Here B.E. Earl - You Deserve It!

Here I am. I'm the cute one.

My Funny Has Left Me

I was just sitting here thinking about what I might blog about and it hit me: My funny is gone. GONE I tell you. The brain is like a vacuum. Should I turn this site into porn, a bitchfest or should I just go steal someone else's funny and use it for my own??

I need your help loyal blogfriends. Give me some ideas here. This should be a symbiotic relationship. It's thus far been somewhat one-sided. I know, I know - you comment. But I need something more meaningful. Like...beer or nice little sandwiches with cucumbers in them.

For those of you who are new - don't be discouraged. All I have to do is make a trip out into the world and something funny will happen (won't it?) So please don't go away. Stay here and make me feel lovely.

We Need One of These!

"One of the K800i features is its Googled supplied blogger functionality. This allow users to upload pictures and text to blogger.com website on-the-fly as they go about their daily business."

I mean seriously. I think blogging is about to reach a whole new level of maddness.... love it. Imagine how many times we think "I've got to blog about that" and promptly forget. Now we can get it out there right away. Fantastic.

Hound of the Baskervilles

Last night around 10:00 I was watching a movie (not so good - Derailed). Sitting on the couch out of the corner of my eye I see - a horse running through the back yard. Surely it was a horse - what other than a horse is that big or runs that fast? I look - I look again - and I rub my eyes. A dog? Mother of god it is a dog. The biggest dog I've ever seen! I had some suspicion that this might be the dog belonging to the girl who moved into the church mance at the end of the street. The same girl who has let her lawn turn into a field. (I'll get her for that later - actually thought I might mow a message into her lawn - what say you blogfriends?) So I get a stick and head towards the house. Meanwhile - the dog hears me and decides to taunt me on my journey. I swear I could him uttering "yummy yummy in my tummy" at me. After some silly "hiding in the neighbours yard" antics and trying to sound authoritative "YOU GO HOME!" - I reached her door.
She's maybe 19. Talking on the like oh my god phone to her totally wicked friends. She laughed and flipped her hair. This is the third time he has totally gotten away. And she just can't figure out how (!) Um - okay dipshit. Maybe you could try a dogpen. Or maybe a collar that actually fits since he slipped his gigantic teeth ridden head right out of it - really have no idea how she could have gotten one TOO BIG for this dog - it is HUGE. Or - keep the f-ing mammoth inside your house. Since it might eat the children as scooby snacks if it gets away during the day. STUPID people.

For You

Need Your Help!

I got the following applications and now my eyes are bleeding - anyone know how to stop this?

David's application

Bean's application

Hooaw.

Yesterday I got me some fancy shirts and such. They are so perty and summerlicious. I will be the coolest Mom at the park this week ;-D and awesome for vacation!! Since I am off to the Dominican at the end of November for a fabulous wedding vacation. *smile*. Carrie from BC is getting married on the beach and I will be her Maid of Honour. Here's the dress I will be fabulous in. (not in pink though)Very nice! Since I am going alone I am taking applications for a "roomate". Speedos will be frowned upon. Ladies with gunts - no way. No mullets. Be forewarned there will be a lot of alcohol and possibly some dancing on tables (after alcohol). No foam parties - since I view those as a modern form of torture. Sailing skillz a asset.

Oh my. Does that mean I have to look good in a bikini? That'll take some doing. Good thing I am well on the way to becoming a fitness diva! *smirk*

Here's the Soundtrack to My Life

Soundtrack ('cept no one wrote me a letter - otherwise pretty much on the nose)
Can't wait for this one to come to Karaoke! lol.

Joining in the Hate Bush Campaign - too funny not to...

So - most everyone hates Bush and it is more than likely one of the most popular topics of conversation in the blogoverse...click here ;-D. I laughed so hard I spit Cheerios allover my computer screen....

Happy Monday by the way.

Running Goddess in Training - this time to the song from Toto .... Africa

I put on my ipod (I hear the drums echo into night... inspiring) Then - I ran. Well no. I sort of walk/ran/stumbled and in the end crawled. At one point I stretched my arms out in front of me much like you might imagine Frankenstein's creature did - I felt somehow in this way I was getting further faster. But then my arms got tired and I had to hold the stitch in my side so.... well it was all very glamorous.

Why do I always make myself fancy to exercise? Friends of old - you will be shocked to hear I did not wear my pearls to run. I removed them because I thought it just looked a tad over the top (but I kept the earrings). I did,however, put make up on - since the ugly tree fell on me last night while I slept. I started out looking rather sparkly - but came home with mascara all under my eyes like a football player. I have sworn that from now on - I will jog/run/stumble/crawl without makeup. If I get up around 3 am I will manage to avoid most people.

