Friday, June 30, 2006

New Meds...

Something isn't right with de fishies

Firstly - two were dead this morning. Big ones too. :-( But then I noticed that the water wasn't right. Not right at all. And it's smelly. Oh gawd - is there a body in there???!!!! I took the first step -- the pond is draining and the remaining fish have been rescued (cept for one since he's a fast little bugger). We should know soon - even if we don't want to - what is rotting in de pond.... I will keep you posted...

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Good, Better, Best

A police officer had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD" The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money.(And we used to just sell lemonade!)

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Edmonton, AB. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Saskatchewan RCMP Officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the RCMP Ball. He replied, "Ma'am, Saskatchewan RCMP don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and drove off. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Finally met some men online and they sent photos...

Bachelor number one is well - actually a pair of brothers - the one in blue is named Saucy and the one in red is named Nero. They are a set. Both are currently employed as astronauts. They enjoy the opera and the theatre. They have also been known to rip up a dance floor.
Next is Earl (hehehehe) he is very athletic and currently works in law enforcement (now you feel safe doncha?) He is a self proclaimed "manly man" and is looking for a woman who can handle him. He is partial to nude beaches and has a really big elastic band collection.
Last is Simon. He is a dentist and an avid chess player. He likes to cuddle and his favorite colour is yellow. He also like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. He is a Gemini and proud of it. His favorite sport is square dancing.

Now you all have the job of helping me decide who to go out with first....

A couple of giggles for you...

Look closely - one sign is a sign warning you not to bang your head on the sign itself. Genius. The other is where I just sent my application. lol.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Finally figured it out -

although - I was really just going through the same process as last time - cept this time VIOLA! Moi! I wasn't going to post a picture - whole anonymity thing... but then I thought - screw it. So for now there is a picture for all to enjoy or make fun of - whatever works for ya.

Hey Kath - remind you of anything?

A secret garden and some fish...

Well - I have decided today to blog about fish and how interesting I find them. (It's my blog and I'll write about what I want. ) Last night the rain very nearly overflowed the pond sending the fish careening into the backyard. They started out as feeder fish but have grown inexplicably huge over the last year. They might even make a delicious fillet at some point this summer (or maybe a bathtub friend?). Fish are great because they eat bugs. They are also very calming to watch, I find.

Another interesting fish story is how the guppies (inside in a tank) had babies - and ate all but one when I finally noticed. The female is also missing - little Houdini that she is. Then when I was cleaning their tank - one committed fish suicide by jumping out of the little container he was in. (No doubt due to his guilty cannibal conscience.) The baby is smaller than the tiniest tadpole - almost looks like a mosquito larvae. Named her Speck, cute huh? Perhaps not destined for a second career in fish breeding - but then you just never know.

And all of this leads me to the following;
I have decided that it is one of my fondest wishes to have a secret walled garden complete with a little fawn and a pond full of frogs and fish. I would like to have a swing in a large willow tree and will set about writing my first great literary work in said garden - maybe even whilst on the swing. Or maybe I'll just keep writing in the basement - it doesn't really matter.... I just want a goddamned garden inside of some really tall stone walls covered in ivy without any bugs in it. Sounds plausible right? I would also like wild strawberries in said garden - and maybe a plum tree. I wouldn't mind a peacock while we're at it. Maybe a goose. (and some faeries- just for shits and giggles).

I would also like a fully stocked bar and a smattering of servants to fetch me fresh fruit - but then that might be on the verge of silliness...

Right. Well, off I go to do some assignments now. (boo)

Monday, June 26, 2006

Proof of global warming

Sadly - I beleive I have represented in my wardrobe almost all of these panties. Depends on yer mood I find...
Thanks Dee.

little fly

I was sitting outside on the patio drinking my coffee this morning and a little fly decided to pester me. It made me think about how annoying bugs are in general - especially when they get into the house.... and that made me think about when I was a kid what my brother used to do when they did get into the house...

My brother used to paint airplane models when he was a little kid - you know those fighter planes and stuff? Well one day whilst he was painting a camouflage pattern on some plane or another - a little fly came to visit him. It was a stalker fly - that just zip saround you and bang into and won't go away. So - he reached up in Mr. Miyagi style and caught the little bugger. Then he held onto his little legs and painted a camouflage pattern onto his little wings. A tiny little army of his own had begun. Soon - walking all around our house were tiny little flies whose wings were adorned with various things - little Japanese fighter planes, little Nazi's - you name it - we had it. It was kind of hard to explain to people who didn't know us (well - or even those who did) why these little guys were painted - so we just acted like we couldn't see them. (Gross hey?) They could no longer fly - since the paint was too heavy - so the cat usually caught and ate them... but every so often I swear to god I see a little fly with painted wings walking around out there. There was also a toad in my grandmother's garden who seemed to be wearing something that resembled a diaper (?) the other day...

