and plan on spending the rest of the evening tucked up under an equally warm and fuzzy blanket eating popcorn and perhaps watch some romantic movie... and daydream about my darling prince. *yay*

P.S. What DO you get a prince for Christmas anyhoo?

I found some stuff from when I was little....and a funny story about babies.

2008-10-15T07:03:00.003-05:00

My mom kept all of these little school and camp related badges for me. When it came to track and field day - I ALWAYS came in second. I have a vast collection of blue ribbons. Had to laugh at that. Also... I had lots of little academic badges... don't know for what. All together, I envision myself as somewhat of a wee geek in my growing days... but then seemed to make up for that somewhat with all of my water sports achievements.

Totally unrelated but - funny story; one of my friends (we shall call her Jessica) is pregnant and was telling another one of my friends (who we shall call KAT) that her sister couldn't wait to smell the baby. This prompted KAT to tell her that babies come out smelling of... well... va jay jay. (No subject is untouched here people). LMAO. Furthermore, that they continue to smell that way for months. I can't stop laughing. Seriously. Poor Jessica.

Pyramids, road trips and such

2008-10-10T07:51:00.004-05:00

I am back. The wine weekend was a smashing success. Luckily for us ladies we travelled very well together and the laughter was nonstop. There were Chinese fire drills, secret handshakes and plenty clothes sharing and hair products. In other words; we were total chicks. We basically hit every winery in the okanagen valley. Never done it before but would love to do it again... maybe next year.

One of the wineries we hit and toured was called Summerhill. These people run a winery with a cult like atmosphere. They believe that aging the wine in the pyramid does something funky to it - something to do with negative ions etc. (Cough*hack*bull*cough*shit) It was also suggested that any emotion you enter the pyramid with would be exemplified... so I imagine I exited the pyramid a bit more of a cynic and with a serious case of the sillies. I was hoping the next stop might be the Church of Scientology. I wanted to walk in there wearing the tinfoil hat and do the alien test - but when I had my hands on the metal hand thingies I was going to start shrieking like a maniac. That might be a fun way to spend the afternoon, yes?

Time after the weekend was spent with Spartan and was fleeting. As it always does, the clock seems to go so fast. Now I am home. Thanksgiving is looming. (Remember Canadians do it earlier than our friends below the 49th parallel) Looking forward to turkey. Then - to ease the pain of missing Spartan - I am lucky enough to actually get to see him on Sunday. So, as always - there is a reason to smile!

Have a great weekend you guys - off to read about your adventures...and practice dance moves for the wedding...

Here I go again...

2008-10-01T06:54:00.002-05:00

...tomorrow morning I will be hopping back onto a plane and going to my other home. I will be arriving around lunch time and meeting up with friends and then home - sadly Spartan is on the road - but at least I get to snuggle into his comfy bed and pretend he is there...and then.... then...I will be away with a gaggle of girls for a weekend of wine and fun. Then home again to my darling boy. Looking forward to all of the previously mentioned things - really looking forward them.

Ever miss someone so much you feel like you can quite breathe? I do. I keep trying but the air just won't seem to quite go in. Kind of feels like there is a great big weight upon my chest... I keep telling myself it's not forever... but sometimes when you have a mountain ahead of you it's best not to look to the top but rather put one put in front of the other and glance behind you every so often to see how far you've come. That and have the occasional wine weekend or 90's dance off to keep you laughing.

Off to make sure I've packed enough shoes and to wax my eyebrows.

Have a great weekend!!!

The 90's shouldn't have happened...

