I am a |
"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."
Monday, April 23, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
A little bit more of the mom story...
*some events are based on my experiences but this is pure fiction...hope you like!
Wednesday, February 8th 2006 7:30 am - Savoring delicious bucket of very strong coffee. When all else fails I still have my coffee. Imagine that during my gym assessment they dared to suggest that if I was to correct my nutrition that I may wish to swap my coffee creamer for skim milk! She allowed it in the end because I wouldn’t stop crying and holding her ankles. I can work out on evil machine designed with torture in mind as long as they let me have my coffee the way I like it. Do however, wish that fat bald man would stop staring at me on the elliptical.
Note to self - have someone repair the scale at the gym. It is terrible and vile.
9:00 pm - Awed and dismayed by husbands attitude towards Visa bill. Doesn’t understand purpose of buying toddler $55.00 jeans from boutique. Imagine. I had to plead my case that obviously she needed said jeans since otherwise what would she wear the $43.00 blouse and $60.00 shoes with from the matching line?! He didn’t seem to feel better so I kept the other items purchased from same place to myself. But really - I mean they are mix and match so I don’t see his point.
Thursday February 9, 2006- early morning. Eyes too tired to look up at clock. Imagine somewhere in the realm of 4 am.
Am quite sure today is the day that all of my sweating blood and fantastic work out regimen will payoff tenfold - someone will repair the scale and I will find I have lost 20 pounds and am svelte and sex goddess-like. Surely my hours of backbreaking exercise must have been for something other than the amusement of the bald lecherous fellow who stares at me the entire time I am there. Will surely also be the day that my daughter finally settles into the daycare without screaming until she pukes and all of the mother’s with perfect children can stop pointing and staring at me. Yes, I have a great feeling about today.
Mid morning - lazy gym people say that the scale is correct. Know they are lying and just don’t feel like fixing it. Will go forward on the assumption that have reached goal weight and celebrate by taking myself out for delicious lunch. Unfortunately will have to eat it in the car since I have to pick my son up in 20 minutes. Will settle on baked potato and chicken sandwich. I am very proud of my new and improved healthy choices.
Friday February 10, 2006 - 10 :00 am - Today is day to check in with my fabulous fitness guru and time to display my new physique. Will proudly list off last weeks meals with zeal and fully appreciate the pats on the back I receive for being so full of will power.
10:45 am -Fitness Nazi says that the extra sour cream and butter on potato and mayo on chicken account for more caloric intake than is suggested for an entire day. Also reprimanded for white bread even though I argued that it is actually kind of yellow. Don’t want to tell you what she said about the large pop. It was just rude.
Have gained 3 pounds but surely this is due to muscle weighing more than fat and looming period. Also, lady at daycare said my daughter is too demanding and perhaps not ready to be separated from Mommy. After much groveling (and a hundred bucks) she agreed to take her back but only for ½ an hour a day until she got over this separation anxiety and stopped biting the other children. All other Mother’s of perfect children come rushing forward with advice. Wish they would all take their perfect children (who are likely drugged) and piss off.
Am off to Mother’s for the weekend to loll in self pity.
Monday February 13, 2006- Mother has all of these lovely scented candles that she occasionally lights and decided to do so (about 3,000 of them) while I stayed this weekend. At first I watched thinking I might witness something amusing like her setting her hair ablaze but when the whole thing seemed to be progressing in a normal fashion - I glanced away. (I should know better). I look back seconds later to find my Mother banging her hand on the table and dancing in this odd panicky sort of fashion in manner of schizoid attending a rave. An odd smell permeated the room (scented candle?) and she continued her spastic dance. (I wasn't entirely sure at this point if assistance was required or if she was listening to the only song on her new mp3 player again - another story that I find terribly amusing...) Moments later she collapsed in a heap on the couch beside me and let out a sigh of relief - and then turned to display the remnant of her previously perfectly manicured thumbnail that had only seconds before been on fire. Well. That explains everything doesn't it. One of many lessons learned that evening and possible most important - Mother should not be allowed near any source of flame or heat. (Also, might need dance lessons.)
8:45 pm - Shit. Shit shit shit. Just realized tomorrow is Valentine’s Day neglected to get my poor husband anything. In morning, must make mad dash to grocery store and purchase Maxim magazine and something with cars in it. Sure to be forgiven when apology is made by presenting half clad women and cars with very delicious romantic meal…..
Tuesday February 14th 2006 - Saint Valentines Day
6:15 am. Have been awake since 3:00 am with very sick little boy. How can someone so small throw up so much? Poor thing. No way to take him shopping in this condition. At least his sister got to practice finger painting. (and if that doesn’t kill you…) Will have to make due with whatever I have in the house.