More riddles

little miss muffet



Okay smarty pantezzz -

My first is in bridge but not in ridge.
My second is in awake and in mistake.
My third is in danger but not in ranger.
My fourth is in flange and in orange.
My fifth is spline and in wine.
My last is river and in diver.
My whole likes the darkness.
What am I?

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Dust off your Swedish accents...

Say the following - with a Swedish accent -

F U N E X?

S V F X!

F U N E M?

S V F M!


Go ahead - just say it out loud. Each letter one at a time (EF- YOO-EN-EE-EX etc...)


Went out last evening to the casino. Had WAY TOO much to drink....but then having missed dinner and gone straight for the tequila - it's no wonder that the sound of a ceiling fan is enough to do me in. I do believe that I am possibly still a little drunk.... *giggle*.

I must tell you that I was shocked and appalled that most of the competition out there has been toilet trained very recently. They are so young! (When did I get so old?). Anyways - didn't do so well as I had hoped in the flirting department. Alas - it seemed that my tequila was more interesting than most of the available men. Not to say I didn't get admiring glances - that would just be silly - but most of them were on oxygen machines and that doesn't sit well with me since I can't do the whole Anna Nicole Smith thing overly well. Also - they are a fire hazard so best to avoid them all together. The other men who seemed to find me attractive were all of 12 (okay maybe older but - I am sure they were way too young for me). Lastly - there was the group of German or Swedish (?) men that appeared to think I had very nice teeth... and we all know how I might feel about that at this point. I did, however, make friends with a 40 or 50 something couple that runs the local tennis/badminton club and have vague recollections of committing myself to tennis lessons at some future and forgotten date. I do believe they had decided that they could adopt me. I also befriended a lovely girl and her mother who only spoke Spanish - evidently when I am inebriated I excel at foreign languages. I can only imagine how that conversation went... and the reason I can only imagine it is because I can't remember most of it. lol.

I know I basically passed out upon reaching the comfy confines of my bed since I was still fully clothed and the bed was still perfectly made and I was tossed upon it as though I were no more than a throw pillow.

I have just returned from a trip to the grocery store whereupon I found a sale on Gatorade - and am surely convinced someone up there is looking out for me. I bought a case and am off to go about drinking the entire thing. At some point today - my most fervent wish is that the birds will stop singing so god damned loud. I think I shall return to bed - my Gatorade clutched firmly in my arms and try to stop the room from spinning. When I awake - fresh and overly hydrated - I will go about the business of trying to recollect how I ended up with someone named Sven's phone number written on my arm and pray like hell that I didn't return the favour.

Friday, June 23, 2006

More fun facts -

Bulls are color blind.
Mosquitoes have 47 teeth. (OH MY GOD!)
The Poison Arrow frog has enough poison to kill 2,200 people.
Emus can't walk backwards.
A group of unicorns is called a blessing.
A group of kangaroos is called a mob.
A group of owls is called a parliament. (sounds very distiguished)
A group of ravens is called a murder. (creepy)
A group of bears is called a sleuth.
A baby oyster is called a spat. (Why?)
Some fleas have split penises like a Y shape
An elephant can be pregnant for up to 2 years (that just makes me want to cry)
Chickens can't swallow while they are upside down. (another one of those - why do we know this - type of questions)
The average garden-variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head. (who counted? No seriously, who? I want them to come over for dinner tonight)
More people are killed annually by donkeys than in airplane crashes. (there ya go - remember this for the next time someone spazzes out in mid air... I'm sure they will really appreciate this factoid)
By some unknown means, an iguana can end its own life.
Americans spend around $3 billion for cat and dog food a year. (yet people are starving - go figure)
Pigs can cover a mile in 7.5 minutes when running at top speed.
A squid has 10 tentacles.
A snail's reproductive organs are in its head. (do I even need to comment here)
When a horned toad is angry, it squirts blood from its eyes. (I am screaming right now. I am.)
The typical hen lays 19 dozen eggs a year.
The ostrich has a 46-foot long small intestine.
A scallop has 35 blue eyes.
A swan is the only bird with a penis (okay - so you know I am going to search for a picture for you all now - right?)
The left leg of a chicken in more tender than the right one. (I had no idea whatsoever - you?)
The only dog that doesn't have a pink tongue is the chow.
Dogs and humans are the only animals with prostates.
The giraffe has the highest blood pressure of any animal. (there's logic in that)
Zebras can't see the color orange. (again -why do we know this?)
The smartest dogs are the Jack Russell Terrier and Scottish Border collie. Dumbest: Afgan hound.
A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.
The fat molecules in goat milk are 5 times smaller than those found in cow milk. It takes 20 minutes for the stomach to breakdown as opposed to the hour that it takes to break down cow milk. (the reason why we should actually be giving our kids goat milk - but it's so damned costly. Actually they say the smaller the mammel... here kitty kitty kitty...)

