A Strange Place To Make Friends...

The other day I went to Wallmart.

Whilst there waiting for my turn with the photo machine I happened upon a very nice old lady and her granddaughter. It was her son's birthday dinner. His birthday was actually last week but the dinner was that night. Her granddaughter and her son had just gotten back from a vacation to BC and Alberta and she was going to make her dad a collage. It actually wasn't her real father but her "dad". He was actually her step dad but they got on really well and her real father was a bit of a jerk. "They just love each other." She is a very good kid. Granddaughter comes over to show me the pictures - I recognize some of the places (makes me miss people) and we chat about slugs of unusual size and other things. She IS a very nice little girl. Back to the Grandmother while the rest of the granddaughter's pictures print... It is also her husband's 70th birthday. She used a picture of her husband from when he was 17 for the invites - he looked like Elvis... he doesn't really look like Elvis anymore. She is a lioness. She got the hall for a weekend night in December because of this - and because her neighbour is the head of it. It was supposed to be a surprise but her son in law let the cat out of the bag. So she ended up telling her husband that if he knew about it he might as well go buy a couple of cases of wine...She thinks I have a lovely smile. She misses her one year old granddaughter who lives in Windsor. She is looking forward to the holidays when she will see her. Her daughter is married to a school teacher. She wants to know if I am married. No - not anymore. Well all the better dear - now you can find your real love. Already have. Too bad because her nephew is just the handsomest devil and he has a fantastic job...She asked my advice on what to buy a one year old (knock-off purse of course) and we chatted about how much fun kids are at that age. She is shocked to find out I have two kids - and almost school age. She fusses over me. I hug her. She invites me to her husband's 70th birthday party. Sadly I am out of town. That's too bad because her nephew is going to be there, lol- have a wonderful Christmas Wallmart lady.

Next is the little old man who had no idea how to use the scanner. You go first little old man - you have less time on earth than I do....he is also there with his grandson. His grandson is 7. He is tall for his age. He likes Shrek and baseball. Little old man comes from a family of 8. His father died when he was very young and he quit school. His mother raised 8 children on $45.00 a month, $90.00 a month in the winter. He gets along well with all of his family and his nephew is in the army....

Oh - and thanks to Glugster for the award!! First x-mas gift I'd say!

Non Christmas related.... I'm... McGonagall???

Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

all i want for christmas is you

So - I decided that this blog has a new theme... Christmas. JUST KIDDING. Sort of... might be a bit slanted in that direction for the next few weeks... I'll try to add some other stuff just for giggles...

Here for your amusement is this year's Christmas list (part one - the first batch);

Great for travel. LMAO.

Pedestrian turn indicators. This is a great idea.

What? Replica of Breakfast at Tiffany's set. Every girl should have one for those lazy Sundays around the house...

I want to make hotdogs look like octopuses. Don't you? I would serve them at inappropriate times - like when the boss comes over for dinner.

This is actually something I am going to give to my ex in laws. (Maybe I will pair it with the hitler teapot...)

OOOH a Hoff poster... or even as a magnet. Okay... maybe not.

This is funny. Pure and simple. Great conversation piece this.

Fly swatter. Freakin love it.

Now THIS - this I really really want. First on the list. This is genius. And don't think I wouldn't use it - I sooo would.

This is just too cute.

Who wouldn't want this?

Off Beat Christmas Traditions and Trivia...

In Italy they have no Christmas trees, instead they decorate small wooden pyramids with fruit. (huh?)

In Armenia, the traditional Christmas Eve meal consists of fried fish, lettuce and spinach. (Glad I'm not Armenian - bletch)

Artificial Christmas trees have outsold real ones since 1991. (Yep. I'm about ready to go back to cutting down a tree. Next year it's all about trekking into the spruce forest with hot coacoa and sawing down a tree...then immediately feeling guilty about it. I can hear trees scream. Such a curse.)