6:30 pm - Finally got William to stop vomiting long enough to watch Barney. Have managed to locate delicious instant side dishes that I think will compliment each other quite well. The menu for the evening consists of Hamburger Helper (but no beef so with hotdogs instead), some sort of New Orleans style rice dish, dinobuddies and some lovely sort of filo encased desserts. (Can’t remember what’s in them since just found in plastic zip lock in freezer but am sure are quite lovely.)
9:00 pm - Hint; don’t pair Hamburger Helper with hotdogs. Filo desserts turned out to be stuffed with Salmon. Would have been fine except for the chocolate sauce (found one thing that doesn‘t taste better with chocolate). Total disaster. Caroline is throwing up now too. Quite surprised I didn’t when I tasted “dessert”. Lovely husband brought home exquisite roses - that I had to lock in the master bathroom so the kids couldn’t destroy them. Also, was lovely enough to tell me he liked dinner very much and even thought the dessert was interesting. Must make this up to him someday.
Wednesday February something - gawd knows what time it is and who cares anyways. Am delirious from another night of puking children. Have started leaving buckets and containers all over the house as puke receptacles since I have run out of carpet cleaner and energy.
Thursday February (I think) - am delirious from lack of sleep and even though children are better now - I am sick instead. Will lie shamelessly to gym Nazi and tell her any weight loss is because I have worked so hard this week….
Monday February 19, 2006 - 8:45 am Dropped son off at school and am off to gym to accomplish great things. Having very skinny day and this is very encouraging. Hate the Mother at the gym who has 4 month old and is very surely a size 2. Totally unfair and sickening. Takes me back a ways…all was going along well in my first pregnancy until I hit month 6. Then am quite convinced my son steadily gained 3 pounds a week until the very end. Very unfair.
After delivery (yeegawts!) was very pregnant looking for many months and had very squishy stomach. Very unfortunate for me the woman in my shared room immediately deflated and looked all glowy and cheerful. I really felt and looked like I had been run over by a large truck. All the nurses kept double takes when they looked at my face and then sort of wouldn‘t make eye contact. Sort of wish I could have been anesthetized for the entire experience and not woken up until I had my old body back. But, then I guess I would still be sleeping… Actually quite depressed about remembering my old figure. Perhaps I should have a gastric bypass. Think I shall call the doctor to discuss this option…
pm - Doctor claims I am not a candidate for such surgery as one must be morbidly obese. I’m too fat but not fat enough. Very unfair all things considered. Might as well go rent a chick flick and settle in for an evening of self-loathing. Perhaps some hagen daas is in order.
Tuesday February 20, 2006 - am - Mother called this morning to entertain me during coffee. Apparently the old lady next door wandered into her back yard in the middle of the night naked and flailing her arms around like flightless bird. Mum failed to realize this was the woman next door in a fit of dementia and in state of sheer panic called police. Police showed up and presented Mum with little old lady next door looking harmless with a sheet wrapped around her. Although obviously confused, the police officer reminded her of her dear departed husband and she was smitten - at least the experience wasn‘t negative for everyone. All of the commotion woke the surrounding neighbors and Mum with forever forth be known as the woman who sicked the police on dear old Ethel. Mum called into work had an Ativan omelette for breakfast and went to bed until dinner. I don’t think she will ever truly recover from this experience. (I was going to ask if she was wearing the dress and runners but I was afraid she’d never speak to me again.)
pm - Would normally be asleep but Mother convinced me to try “homemade sugaring technique” she read about in some very reliable place. Should have definitely known better but tried it despite misgivings. Am now covered in raised red itchy rash everywhere it touched me. Unfortunately for me I decided to wax my bikini line. This should only be done under general anesthetic in the first place - but now to add insult to injury I have to walk like I am riding a Clydesdale. I cannot sleep and my eyes are swelling shut. (Also doesn’t help that my husband can’t stop from laughing every time he looks at me and can’t give evil eye due to puffiness.)
Wednesday February 21, 2006 - Swelling has reduced enough that I can now walk like am riding largish goat or small pony. One benefit to attempted hair removal around mouth is - there is a striking resemblance to Angelina Jolie (if you look at me in a dimly lit room slightly cross-eyed). Children still have no idea who I am...
Thursday February 22, 2006 - Right as rain today. Except that I’d like to think I still look like Angelina Jolie. (That little bubble burst when the eye swelling went down and I could actually see.)
