Halloween

Went to see Angela in her band the Travolta's last night. That was some kind of fun. Pictures will be forthcoming. I was a pirate - and I even had a parrot. The parrot - not surprisingly led me to perform the Dead Parrot skit from Monty Python. Shockingly my choice of costume this year was not original - there were like ummm, 50 other pirates. There was this one guy dressed in a leopard costume that left me very confused. You wouldn't normally think that this is only a girl's costume when you first think about it - but once you saw it, you would realize that no man should EVER choose this costume. He had this leopard print shirt - with a tail and a little black nose and whiskers. Now can you picture it? Sort of odd. Amoung some of the more fabulous costumes, there was Fiona and Shrek and - SPOCK. Brilliant. As soon as I get my internet hooked up on my other computer I will upload the pictures.

For now here are some from Whistler.... I think we were dancing on the table in the condo.... but I don't remember. (Seriously)
Sister Rockstar lovin on the moosacock.
Crazy people.
Sister SPI giving lessons.
Poor sweet Sister Boogie Woogie - kept wondering what the hell she was thinking hangin out with us crazies.

Airport Security

So, flying since 911 has changed. That's a no brainer. But the most recent changes baffle the mind.

For instance;
I was not allowed to bring my lipgloss on the plane. Unless it was in a ziplock bag. I'm not sure what measure of safety lies therein - nor did the people at the airport so I was left confused and without shimmery lips.

Secondly - no hand sanitizer. WHAT? Do you have any idea how many germs congregate on airplanes???? Do they sell it inside? Nope. At least not in Hamilton. But they do in Calgary - so at least I felt slightly less contaminated on the last 4 hours of my journey. But since I already caught a cold on the flight over, it did little to appease me.

Lastly - while in US airspace there are no line ups allowed for the bathroom. Riiiight.

I'm glad there are people somewhere making a living for coming up with this shite. No doubt that wherever they are they have glossy lips and clean hands.

Home again, home again - jiggity jig

I am home. I am jet lagged and hungover - and I have a cold. But - boy was that fun.

We drove up to Whistler on Friday in the late afternoon - got there in the evening. The condo we were staying at was a four story walk up with a view that was beyond beautiful - thanks to our friend who's cousin owns it (back to that who you know...).

Once we got there - and climbed many MANY stairs, we opened up several bottles of red wine and let the laughter begin. And there in front of the fire, glasses of wine in hand and fettuccini alfredo in our bellies - the Sisterhood of the Drunken Yaya's began. (complete with a handshake)

Our current members are as follows;
the revered Sister Superstar whose burps are unparalleled in the known world,
the great and powerful Sister Rockstar who can wield her power like a queen and make grown men pluck out body hair to appease her,
the shy and sweet Sister Boogie Woogie who danced like a fiend until they kicked her out,
the hilarious and lovely Sister Spanky Pecker Inspector (the bride) who the weekend was in honor of and myself,
Sister Dontchawishyourgirlfriendwasatardlikeme, oh I mean Dontchawishyour girlfriendwashawtlikeme (LOL) Nuff said.

There were some things I'm not even sure I should write about. The poor, poor men in that bar. They should have been warned.

At one point Sister SPI got into the cage (yahoy, I said cage) and danced with the most terrifying woman on planet earth. Just prior to Sister SPI jumping on up in there - the creature was doing this sort of stripper dance and when she lifted up her leg we saw something very VERY wrong down there being flashed at us at eyelevel. Later on - after about 3 shots of tequila and two double martini's (okay and 3 vodka and cranberry) Sister DWYGWHLM got into the cage and was molested by a 22 year old girl who kept yelling "you turn me on" and slamming her against the side of the cage sumo style. Pleas for help to the other yaya's were not granted - instead they all lined up to stare and laugh. NICE. (okay, yeah it was me). Sister Rockstar spent the night playing a bachelorette game that the rest of us thought ended after the first hour - we had various points ranging from 10 to 50 - but she ended up with something like 150 points. The points were accumulated by getting men to do various things such as, buy you a drink (easy), do a shot with you (easy), dance with you (easy), flash your bra (okay, not AS easy), give us their underwear and so on. One man became known as Commando for the evening. Commando had a body made of granite. He was into triathlons - I think he said. To be honest I wasn't really listening since I was too busy treating him shamelessly like a piece of meat. Oh what fun. (Sorry Commando).

