Sunday, September 30, 2007

The Way You Look Tonight

Perfect song for Kat and Aaron!

Le Wedding of de Kat - she's a kitty cat... and she dance danced danced...

The stunning Bride!

Weddings are great fun. Everyone dressed up beautifully and in a nice place - together- friends and family. Kat and Aaron's wedding was incredible. The ceremony was touching, romantic and graced by an unexpected guest - a white dove circled above us during the ceremony -the ballroom was beautiful, the food fantastic, the music was loud and the booze was flowing freely.

We started out by meeting at the hair salon (of our friend's Mom- someone we've known all our lives) and being served a wonderful spread of fresh fruit and champagne & orange juice. Then it was on to the getting ready at Kat's parents house - a favorite hangout in highschool. It was like living a "10 years later" sequel to a really great movie in a way. I kept having flashbacks of us hanging out when we were teenagers and here I was lacing one of my best friends into her gorgeous gown. It was incredible.

Look at this dress! Init perty?

We jumped in the limo (special K in tow) and headed toward the place that the ceremony was being held - and I think we may have had a sip or two more champagne.... ?

My date. lol.

The Bride and Groom told the minister (secretly) what they loved most about the other and she included it in the ceremony... there wasn't a dry eye in sight.

The cake! Yum!!

She needed a birthday Sherpa. I carried her like this everywhere she went all night... kidding.


So many funny things happened, I'm not sure where to begin! Instead of clinking glasses - the MC decided that couples would get up and demonstrate what kind of kiss they wanted the bride and groom to emulate. That was a great idea but since - unfortunately - my would have been date was unable to be in town - so I had to borrow the MC's husband. (serves her right) LOL. It's okay -( 1. I asked her first. 2. I put my hand over his mouth before I kissed him - but actually kissed my own hand, lol. 3. It was the bride's little brother who I have known since he was 13. Actually that's kind of gross...ew Kat - I pretended to kiss your baby brother)All in all it was pretty funny - especially since he didn't know what we were up to. Then one couple demonstrated a kiss where the wife picked up the husband in her arms and kissed him - so Kat lovingly obliged and actually benched pressed her new husband. It was awesome.

Is this awesome or what?

Then the speeches were made, some made us cry and others made us laugh... some did both. It was really fun. Dinner was fantastic and the wine was really quite yummy. ;-).

Then came the dancing. It started out tame but five minutes later we were ripping up the floor acting like crazy people. There was some swing dancing, line dancing and some Elaine dancing...

Chair dancing. Reached speeds of up to 30 mph.

Now we eventually reached the point in the evening where the bouquet gets tossed so I very diligently take my place on the floor. The flowers started out beautifully - they were stunning. The girl in the picture (that I am carrying across the dance floor) did all of the flowers for the wedding and she did an incredible job - it was also her birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!). Anyhoo - flowers go up in the air and start sailing directly at me. I gently reach my arm up and catch them. Then 7 women pile on top of me. Instantly. Football style. I had a skinned knee - both are hideously bruised - a goose egg on my forehead and another bruise and a cut on my cheekbone. But don't think for a minute that it had any effect on me and my fun... nope. I - in a very dignified fashion- popped up from the middle of the throng of insane women with the bouquet firmly in my grasp. I believe I shouted, "It's good! I'm good. But I think someone should get me a drink now..." as the blood trickled down my cheek (just kidding there was very little But the bouquet... was only stems... all of the flowers were gone. ;-(. Sad indeed. But kind of funny when you think about it. Women are nuts!


The night progressed and much laughter and wine was had by all. It was and enchanting evening and I loved every minute of it (except the tackling - I could have done without that particular moment).