I remember many years ago when my friend Nataal and I went skiing in Ellicottville and we thought this would be a great opportunity to flirt. So, we did our hair and makeup and carefully selected wooly sweaters, ski pants and matching ear warmers (perfection). But then it started to snow and - much like a dog gets covered in little snowballs - we both turned into giant snow covered monsters. Our hair melted as did our faces and then - I managed to dislocate my shoulder (no, not because the sweater was so heavy with the added snow...but then again...who knows). I learned to ski in a very creative way - on my head. The lesson I took home that day was not the skiing one - that obviously did me no good - but that when you "go skiing" like I do - you should stay in the bar.

Yip Yip

Click here.

Muaw. Muaw.

Just a comment....

Do you ever notice that right after you post a blog about something you develop a kind of super sensitive radar? Like the gunt post - well... I've seen so many today it's like there was a gunt population explosion. Also mullets. Mullets everywhere. Someone help me.

I guess this phenomenon is the same one that occurs when you get a new car and then see so many of them just like yours.

Just a comment....have a nice weekend everyone.

A Picture of Michael Jackson as Gollum

Okay Tobiwan - let us see if this works shall we? Isn't that really the stuff of nightmares?

Manamana

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Whatever Gave Me This Plan?

So I am writing to you this morning in a state of sheer shock. In recent times two people have convinced me (on purpose or otherwise) that running might be more fun than it looks. (you know who you are). Thinking back to gradeschool and that incident with the running and the tree root (more on that another day) I should have learned my lesson but - it seem some lessons are harder to learn than others...

I woke up early (6:00 am) and thought - now this this is a day for running. Not that I would know - but I thought it nonetheless. So I donned my most attractive yoga suit and put my hair up in a very peppy pony tail and went in search of appropriate shoes. (no - not the moon boots from the gym...
http://funnygirlfromcanada.blogspot.com/2005/12/more-laughing-anyone.html) The "cross trainers" that I have are in actual fact my k-swiss skateboarding shoes and probably not designed for running (and no, I can't skateboard). Anyways - I looked pretty good! I went to the front steps and did some imaginary stretching, tightened my pony tail and off I went. I was a superhero - for the first 20 seconds... then it went downhill after I went down the hill... strangely enough it was a hill that did me in on the return trip.... but on with the story. So I made it about three blocks before I was overcome with the need to stop and regain the ability to breath. And here I thought I was in kind of okay shape. Evidently this is another illusion I carry with me. I decided that I should go home since this was really embarrassing and hopefully none of the neighbours had spotted me yet so I turned around - back towards the coffee and a really comfy couch. Just then - two neighbours emerged (husband and wife) all done up in the most fabulous running gear; shoes that matched (and said something like 'nuclear' on them), camel bags and lovely sweat wicking shirts (also matching). They exclaimed "Oh, you run?!" I just stared like a deer in headlights. "Well. Wish we'd known. You should run with us." I stared, it got awkward so... I nodded.(WHY DID I DO THAT?) I think I just agreed to go running with two people who obviously know how - AND look a hell of a lot less like a special needs person doing it. With a chipper little wave - off they went as speedy as two little human Alfaromeos - only a swirl of dust left in their wake. What have I done?

(S How do I cleverly disguise my links under a word?)

Out Of The Office Alert - Your emails will be handled as follows...

(thanks for sending this Jen - too bad whoever made this can't spell cancel.... or was that intentional?)

I've Been Tagged

Okay guys - I was tagged by http://elizabethmcclung.blogspot.com/ this ones not all funny...sorry... ;-D