We have decided that the Sisterhood will hold yearly events and I really can't wait for the next one. These girls are so much fun.

It's who you know...or sort of...

Went to Washington yesterday. Made the mistake of going to the BCBG Max outlet store. I am now the proud new owner of two devastatingly sexy (and really overpriced) dresses and two collection tops... that I have nowhere to wear.

On the way home I wore everything I bought - so as not to have to pay duty. But with all 6 layers and a raincoat made of rubbery scuba diving type material, I was really kind of warm. (Bonus to that - if we are looking to find a silver lining that would be that I lost approx 10 pounds in sweat and the dresses looked even better.) My girl Carrie followed suit and the two of us were very stylish and oh so very stay puffed marshmallow- manish. We were a wee bit nervous on the way back but the border guard ask us where we were from and it ended up that he had just moved to BC from my home town. Small world. So we were like old friends - just got waved on through with a wink and a smile - instead of being thrown in jail. Good thing I dressed for the occasion. LOL. (But if I was ever to be jailed for any offense, I would be proud to go down for shopping).

Tonight - on to Whistler to commence the Stagette activities. I have a car waiting packed to the brim with red wine and coolers, and many many dresses that I probably won't get to wear. But at least if I am called upon - I'll be drunk and sexy. Hmmm. That didn't sound so great. Oh well - I AM on vacation.

I'll be back to Blog sometime on Sunday - hungover and looking forward to the trip to the spa and the casino.

This is just going by too fast.

Who thought this was a good idea?

This is just yucky. Disturbing and yucky.

Made me yelp when I saw it.

A new house!

I am now the proud new owner of a century home! Apparently the house is 130 years old. Here a some pictures...

The living room.

From the back (note the hot tub on the deck - yummy)

Stairs from the kitchen.

Backyard.

Pretty cool, hey? But we move in 2 weeks - so if I'm not blogging, I'll be packing like a madwoman.

WTF!

6 WEEKS to the Dominican

Better start my work out regimen.

Also thought I might get one of these bathing suits. It would probably look pretty darn good.

My brother was in Turkey for turkey day - and evidently they don't eat turkey there. To my way of thinking that is so very very wrong. I would have saved him some of the feast - but it was too good and I was too hungry.

May I take this moment to say that I think pumpkin pie is yucky. I think it is uber yucky. No one should smash up a veggie and put it in a pie crust, top it with whipped cream and say "dessert". Wrong. Not like deep fried turkey wrong - but sneaky wrong. I know it's not really normal to do that. Just like people shouldn't eat zuccini bread as desert. Nope, that should count as a full on serving of veggie.

and now for a little giggle...

Redneck Thanksgiving
You Might Be A Redneck If:

You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table. (check)
Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings. (tempted)
You've ever re-used a paper plate.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat. (this has happened to me, but not my pet or my house - but I was there)
Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.
Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them.
Your stuffings secret ingredient comes from the bait shop. (that reminds me of a story...)
Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup. (that kicks ass)
Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold. (THIS - I must have)
Your secret family recipe is illegal.

Sorry my computer was broken...

But I'm back now.

Some tidbits for you...

Last night something - raccoons?- ate my precious fish. None but scales left of them now. Take a moment of silence please - these fish were painstakingly kept alive for years. Now they are digesting inside of some furry little creature.

While my fish were being murdered, I was at Carrie's house giving her a birthday present and celebrating her big 30 with a few cocktails. We were a wee bit giddy and I convinced Carrie and Patrick that it was a good idea to call his neighbour using the Howard Stern soundboard. It was good times. I, not surprisingly, took the computer and Carrie dialed the phone. From there, Patrick and Carrie took their posts - curled up on the floor clutching their guts with laughter. Who knew that being so juvenile could be so much fun?

If you haven't attempted this, I urge you to do it tonight. As I said to the two of them, you will be so glad you did. Then you have to come back here and let us know how it went. By the way, no one should be safe, parents are good victims too but I would suggest the Mr Rogers soundboard for them (especially if they have a cat). Some of you remember when I did that to my father - and those of you who know him know just how funny that was...

....and now a wee contest...
Going to Whistler in 10 days. It is for a stagette for the girl who posts as Carrie in BC. I need ideas to embarrass my friend. If anyone has some - please let me know. The more embarrassing the better! You can email these to me, if I use your idea - you will receive a free funnygirlfromcanada magnet. Because, who doesn't want one of those? Make sure to include your mailing address in the email so that if you win I can send you your prize.