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Would you like to biggie size that?

Wouldn't you be ashamed to bring this kid into Mickie Dees?


Ostriches are often not taken seriously. They can run faster than horses, and the males can roar like lions. (Wha? Are you frickin serious - you know that I have to test the latter of these two factoids...really. How do I get the ostrich to roar?)
Sloths take two weeks to digest their food. (That is more than likely why they are so damn slow - low blood sugar. Wouldn't it be funny to hop one up full of an energy drink?)
Guinea pigs and rabbits can't sweat.
The pet food company Ralston Purina recently introduced, from its subsidiary Purina Philippines, power chicken feed designed to help roosters build muscles for cockfighting, which is popular in many areas of the world. (This isn't a very nice thing - I don't really think I'm such a fan of purina so much anymore...)
According to the Wall Street Journal, the cockfighting market is huge: The Philippines has five million roosters used for exactly that.
Sharks and rays are the only animals known to man that don't get cancer. Scientists believe this has something to do with the fact that they don't have bones, but cartilage.
The porpoise is second to man as the most intelligent animal on the planet.
Young beavers stay with their parents for the first two years of their lives before going out on their own.
Skunks can accurately spray their smelly fluid as far as ten feet. (Good to know in case we go camping!)
Deer can't eat hay. (Humph. Who knew?)
Gopher snakes in Arizona are not poisonous, but when frightened they may hiss and shake their tails like rattlesnakes.
On average, dogs have better eyesight than humans, although not as colorful.
The duckbill platypus can store as many as six hundred worms in the pouches of its cheeks. (Ew. The male also has a venom spurting spur behind it's back legs. True.)
The lifespan of a squirrel is about nine years.
North American oysters do not make pearls of any value.
Human birth control pills work on gorillas.(kind of wrong that we know this - isn't it?)
Many sharks lay eggs, but hammerheads give birth to live babies that look like very small duplicates of their parents. Young hammerheads are usually born headfirst, with the tip of their hammer-shaped head folded backward to make them more streamlined for birth. (That's creepy)
Gorillas sleep as much as fourteen hours per day. (The way it should be)
A biological reserve has been made for golden toads because they are so rare. (ARE THEY REAL GOLD?!)
There are more than fifty different kinds of kangaroos.
Jellyfish like salt water. A rainy season often reduces the jellyfish population by putting more fresh water into normally salty waters where they live.
The female lion does ninety percent of the hunting.
The odds of seeing three albino deer at once are one in seventy-nine billion, yet one man in Boulder Junction, Wisconsin, took a picture of three albino deer in the woods.
A group of twelve or more cows is called a flink. (For some reason I knew this... isn't that messed up?)
Cats often rub up against people and furniture to lay their scent and mark their territory. They do it this way, as opposed to the way dogs do it, because they have scent glands in their faces.
Cats sleep up to eighteen hours a day, but never quite as deep as humans. Instead, they fall asleep quickly and wake up intermittently to check to see if their environment is still safe.
Catnip, or Nepeta cataria, is an herb with nepetalactone in it. Many think that when cats inhale nepetalactone, it affects hormones that arouse sexual feelings, or at least alter their brain functioning to make them feel "high." Catnip was originally made, using nepetalactone as a natural bug repellant, but roaming cats would rip up the plants before they could be put to their intended task.
The nematode Caenorhabditis elegans ages the equivalent of five human years for every day they live, so they usually die after about fourteen days. When stressed, though, the worm goes into a comatose state that can last for two or more months. The human equivalent would be to sleep for about two hundred years.
You can tell the sex of a horse by its teeth. Most males have 40, females have 36. (Um - or you could just peek between their legs. Might be faster...)