The next morning the Mother and Father of the Bride hosted a wedding brunch. I stayed the night of the wedding at Carrie from Ontario (birthday girl's house) and woke up with my makeup still on - perfectly *unexpected drunk benefit* and not a hair on my head was out of place. I went to my Dad's house (who took my bag with him from the wedding reception) only to find he had gone off to New York and forgot to leave my stuff. Soooo - I attended the wedding brunch in a sweater, a pair of Carrie's yoga pants and no shoes. I stepped in a steaming pile of dog.... on the way to the car in bare feet people - not enough bleach in the world. Niiiice. But at least my hair still looked good ;-)

Congratulations you guys! And again Aaron, welcome to the family of friends! And Kath, I think I'm still hungover. ;-)*muaw*

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I stumbled upon this. What does this mean exactly? Am I being taken over by pirates? And hey - Cheezy your there too. I'M CONFUSED. Feel free to enlighten me.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

There are a couple of additional kids over to play today so all in total there are 4 of them. Feeling rather ambitious and - due to the nice hot weather I decided to take out the tent I bought for the kids to play in. The little picture on the side of the tent shows three tiny tents all attached in a row making for a kind of tunnel tent. Promises to be great fun.

I unzip the little bag that the tent comes neatly packed in, and begin to unroll the material. 10 minutes later I am still unrolling what appears to be a three mile long tent cleverly disguised by a packaging committee of Mary Poppinses. Finally it is laid out. Now comes the sticks that expand and lock together to prop the tent open. Not shockingly these too go on for miles but the theory seems simple enough... an hour later and incredibly the tent is up. Not as easy as it appeared. Note to self - unless I have one of those Acme pop up tents that self inflates and comes complete with a television, hairdryer and perhaps an expresso machine... I won't be camping anytime soon.

"Tada" *wipes sweat from brow* Off you guys go to play! I AM supermom. Looks like I win the award this year.

All in total they spent approximately 10 minutes playing in the tent before the novelty of it wore off and they decided to chase each other around the backyard screaming knock knock jokes. You know, *no assembly required* playing.

Like hell I'm going to attempt to figure out how to stuff that circus sized tent into that itty bitty bag. Looks like the evil tent will soon make for the framework of an igloo.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Robot Chicken - Gummy Bear

I am still recovering from the weekend and the lack of sleep suffered because of it. Worth every sleepy minute of it. What a blast!

There were about 8 of us in total. We took Kathleen to Yuk Yuk's and filled her full of rye and coke and shooters. The comedians roasted her. Our dear Amy fell off of her chair five minutes after we got there. Being the supportive friends we all are, of course, we reacted by immediately rushing to her aide... okay actually we all just pointed and laughed. Then she, thinking that the waitress (who was wearing a top that from behind looked similar to mine) was me- and she was feeling kind of feisty so - she reached out and grabbed my bottom... which of course wasn't my bottom. More laughing and pointing. Poor Amy. She hadn't even had a drink yet. Later in the night - after several drinks she show cased her talent of fitting a beer bottle (bottom) in her mouth. I've got to say - that kind of think attracts the WRONG KIND OF ATTENTION at a bar. But it was funny none the less. She also dumped her purse out and a lovely gentleman helped her pick up the contents - tampons and all - I think we should have to pay her to come out with us. She's hilarious.

The night progressed, we all drank a LOT - I'm sure Kat had over 20 drinks and was still almost standing at the end of the evening. We went on from Yuk Yuks to this cobble stoned villiage filled with bars and ended up at this fantastic dance type club. We lost each other several times. (The place was a bit like a maze). We were hit on by several extremely young men who didn't seem to understand why we found it so amusing. It eventually became annoying. I do recall my friend Carrie and I getting in this heated discussion with a guy from Irac (who I think was 20) about the fact that none of us were single and we were out at night without our men. He seemed to think this was quite a shocking thing to do - which of course made us laugh at him. I think we offended him. Shucks.

Other highlights include the bride accosting several police officers - getting put in cuffs** and then later on insulting the bike police by telling them that they had silly little yellow jackets and that really... bicycles weren't that intimidating. I smiled at them and told them she was going to be "just fine". Then very quickly escorted her to the car. Once we reached the parking lot several of the girls had to pee - so they did. IN the parking lot. Fantastic! Sadly - my battery died on my camera so there are no pics of that.
All in all this was one hell of a fun night with my girls. We all went to the various places we were sleeping that evening. I managed about 3 1/2 hours of sleep before I had to run into the office to
do some paperwork before the wedding rehearsal.