Last week was fun, took my cat to the vet to cut her fingers off. Well - that and have her dewormed and de-earmited and given a rabies shot. Yes, I know. It's cruel. I only did it because she has been living in a cage for over a year at a shelter and doesn't seem to want to stop destroying my wool throw rugs - and any other furniture that crosses her cute little path. She's a scratchaholic and I can't seem to retrain her - so I took the next natural step and had her tortured. Poor little poppet. I did, at least secure painkillers for her to take for the next week or so. She doesn't even seem to know that anything happened to her, cats are so stoic. Anyhoo - she did her part at getting me back, during the car ride home she peed on my lap. Nice. Guess I deserved it. I have a history with cats doing that to me. Back in highschool, I found a stray and decided to take it to school in the hopes that someone would adopt it. Since I was riding the bus, I tucked the little monkey into my backpack and was holding it on my lap. Suddenly a warm sensation indicated that perhaps I should have left the cat at home. I called my mother from school and ask that she bring me a change of clothes. When she stopped laughing, she did. Thank god. Long story shortened - kept the cat in the drama room and someone finally said they would take it. Woo hoo.

Well - hope you all enjoy Thanksgiving (in Canada) and otherwise just have a nice weekend!

Old post

Totally cheating here - this is a post from last year, but it was funny and you guys all weren't hanging around here back then so I thought I'd bring it back to life. A commemorative (sp?) issue - if you will. Enjoy!

The Invention of the Snorkle
I was watching Liv (dear friends daughter) running around with a snorkle in her mouth pretending to be an elephant yesterday and it got me to thinking...(uho). Do you think whoever invented the snorkle did so because they were watching an elephant swimming around and thought - gee, if I had a tube like that I could breath underwater too? Because, if you ever really LOOK at a snorkle - it really does look like an elephant's trunk - except the part that is the end of the elephant nose is the part that we put in our mouth (kind of gross when thought of that way but terribly effective all in all). So now I am going to google this and enlighten you with the results. First off I have discovered my inability to spell - that would be SNORKEL - for all you superior spelling wizards out there (and I would have fixed it but it was kind of funny)... and then I found this... (I soooo want one of these - Happy 30 soon - what a perfect gift to awe me with) Then I found this and promptly stopped looking... you will see why... And so I have learned that googling the most innocent of things is never really safe even though at first - I really thought someone invented a snorkle for a cat and I was intrigued (naive maybe?) anyhoo...What I never found out was who invented the frickin snorkel or how they came up with it. So I have used my powers of deductive reasoning to decide that there is a very good possibility that they came up with this idea while watching an elephant. From this day forward that is what I will choose to beleive. There you have it. End of story. (But please share any ideas you have - unless it is along the lines of that last - shudder - search).

I'm either sleep deprived or...

someone is putting something funny in the coffee...

Let me splain'...

Yesterday, I was sitting outside having my coffee break in a little seating area across from the courthouse. I glance across the street and see a woman walking down the street in a French maid's costume. I lunge for the phone and check the date - nope - not Halloween. What the? And before you boys get too excited, she easily weighed in at around 340. And the skirt was very short. More power to her though - she was damn proud of her overly generous physique. But - as some of you who know me have already figured out - it took every fiber of my being not to ask her the reason for this unusual garb.

So, she walks on and eventually disappears around the corner and slowly the conversation at nearby tables recommences. I start to think perhaps I only imagined it and make myself a mental not to stop using sweetener - BUT THEN - a man comes a strollin around the corner heading north, who is walking on a 90 degree angle with his head pointed towards the courthouse- from the waist. I think, "Wow, that's weird.", but then feel utterly ashamed of myself for thinking that of someone who obviously suffers from some heinous disease. (But of course, I keep staring at him). Then he reaches the next corner aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand - what I attempt to do next is going to come nowhere near giving you the just of it with mere words, but committed blogmaster that I am, I go forward nonetheless - the man turns slowly and slowly all the way around to face South. While he does this, he manages somehow to bend his body back in the direction it was facing - towards the courthouse - while his person is in fact heading in the opposite direction. (anyone follow that?) believe me, in my head I'm going "How the hell am I going to blog this? Surely I must - but how?".

Hope you get a vague impression of just how odd my day was. I think I am living in purgatory. I actually had nightmares.