Wednesday, February 8th 2006 7:30 am - Savoring delicious bucket of very strong coffee. When all else fails I still have my coffee. Imagine that during my gym assessment they dared to suggest that if I was to correct my nutrition that I may wish to swap my coffee creamer for skim milk! She allowed it in the end because I wouldn’t stop crying and holding her ankles. I can work out on evil machine designed with torture in mind as long as they let me have my coffee the way I like it. Do however, wish that fat bald man would stop staring at me on the elliptical.
Note to self - have someone repair the scale at the gym. It is terrible and vile.
9:00 pm - Awed and dismayed by husbands attitude towards Visa bill. Doesn’t understand purpose of buying toddler $55.00 jeans from boutique. Imagine. I had to plead my case that obviously she needed said jeans since otherwise what would she wear the $43.00 blouse and $60.00 shoes with from the matching line?! He didn’t seem to feel better so I kept the other items purchased from same place to myself. But really - I mean they are mix and match so I don’t see his point.
Thursday February 9, 2006- early morning. Eyes too tired to look up at clock. Imagine somewhere in the realm of 4 am.
Am quite sure today is the day that all of my sweating blood and fantastic work out regimen will payoff tenfold - someone will repair the scale and I will find I have lost 20 pounds and am svelte and sex goddess-like. Surely my hours of backbreaking exercise must have been for something other than the amusement of the bald lecherous fellow who stares at me the entire time I am there. Will surely also be the day that my daughter finally settles into the daycare without screaming until she pukes and all of the mother’s with perfect children can stop pointing and staring at me. Yes, I have a great feeling about today.
Mid morning - lazy gym people say that the scale is correct. Know they are lying and just don’t feel like fixing it. Will go forward on the assumption that have reached goal weight and celebrate by taking myself out for delicious lunch. Unfortunately will have to eat it in the car since I have to pick my son up in 20 minutes. Will settle on baked potato and chicken sandwich. I am very proud of my new and improved healthy choices.
Friday February 10, 2006 - 10 :00 am - Today is day to check in with my fabulous fitness guru and time to display my new physique. Will proudly list off last weeks meals with zeal and fully appreciate the pats on the back I receive for being so full of will power.
10:45 am -Fitness Nazi says that the extra sour cream and butter on potato and mayo on chicken account for more caloric intake than is suggested for an entire day. Also reprimanded for white bread even though I argued that it is actually kind of yellow. Don’t want to tell you what she said about the large pop. It was just rude.
Have gained 3 pounds but surely this is due to muscle weighing more than fat and looming period. Also, lady at daycare said my daughter is too demanding and perhaps not ready to be separated from Mommy. After much groveling (and a hundred bucks) she agreed to take her back but only for ½ an hour a day until she got over this separation anxiety and stopped biting the other children. All other Mother’s of perfect children come rushing forward with advice. Wish they would all take their perfect children (who are likely drugged) and piss off.
Am off to Mother’s for the weekend to loll in self pity.
Monday February 13, 2006- Mother has all of these lovely scented candles that she occasionally lights and decided to do so (about 3,000 of them) while I stayed this weekend. At first I watched thinking I might witness something amusing like her setting her hair ablaze but when the whole thing seemed to be progressing in a normal fashion - I glanced away. (I should know better). I look back seconds later to find my Mother banging her hand on the table and dancing in this odd panicky sort of fashion in manner of schizoid attending a rave. An odd smell permeated the room (scented candle?) and she continued her spastic dance. (I wasn't entirely sure at this point if assistance was required or if she was listening to the only song on her new mp3 player again - another story that I find terribly amusing...) Moments later she collapsed in a heap on the couch beside me and let out a sigh of relief - and then turned to display the remnant of her previously perfectly manicured thumbnail that had only seconds before been on fire. Well. That explains everything doesn't it. One of many lessons learned that evening and possible most important - Mother should not be allowed near any source of flame or heat. (Also, might need dance lessons.)
8:45 pm - Shit. Shit shit shit. Just realized tomorrow is Valentine’s Day neglected to get my poor husband anything. In morning, must make mad dash to grocery store and purchase Maxim magazine and something with cars in it. Sure to be forgiven when apology is made by presenting half clad women and cars with very delicious romantic meal…..
Tuesday February 14th 2006 - Saint Valentines Day
6:15 am. Have been awake since 3:00 am with very sick little boy. How can someone so small throw up so much? Poor thing. No way to take him shopping in this condition. At least his sister got to practice finger painting. (and if that doesn’t kill you…) Will have to make due with whatever I have in the house.