AT the wedding rehearsal, Kat's Grandfather being a Town Crier (sp?) rang his very loud bell and cried out his announcement. My head... It hurt. Serves us right.

And so we have arrived at the week of the wedding... 4 more days!

**The cop wasn't really putting her in cuffs, we just made him pretend to for pics... as soon as they are emailed to me I'll post them...

Saturday, September 22, 2007

I am over at my friend's house getting ready for the girls night out that will precede Kathleen's wedding next weekend. Yes, it is the eve of the Stagette. (embarrassing pics to follow) I will tell you all about that later (it's a surprise and we wouldn't want Kat finding out about it here!).What I can tell you is - it will be funny. And we are not the Klassy types of girls that are going to force her to be subject to dancing naked men that would surely make all of us laugh/spew and wish we hadn't gone. Nope - there will be none of that. But anyways...

While I was getting ready, my friend Carrie from Ontario pulled out the most recent addition to her Christmas village. It is this quaint little scene with a Santa and children getting their pictures taken with him. It hearkened me back to a time (did I just make up that phrase?) when I was somehow convinced in highschool to volunteer my services at the local city Santa sitting where every little child in the story book town I grew up in would run to the old City Hall and get their moment with the big guy. Resplendent in a jaunty vomit green hat and a very elven ensemble it was my job to guide all of the little angels to see Santa. Yep. I was the happiest little elf that this town had ever seen. I was prepared to make it a magical experience for every little tot that crossed my path.

But slowly, the frostbite crept into my little felty vomit green toes and fingers and the children started to appear less angelic and more like the greedy little demons with runny noses that they really were. It eventually crossed over and became less of a novelty and more like torture. I took it out entirely on the children. I confess. I think I told most of them that Santa was really Bob from Home Hardware. May have had something to do with the hot cocoa laced with bailey's... yep I went from fun loving girl next door elf to vomit colored close to vomiting myself elf from hell.

Gotta love me. They didn't ask me back...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Thirteen Things about FUNNY GIRL

1. I am grumpy when I'm sick and when I'm hungry. If I say I am hungry more than once and there is no food in sight .... run. Ask anyone who knows me. In fact, if you plan to spend a lot of time around me you might want to tuck a protein bar into your glove box or pocket.

2. I beat myself up mentally for judging people (I know - Me? It's true). It makes me feel like a bad person.

3. I have a twisted sense of humor. Demented even. Few share it. There may be a few of those few around these parts... actually I pretty much know there are. (yeah you)

4. I love old movies and memorize the songs. I sing them in the car at the top of my lungs. Sometimes I catch myself singing them quietly in the produce dept. Once instead of stopping and turning red like usual - this little old man spied me over the oranges and smiled so I kept on singing - louder and did a little dance. Then I winked at him and went on my way - I think I was taken over by aliens momentarily but it made me smile all day.

5. I can't remember my grandfather's face. I remember his hands, and the way he smelled like cigars but I can't remember his face and it makes me really sad. It really bothers me.

6. I am one of the luckiest people on planet earth. My heart is full and it brings me HUGE *joy* to make my people happy - because they make me happy and it all becomes one great big dizzying circle of happiness laced with red wine. I think of it like a pay in forward... which was a pretty decent movie btw.

7. I do not like the Barenaked Ladies. And I'm Canadian. Feels wrong. (not as people since I don't know them see - just not a real big fan of their music). Boo.

8. I find great satisfaction in lining things up. Borderline OCD. Usually you will catch me doing this if I am stressed or sometimes if I am happy but then I am usually humming a show tune while I do it.

9. I wish I believed in stuff (superstition and all that). I am more analytical than I would like about these types of things. (Though sometimes, even I am prone to shivers at the odd ghost story.)

10. When I get older I plan on having every procedure known to man to maintain my youthful appearance. Okay - not like crazy here. I won't have too much stuff done - I want to grow old extra gracefully is all. Just the odd Botox, nip and tuck.

11. I love people. Especially old people. Seriously. And babies. Babies are too young not to be real and old people couldn't be bothered to be anything else (other than occasionally bitter but maybe they have earned it). Lot's of people in between get their priorities messed up but at least one day they will get old and hopefully unravel their shite.