2008-09-28T18:56:00.005-05:00

This weekend - I ventured to a friend's house to have a relatively tame glass of wine (or two) but somehow ended up dancing around the living room to vile 90's rap music... (isn't that vid annoying? But it kind of illustrates how cool we looked...) and I knew every word. It was like instant brilliant flash back to the 90's - I envisioned myself - big hair and terribly untamed eyebrows*. It was quite the evening. This particular evening resulted in more photos floating out there in the universe of me acting like a total jackass dancing .... like just last month - when I thought I was one of the Charlie's Angels... didn't remember much the following morning but - thank goodness - there are pictures to remind me. *YAY*

* which makes me mad at my mom cuz... why'd she wait till I was 18 to take me to the salon to get my eyebrows waxed anyways? I'll be waxing Bab's when she's in - like grade 7. Cuz I'm cool. Cool mom. I'm going to make myself a badge - in my narcissistic cool mom-like manner. It's going to be big and diamond encrusted too... maybe with one of these pictures on it.

I'd like to thank the academy...my first grade teacher and...

2008-09-25T10:24:00.005-05:00

Being Brazen has given me the following lovely award;

Here are the rules....

Link back to the giver. - The lovely and fabulous Being Brazen (linked twice for extra points). Nominate up to 7 other fabulous blogs and link to them (also let them know they got an award). -

Well... that IS a tricky one. I love you all. But for the time being I will nominate the following people (they have ALL bribed me). Except Slyde and Earl - but they already know I love their blogs so I'm going to leave them out - you all know them anyways. They are omnipotent.

Lane - she writes. And I laugh like hell.

Real Live Lesbian - she is real. she is live and she is a lesbian. She is also quite witty.

DONNNNN - I'm new to his blog. All the much better so I can look over all of the genius stuff he's already accomplished over there. It's really quite fun. Have a boo. Slap on your tinfoil hat before you go there... the secrets of the universe may reside within it's pages...

White Rabbit - He's clever. Oh yes indeedy.

Hullaballoo - She's adorable. I want to adopt her.

Tamara - She makes me giggle.

Crap. Only one more....

Okay... Limpy - It's his sarcasm. It's catchy. You may want to keep on the tinfoil hat. (If anyone needs directions for this go here - it's a very helpful site indeed.)

A following...westward and a curious thing...

2008-09-25T08:03:00.002-05:00

(I like this new following posts thing going on.... so that you guys get an adorable little icon on my sidebar. So go ahead - all the cool kids are doing it...I'm going to start too.)

It is exactly one week tomorrow that I will be going westward again. The beginning of this very exciting trip will be a wine weekend with about 8 gals. Oooh. Just imagine the pictures that will follow this particular gathering. I met my Spartan when I was out visiting my BFF but since then (well over a year ago now) I've only stayed with Spartan and my BFF and I haven't had any of our solo adventures - which we have done semi annually pretty much for over a decade. Then - once the end of the weekend rolls around I am lucky enough to come home to Spartan! HOORAY!! I miss him oodles. I always miss him - even when we're together and in different rooms - imagine what a couple of weeks is like?

Also... tonight is the season premier of Grey's. I have my outfit picked out and the popcorn waiting. I am shamelessly addicted to this show. One day I plan to guest star. (Stay tuned - I'll give you the heads up).

Lastly, there is this strange fellow that inhabits my neighbourhood. He is always either on drugs or drunk, or perhaps suffering from a brain injury? He's just not quite "right" - for lack of a more politically correct term. He walks his dog quite frequently. It is a vicious pitbull type dog that appears to want to ingest all of the children of the neighbourhood. Along with the monster on a leash - there is a tiny itty bitty puppy that - for all appearances should require batteries - and bounces along beside them (no leash) and.... also a cat. All four of them go traipsing by at all hours of the day. Never one missing. It is quite the eclectic little bunch. It makes me kind of stop whatever I'm doing just to watch. It has started making everyone they pass by do the same. The man, and his little entourage have managed to make quite an impact on the quiet street on which I live. In the near future, I will endeavor to video tape the curiosity of it all and post it here for you.

2008-09-24T07:47:00.002-05:00

1. Yesterday I mowed the lawn. I started out trying to avoid the crickets but an hour later it was almost like I was aiming for them...

