I spent the last week playing some little tricks on friends (and strangers really).
My partner in crime and I concocted a scheme to fill our friend’s car with Styrofoam © and I don’t mean just a little bit. Nope. Filled it right up to the top of the window with cups and take- out containers. We spent the remainder of the evening drinking generous amounts of the *always yummy and delicious* red wine and playing Cranium. (Which my afore mentioned partner in crime figured out how to turn into a drinking game - thereby making it necessary to bring out the Hypnotic... weeeee!)...
Sufficed to say that when the next morning rolled around there was a group of very hungover people... but only one of them was greeted in such a manner. All she could do was sit down and laugh (instead of cry). Then she scooped it over into the backseat and drove to work - stopping on the way at the drive-through and being the recipient of many a strange look (something we have become accustomed to by the way). To add to the hangover she had to endure the Styrofoam squeaking and blowing around banging her in the head - *unexpected prank benefit*.
When she called to give us the verbal "highe fihve" all we could do was bust a gut laughing - though the gut busting laughing is pretty much a given between us at this point. (Miss you!)
There was also an incident involving some high velocity kelp and an itty bitty crab attack... but I think I’ll save that one. LOL.
Now we just need to plot the next trick. Ideas?
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
There are those little moments that make a lasting impression in our every day.
Yesterday, my son called me to tell me his most exciting news; he had scored his first soccer goal. And this wasn’t just any goal. This goal was one tiny person’s moment to shine, and shine he did. It was the winning goal in the first game of the soccer playoffs. People cheered his name and he was so excited he could barely keep still. My tiny hero finally drifted off to sleep with his smile fixed firmly in place and still wearing his little soccer shirt. I let him wear it in an attempt to allow his moment to last as long as possible. These moments are so fleeting and so precious.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Thanks Michelle, I might need to use this for reference in the coming week...
1 star hangover
No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up
there were no traffic cones in there with you.
You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those
vodka and Red Bulls.
However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.
Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.
2 star hangover
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the
attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.
The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut,
which is craving a full English breakfast.
Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer
valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by
aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
3 star hangover
Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so
productive.
Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave reminds you
of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked
you out at 1:45 am.
Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a kebab and a litre of coke
watching daytime TV.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 6 chicken nuggets and a litre of diet
coke yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover
You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly
or else you might spew.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for
reeking of booze.
You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you
(depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, or, it looks
like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems.
Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and
your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a second-grade class circa 1976.
You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a cheeseburger
and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and NOT have
gone out the night before.
You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.
5 star hangover
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee
who sits next to you.
Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.
You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.
Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and
your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You
should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe
..... very gently.
6 star hangover
You arrive home and climb into bed.
Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.
You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.
You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly
around the room.
No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.
You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.
After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the
pictures, you find the toilet.
If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode
and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you
have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and
farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.
Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse
and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.
With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-
minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you
saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.
It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try
to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits
of dried vomit in your hair.
You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving
you to the hospital.
Work is simply not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like
moving.
You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours
at least you might even succeed.
OK, now hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover!!
Thought so!!
No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up
there were no traffic cones in there with you.
You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those
vodka and Red Bulls.
However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.
Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.
2 star hangover
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the
attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.
The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut,
which is craving a full English breakfast.
Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer
valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by
aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
3 star hangover
Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so
productive.
Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave reminds you
of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked
you out at 1:45 am.
Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a kebab and a litre of coke
watching daytime TV.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 6 chicken nuggets and a litre of diet
coke yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover
You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly
or else you might spew.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for
reeking of booze.
You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you
(depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, or, it looks
like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems.
Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and
your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a second-grade class circa 1976.
You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a cheeseburger
and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and NOT have
gone out the night before.
You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.
5 star hangover
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee
who sits next to you.
Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.
You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.
Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and
your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You
should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe
..... very gently.
6 star hangover
You arrive home and climb into bed.
Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.
You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.
You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly
around the room.
No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.
You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.
After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the
pictures, you find the toilet.
If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode
and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you
have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and
farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.
Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse
and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.