12. I miss someone right now and feel lucky that I have someone to miss.

13. I've been thinking about that go back and do things over questions that pops up on meme's all the time.... I finally figured out what that would have been; I would have actually gone to class in highschool (I missed more than I went and still managed pretty well) - if I had I am almost 100% positive that if I had applied myself I could have gotten a scholarship. I also would have snuck into McMaster classes earlier and more frequently - long story. (No paper to prove it but free education. *Extra niiiiiice!*)


Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

I went to the petting zoo with the kiddles today. Brought lots of pellets for the animals. Sang to the Donkey and the strange geese and almost caught a chicken....

While we were down by the pond feeding various water fowl I noticed something amiss. I saw the - once strange but after you've seen them a few times you get used to them - cross breed of a large white goose of some sort that fell desperately in love with a Canadian goose and they had these patch work quilt babies. (I think I posted about them last year) It's obvious that the gene pool really didn't know what the hell to do to match up. They are really odd looking and actually... totally lovable. They seem to have inherited all of the best manners from both parents. They are quite friendly. One even let me pet him and sing all of my Fair Lady. I named him HUGO. I'm sure Hugo wanted to come home with me. He followed me around for a good 20 minutes until his mother honked loudly enough that he returned to her. (I wonder if he speaks fluent white goose and Canada Goose?)

As I was a wandering further down the pond pathway I saw a duck that appeared to have a broken wing and stopped to inspect him closer. When he turned to swim in the opposite direction it appeared that both wings were broken. They kind of stuck straight up in the air. Then he flapped his wings. Odd. If they were broken that would have hurt. I turned my head sideways to see if it would change my opinion. Nope. Something totally odd here. Then the swan swam by... oh! I spot a resemblance between the back wings of the swan and our little friend duck. Also notice that this duck is larger than his ducky friends. (Who I now call a Swuck or a Duan. OR Duan Swan de Ducko... groan) Is this even scientifically feasible?! Further I go - now beginning to think these birds have been up to some dirty tricks - when I spot another misfit. This one clearly a Canada Goose but one who's wings for all appearances are upsidedown. I was not drinking for once. I think this last one was merely a birth defect. The others, however, appear to be the result of some very unusual romances amongst the fine feathered inhabitants of the pond. My clever handsome feller (who shall hence forth be known as "Spartan") made the clever suggestion that this sounded like the bird island of Dr. Moreau. *slaps knees in laughter*. I think he could be right. I am going to sneak back after dark and see what these birds get up to. Dirty birds.

OOOH and also, yesterday I found a missing key and today I found my passport and my birth certificate!! *JOY*
So, last night my daughter was sitting at the kitchen breakfast counter eating dinner. I asked her what she would like to drink. I assumed she would request milk, water, juice, you know the typical child drinks.... nope.
"I would like a beer please."
LMAO. Kid after my own heart. Now... I'll just have to teach her to order a nice merlot at my ex in laws house....

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Allo allo.

I just wanted to leave you with this to wake you guys up! LOL

Why is it Ifind shit like this so funny? I watch it over and over and over again.

Straight to hell.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I should not be allowed out without supervision. Ever.

Yesterday, I drove by the tanning salon (on the way to the liquor store) and saw a "2 for 1" tanning sale on the way home. I thought, you know I wouldn't mind looking a little sun kissed for Kat's wedding so in I went.

"The spray on tan is instant - and two for one." she said.

"Sign me up!"

Ten minutes later I left feeling kind of rubbery - like I was coated in plastic - but without anymore color than when I went in. She assured me that within four short hours I would look like I just left Cuba.

A few hours later, feeling sort of tired I decided to lay my head down for a moment. I fell fast asleep and didn't wake up until 6 this morning. That amounts to allowing this spray on stuff to cook in for a total of 14 hours. From the hands down I appear to be of Spanish descent. (!) The rest of me looks good - sun kissed just as intended. Lucky for me this stuff fades fairly quickly.

Sigh. Back to the hand tan for me. This seems to be a recurring theme.