2. I decided in a brilliant flash of craftiness that I could make a hair fascinator (hair clip adorned with feathers worn for wedding hairdo's...) myself instead of paying 100 bucks for it (actually 3 of them...) - end result; fantastic hair fascinators + what appears to be a bird explosion in my living and sitting room. (Evidently the cat enjoys not only birds - but feathers too. Who'd have thunk.) Her playing with them might have been what kept me awake ALL NIGHT.

3. My stagette weekend is actually in the process of being planned already. So... do you think if I invite my future mother in law it might make for a tamer weekend - or a wilder one?

4. This morning all hell broke loose at my house at exactly 8:25 am. Which, of course, is when the bus comes. First, my grandfather came THEN to get a tool I borrowed from him... and then decided to go inspect how I had mown the lawn... apparently I passed his inspection. Then Babs got upset because her pants kept falling down and decided she MUST have them changed... and then acted like putting socks on was an equivalent task to solving a rubix cube. I suddenly realized it was garbage day... and then almost let Babs get on the bus without her homework (which means the entire neighbourhood got to witness me running down the street wearing red pants with reindeer allover them paired very fetchingly with a red pj top covered in fuzzy penguins and my hair standing up all about my head in a radiant halo of fuzzy wild curls....at least I grabbed my movie star glasses before hand... and oh yeah - crocs. HAWT.) Upon reaching the bus I realized that Roo was nowhere - oh gosh - I think he's still preening in the mirror trying to get his hair to stop standing on end... I get him on the bus... I return to the house and sink down to the floor - let out a wimper and crawl into the kitchen - because -

5. All of this was BEFORE my coffee. I have a feeling this is going to be a rather long day...

It's the Little Things...

2008-09-22T06:57:00.002-05:00

Like when you get an "surprise" raisin in your last bite of raisin bran.

When you get a message from an old friend that you miss telling you that they were thinking about you.

When an old movie that you love comes on T.V.

Your favorite show - coming back after a long summer without it. (And it will be a two hour premier!!)

The scale seeming not to notice those oreo cookies ;-)

Receiving a card in the mail.

A note from your child's teacher telling you that they were an exemplary student.

Finding that perfect pair of shoes!

Eating a perfectly ripe pear.

Receiving a text message from your true love just to remind you that you are cherished.

Free samples in the mail.

When your hair just works.

A random compliment from a stranger - when they clearly expect nothing in return.

The first stretch in the morning after a good night's sleep.

Comments from blogfriends.

When the sun peeks out after the rain.

Coffee and Cold Meds

2008-09-21T08:51:00.002-05:00

These two things have kept me somewhat alive over the past week. I am suffering the first cold of back to school season. It has kept me in bed over the last few days feeling terribly sorry for myself. Waking in the middle of the night when the world is mostly quiet - staring out my bedroom window wistfully envisioning my Spartan where he is in the world and wondering if he is awake or shrouded in the bliss that the blanket of sleep bestows on the healthy. Desperate to return to it's comforting arms myself. Or even better; his arms.

"In the wee small hours of the morning.... while the whole wide world is fast asleep, you lay awake and think of the girl (boy) and never ever think of counting sheep..."

But not to keep things all melancholy... while I lay awake I am now kept company by my wedding dress, *hooray* which hangs in my room reminding me of all of the fairy tales coming true around me. So despite the fact that I cannot breath and my eyes are leaky... I manage to smile and sigh and eventually drift back into a broken sleep to have dreams of dancing with my very own prince charming.

Now... I'm off to make coffee and muddle through my day, trying not to walk into too many walls and maybe even muster enough ambition to tackle some cleaning...

I was just saying...

2008-09-15T15:27:00.002-05:00

...as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

It may also make you think you can fly...

Giant bugs and supersonic gadgets! Wee!!

2008-09-13T08:49:00.003-05:00

A recent discussion with local friends has led me to believe that I am living amidst some kind of Jurassic bug park. Evidently it is not just in my head; crickets are not supposed to be the size of a toonie (our two dollar coin for those of you who don't make it above the 49th parallel). While mowing the lawn - on several occasions I thought I was about to run over a toad when in fact it was a cricket. A giant black cricket. *shivers*. So large, in fact, that I do believe that some of my daughters Polly Pocket outfits would actually fit. Also, spiders are not supposed to be large enough to have recognizable facial expressions...