6:30 pm - Finally got William to stop vomiting long enough to watch Barney. Have managed to locate delicious instant side dishes that I think will compliment each other quite well. The menu for the evening consists of Hamburger Helper (but no beef so with hotdogs instead), some sort of New Orleans style rice dish, dinobuddies and some lovely sort of filo encased desserts. (Can’t remember what’s in them since just found in plastic zip lock in freezer but am sure are quite lovely.)
9:00 pm - Hint; don’t pair Hamburger Helper with hotdogs. Filo desserts turned out to be stuffed with Salmon. Would have been fine except for the chocolate sauce (found one thing that doesn‘t taste better with chocolate). Total disaster. Caroline is throwing up now too. Quite surprised I didn’t when I tasted “dessert”. Lovely husband brought home exquisite roses - that I had to lock in the master bathroom so the kids couldn’t destroy them. Also, was lovely enough to tell me he liked dinner very much and even thought the dessert was interesting. Must make this up to him someday.
Wednesday February something - gawd knows what time it is and who cares anyways. Am delirious from another night of puking children. Have started leaving buckets and containers all over the house as puke receptacles since I have run out of carpet cleaner and energy.
Thursday February (I think) - am delirious from lack of sleep and even though children are better now - I am sick instead. Will lie shamelessly to gym Nazi and tell her any weight loss is because I have worked so hard this week….
Monday February 19, 2006 - 8:45 am Dropped son off at school and am off to gym to accomplish great things. Having very skinny day and this is very encouraging. Hate the Mother at the gym who has 4 month old and is very surely a size 2. Totally unfair and sickening. Takes me back a ways…all was going along well in my first pregnancy until I hit month 6. Then am quite convinced my son steadily gained 3 pounds a week until the very end. Very unfair.
After delivery (yeegawts!) was very pregnant looking for many months and had very squishy stomach. Very unfortunate for me the woman in my shared room immediately deflated and looked all glowy and cheerful. I really felt and looked like I had been run over by a large truck. All the nurses kept double takes when they looked at my face and then sort of wouldn‘t make eye contact. Sort of wish I could have been anesthetized for the entire experience and not woken up until I had my old body back. But, then I guess I would still be sleeping… Actually quite depressed about remembering my old figure. Perhaps I should have a gastric bypass. Think I shall call the doctor to discuss this option…
pm - Doctor claims I am not a candidate for such surgery as one must be morbidly obese. I’m too fat but not fat enough. Very unfair all things considered. Might as well go rent a chick flick and settle in for an evening of self-loathing. Perhaps some hagen daas is in order.
Tuesday February 20, 2006 - am - Mother called this morning to entertain me during coffee. Apparently the old lady next door wandered into her back yard in the middle of the night naked and flailing her arms around like flightless bird. Mum failed to realize this was the woman next door in a fit of dementia and in state of sheer panic called police. Police showed up and presented Mum with little old lady next door looking harmless with a sheet wrapped around her. Although obviously confused, the police officer reminded her of her dear departed husband and she was smitten - at least the experience wasn‘t negative for everyone. All of the commotion woke the surrounding neighbors and Mum with forever forth be known as the woman who sicked the police on dear old Ethel. Mum called into work had an Ativan omelette for breakfast and went to bed until dinner. I don’t think she will ever truly recover from this experience. (I was going to ask if she was wearing the dress and runners but I was afraid she’d never speak to me again.)
pm - Would normally be asleep but Mother convinced me to try “homemade sugaring technique” she read about in some very reliable place. Should have definitely known better but tried it despite misgivings. Am now covered in raised red itchy rash everywhere it touched me. Unfortunately for me I decided to wax my bikini line. This should only be done under general anesthetic in the first place - but now to add insult to injury I have to walk like I am riding a Clydesdale. I cannot sleep and my eyes are swelling shut. (Also doesn’t help that my husband can’t stop from laughing every time he looks at me and can’t give evil eye due to puffiness.)
Wednesday February 21, 2006 - Swelling has reduced enough that I can now walk like am riding largish goat or small pony. One benefit to attempted hair removal around mouth is - there is a striking resemblance to Angelina Jolie (if you look at me in a dimly lit room slightly cross-eyed). Children still have no idea who I am...
Thursday February 22, 2006 - Right as rain today. Except that I’d like to think I still look like Angelina Jolie. (That little bubble burst when the eye swelling went down and I could actually see.)
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Monday, April 09, 2007
Mirror Mirror on the Wall...
Mirror mirror on the wall,
Who's the drunkest on of all?
Was it me? - I can't recall...