On top of that - this morning when I wandered downstairs to have my coffee and - gasp! - out of coffee beans. I would have gone back to bed and just given up but I had just slept for 10 hours (I know - crazy) and chances of sleeping again seemed slim to impossible. Also, I wanted to shower the plastic coating off... So (in my pajamas) I drove to Tim Horton's and made the handing over of the money lightening fast (SO as not to showcase the very odd looking pigment) and gulped down my coffee.


Monday, September 17, 2007

My Mother has completely gone off the deep end.
She presented me with a gift yesterday. It was a cook book. Seems fairly innocuous. But let me tell you what it is called;
COOKING in the nude FOR RED HOT LOVERS hot and spicy au fares for those who dare!
Sadly, no. I am not joking.
It has some sultry starters, and no joke one of the recipes is called "Romancing the Rib - Let's Mess Around"

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Michael Bublé - Everything

This goes with today's theme...

More pics from other shower...

Kat & Liz Antics....

What a loverly

Yes. A Facelift IS possible Without Surgery

Well folks, it is just short of two weeks until Kat's wedding. Today is the second Bridal Shower. (As I sit here I have managed to reverse aging with bobby pins alone. It is something to behold. Hope none of them go flying from my head at the speed of light and injure anyone at the party...)

Being very diligent - Kat and I finished all of her wedding favor cover pages last night, and though we consumed a huge amount of beer (and I am not a beer drinker) it appears we managed to match up the Misters and their respective wives correctly... though the haze of hangover could prove to provide an inaccurate accounting that we will not discover until the day of the nuptials themselves...

As for the wedding itself, I am looking so forward to this day! It is such a nice thing to see two of your friends get married - especially two who deserve happiness as much as these. They are so in love that after all of these years together, I still catch them glazing into eachothers eyes lovingly as though there was no other person on earth save them. When you are not in love with anyone and you see this, it gives you hope of what you may be lucky enough to find in this lifetime... and when you are in love, your heart is glad that your friends have found something so precious and wonderful. Either way it makes people around them happy.

(I am also looking forward to the drunken antics that will be sure to follow the dinner with all of my highschool friends. Not to worry bloggers - there will be plenty of pictures for all of you, I will make sure of it.)

Kat and Aaron;

"Some love lasts a lifetime. True love lasts forever." ~Unknown~

Here's to your forever together.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

My First Advice Column

People occasionally write to me for advice on various things or questions and I have finally decided to start a monthly column to keep up with them...

1. Funnygirl - when do you find the time to keep up this most excellent high quality blog?
Well, dear reader, I make the time because I love you all so much. Besides, half of my friends live in my other home 4,000 miles away and according to my stat counter, visit frequently so it's a good way to keep in touch. (Hello BC! I can seee you. Now comment godammit)

2. Where do you get your irresistible wit?
I steal it from the little blog elfs that live under my bed. Either that or I post when I am drunk ;-)... like now for instance...*hic*...

3. Dear Funny Girl -
I was just wondering if you are going to write a book? Because if so, i will preorder. I like you.
I don't want to brag or anything...but...I'm kind of a big deal. So I get that. you too. And yes, I am working on it. (and don't worry, you will all be forced to pre-order it if I get a publishing deal - also I may make you order a couple since you guys may be the only ones who buy it).

4. Hello, I heard that you were working on a novel or something (get out! Seriously? Word travels fast!) What I was wondering was, if you sign a book deal will you still talk to the little people? AND if they make your book into a movie who do you want to play the roles?
WTF! Will I still talk to the little people? Is that some kind of trick? *terror* Where are they???!!!
If they make my book into a movie, I think the main character should be played by someone glamorous liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike.... ho hum.... maybe Ashley Judd or wait.... maybe Oprah. Or Ru Paul. NO! It must be - without a doubt - Mary Anne from Gilligan's island (is she still living?).

5. What do you do for fun?
Pretty typical stuff really. I know you all think I live this glamorous jet setters lifestyle but... well okay actually I do. KIDDING. For fun? I put itching powder in the paper towel dispenser at the gym today, that was fun. I put chili in the toilets. Also fun. I threw M & M's at some guy on the exercise bike in front of me - that was fun until he started playing along by catching them in his mouth. (that was MY fun bicycle man, give it back... fun stealer...). This is also fun for me. So are your questions so keep em coming!