With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-
minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you
saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.
It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try
to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits
of dried vomit in your hair.
You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving
you to the hospital.
Work is simply not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like
moving.
You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours
at least you might even succeed.
OK, now hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover!!
Thought so!!
Monday, August 20, 2007
My daughter is the next Steven King...
I was looking for my nail polish - you know the kind you use to paint the tips of your nails white? Yeah. Found it. It was on my daughter's shelf and the lids were a tad loose. Uh-oh.
"Sweetheart? Could you come show Mummy what you used the paint for? "
Stunned silence.
"Sweetheart, where did you use this?"
Guilty child face, "I just wanted to make things bootiful."
Deep breath, "Okay sweetie. Just show Mum where."
She reached down and lifted up the following.
(Do you guys have ANY idea how hard it is not to laugh at stuff like this? SERIOUSLY. Anne of Green Gables will never be the same again.)
Then as the icing on the cake my Mother waxed half her eyebrow off today. Apparently this is something that runs in the family. I graciously offered to paint it on for her. Right before she went on an errand. (I honestly DIDN'T think it resembled a handlebar moustache. Well. Okay maybe a bit. ;-) but I really didn't think so until AFTER.)
As a side note, she also painted her Hello Kitty television. It's inspired to say the least.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
WTF?
This brought tears to my eyes... from laughter - not the same reason most of you guys might cry.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Yesterday on my lunch I popped into the makeup counter at the local department store. I needed to get a couple of bits and bobs. While there I posed a question to the very knowledgeable esthetician; I told her that I needed a new eyebrow pencil because the one I have isn’t an exact match at which point, she directed me to the most wonderful thing I’ve seen in years...
I am now the proud new owner of eyebrow powder. It is the same kind of thing they used way back in the ultra glam 40's. It works magic. So when I got home I decided to try it out but being me - couldn’t just leave it at that. Nope. So I started drawing on all manner of silly eyebrows. One particularly amusing one resembled Oscar the Grouch. It was great fun. I spent about an hour playing eyebrow dress-up before the amusement waned.
So if anyone needs anything to do this weekend - I highly recommend it.
I am now the proud new owner of eyebrow powder. It is the same kind of thing they used way back in the ultra glam 40's. It works magic. So when I got home I decided to try it out but being me - couldn’t just leave it at that. Nope. So I started drawing on all manner of silly eyebrows. One particularly amusing one resembled Oscar the Grouch. It was great fun. I spent about an hour playing eyebrow dress-up before the amusement waned.
So if anyone needs anything to do this weekend - I highly recommend it.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Monday, August 06, 2007
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Ah yes and I've been tagged...
Yoga tagged me....
1. Wednesday, Nov. 5, 2008. Our side won! How do you celebrate?
I don't really have a side here but, if I did I would celebrate by drinking... and maybe clicking my heels once or twice. Also, I might make an ice sculpture because I have never done that.
2. Are you on a boat or are you a land lubber or do you soar?
Well, sometimes on a boat (sailing kind), sometimes in the air (I have the gift of flight... mentally I mean). I am currently on land but my feet are barely aware that they are touching the floor.
3. What was the last mistake you wished you could cover up?
Well, that would have been in the month of November, many many many years ago. Other than that - I think you mustn't regret the past. It kills the joy. Live your life with integrity and kindness (and drink lots) and it will all work out.
4. Are your omelettes fluffy?
It is one of the gifts bestowed upon my by the great and magical Yoda that my omlettes are always fluffy and delicious.
5. When was the last time your paradigm shifted?
On the 18th of July ;-)
Tag to Angus, Vanessa, Kat, Badger, Earl and Slyde.
1. Wednesday, Nov. 5, 2008. Our side won! How do you celebrate?
I don't really have a side here but, if I did I would celebrate by drinking... and maybe clicking my heels once or twice. Also, I might make an ice sculpture because I have never done that.
2. Are you on a boat or are you a land lubber or do you soar?
Well, sometimes on a boat (sailing kind), sometimes in the air (I have the gift of flight... mentally I mean). I am currently on land but my feet are barely aware that they are touching the floor.