The world it seems is upside down,
this happens in that crazy town.
(At least he didn't spin around.)
This last year has been a trip -
of some of it I will not quip...
It seems I've done a total flip.
So nice to find some folks to say -
we're having people here today...
and when WE show they let us stay ;-D
(instead of saying go away!)
Anyways just thought I mention -
that when it comes to friend retention...
there are those I'll pay their due attention.
(the ones more fun that a southern baptist convention...
with lots of booze ;-))
And when I'm old and mighty gray,
and in a nursing home I stay -
I will look back upon these happy days.
(then I'll call them and we'll have a wrestling match while wearing adult diapers...)
PST. The point du jour is - I'm lucky to have the friends I've had since I was 14 - and luckier still to have added to the group. My tummy hurts from laughing...or is that from being sick? LOL. Kidding. Can't wait for le Stag and Doe de Kat.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
That would be the easter bunny, right?
It has been a long and arduous journey to the keyboard this day. I think that vodka warps my brain ever so much.... specially that much vodka. I am sitting here listening to Gordon Lightfoot and eating smashed taters. Is nice. Brain damage is complete.
This weekend was an odd mix of spontaneous and booze riddled adventures. Hope there's more like it.
Happy Easter blogfriends - I will be raising my glass of apple juice in tribute!
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
My boob twin...stolen from Kat
| Your Celebrity Boob Twin: |
 |
The shirt. I'm so getting this shirt.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
1. What do you wish your name was? Hezikiah Pittsacque
2. What is your favorite thing to wear? Sheepskin
3. Last thing you ate.... ummmmmm - steak sandwich and sunchips
4. Favorite quote? Today I'm going to use "...when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies."
5. I say Shotgun, you say? BANG
6. Last person you hugged? Urm... my kids but I don't know which one...
7. Africa or Mexico? Africa
8. How many U.S states have you been to? most of them
9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in? none of them
10. Does anyone you know wanna date you? plead the 5th
11. Name something you like physically about yourself: my eyes, finger nails and belly button
12. Something you don't? I'm not sharing this.
13. Who is your best friend? There are many.
14.Why are you still up? It is 1 oclock in the afternoon
15. Who/What made you angry today? Having to get out of bed.
16. Favorite type of Food? Italian
17. Favorite holidays: Christmas
18. Do you download music: Yuppers
19. Do you care if your socks are dirty? well that depends. Were they dirty when I put them on or did they get dirty while I was wearing them?
20. What are you wearing right now? BCBG sweater and my favorite Jeans.
21. Would you date the person who posted this? I don't know the person who posted this. I stole it. So I'm going to say no.
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? Yep. (*wink*)
23. Do you love anyone? Many people.
24. Do you like Bush? The president? Nosomuch.
25. Have you ever bungee jumped? Sort of.
26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting: Yes
27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? Yes. (duh!)
28. How much money ya got in ya pocket? $0.75 (don't worry there's more in my wallet...lol)
29. Have you met a real redneck? I AM a real redneck baby.
30. How is the weather right now? Sunny and brisk
31. What are you listening to right now? Max and Ruby
32. What is your current fav song? Urm. Ordinary Miracle or For Good (supacheeze)
33. What was the last movie you watched? The Departed (good movie)
34. Do you wear contacts? Nope
35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? School and then the DMV
36. What are you afraid of? Bugs, spiders, midgets and getting old
37. How many piercings have you had? 9 (it seems like a lot but it adds up)
38. How many pets do you have? myself? Um... none I guess. But my son has a toad and my kids have a cat.
39. What's one thing you've learned? There is life out there. (not in space)
40. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Decaf nonfat caramel macchiato (sp?)
42. Have you ever fired a gun: Well we all know this right? Yes. And will again.
43. Are you missing someone?Yes
44. Fav. TV show?Greys Anatomy
45. Do you have an iPod? No but I have another name brand thing a majigg
46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? Yes. Don't want to talk about it.
48. Who would you like to see right now? Carrie. I miss her. I miss her whole family.
49. Favorite movie of all time? Too hard to say.
50. Do you find yourself loved? Very much so. Lucky me.
51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to?LMAO- sure have ;)52. Favorite flower? I dunno. I like em all.
53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn? butter
54. What Magazines are you reading? smut, and gun mags (joking)
55. Have you ever ridden in a limo?:Of course....
56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently? Not recently
58. What's something that really bugs you? repetitive noise
60. Do you like Michael Jackson? I did.
61. What's your favorite smell? Fresh air
62. Favorite baseball team? Blue Jays
63. Favorite cereal? Mini wheats
65. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? several days - several
66. Last time you went bowling? I don't know
67. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? Not as odd as a dog bed but...I'll have to think about this one...