6. Why do you live in cold Canada? Why don't you move to the States and live with me and we can abolish the Bush administration? Yer perty. I LIKE you.

I am going to put this gently... YOU FREAK ME RIGHT THE *F* OUT DUDE. STOP IT. Or Badger will beat the living crap out of you along with Slyde and Earl. (They are my bloggyguards). No but really, it's weird. K? Weirder than a bath in Jello filled with suspended gummy worms while wearing a hat made out of tinfoil so that the little men can't hear your thoughts - got it? (Can you hear the music from Deliverance? Do dodododododoo) Excellent! Now go awaaay.

Stolen from spinning girl...

1. My favorite childhood toy was ...there was a sock monkey that I adored and also one of those horse heads on a broomstick - that I left on the lawn and the garbage man took away.

2. My favorite childhood game was ... poor ketchup all over yourself, emit a blood curdling scream and play dead on the front lawn until the babysitter wets herself...that was fun. GOOD TIMES.

3. The best movie I ever saw as a kid was ...Charlotte's Web or Bambi - both of which traumatized me. I also liked Baby. (dinosaur movie)

4. I don't do it much but I enjoy ...talking to old people. And baking. Painting...

5. If I could lighten up a little, I'd let myself ...this one is tough... I dunno.

6. If it weren't too late I'd ...put exlax in the last coffee I gave him... and maybe feed him regular drinks of silver to dye him permanently blue... (kidding...kind of)

7. My favorite musical instrument is ...piano.

8. The amount of money I spend on treating myself to entertainment each month is ... varied.

9. If I could get anything for my inner artist, I'd buy him/her ...this is a good one... an entire room filled with photography equipment from different backgrounds to lighting to a super high tech digital camera that does tricks...and software to add effects and enhance them... that would be quite the room, LOL.

10. Taking time out for myself is ... imperative.

11. If I start dreaming ... I end up in the kingdom of Ickky Ickky Pataaang. (Inside joke)

12. I secretly enjoy reading ... EVERYTHING.

13. If I only could have grown up to be ... magazine columnist.

14. I wish I could make/write/grow/ create a ... fabulous novel that makes oodles of money long after the work is complete that would enable me to travel at a whim anywhere in the world and bring my special someone along so that we could span the globe playing pranks.

15. My parents think that I amazing and clever. They think that I spent many years undervaluing myself. I think my PARENTS are amazing.

16. What makes me feel weird is ... the fur on peaches. Makes me shiver.

17. My most cheer-up music is ... Frank Sinatra...any show tunes.

18. My favorite way to dress is ... depends... I love to dress up in my loveliest clothes... but yoga clothes also hold a great appeal.

Thanks Spinning Girl!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

OOOH - Look at that.... a bonus post...better than a drive by kelping...

Just had seriously good workout. Kind of workout that makes you wanna scream, "YEAH BABY! THAT'S WHAT WILLIS WAS TALKIN BOUT!" (yep, stole that). I ran (for a good 15 minutes - which for me is a lot since I am a neophyte runner), I ellipticaled (word?), I planked, I crunched. I AM Mrs. Spartan, or well on my way...also, I finally found someone who runs more like Frankenstein's monster than me!
While I was profusely sweating away (nice vision) on the elliptical, I was witness to the most incredibly ridiculous thing I have ever seen at the gym. This older man approached the treadmill. He had his stomach sucked in and his chest thrust out like he was trying to be the next Miss America. He got on the treadmill. At this point my eyebrow was raised in amusement but the fun had only just begun...
He started to run and he upped the speed very quickly. Too quickly. He was soon running for all he was worth - as though his very life depended on it (which at that point it kind of did). He was nearly off the end several times and seemed to be having a lot of difficulty getting up enough speed to slow the thing down. It was awesome. I was sooo torn between asking he needed help and wanting to see him biff. (It's so hard being me sometimes.)
Sadly, he waited to biff until he managed to catch up to the controls so when he shot off the end it wasn't fast enough to make him go down completely. It was still pretty funny. I actually think I clapped. I felt a rush of relief mixed with disappointment while this entire thing played out. The very nice thing was - by the time he was finished his display of superior athletic abilities my 30 min was up on the machine... and I had completed my lovely work out. Hoo aw and ickky ickky patang to me.
(Now, wouldn't a fun gag be to set all the treadmills to "super-lightening-fast" right out of the gate? Yes. I think so. Going to look into that immediately...)

