Friday, December 26, 2008

Here comes 2009...

Sadly, I was taken out by one hell of a Christmas cold. I am still coughing up several organs at regular hourly intervals.

This year, as with others, is complete with several happy holiday memories for the mental scrapbook I carry around. Not the least of which was the little adventure that was created when we went to get the tree....

I have an artificial one. It's perfectly suitable and does not require fussing about in sub zero weather. BUT... my parents decided they really wanted to take the kids out to a tree farm like we used to do, select the tree and drink hot chocolate.

It seems all warm and fuzzy doesn't it? But my memories of the same tradition as a child picture it more as a form of unusual torture; forced out of bed at an ungodly hour, dressed in so many clothes we could not feel our limbs, driven tired out to a field somewhere - on the way passing by some parking lots filled with lovely pre-selected and pre cut trees - and squishing our faces against the window praying that THAT was the tree farm. On we would drive - usually for 30 minutes. Usually in a snow storm. We would arrive, trek off into the wilderness - our noses running and our fingers threatening to fall off. We would spy a tree and point it out. The standard response was issued, "Let's remember that one..." On we would wander in snow up to our middles, no longer able to feel our toes. Eventually someone would start wining - sometimes even snivelling. Father would get edgy; this was the great tree tradition and it would be fun... eventually we would end up going to the nearest tree, chopping it down and dragging it home to decorate. We would be frozen, grumpy and exhausted. In actual fact, somehow those have turned into some of the best memories I have.

This year was no exception. The poor kids, lol. Dressed up like little Eskimos they trudged through waist deep snow. They gave up several times and just lay down atop the white stuff - but it occurred to them whilst down there to perfect their snow angel making abilities. Way to take the lemons kids! They were amazing. I ended up giving Babs a piggy back for part of the way. But the rest of the time they ended up being little troopers - on a big adventure. The day was cold but sunny and the blanket of snow glistened like diamonds. We wrote messages in the snow to each other - and took turns dragging the tree. We trekked half an hour out into the woods and back again. I occasionally stopped to text message Spartan (and wrote a few messages in the snow for him too). Then we went for hot chocolate and treats. The kids had pink little cheeks and dimples as deep as the snow. They are so proud of their tree.

Don't get me wrong - I love the idea of an artificial tree - but I think once and a while it might have to be part of the tradition to trek out to a tree farm and make some more memories - frozen toes be damned.

Hope you guys all had a wonderful holiday.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Holy crap I'm trapped

Luckily INSIDE my house. Going out today in the first place was dumb - almost couldn't make it home. Lucky for me I did... and now I can stand in the window and laugh at all of the people who are stuck in the snow. Plenty of them too. I'd offer my assistance is getting them unstuck but they are the same people who kept getting stuck last year - and I'd have thought they might have learned their lesson. Perhaps if they have to work a bit harder - they will think twice before trying to leave again. Tomorrow morning I have a feeling that I will be getting one hell of an arm workout. If I still have any residual energy - I've plans of building a snow castle in the yard complete with a snow-Spartan to be the resident prince. Should be fun. I'll be sure and take pics.

Spartan and I had our Christmas last week - I was spoiled rotten and left with a heart feeling so full of love it was fit to burst. I have such good people. I am so very blessed. I have such a wonderful, loving, handsome and kind husband to be - wonderful friends and a great big smile on my face (and in my heart).

Tonight - as we are snowed in and such... I think the kids and I will make a pizza, turn on a movie and snuggle up on the couch. *JOY*

Then, after they are tucked in dreaming of Sugarplum fairies and Ninjabread men - I will myself tuck into my warm bed with a sigh and think of how very wonderful life is... and how everything has a way of working out.

Hope you guys are full of Christmas cheer. Or wine. They are often one and the same ;o)

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Ok. How much luggage can a person fly with...