BUT!!! I have found a most miraculous gadget! You plug it in and it emits some high frequency noise combined with some kind of subliminal "Spiders don't like to live here" message. Evidently this also works for wee mice and other bugs. Now... if only I could find one that is battery operated to affix to my clothing...

Hullo...

2008-09-04T08:42:00.003-05:00

Okay... how long have I been engaged? Almost two weeks...

So far we have the place and date picked, most of the dinner planned, the dress ordered, Babs's dress purchased, the save the date cards completed, the flowers figured out and a few other minor details. Which is likely why my blogging has been scant...

How's that for excited???!!!

Poor Spartan. I call or email him several times a day about it. I pretty much had the wedding planned in my head for months - and he and I are so similar in what we want that it all pretty much fell into place with little effort. The hardest part will be waiting until next July.

Spartan will be here on Monday so I am spending the weekend getting ready.

~ totally unrelated, but...

Yesterday at the grocery store, there was a woman shopping, in her cart she had 9 cases of bottled water, 2 protein bars and a box of cake mix. I was confused. It took everything in me not to approach her and beg an explanation. I should have though... I'm still wondering about it.

Weddings weddings weddings

2008-09-01T08:39:00.006-05:00

The Princess and her Prince.

"Ahhhh - fuaw fuaw fuaw fuaw"

For some reason - gotta have this shot. Every wedding. It keeps happening... but for some reason only after a couple of glasses of wine...hmmmm....
I think directly after this we went tumbling down onto the golf green behind us...

My friends. All of them from highschool. I lurves em.
Some sneaky beotch was taking pictures of us self professed dancing queens from the padio...
Muaw! (Zoolander... finally got caught. Boon will be happy to see this one.)
My Kat. Doesn't she look smashing?

A friend of mine from waaaay back got married to her very own prince charming and fun and celebrations were had by all. Somehow we got pointed out as the party table (wa??) and set the tone for the evening. I pretty much danced ALL night. Actually I jumped up and down all night and now my legs are still sore. LOL. Kat accompanied me since my darling Spartan couldn't make it. I missed him all night but it was so nice to attend a wedding right after getting engaged. Gave me some great idears.

I wasn't even aware that I ever used this gesture... though there are worse gestures I spose... I may have to do this again when I myself am walking down the aisle.

OH MY!

2008-08-28T14:14:00.006-05:00

I woke up Monday morning thinking I was still in a dream because - when I looked down at my finger there sat the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. About a million times a day - I glance down at it and gaze in a dream like state at what it symbolizes. You are reading the very first official blog of the future Mrs. Spartan. I guarantee that there has never been a happier girl in the world. I feel like Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and just about every other fairy tale princess out there all rolled up into one - only a tad more dimensional and with better shoes.

He asked. I said yes. (Well, actually I said; "Hypothetically?" He laughed and said, "No. Would you be my wife?" and proceeded to unveil the ring which he had clutched in his hand against his chest. Then there were tears and laughing and all sorts of skipping about...lucky for me this time I managed not to trip and go careening off the balcony. So, once I realized that Spartan was actually literally asking - I responded "Absolutely YES!")

I have been wandering about bumping into walls and smiling and humming to myself since I got home. I still can't believe it. I am going to marry the love of my life. My own wonderful prince charming. The most incredible man I could have ever imagined has swept me away and my heart is bursting with joy! I am so in love!

Dreams? They do come true. Really truly.

Now... whatever am I going to wear?! *JOY*

Just popping in to say allo!

2008-08-22T14:46:00.003-05:00

Oh the fun.

This week I have become quite adept at Rockstar (game much like Guitar hero... only cooler). Well, when I say I've become adept at it, it simply means I am not being boo'ed off stage any longer.