AND NOW for some things that I believe...

1. Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to.

2. Rules of relationship - respect the other person. Work together as a team and build a set of common goals and values. Stand behind this person 110%. Don't forget to tell them that you love them every day, and take time out to be silly.

3. Do one kind thing everyday - as ittle as holding open the door for someone coming in behind you or calling a friend to tell them you were thinking about them - or saving the world. ;-)

4. Take a chance. Opening your heart to being hurt is the only way to let someone really love you. This is a tricky one.

5. Drink a lot of water.

6. Be realistic with your expectations of yourself. One person can only do so much and everyone makes mistakes. Admit your errors and endeavour to improve but acknowledge your successes and be your own biggest fan.

7. Send greeting cards in the mail. (the kind that requires stamps)

8. Find the positive. Surround yourself with positive people.

9. When you love someone, love them with all your heart. Make them feel treasured.

10. Dance in the rain. Jump in puddles and make fun of yourself more than others.

11. Laugh.

12. Make life an adventure. Take chances. Life is taken away from us without warning. No one is here forever so make the time count.

13. Forgive.

14. Send your mother flowers just because. It will mean more to her than you will ever know.

15. Say please and thank you. Often and mean it. (Especially to people in the service industry - they are taken for granted and work really hard.)

16. (something new....) When you cheers someone - look them in the eye & never pour yourself the last drop of wine. (*heart*)

17. Age is a state of mind. You can have huge responsibility and act like an adult most of the time. But, those times when you can act like a 6 year old should be taken advantage of, often and without restraint.

18. In those moments when you want to sell your children to gypsies, stop and remember the first time they smiled or told you that they "wuv woo" and... have a shot of tequila. They will grow up fast, the temper tantrums will fade away and all that will be left in their wake are some boxes filled with works of art, tiny clothes and memories. In their place will be a grown person who doesn't need you the same way, but always needs to know that you are there just in case - even if just in case doesn't come. (Did you send your mom those flowers yet?)

19. Be thankful to the universe (or whatever it is that you believe in) that you have the people in your life that you do. From your best friend right down to the crazy aunt who always brings out naked pictures of you at Easter. They all bring something special into your life. Don't forget to count your blessings, each and every one.

20. Eat chocolate. Often and with abandon.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Saturday, September 08, 2007

My Life Is Forever Changed...

In the past month I have broadened my food selections drastically; I now count salmon, shrimp and some other fish (please help but I can't remember the name of it) in my choice of edible items.
Then TODAY... I put peanut butter on baby carrots. It is delicious. I am a changed woman.

Friday, September 07, 2007

1. Black and White or Color; how do you prefer your movies?
I love movies period. Color or Black and White - even technicolor.

2. What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?
Erm. Religious fanatics conversing generally bore me to death. (Is there irony in that?)

3. MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music?
MP3s, CDs.

4. You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?
Hell no. That didn't even take a second to think about. There is nothing in the world that can come close to how happy I am to have the people I do in my life - and there's nothing I would take in exchange for them.

5. Seriously, what do you consider the world's most pressing issue now?
I simply cannot narrow that down to one thing. Perhaps terrorism, perhaps the fact that much of the world lives in poverty. That we allow other human beings to suffer to such an extent...

6. How would you rectify the world's most pressing issue?
I don't even pretend to know.

7. You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be?
I've said before that nothing good can come from regret. I prefer to look forward, not backward. As long as I learn from my perceived mistakes they were not in vain. But if I had to pick ONE thing... well, I think I'll keep that one to myself. ;-)

8. You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be?
Only one hey? Perhaps 911, perhaps the birth of Hitler. I dunno. How do you choose one?

9. A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole' Opry” which do you choose?
The Opera. And I'd wear a damn fine dress with spectacular shoes...