68. Who was your last phone call? To Crazy Linda
69. Last time you were at work? I'm always working at something
70. What's the closest orange object to you? um - an orange actually
2. What is your favorite thing to wear? Sheepskin
3. Last thing you ate.... ummmmmm - steak sandwich and sunchips
4. Favorite quote? Today I'm going to use "...when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies."
5. I say Shotgun, you say? BANG
6. Last person you hugged? Urm... my kids but I don't know which one...
7. Africa or Mexico? Africa
8. How many U.S states have you been to? most of them
9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in? none of them
10. Does anyone you know wanna date you? plead the 5th
11. Name something you like physically about yourself: my eyes, finger nails and belly button
12. Something you don't? I'm not sharing this.
13. Who is your best friend? There are many.
14.Why are you still up? It is 1 oclock in the afternoon
15. Who/What made you angry today? Having to get out of bed.
16. Favorite type of Food? Italian
17. Favorite holidays: Christmas
18. Do you download music: Yuppers
19. Do you care if your socks are dirty? well that depends. Were they dirty when I put them on or did they get dirty while I was wearing them?
20. What are you wearing right now? BCBG sweater and my favorite Jeans.
21. Would you date the person who posted this? I don't know the person who posted this. I stole it. So I'm going to say no.
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? Yep. (*wink*)
23. Do you love anyone? Many people.
24. Do you like Bush? The president? Nosomuch.
25. Have you ever bungee jumped? Sort of.
26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting: Yes
27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? Yes. (duh!)
28. How much money ya got in ya pocket? $0.75 (don't worry there's more in my wallet...lol)
29. Have you met a real redneck? I AM a real redneck baby.
30. How is the weather right now? Sunny and brisk
31. What are you listening to right now? Max and Ruby
32. What is your current fav song? Urm. Ordinary Miracle or For Good (supacheeze)
33. What was the last movie you watched? The Departed (good movie)
34. Do you wear contacts? Nope
35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? School and then the DMV
36. What are you afraid of? Bugs, spiders, midgets and getting old
37. How many piercings have you had? 9 (it seems like a lot but it adds up)
38. How many pets do you have? myself? Um... none I guess. But my son has a toad and my kids have a cat.
39. What's one thing you've learned? There is life out there. (not in space)
40. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Decaf nonfat caramel macchiato (sp?)
42. Have you ever fired a gun: Well we all know this right? Yes. And will again.
43. Are you missing someone?Yes
44. Fav. TV show?Greys Anatomy
45. Do you have an iPod? No but I have another name brand thing a majigg
46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? Yes. Don't want to talk about it.
48. Who would you like to see right now? Carrie. I miss her. I miss her whole family.
49. Favorite movie of all time? Too hard to say.
50. Do you find yourself loved? Very much so. Lucky me.
51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to?LMAO- sure have ;)52. Favorite flower? I dunno. I like em all.
53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn? butter
54. What Magazines are you reading? smut, and gun mags (joking)
55. Have you ever ridden in a limo?:Of course....
56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently? Not recently
58. What's something that really bugs you? repetitive noise
60. Do you like Michael Jackson? I did.
61. What's your favorite smell? Fresh air
62. Favorite baseball team? Blue Jays
63. Favorite cereal? Mini wheats
65. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? several days - several
66. Last time you went bowling? I don't know
67. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? Not as odd as a dog bed but...I'll have to think about this one...
68. Who was your last phone call? To Crazy Linda
69. Last time you were at work? I'm always working at something
70. What's the closest orange object to you? um - an orange actually
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Bang, Bang
It all started innocently enough. But now, NOW I'd better save my pennies. I'm hooked. A new hobby for me.
(I look fluffy in this coat - I'm not fluffy but I look fluffy and if you say I do - I'll shoot you)
Don't make this dude angry. He never misses.
...and soon she won't either. LOL.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
But anyways...
(these are from why women are single email from a friend...)
MATCHMAKER TIME!
Hi, my name is Willie. I enjoy sheep *awkwardly long pause*, fine dining and administering enemas. I have been told that my stellar physical appearance is intimidating. I think a perfect first date would be exploring our chemisty by putting firecrackers in frog's mouths and watching the splatter pattern - there is much to be said for that - like reading tea leaves... only much louder. I enjoy sheep. *seems to go off into his own realm for a spell* I work part time as a super hero and am also a secret agent for the FRO office. That is all I can tell you - it is *TOP* secret. Sheeeeep. In a past life I was a rubber tree and I was.... green.