PS - check out the add at the top - Garlic? What in here ANYWHERE would bring that up? Weeeeeiiiirrrrd.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Four Things about me you may not have known.....
A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Dish-pig at the Country (s)Platter
2. Bartender at the Coach and Lantern
3. Minion for Manager at Sun Life
4. Executive Minion for the President of a large Financial Planning Firm

What movies you would watch over and over:
1 .Gladiator
2. Dirty Dancing (lame, yes but for some reason it still does it to me... "Nobody puts Baby in a corner..."
3. The -- original -- Grinch (okay girls - you know why - at least there IS a reason)
4. Moulon Rouge

C) Four places you have lived:
1. Ancaster Ont
2. Burnaby BC
3. Caledonia Ont
4. St. Catharines Ont

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Lost
3. Survivor
4. Desperate Housewives

E ) Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. Cuba
3. Mexico
4. Bermuda

F) Websites you visit daily: (most often and/or most helpful)
1. (this one)
4. google

G ) Four of my favourite foods:
1. Chocolate
2. Chicken
3. Pasta
4. Pizza

H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. French Riviera
2. Tuscany
3. Some island somewhere with a sexy tall dark and handsome man
4. The Shoe Store (this one was a joke - sort of)

I) Four best dishes you can whip up
1. Spinach salad with walnuts or almonds, raisins and a vinaigrette followed by a rosemary infused chicken and risotto -- chocolate dipped strawberries for desert
2. Baked tortellini in a mouthwatering blush sauce with garlic bread and Caesar salad with homemade croutons -- something chocolate works here too ;-)
3. Prime rib roast with garlic mashed and green beans (the beans are all yours - I do not like green beans but they look good with this...) let us assume chocolate will carry over once again...maybe a cake with little handmade chocolate leaves... yum
4. A great heaping bowl of Cheerios (Say what you will - but I do it with style)

J) Four friends I think will respond:
1. Kat
2. Beth
3. Carrie
4. Insert your name if I have forgotten you...

Did you know...

That when rain is imminent - the ants build little walls to keep out the rain. I had always assumed that the little piles of dirt and tiny stones surrounding their doors into the ground were what they had hauled up out of the ground and discarded. Not so simple. Yesterday I noted that they had collected some tiny flower petals from a French Lilac and piled them up around their holes. Sort of a futile effort since they would easily wash away with a tiny bit of rain. But anyways.... I didn't know that ants invented the whole idea of sandbags or dams.... did you?
I bet bugs could teach us oodles. Too bad I am not entomologically inclined...

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I've Become a Creature of Habit

I am not old. I am not rainman. I am not suffering from an OCD or any other psychological disorder. (That I know of). I do not lack imagination. Why then - do I find myself buying more than one of the same item of clothing. (In an attempt to emulate Smurfette? I hope not.)
An example of this bizarre behavior would be that I recently bought a pair of Josef Seibel shoes. They are really very nice. Cute and stylish and a lovely green colour. They are comfortable. Yes. Very. So much so that I went on line and ordered two additional pairs. I attempted to order the green again but they were out of my size, so I ended up with lilac and another pair of black ones (these I am very excited about and already wishing I had bought more than one pair). I will also admit that I bought another pair in a different style - but not too different - just in leather instead of suede. I'm guilty of gluttony perhaps. But look how cute...

This is not the first time I have done this. I have done this with pants, shirts, running shoes, underwear and bras. I get the underwear and bra part - how often do you find comfy undergarments that also look rather nice? (Thank you Victoria Secret) But the rest - might just be indicative of a deeper issue.

The only thing I can figure is that in my old age I will be one of those old ladies with 25 dresses in several colours but the same style and I will always eat oatmeal for breakfast. Except on Sundays - when I will be allowed a soft boiled egg. What a life.

But at least I know I'll like my shoes. More than likely I'll still be wearing these ones ...
If anyone wants to order these shoes, click here.... oh shit I just found the pink. I need the pink. I gotta have the pink...

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Friday, June 09, 2006

My Porn Star Name Is....

Muffin Chappel.
That sucs. It couldn't be something cool, could it? Let's try my second .... Mattie Charterhouse....uh....nope.. I think I should quit while I'm ahead.
Now it's your turn... add the name of your first pet, with the name of the first street you lived on. Post it for my amusement, would you?

Thursday, June 08, 2006

The Value of a Drink - Some Lovely Philosophy

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams
If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,We fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
"~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move a s fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel a little smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Thanks for sending this in Carrie L.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Yeegawts - 3 armed baby

Okay - seriously this grosses me out. But then, if it had been my baby I'd probably grow to think of it as normal. As it is - it isn't my baby so it can gross me out. Apparently the doctors aren't sure which one to take off. I say - let him keep them all and then train him as a three armed ninja. (Didn't see that coming did ya?) Or he could be a magician or a spy - or how about a tennis pro? Maybe even take up fencing...