In Caracas, the capital city of Venezuela, it is customary for the streets to

be blocked off on Christmas eve so that the people can roller-skate to church. (That does it. I'm moving.)

In Austria the children leave a shoe outside their door that night so that St. Nicholas can put fruit and nuts in them. (Austrians are strange)

Christmas trees are edible. Many parts of pines, spruces, and firs can be eaten. The needles are a good source of vitamin C. (Okay - I do not recommend testing this theory. My parents told me Maple syrup came from trees when I was 6. So one morning near xmas I decided to taste the pine sap... I think that horrid taste is still there to this day...)

There is a town in Indiana is called Santa Claus. (How much you wanna bet most of them hate Christmas?... and hot coacoa and bambi...lol)

Christmas is not widely celebrated in Scotland. (That sucks)

When visiting Finland, Santa rides on a goat named Ukko. (Riiiiight. Makes sense. By that time the reindeer must need a break. Anyone know if they are in a Union?)

Mistletoe was once revered by the early Britons. It was so sacred that it had to be cut with a golden sickle. (which is a hostel in Prauge apparently)

La Befana, a kindly witch, rides a broomstick down the chimney to deliver toys into the stockings of Italian children. (That just isn't right. That just plain old confuses me.)

The Canadian province of Nova Scotia leads the world in exporting lobster, wild blueberries, and Christmas trees. (Not at the same time, I hope.)

In an effort to solicit cash to pay for a charity Christmas dinner in 1891, a large crabpot was set down on a San Francisco street, becoming the first

Salvation Army collection kettle.

It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while mixing the Christmas pudding will come true only if the ingredients are stirred in a clockwise direction. (naturally)

America's official national Christmas tree is located in King's Canyon National Park in California. The tree, a giant sequoia called the "General Grant Tree", is over 90 meters (300 feet) high. (Who gets stuck with having to put the lights on this sucker?)

The average household will mail out 28 Christmas cards each year. (Hmmm. Really? So it stands to reason that we should all get an average of 28 cards then? I'm counting people.)

The first Christmas card was created in England on December 9, 1842. (Who can prove this?)

A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard. (Mmm. That would certainly be one Christmas dinner where I wouldn't over indulge)

There are 364 gifts mentioned in "The Twelve Days of Christmas". (Greedy buggers)

The popular Christmas song "Jingle Bells" was actually written for Thanksgiving. The song was composed in 1857 by James Pierpont, and was originally called "One Horse Open Sleigh". (I love this song)

P.S. I love you (Full Official Trailer) HQ

So... if the trailer makes you bawl... perhaps you should bring a roll of paper towel to the actual movie hey?

Patoooie

Snow

Yuck

Ew

Gross

You think I would be used to the idea that this part of Canada gets winter. But this morning when I woke up to this kind of cold rainy hail/snow storm - I almost threw a tantrum.

I do not like it.

It would be different if there was a soft blanket of white snow and the sun was making it sparkle like diamonds... instead it is dark and gloomy and kind of miserable.

Maybe if I liked winter sports. But sadly I haven't much talent in that department. I ski on my head; I do not recommend trying this as it can be somewhat painful. I can't really skate - well I can - but only with a chair or two people on either side of me holding me. Beer bogganing - actually not bad at this but can't do it alone and the kids are still too little to drink. Sigh. So I spend most of the winter inside making the puss in boots sad eyeses out the back door for the duration of the season.

The only highlight amidst the misery comes in Christmas - which we have previously established as my most favorite holiday. So I am going to walk around avoiding the windows and humming carols to try to avoid facing the reality of the outside world today.

I might even write some more cards. Keeping with the theme.

Or I might hop a plane and fly to Dallas... ;-)

God I hate winter.

The Diva has tagged me... so here it is....

The Rules:

• 
  Write a list of things of which you are suspicious. Any number of them will do. Even the number 0 works. This is the first meme that can be done without even doing it. In fact, you're doing it right now.
  