I have also learned all manner of new torture techniques to employ at the gym. I've actually been lucky enough to have been able to work out all week with an amazing trainer and one of the fittest people I know (you know, Apollo aka Spartan). I've also been stuffing my face with wheat grass which clearly will make me strong like ox. This is like boot camp - but really fun... and I have to admit that I really enjoy watching Spartan in the gym. It's very sexy.

I am just having such a brilliant time - I miss my little people though. Ooooodles. But I wish I could just bring them here instead of leaving. I don't wanna leave. Not going to think about that just yet though.

Tonight - girly fun at the spa. *JOY* Tomorrow - romantic getaway that Spartan is being oddly mysterious about (?).

Hope you guys aren't missing me too much ;-D

Insects, Insomnia and One More Day...

2008-08-12T06:52:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I decided to tackle the evil basement. You know - sorting through boxes, throwing stuff in the bin and generally making it tidy. You would naturally assume that a basement in a house that is 130 + years old would have it's creepy things but - I'm sure it isn't normal to hear spiders walking across the floor before you see them. Then there was the house centipedes *shiver* and we know I'm not much better with those. By the time I was finished each and every one of them had been assaulted with bleach and beaten into tiny carpets. (Some of which were big enough to actually become throw rugs.) I don't expect to recover; I am seriously damaged from the experience. Maybe not as much as the creatures - but badly enough.

I went on to clean out cabinets in the bathroom and mow the national park that makes up the backyard. All of this in a vain attempt to make time go by and to ensure that when I lay my head down to sleep that by force of sheer exhaustion, sleep would actually come... errrr... did not work. I was wide awake till two in the morning. So, I watched the Olympics and marvelled at their ability to defy gravity in the men's gymnastics.

Eventually I did fall asleep for 5 whole lovely hours. At least there's that. Now, I just have to get through the next day without my darling boy - and then two glorious weeks!

Now... for today - I'm off to do last minute packing, playing with babies and painting my toes!

I'll be back around sometime next week to say allo!

I guilt tripped Slyde into tagging me...

2008-08-10T20:40:00.006-05:00

S'okay...

1. What is his name? SPARTAN (but not really)

2. Who eats more? Well clearly him... cuz he weighs more (is that not logical?) and I'm a dainty little lady... *shhhh

3. Who said, “I love you” first? I think I "thought it at him" first but he said it. Cuz he is verra brave ;-) I immediately answered back; "I absolutely love you too!!" Which I do. Cuz he's lovely.
4. Who is taller? He is.

5. Who drives most when you are out together? He does. I preen in the mirror. (No, I don't really. K - maybe little bit...)

6. Who is more sensitive? Well. I have to say me - since I'm the one who breaks down sobbing massive amounts of tears on poor Spartan's shoulder for - well - no reason in particular except that it just seemed like a good place to put them. (It was just the once. I try to limit my psychotic episodes to once annually... kind of like a pap; not fun but seemingly necessary)

7. Who does the laundry? Well, we both do because we have our own houses BUT likely I will take over when we live under the same roof because I like to fold things... cathartic.

8. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? We both sleep in the middle. Stacked like.

9. Who pays the bills? What bills? You mean, I'm supposed to actually pay bills? I thought they were just decorative.

10. Who cooks more? Spartan is in charge of steak (because he's gifted that way) but in most other ways - kitchen wise - I think I'll be slightly this side of "more" - as long as he's good with that.

11. Who is more stubborn? Well - see now... I will say me and he will say him and we will very stubbornly keep that stance.

12. Who is the first to admit they are wrong? Neither of us have EVER been wrong. But when one of us is - it'll be him ;-D (I JOKE).

13. Who has more siblings? We both have one. (Luckily it isn't eachother. Did I just say that? That's awful)

14. Who wears the pants in the relationship? Um. We really don't wear pants very often. (Just being honest)

15. What do you like to do together? Everything - as long as we're together. That's the most important part. I've never had more fun doing the most mundane tasks - as long as he's with me it's a great place to be.