What's happening ladiez? My name is Hugo. I call my body guard (to the left) Stecki La Gambe - his real name is Stan. I am one badass dude. *flexes* I like my ladies mean. I dated Brigette Neilson for a spell - but she wasn't mean enough. *growls* I worked as a fruit picker and also as a chicken catcher and a but am currently unemployed. My ambition is to start a rock band that only wears rubber cloggs (you know the ones). ROCK ON! I live with my Mom in a kick ass trailer all it needs is...you (and some curtains) to make it perfect! My life is a dramady - won't you be my muse?
*shiver*
Hey Sweet Tart. My name is Leeeroy. I'm a shy guy. Won't you complete my McHappy Meal? Let's take a trip "around the world". I like to dress as a Zebra and run around my water bed while you try to catch me. Dunnit sound like fun? *stops to make sexy eyes* Let me rub you down with my strong man hands and show you what it feels like to be...tied...ahem I mean put upon a pedistal. My star sign is Gemini but I have more than one personality - all of them sexy. *winks* I am waiting to hear from you - but please hurry so I can dance sexy for you and make sweet lurve to you all night long *all night* all night long *all night* yeah.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Drumroll please....
1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (First pet and Current Street name): Azreal Turner
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your Mum’s side, your favorite candy): Norma Mars (I will go far with this)
3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first Initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name):Esar or Lsar (riiiiiiiiiight)
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal): Green Monkey
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born): Sarah St. Catharines (this works)
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in): Kirelbasai (wowsa)
7. TERRORIST NAME: (first name spelled backwards, your mom’s maiden name spelled backwards): Htebazile Rekrab (wtf?)
8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", another favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink): Blue Cosmo (again - me thinks this works!)
I now tag the Moxy, the Fish, the kitty Kat, the Badger Daddio, Cheezy (if ur around) and Stef... should be fun yeah?
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your Mum’s side, your favorite candy): Norma Mars (I will go far with this)
3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first Initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name):Esar or Lsar (riiiiiiiiiight)
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal): Green Monkey
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born): Sarah St. Catharines (this works)
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in): Kirelbasai (wowsa)
7. TERRORIST NAME: (first name spelled backwards, your mom’s maiden name spelled backwards): Htebazile Rekrab (wtf?)
8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", another favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink): Blue Cosmo (again - me thinks this works!)
I now tag the Moxy, the Fish, the kitty Kat, the Badger Daddio, Cheezy (if ur around) and Stef... should be fun yeah?
keyword search of the week:
ex-lax flavoured muffins (http://funnygirlfromcanada.blogspot.com/2006_05_01_archive.html) LMAO
close second.... drumroll.... dear 8 pound six ounce baby jesus(http://funnygirlfromcanada.blogspot.com/2007/03/hmmmm-i-actually-thought-this-was-real.html)
close second.... drumroll.... dear 8 pound six ounce baby jesus(http://funnygirlfromcanada.blogspot.com/2007/03/hmmmm-i-actually-thought-this-was-real.html)
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Where did I leave my brain?
Last night was a true and wonderish drunken Irish Day celebration filled with - swinging (was she special?!), floor kaisers (on sale now) and among other nefarious activities; drinking. The last of which I know will confuse you some - or at lease some of you. Did I lose you there? My head hurts...where was I when I so rudely interrupted myself?
Sniper Kitty and I, her fella in tow, traversed to the wondrously cold and windy city of - Toronto last night. This great expedition came about in an endeavour to meet our blog friends; Green Fish and Moxy. Since we had pretty much deified them ages ago; we looked forward to this night with great anticipation; would they live up to our impossibly high standards .... or leave us with nothing but a Christmas walnut, a frown and some vague promises? We board a bus with great expectations...
Upon arriving at the pub - McVeighs - we stood in a wee line. We stood in said "wee line" for two (yes 2) hours waiting to get in... where they keep the BEER. I ended up sneaking in about 20 minutes before my friends because I am evil (and...there was beer!). It is a long story involving a flashing of the shamrocks... Once inside I was amazed at how many of these Torontonians wanted to befriend me! Such a jovial group. Now, it could be said that these offers of friendship were because of my strategically placed shamrock and the fact that these people had been drinking since oh - ach - 11:00 am. I think perchance it was the latter... also it got around quickly that we were "bloggers" which we ALL know is really just code for "swingers". Lascivious minds you know.