• Include the list of rules, if you feel like it.
  
• Link back to the person who tagged you. Or not.
  
• Tag however many people you want to tag. You can skip this step.
  
• If you acted on rule four, leave comments on their websites to let them know that they have been tagged. This step is also completely optional.
  
• Feel fantastic.

What makes me suspicious?? in no particular order:

1. When I am at the tanning salon I am sure they hide cameras in the vents in the ceiling. There are probably naked pictures of me all over the net because of this.

2. People whom I don't know who are overtly friendly. Why? What do you want... where's my wallet? Who sent you?! Where's my tinfoil hat??!!

3. ANYONE who takes a job dressing up in those character costumes. (Barney, Chucky Cheese). This screams CREEPY.

4. Non fat desserts. This is too much of a dichotomy for my little brain to handle.

5. You know when you're at the grocery store and the same person just keeps passing you OVER AND OVER again. More than just a couple of times - even when you try to mess them up by going back over areas that you've already been together and shazzam - they appear again. They are spies for some religious cult - I'm convinced of it.

6. People who offer up their spot in a line up. Why? Did you hear the 100th shopper was going to win something? No thanks. I'll stay right here and continue reading the grocery store smut whilst I wait to win my free shopping spree.

7. People who breed earthworms in their basement. Seriously.

8. Anyone who hates Christmas. (Unless they don't celebrate it - then they are exempt). But really - there isn't a more feel good holiday in existence. If you hate Christmas you might as well hate Bambi and hot chocolate.

9. People who choose fruit and veggies without performing the squeeze and sniff tests. Might as well buy a car without test driving it.

10. Carnies. Small hands. Smell like cabbage.

Now I tag Badger Daddio, Earl, Kitty Kat, and Beth.

Thump.

All - and I mean ALL of the leaves surrounding my property dropped to the ground in one great finale. They waited, of course, until I decided to rake up what was there before. Then they all laughed and dropped their remaining leaves instantaneously. So, I have done a little research and discovered that the grass and flower beds benefit from a blanket of leaves betwixt them and the bitter winter snow... that has been hinting at falling for days. So - silly trees - who gets the last laugh. Being lazy for once is actually a good thing. Aaaaaaand segue...

Speaking of snow...I also popped in to say that I am feeling oh so very Christmas-ey. It is in no doubt due in part to the carols playing on the radio and the decorations popping up everywhere. It's also because I am going to celebrate Christmas twice this year - and because I have already got the greatest gift I could have ever imagined. Truly. Yes, this - my friends - is a holiday season that I can say I am truly looking forward to the fast approach of. So, tonight as I happily find myself ensconced in my reindeer pj's and lay my head down to sleep I will be smiling and dreaming of sugar plums.... with mayhaps a wee touch of rum in them...what? Tis the season!

I also like that I can threaten misbehaving children with the old "Santa saw that" thing. I think, however, that I should stop threatening strangers children at the store... probably not such a good idea. Very effective though...

The other night I went over to a friend's house. She was having a purse party. A purse party is a party - where you can buy knock off designer purses. (The only thing that would be better would be a shoe party.) So I ended up buying a knock off Coach bag pictured here. But instead of 600 bucks I paid a mere 120. (SO - when I spill nail polish inside it - it won't matter so much.) I love it. I love it. I love it. And it holds 3 pairs of shoes - a good thing.

Anyways, while I was at this purse party there were some girls there I haven't met before. One of them somehow got onto the topic of micro chips being the mark of evil and how in the future we were all going to be microchipped at birth and no person who has one will be allowed into heaven... you see where this is going. I am not judgmental - really. But it was so hard not to ask her if she had a great big bowl of Crazyios for breaky. I was biting my tongue the entire night. Then she actually went on to explain something about how in the year 2012 (I think that was the year, maybe I should have written it down) the world was going to end. At that point I said - shit. I'd better go buy some more purses while I have the chance. Big purses. (To hold all my shoes - since I'm totally bringing them with me into space right before the world implodes.)