16. Who eats more sweets? (me - but not like ALOT more... just the odd wee cookie now and again...booooo)

17. Guilty Pleasures? Me? - Those gossip magazines - once and a while.

18. How did you meet? My best friend introduced us (he lives next door to her).

19. Who asked whom out first? I really don't know... we just kind of ended up together every chance we got.

20. Who kissed who first? *blushes* we crashed into each other full speed and met right in the middle. Then I lost my breath and I still haven't gotten it back.

21. ~~Who proposed?~~ Haven't gotten there yet. ;-) Sheesh. You guys are pushy.

22. His best features and qualities? How long have you got? His heart, his smile, his sense of humour, his integrity... his ... him. All of him. Every bit. He's the best person I've ever known.

23. Tag some people... Hullaballoooooo and Stace... and anyone who else who likes these... I feel bad tagging just in case you loathe them. But let me know if you do it so I can come and be nosey!

Sleep deprivation, packing and grumpiness

2008-08-08T07:31:00.003-05:00

For the last week, I have not been able to sleep properly. I wake up all night long, tossing and turning and trying to get comfortable - but to no avail. Sleep eludes me. I figure that eventually - I will be overcome with it and suffer an involuntary fit of narcolepsy (likely in the middle of driving or running on the treadmill - just to keep things interesting)

Good news - I am packed. I think. I'm so sleepy that I may have ended up only packing cocktail dresses and running shoes. But the suitcase is zipped up. As long as I don't forget my makeup - I'll survive somehow.

I'm also kind of grumpy and have been unintentionally shooting stink eye at inanimate objects and sweet little old ladies. This must be a combination of being tired, missing Spartan and cramps that are so horrible it feels like I'm being torn in half.

I also spend the last 30 minutes cleaning up an explosion of tiny red sparkly stars that one of Kat's kittens discovered, and decided to sprinkle about the living room while I made them all breakfast. Everything in the house was covered in them. COVERED. Nice.

I'm going to go hide under the bed.

Shopping, Packing and Fluffiness

2008-08-05T16:48:00.003-05:00

I just got back from running a few errands - which included picking up a gift for a lingerie shower being given for a very good friend this weekend. So - of course - there happened to be a rather enticing sale on at the store... and so clearly I ended up with some lovely night apparel for next week. Very exciting. Said items are packed away and safely ensconced in tissue and scented rose petals awaiting their debut for Spartan *JOY*.

Unfortunately for me - it is right around that time of the month when I'm feeling absurdly fluffy (due to impending communist visit - you were all just dying to know that). For some reason the lighting in the store is from above - which anyone knows just makes all the flaws that much louder and more obvious! I think I will open a store for these types of purchases where they are lit only by candle light - and maybe have a team of hair stylists and make up artists as well - you know - so that you feel divinely sexy. Maybe even serve wine. I'd sell more - Or less. Or more of the items that are made of less - if you catch my drift.

As it stands - what I initially set out to purchase looked devilishly burlesque - what I ended up with more resembles a burka with a matching robe. Ah - but still somehow sexy in that middle eastern type of "leaving absolutely everything to the imagination" type of way... (not at all like the top picture sadly for me...)

Babs had a photoshoot... poor kid.

2008-08-03T19:53:00.002-05:00

Love this one - she is looking at her feet because they got dirty - yeegawts.

Huzzah

2008-08-03T10:17:00.004-05:00

Getting ready to travel soon got me to thinking about all of the booze infused fun of yesteryear's with the people I will be visiting. This year - to add to the tomboozery there will be some aspiring Rock Stars thanks to Spartan's newest addition to the fun bucket; Rockband. OOH. This could make for some seriously funny pictures. Or videos. That would be funny - a Rockband 80's themed video; not for the purposes of blackmail (although...) more for posterity... really...