3. What was the last mistake you wished you could cover up?
Well, that would have been in the month of November, many many many years ago. Other than that - I think you mustn't regret the past. It kills the joy. Live your life with integrity and kindness (and drink lots) and it will all work out.
4. Are your omelettes fluffy?
It is one of the gifts bestowed upon my by the great and magical Yoda that my omlettes are always fluffy and delicious.
5. When was the last time your paradigm shifted?
On the 18th of July ;-)
Tag to Angus, Vanessa, Kat, Badger, Earl and Slyde.
Wow. I should check myself into rehab. I wouldn't have thought that a person could survive that amount of fun and partying. Since I got back I have been very good at avoiding anything "obviously" bad for me and have been eating protein bars and fruit non-stop along with working out. It is my fondest wish that my body will forgive me for the former weeks mistreatment. (Or at least carry me through until next month when it will start all over again. LOL.)
So, some highlights...
You all have an idea of my sense of funny because for some unknown reason you've all been hanging out here long enough to have figured it out. This week I played some wonderful pranks on some wonderful old friends - and some wonderful new.
As a side note - isn't it great when you meet new people and you feel like you've known them for your entire life? That instant connection and you know that they will just have to stick around or it would feel like something was missing. Found that. Few times in my life - my closest friends are included in that sentiment. It's rare and I feel very lucky. Now I'll shut up and get to the funny...
So, one of my new friends is this great boy who has a wicked sense of humour that warms the cockles of my heart. So, when my new friend had to make a quick trip out of town... I took the opportunity to redecorate his place. Carrie and I along with my other new friend Michel made a quick trip to Wall Mart and came home with, among other things a VERY large bra and panties and some pretty new bits and bobs to add a "je ne said quais" (sp?) to his formerly man-ly bathroom. This was the end result.
Then we snuck home (he lives on the same street as Carrie) and awaited his arrival desperately trying not to pee our pants. Eventually he pulls in and the phone rings minutes later...not only did he appreciate the decorative flair, he left it intact to greet the arrival of some of his guy friends later in the week.
Then my new friend was kind enough to take me to the airport where we decided to play a wee trick on Carrie. We told her that we took off to Vegas together. To take it a step further we managed to convince her (with the aid of my dear Mother and a faux wedding picture)that we had eloped. Shocked as she was my dear friend fell for it hook line and sinker. Love that girl.
I have been told that she will be getting me back - but it's worth it. It was a blast.
So, some highlights...
You all have an idea of my sense of funny because for some unknown reason you've all been hanging out here long enough to have figured it out. This week I played some wonderful pranks on some wonderful old friends - and some wonderful new.
As a side note - isn't it great when you meet new people and you feel like you've known them for your entire life? That instant connection and you know that they will just have to stick around or it would feel like something was missing. Found that. Few times in my life - my closest friends are included in that sentiment. It's rare and I feel very lucky. Now I'll shut up and get to the funny...
So, one of my new friends is this great boy who has a wicked sense of humour that warms the cockles of my heart. So, when my new friend had to make a quick trip out of town... I took the opportunity to redecorate his place. Carrie and I along with my other new friend Michel made a quick trip to Wall Mart and came home with, among other things a VERY large bra and panties and some pretty new bits and bobs to add a "je ne said quais" (sp?) to his formerly man-ly bathroom. This was the end result.
Then we snuck home (he lives on the same street as Carrie) and awaited his arrival desperately trying not to pee our pants. Eventually he pulls in and the phone rings minutes later...not only did he appreciate the decorative flair, he left it intact to greet the arrival of some of his guy friends later in the week.
Then my new friend was kind enough to take me to the airport where we decided to play a wee trick on Carrie. We told her that we took off to Vegas together. To take it a step further we managed to convince her (with the aid of my dear Mother and a faux wedding picture)that we had eloped. Shocked as she was my dear friend fell for it hook line and sinker. Love that girl.
I have been told that she will be getting me back - but it's worth it. It was a blast.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