In fact - if the world really was ending in 5 years - there's a lot of things I'd be doing right now and I'm pretty sure none of them would help get me into heaven.

I leave in about an hour to return to my other other home. *sigh* Such a fun week. Spartan attempted to paralyze me with lunges... so that was fun. It's okay though. I have managed to move my toes and sensation is slowly returning. Strangely....I think that some sick part of me enjoyed it. I even think when I finally collapsed onto the floor I was actually laughing. I think he is prepping me to literally become a Gladiator. A slightly intoxicated one... but a Gladiator none the less.

I have learned to Fox Trot.

I have consumed some of the most delicious red wine this week! I've never felt better. I have laughed so much that as I sit here typing this my tummy hurts. *Yay!* I have also met some incredible and wonderful new friends... but the leaving makes my heart hurt. What an adventure. I also ate some really yum food and fell - if possible - more in love every moment I spent with Spartan. Not a bad feeling - that.

I have also learned that it IS possible to outrun a police car ;-)

So, now I am going to drag my but home and crawl into bed to sleep. Until next week. :-D

Tomorrow is Kat's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I think we may need to consume a beverage in celebratory fashion. There goes detox.....just kidding... I'm a lightweight in reality.

Kathleen is mad cuz I haven't posted this week. She is right. I have been very naughty. So I just came by to say hello, I love you's - I am a little drunk - and I'll be back sooooonish. *Yippee*

Danny Boy

Going to my other home 2702.32 miles away - if I were driving. But instead of 40 hours driving it will be a mere 5 by plane. Hooray. But if I had to, I'd walk.

So I will still be posting but it might be a little sporadic.

I will leave you with this... it reminds me of the time my parents and I were drunk somewhere in the BVIs and my Dad swore he heard Danny Boy on the steel drums somewhere on one of the islands...

Padmé Amidala and Batman

Getting her to sit still long enough to get this make up on was really fun, lol.

Happy Halloween

I remember once my Mom and Dad went to a neighbourhood Halloween party and my Father dressed up as a chicken. A big giant drunk chicken. My Mother dressed as a horrified wife. He started out dressed in normal clothing. Then - part way through the night - he disappeared only to re-appear in... a chicken costume. Yellow leggings and all.

Now you have to understand my Father is the model of propriety. He was always very serious and proper. Growing up, we lived in a kind of awe of him. We also made fun of him a lot. He didn't always see the humour - but we did... often at his expense.

You also have to imagine all of our neighbours reaction to seeing their formerly distinguished fellow party goer dressed as such. I wish there were pictures. I would give my right arm for pictures. Truly.

Tonight I will be dressing the kiddies up and then eating all their candy. Promises to be a good night... and I promise there will be pictures.

Today was not a good day. Really.

So there I was. In the bathroom at work. The stall door was stuck and I was trapped inside. Awesome. Really stuck - door - won't - budge. I started to laugh when it dawned on me that it was either over or under- and under seemed a much more realistic prospect in light of the high heels I was sporting. I debated for a few minutes and eventually crawled out. I was fully expecting an army of people to walk in just then but nada. One little silver lining. It wasn't lost on me that someone was going to have to crawl back under to get the door fixed - which made me laugh even harder. I imagine I am covered in strangers germs totally. I will be lighting this outfit on fire.

Then - having completed an entirely too hectic day, I found it was going home time. When I reached the car and turned the key the gas light came on. I have a one hour drive home so I reached into my purchase to search out my wallet en route to the gas station. Search search search. Nada. I pull over and increase the depth of the search. Again. Nada. I return to the office and search around. Nope. Okay. I go downstairs to the restaurant to see if I left it there. Uh. No.

I drove to the gas station, cleaned out the $3.37 in my ashtray (lucky for me I had just emptied it out; hooray for timing!) and "filled up". When I handed it into the man at the gas station he just stood there clutching the hand full of change staring at me with the odd nickel rolling out and pinging onto the counter. I of course, laughed like a maniac. I think I had achieved the full on crazy laughter at that point.