My BFF and old roomate is finally not preggo - (pic below is from about 10 years ago)

which means that she can once again join in the imbibing. Then she can once again do naughty things to Don Keigh (that would be Spartan and Ises "memory pinata"...

the cheesiness of our relationship cannot be outdone...and Carrie may burn me at the stake for taking that picture because I totally set it up to make it look much worse than it actually was...lol... what are friends for?) and we may all, once again dress as ninjas and... not be seen.

We will also be attempting our Murder Mystery dinner once again... this time with the actual Murder Mystery to add to the mix. Didn't quite come together last time - which is cool because boy do I have a cool hair idea for round two. (Ditta Von Teese (sp?) here I come, lol)

(love this song....it kind of goes..)

Now I'm off to continue the long and laborious task of packing (and repacking) some of the stuff I will be dragging westward... and this time I think I may limit myself to 10 pairs of shoes... not counting my running shoes... so a grand total of 11. That's a good number.

Kids Amaze Me

2008-08-02T08:08:00.002-05:00

For the last little while my daughter has been asking to get her ears pierced. I was not one of those moms who could take her baby to get this done even though I thought it looked cute. I couldn't hurt her for ascetic reasons - I am not judging those of you who did though - I just couldn't myself. So, when she started asking I explained that it does hurt when they do it but -not for long. She is only 4 - so I really wanted her to understand. She just kept nodding and saying that she wanted it done. She begged me all the time.

So yesterday - my Mother and I ventured to the mall and took her to the place where they pierce ears. She scrambled up into the chair with a very determined look upon her face and prepared herself. The ladies scooched up beside her while she stared me straight in the face and *POW* - her eyes got wide and she looked a little shocked and then I said, "That's it - you did it! The worst is over-what a brave girl!" (and then I turned around so she wouldn't see MY tears and looked at my mother who was also crying - lol). It reminded me of the first shots my son ever had - I was crying so hard they had to let me sit and regain my composure - Roo was only upset for about 15 seconds and then rapidly returned to the happy cooing baby he was before I subjected him to such necessary torture, I however continued to wail for about 10 minutes - incoherently babbling something about being a terrible mother and asking how would my baby ever trust me again. (I also wept slightly when the supermarket was out of Cornish game hens recently - but that's another story.)

It looks cute. But I don't think I will ever get over the guilt of it all. Well - maybe... if she ever comes home with her nose or belly done... maybe then. Since the guilt will be overridden by shock and horror... even though I had mine done (nose only for about six months - it didn't work for me). Hypocrite? Absolutely. I have already told her she has to wait until she's 30 to get any more piercings... or go on a date. LOL.

Bits and Bobs...

2008-07-31T08:48:00.005-05:00

Well, one thing I have learned in the last year is that time may always be relied upon to be consistent. There will always be 24 hours in a day no matter how hard I try to wish them hurry along... at least for the next week and a half...

I have recently concluded that my hair in the morning resembles what would have been found atop the offspring of Einstein and Diana Ross. (Especially with humidity.)

Flash tape is freakin amazing!

Pygmy monkeys are damn cute.

Life is more fun when you are really living it...

Shopping for pretty things is one of my favorite things to do - for me or for whomever. Lucky for me - lots of weddings, showers and babies coming up...

I go back and forth between wondering why life is so damn hard sometimes and thinking that my life is actually kind of like a real live fairy tale. Think I'll try to focus more on the latter.

Pop and fast food are likely responsible for a very large percentage of North America's health issues. I'm going to start trying to have them made illegal. (well, maybe we could keep just one McDonald's open - you know - for that twice a year when I will actually eat there... and then spend the next couple of days feeling like poop...imagine the line ups?)

Before I die, I want to zip line across the amazon, buy some article of clothing in Paris (maybe even eat a real french croissant), see a real live Opera and attend a masquerade ball. (There are more things, but these are some of the more recent additions.)

I really miss my friends right now.

I wish I had a really big slice of chocolate cake, a glass of yummy red wine and a bubble bath. Maybe tomorrow ;-) (the only thing that could make that better is Spartan there feeding me the cake, lol)

When you go looking for trouble...