I am the daughter of a fabulous woman and a man who can do just about anything. I am the mother of two incredible people and a person blessed with wonderful friends. (I am me - and I am starting to like her more and more...)
I want to regret less and to be everything to everyone - all the time. I also want to travel the world and leave footprints everywhere I go... but mostly just to make an impression that lasts on this earth longer than I do. I want my family to live forever and never suffer.
I wish that I had believed in myself more when I was younger - and also that I had a real and honest to goodness castle - and a special interest column in some obscure magazine somewhere.... with an itty bitty teeny tiny picture of moi on the top left corner looking fabulous. (and I want a unicorn)
I hate that there is so much suffering in the world. I also hate that liquorice liquor. I hate having the flu, ignorant people, bees, slugs and spiders.
I hear raindrops hitting the canvas tent that covers the patio furniture.
I wonder too often what would have happened if I hadn't made the choices I made with my life. I also wonder how things work - all things.
I am not very good at skiing and I don't try unusual food. I am not a bad person. I am not going to let an one point in my life (good or bad) define who I am.
I danced. Yes, as in past tense. Boy did I dance! But my dancing stopped many years ago - and only happens now at friends weddings. I miss dancing.
I cry when I am sad. When I see my children sad and - when I make people sad. I also cry when I am angry.
I make with my hands lots of fun shapes with play - dough and I paint pictures on walls in children's rooms.
I write every chance I get. Letters, journals, short stories - you name it and I write it....and sometimes I feel like I can't stop...and not a lot of people know (ahem.... knew) that about me.
I confuse a lot of people - not the least of whom is myself. Oh yeah - and north south east and west.
I need some coffee every morning. It is my ONE thing - and I am truly committed to it.
I start more things than I finish...
I finish fewer things than I'd like.
I believe in fewer things than I'd like.... I believe in love, and in people. I believe that I have much to learn. I believe that I have some of the greatest friends and relatives in the world. I believe that my children can change the world.
I "tag" Kath, and my new pals Dia and Badgerdaddy. (Carrie - you too if you stop in)
(Feel free to respond here in the comments section or in your own blog - whatever you like.)
Goodnight.

Not All Tacquitto's Were Created Equal

So a friend of mine turned me onto this new thing - Tacquitto's. I think there are some things you should just be born knowing about and - these are one of them. They are perfect and lovely. And they are frozen and only take ten minutes to cook. What more could you ask for?
I like them so much I made a journey to Costco (Price Club) to buy a ridiculously large box of them.

People - when you buy something in huge quantities... take the time to make sure it is exactly what you are seeking. You have no doubt concluded by this point that - I messed up. Oh yes. I bought a GIANT box of something masquerading as tacquitto's - but are a cheap and horrible imitation. They taste like dogfood smells. And there are hundreds of them. What am I to do?

I want my tacquitto's - my REAL ones. Where have they gone?

PST. If anyone is interested in my recipe for what I like to call "Trailer Trash Casserole" please let me know. It is sort of like the biggest all in one taco on planet earth and the leftovers are divine. Goes well with beer.

Invasion

The show Invasion (http://abc.go.com/primetime/invasion/about.html)- started out really well and then lost my interest when they did a couple of questionable things in the beginning but now.... now they are back in my good books. I can even forgive them for dropping off the books there for a while when they switched nights - and didn't bother to tell me. Now I'm hooked again - just in time for the end of the season.

Do the show executives plan this type of thing? Do they like to mess with our tiny brains en mass? I really wonder.

Also - I like to drool over the man who plays Russell (Eddie Cibrian). He's very delicious. Somewhere between him and Matthew McConaughey lies the perfect specimen of maleness.

Sigh. Off I go to do some photoshop experiments (ala Weird Science).lol.

What is it with me and not reading instructions?

I don't know if it is normal to take it as a mental challenge when it comes to assembling things - sans instructions. Or is this a left over attempt at defying authority (- and in this case the people who write the instructions are considered an authority on the subject ... or at least really should be- shouldn't they?). I always feel as though I have failed if I can't figure something out on my own. Doesn't really matter if it's furniture or even something as simple as a microwave or a VCR. I do admit that eventually I will refer to the instructions or ask for help, but I do so grudgingly(... and I mutter and stomp about.) I really wish I was not so childish.
It actually makes me mad at myself much in the same way I am mad at a man for not asking for directions when we are clearly lost. This makes no sense to me and, likewise, my resistance of instruction manuals really makes no sense to me. But still - I cannot seem to overcome this issue.
Well - admitting a problem is half the solution - right. Well. That's some progress isn't it? (Just say yes).

Now - as for patience. Some people feel that I have a lot of it. Some people think I have none. I agree with the latter. I think I need to take up some sort of meditation or something to - ease some of that much needed patience into my soul. I just want it now. Immediate gratification type of thing. (Told you I wasn't patient.)

Lastly on my list of self bashery - I need to know when to quit and when to finish things. "The Gambler" needs to become my mantra. I'm always off timing wise. I give up too fast or... I stay too long and beat the proverbial dead horse. But - again - half the battle and so on...

Well - looky looky. I'm half way to being perfect and it only took me 10 minutes. Fancy that. ;-P

Ta.