I drove home fully expecting to run out of gas but didn't. Thank god. The entire time I was keeping Spartan apprised of my fabulous goings on via text message. At this point we are in entirely two different places laughing our asses off at my specialness. He must really love me. Then he called me and we laughed even harder. Thank god for my Spartan. I wonder if he realizes that this stuff happens on a continual basis and that the more time he spends with me the more likely the chances that he will get to witness this first hand - or even become a victim of it at some point. Well, in a way, he kind of already is a victim. LOL.

Tomorrow is Halloween. I'll fit in for a day.

The grocery store. Why do they play so much goddamn Celine Dion and Journey? I mean - don't get me wrong - I do enjoy the odd song. But it's a pandemic. Bothersome.

Then - as I was being annoyed by someone behind me who had a screaming child (which is entirely unfair since once upon a time - not that long ago - that was me... but I was annoyed none the less) and I turned to give her a malevolent stare - it suddenly occurred to me that this was really - terribly unkind of me.

WHY would I shoot her the stink eye? It's not HER fault now is it? So I very appropriately redirected my crushing gaze to the offensive noise making toddler. (PMS anyone?). But when my eyes settled upon the little tot... my heart kind of constricted. Despite the fact that her little face was all screwed up and red with snot everywhere - she was adorable. So then I smiled at her, and she stopped crying, rubbed her eyes and turned to wipe her snotty little face allover her mother's sweet potato stained t-shirt. Then the defeated looking bedraggled mother sort of half shrug-smiled at me and I - instantly wished I could be struck down by that big Monty Python hand. Sigh. Then, the kid turned and smiled back at me. Yep. I suck.

This is where I come to confess my sins. I feel better now.

I won't, however, confess speeding up to steal the parking space from the old man. (WHAT? I couldn't SEE the walker until he got OUT OF THE CAR!) Not today. Nope. I'll save that one up for another day of self loathing.

(P.S. I WAS hungry at the time - but not to worry, I have replenished my supply of emergency protein bars once again so the world should be safe... for another couple of weeks...)

This is funny - you've got to try it!

%1Seriously, this site is so much fun. Just upload your pic and it decides who it thinks you look like ... which is funny enough... but then it will morph you into them... or them into you depending on how you look at it. Anyways - hours of fun. I have uploaded everyone I know. LOL.

Last night was my Grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary. Imagine that. 60 years. They wanted the entire family to go to the Mandarin Chinese Buffet. So we all got gussied up - I waxed my Nannies eyebrows and off we went. My grandfather told her she was a hot chick. Lol.

I'm always tempted at these types of places to stuff my pockets with food for later. It only seems fair... I mean there's no way I can eat the equivilant of food that everyone else does... or to ask for a doggy bag. You know - fill my plate up full and ask if I can wrap it up. That just isn't done - but it sure as heck doesn't stop me from wanting to. I at least managed to eat a plate of food and then I even ate dessert!

So anyways, my ex called and said he had to work so I brought the kiddles with me to the buffet. Because my uncle plays Santa Claus quite believably, they were convinced that Santa was actually having dinner with us. So they were angelic and the most well behaved children known on the planet.

When we got home I asked my daughter if she had a nice time, this was the conversation;

"Babs, did you have a good time?"
"Wasn't my bestest day."
"Oh, really?! How come - you were such a good girl!"
"Santa was there. I had to behave."

LMAO. I love kids. Wonder how much I'd have to pay my uncle to show up everywhere we go?

Okay... remember the shoes? Well... I think my wardrobe has taken on a new theme. Don't worry - I won't wear them together. Might make people dizzy... include myself, lol. Here ya go Spartan - Eli-zebra-ing about.

My five year old took this shot - new talent? I'd say. He's my new photographer.