2008-07-29T12:19:00.003-05:00

You know how the saying goes.

In a momentary lapse in being my usual confident self - one of those pms inspired... "insecure moments" - I was telling my Mother about how Spartan's ex girlfriend showed up at one of their mutual friends birthday parties on the weekend. My Mother was all "so what"... and I said, well Mom she was really pretty. In fact, she was a model. Wanna see? - and proceeded to pull up her self worship site complete with pictures...

Should have so known better than to do that... but I did. And smack. Up appears a picture of herself and my darling boy with his arm around her. *mental vomit* Did NOT need to see that. Lol.

So I says, self... serves you right for looking.

Then, instead of letting my imagination run wild (because I love and trust Spartan more than anyone in the world - and didn't for a millisecond think anything of this -), I went to the gym and ran 4 k at the speed of light.

Then I called Spartan and said,

"Honey... I'm pretty angry at myself. I did something really stupid..."
and proceeded to tell him the entire sordid tale. I felt so much better for having gotten it off of my chest. I actually felt pretty guilty about it.

He felt so awful. He couldn't even remember posing for pictures with her.... then a few minutes later he checks out the pictures himself and text messages me that they were actually from last year before he even met me. LOL. I suppose there was life before Liz. But I have to admit that it kind of made me feel a little better - I wasn't upset with thinking the pics were from the weekend but I wasn't exactly thrilled about the idea either...

I feel the shame. But again... lesson learned. And it totally does serve me right.

2008-07-27T08:56:00.002-05:00

I have finally recovered from Friday's festivities. Having regained the ability to walk in a straight line, I have returned to the land of blog. Thank goodness for water... and Tylenol.

As much fun as it was... I think this can only be repeated once every six months or so. I figure I can afford to kill that many brain cells - but only very occasionally.

My ability to recover from such a ridiculous amount of drinking seems to be somewhat more limited now than in my youth. Sigh. Youth really is wasted on the young, init?

I think I will have to rejoin the land of the sober until my little trip westward... but then all bets are off and bring on the Cesars. Spartan makes some incredible Cesars... so sad for those of you who can't get Clamato juice. It makes all the difference. (If I ever move Stateside - I will make semiannual trips to procure enough of this yummy elixir to keep me giggly).

Today... finally the rain ceased falling... the basement started to dry up (I call it the river runs through it room) and I have managed to catch up the laundry. The lawn, however, must wait until later this week. My mother had a fantastic suggestion; buy a goat. Let it keep the grass short. I think my entire family is just a little "out there"... pretty darn sure of it as a matter of fact. She also reminded me that goat's milk is a valuable commodity... me - milking a goat. Isn't happening. Just can't picture it...

Hope you had a wonderful weekend blog friends!

Oh yeah...bom bow...chicqa chiqa chicka

2008-07-25T12:31:00.002-05:00

Just came from the gym. Trying to figure out how to convince more of my friends to come with me so they can spot me on some of the more tricky things... hard to find people who want to be tortured daily and actually enjoy it.

Now I am to begin preparation for the girl's night out on the town. We are going to grab dinner and drinks... and then maybe some more drinks. I am ridiculously excited about this. Have no idea why... I think mayhaps it's been too long a spell for me in between such evenings. One of the best bits is that I will be leaving the house - not sporting yoga gear. Hooaw.

Lucky for me there appear on the horizon - a couple of such events. One of my friends is getting hitched at the end of August so there will be some fun in a couple of weeks in preparation for such a momentous event... and maybe even some tiny little sandwiches filled with cucumbers. Then - when I am at my other home many miles away - there is a spa night to ready for with my BFF. A pedicure and some wine - and then meeting up with Spartan and her hubby to continue the festivities. *JOY*

Okay... off to begin the plucking of the eyebrows and hairstyling. This time I will endeavour to try to leave the part of the eyebrow that is meant to be left in place... and try to figure out where I keep the clothes that do not fall into the workout category.