10. What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you'd like to solve?
The Lindbergh baby. I'm not really convinced that this was ever solved.

11. One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal?
Famous author... I guess Steinbeck or Dr Seuss. I would serve steaks and mini wheats (oooh, or maybe Pillsbury crescent rolls with hot dogs in them?) respectively.

12. You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky - what's the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact?
(What if I already knew that? Hmmm?) I don't know. I wouldn't do anything immoral.

13. If you could be anywhere in the world as you are answering this, where would that be?
Not so much a where but with a whom i should think. ;-)

Now - come on Earl, Slyde, Badger and Melanie. Meme it up... oh and anonymous... you too.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Here's to a place that is full of beauty,



...and fabulous friendships...
Cheers to all of you!
"Can miles truly separate you from friends.... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? ~Richard Bach"

(and see- it's not like they don't all know about the blog - yet still...they don't run when the camera comes had to know this would show up on here.... muah hahahahahaaaa.)

"Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will. ~Author Unknown"

My life has daily comedic value that should be able to be bottled and sold on ebay.

Back to being the gym rat that I once was, I have been paying daily visits to the gym. Today I went EARLY in the morning and as such, I wasn't quite awake. I went about my usual routine but my normal stint on the elliptical turned into more of a challenge than usual; I ended up choking on my water and dropping my ipod twice. Then I decided that was enough of that. An elliptical requires more coordination than I could muster - especially in light of the fact that I had not yet had my large --- and very necessary - early morning COFFEE.

I moved onto the ab thingy - you know where you hold on and draw your knees up to your chest. This form of torture is delightful in the morning and thus far unparallelled in the work out world - unless you count the medicine ball walking lunges. Those can only be compared to childbirth. But sick as I am, I love it all. Anyhoo - I got off track (get it? Off track? Gym humour) So when I finished torturing myself with 3 sets then went away and came back for 3 more sets, I very politely reached for the cleaning solution to wipe down the equipment. The thing was (being tired) I kind of grabbed it and released the spray.... allover the guy working out at the next machine. I'm sure he thought it was some wacky attempt at hitting on him (which I absolutely was NOT)
At which point being me I say,
"Oh! Did I just spray you?" (Duhhhh)
He looks at me and grins... "That's okay."
Then I said, "Well.... least your clean." *big goofy smile* and then I started laughing. HARD. For some reason it struck me as absolutely hilarious, so then he started laughing at my laughing and then people started staring and snickering. Once I started snorting I had to excuse myself to the upstairs indoor track away from the people to recover. (okay maybe I didn't snort - but I did have to leave) (okay - maybe a little snort)

I must remind myself not to go again without my coffee first.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

My Mother. The new white witch of the East has accosted me on a daily basis to try to "heal" me with herbs from her collection. She keeps making things up that might be wrong with me so that she can busily concoct an herbal solution. I'm trying to ward her off with my mental powers but thus far she seems impervious.

She got started one day when we went to a booksale. My mother and I being bibliophiles - we love book sales. This particular one was an entire warehouse and you could fill a box for a set price. *Weeeeeee*. She stumbled across some herbal remedy book that caught her eye - and thus began her journey into whitewitchdom.

Our entire greenhouse is filled with various drying plants gathered from hither and yon. She has only nearly poisoned herself once (that she admitted, but only because she wanted me to quickly draft a will...) and she seems to actually benefit from the various teas and such that she self-administers daily. Who'd have thunk it.

Now that she and my father are talking about buying a boat and sailing away - I can only imagine what she will pack for her journey (=one bathing suit and an entire suitcase full of ziplock bags containing dried plants that will likely get her arrested several times before they figure out that they aren't trafficking drugs). Then of course, she will go in search of rare herbs that only grow in one cave somewhere south of the equator - poisonous spiders be darned since she likely has a cure for that too.

Whatever will I do without this woman to entertain me?!

Monday, September 03, 2007

World smallest man

I know. You pictured it too. Think they will have more kids?

"We may run, walk, stumble, drive or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey, or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way."
Of course we all know that my preferred method of transportation involves a little bit of all of them... particularly the stumbling part, LOL ;-)