I just think that if they all worked they should have let him keep them until he was old enough to decide. (cute little freak init he?)

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Feng Shui Horoscope

Just for fun
Take just a couple of minutes to take this test & see what happens! If you are honest this tells the truth -- it's pretty good. Write your answers on a piece of paper, NO cheating!! The answers are at the bottom... (then post your results)

1. Which is your favorite color: red, black, blue, green, or yellow?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, black or white?
5 . Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one)

When you're done, scroll down. Don't cheat.

1. If you choose:Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - you are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back
Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love. (yes I do!! Shocking!)
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
2. If your initial is: A-K - You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. (I'd say so) L-R - You try to enjoy your life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom. S-Z - You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
3. If you were born in: JAN - MAR: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. (Yes - that would be unexpected)
APR - JUN: You will have a strong love relationship that will last forever. JUL - SEP: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good. OCT - DEC: Your love life will be great, you will find your soulmate.
4. If you chose...Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. (That's encouraging) White: You have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
5. This person should be your best friend. (That's creepy)
6. This is how many close friends you will have in your lifetime. (4)
7. If you chose: California : You like adventure. (Bring it on! "I like adventure in the great wide open..." Thanks Belle) Florida : You are a laid back person.
8. If you chose: Lake : You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved. Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people. (Yay me)
9. This wish will come true before your next birthday if you share this with someone in the next hour. (Phew - peace and happiness are mine!!)

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Thought You'd Like to Meet My Man...

He dumped that homely girl for me. Finally. I guess "pure" got boring...
picture from

Friday, June 02, 2006

Love This!

The Lion Sleeps Tonight - my favorite song when I was 6....

What Fish?

This was a "request blog" - for you Carrie from Ontario.... now you can feel famous. ;-D

I had a sweet 16 party for my friend in highschool (Carrie - my puddle jumping pal). My parents just happened to be out of town that weekend. And what a weekend it was. Everyone and their brother showed up. The garage was converted into a hotbox and the pool ended up being a puke receptacle. (I'm eating egg salad as I write this and very nearly heaved....).

While we were out and about picking up beer and vodka and cigarettes - such rebels - I thought to myself "Why, we need some snacks too - don't you think?". Carrie readily agreed and off we went to Fortino's. While meandering through the aisles looking for munchies we came upon the fish tank full of rainbow trout at the back of the store. Others may have walked past without a though. Not me. My eyes alit with genius mischief.
"Excuse me? How do people take these fish home?"
a quick reply "We can fillet them or leave that for you. What'll it be?"
"... do you have large plastic bags?"
He stares at me for a moment. "Uh huh."
"Would the fish fit in there with enough water to keep it alive?"
He stares and against his better judgement a small smile forms at the corners of his mouth, "Maybe."
"I'll take that one."

He is kind enough to double bag it and away to the check-out we go. The journey there almost achieved celebrity status. People stopped and stared, they pointed and some laughed and the store was abuzz with conversation. We reached the checkout very near hysterical giggling. Off we go home with the rainbow trout in hand. Upon reaching home we filled the bathtub to capacity and plunked our little friend into the tub. We watched him swim. Once we were assured he was happy with his new home we set about finding something for him to eat. We first attempted bread - too messy. Bread was removed and replaced with some hot dogs. That seemed to satisfy us. Off we went. We affixed a sign on the downstairs bathroom door that told party goers it was "OUT OF SERVICE, PROCEED TO UPSTAIRS HALLWAY BATHROOM".

Then we waited for out guests. We never said a word. People arrived in droves and very quickly went about the business of getting stupid drunk and/or high. Eventually someone had to pee. Up the stairs. Toilet flushes. A long time passes. Person emerges from bathroom looking confused and unsure of how to explain. So nothing is said but an increasing number of people are sitting around looking lost. Eventually someone in overheard saying "Is that a fish in your bath tub?" and everyone previously looking lost looks unmistakably releived. Laughter ensues. Ridiculous drunken nervous laughter.

Funnier still - no one ask why... they just got in on the joke. As new people arrived - not a word was said and the above scenerio played itself out over and over again that night.

The next day we cleaned up the majority of the vomit, ate some corn flakes and took the fish for a walk to the near by stream where we set him free.

That was one hell of a fun party.

PS. Many of the dance moves seen here - were done that night. Seriously.