A little ways into the night I hear, "Liz. Liz!" I look up and (- click the link and let the music play while you continue to read -you may have to open another tab--- picture smiles and hugs all in slow motion.) "Moxy?!" *swings Moxy in the air*... "Fish? could it be?" *cheezy smiles and high fives in slow motion* Then over beer and chips we bonded and sealed what is the beginnings of a very long and rewarding friendship based on beer, twisted humour and walnuts (right Kath?).
Part way through the evening a band comes in to play traditional Irish music; low and behold it is ANGUS THRIPSHAW in the flesh. Not only was he odiferous redolent of unwashed socks, sausage, onions and dog shite - but he was everything else we hoped he would be! I love that man. Angus was a star - had no idea he was so prolific a fiddle player. So full of surprises is our stinky toothless friend!
The night went on much like a feel good movie. An arseload of laughing that ended in a drunken stumble out of the bar where upon we return to the abode of the Fish and the Moxy and collapse into heaps of drunken flibbertigibbets until around 5 am where the booze finally overcame our weary minds and we slept. (That was not a run on sentence at all.) Three hours later we awoke feeling refreshed and chipper... right? and went to investigate the smells of Lebanon and to eat and drink copious amounts of coffee.
There were moments of porcelain god worship and big plans of future ridiculousness involving a cheese goatee and something about making a movie about the Church of Scientology. I think we need to further this discussion.
All in all I have to say; two of the nicest most incredibly likable people I have ever met. Moxy is just as you might imagine only more adorable (if you can believe that) and Fish is going to be famous for something one day - no doubt about it. Before you ask - no - we will not share them. They are ours.
I have no doubt this is the start of a long and flagitious friendship filled with debauchery and exorbitant amounts of laughter; cheers to the Queen of shoes and her lad.
Sniper Kitty and I, her fella in tow, traversed to the wondrously cold and windy city of - Toronto last night. This great expedition came about in an endeavour to meet our blog friends; Green Fish and Moxy. Since we had pretty much deified them ages ago; we looked forward to this night with great anticipation; would they live up to our impossibly high standards .... or leave us with nothing but a Christmas walnut, a frown and some vague promises? We board a bus with great expectations...
Upon arriving at the pub - McVeighs - we stood in a wee line. We stood in said "wee line" for two (yes 2) hours waiting to get in... where they keep the BEER. I ended up sneaking in about 20 minutes before my friends because I am evil (and...there was beer!). It is a long story involving a flashing of the shamrocks... Once inside I was amazed at how many of these Torontonians wanted to befriend me! Such a jovial group. Now, it could be said that these offers of friendship were because of my strategically placed shamrock and the fact that these people had been drinking since oh - ach - 11:00 am. I think perchance it was the latter... also it got around quickly that we were "bloggers" which we ALL know is really just code for "swingers". Lascivious minds you know.
A little ways into the night I hear, "Liz. Liz!" I look up and (- click the link and let the music play while you continue to read -you may have to open another tab--- picture smiles and hugs all in slow motion.) "Moxy?!" *swings Moxy in the air*... "Fish? could it be?" *cheezy smiles and high fives in slow motion* Then over beer and chips we bonded and sealed what is the beginnings of a very long and rewarding friendship based on beer, twisted humour and walnuts (right Kath?).
Part way through the evening a band comes in to play traditional Irish music; low and behold it is ANGUS THRIPSHAW in the flesh. Not only was he odiferous redolent of unwashed socks, sausage, onions and dog shite - but he was everything else we hoped he would be! I love that man. Angus was a star - had no idea he was so prolific a fiddle player. So full of surprises is our stinky toothless friend!
The night went on much like a feel good movie. An arseload of laughing that ended in a drunken stumble out of the bar where upon we return to the abode of the Fish and the Moxy and collapse into heaps of drunken flibbertigibbets until around 5 am where the booze finally overcame our weary minds and we slept. (That was not a run on sentence at all.) Three hours later we awoke feeling refreshed and chipper... right? and went to investigate the smells of Lebanon and to eat and drink copious amounts of coffee.
There were moments of porcelain god worship and big plans of future ridiculousness involving a cheese goatee and something about making a movie about the Church of Scientology. I think we need to further this discussion.
All in all I have to say; two of the nicest most incredibly likable people I have ever met. Moxy is just as you might imagine only more adorable (if you can believe that) and Fish is going to be famous for something one day - no doubt about it. Before you ask - no - we will not share them. They are ours.
I have no doubt this is the start of a long and flagitious friendship filled with debauchery and exorbitant amounts of laughter; cheers to the Queen of shoes and her lad.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
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