I packed for Wednesday - which may seem a bit premature to some but considering my schedule (kids skating, Christmas preparations etc.) over the next 3 days - it isn't. When I packed everything I realized I only had room enough in my luggage (other than gifts etc) to pack a pair of socks, underwear and a t-shirt. I hope there aren't any formal dinners in my near future or people might begin to wonder... if they hadn't already. I did however keep my priorities straight and managed to squish in 2 pairs of shoes. Talk about down sizing! I usually have an entire case of shoes and hair products. Issues? Yes, but I always had great hair when the need arose. Looks like this season calls for the Lilith look. Perhaps I can dress it up with a sprig of holly. Maybe a little evergreen branch?

Kid quotes of the week;

In a discussion about children misbehaving and what Santa will offer them by way of a gift, Babs shouts, "I know!!! - A junk of coal!!".

In a discussion with a girl at school about the perils of smoking, Roo says, "Oh no - shouldn't ever try that.... you might get attracted to it."

I love kids.

I'm off to the annual girls Christmas brunch - where we will don horrible Christmas sweaters and eat copious amounts of high calorie food. That has to be the best bit of the holidays... that and the kids sparkling eyes when they go to sleep on Christmas Eve.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Christmas is closer every minute. Shit.

I don't often curse - but in this instance - I thought there was no other way to describe exactly how the panic of not being done shopping this close to the holiday is twisting me into a bit of a grumpy humbug.

I'm tired of all the people rushing about the mall screaming at their tots, shooting dirty looks and seemingly about ready for - and rather in need of - a large biscuit... made with mostly Valium. I start out well enough but then in the end I too am smiling at the crowd through gritted teeth. (Not my most attractive look, must say.)

Otherwise, life is just drumming along. Busy. Crazy busy. I feel about in need of a reprieve from this repetitive insanity that has become my life. Luckily for me - one is in short sight. In a few weeks - I will be safely ensconced in my other home surrounded by people whom I adore and able to sleep in, drink wine and relax with a coffee at random intervals.

I hope those of you stateside are stuffing yourselves with massive amounts of turkey and cheap wine.

Off to write Santa a scathing letter badmouthing random people - you should try it - it's cathartic. Emotional cleansing at its best - Truly.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Ohh my oh me

I've been a very bad blogger.

It's full on winter now. A month till Christmas. Everywhere you go carols are playing and the sky keeps vomiting white stuff on top of my car. Very fun.

I ordered monogrammed napkins for the tables at the wedding and they arrived today - kind of like an early Christmas present. I was really happy with them - they are so beautiful! I can't wait to use them!! (But if anyone stains them - they get kicked out and slightly maimed.)

This weekend? Big plans; going to bed early and to the gym in the morning. The same thing tomorrow and in between? Organizing things about the house. I know you are all seething with jealousy.

Lastly - the one week countdown begins to Spartan. Thank heaven. I miss him so much I can barely breathe... besides - I can't wait to show him the napkins!! *JOY*

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Thank you!

My wonderful hubby to be sent me flowers... just because! Isn't he wonderful?

They are lovely! They brighten the whole house!!!
Especially nice as it is cold and raining today... and I miss summer already...
This will make me smile... each and everytime I see them or catch a hint of a rose smell as I wander about the house today.
Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Hooray for Grey's...

Had the Kat's kittens again last night and am suffering the consequent sleep deprivation. I love those kids though... it's the mess I shudder at. Kids are messy. I think I am going to start a new rule that my kids are only allowed 10 toys. Total. 5 each. One could be a large plastic bubble - where they keep all of their other toys.... it would be a hell of a lot easier to clean up...

I was also thinking that a velcro room, and little corresponding outfits could be fun for hours. (I mean for me and Spartan though...)

I've started a recent obsession with Little Brittain - this stuff is golden and extremely "off" humour. I don't know why I'd never heard of it before the magic of TMN. Anyhoo - have a peek on youtube. You might become a fan as well. Like me... you might start overuse of the phrase, "Computer says nooooo". People want to kill me.

Lastly - in my "I have no life" fashion my excitement has reached fever pitch; Grey's is on. Terribly exciting that. I have to go get the pillows in order and the popcorn on...

Oooh - and less than 8 months until I'm Mrs. Spartan! (For those of you keeping track ;op) *JOY*

Monday, November 10, 2008

Snow, denial and Christmas vacation

Here's a link to get you in the mood...

It is snowing. Only a bit. But it's snowing. I know that this happens every year - but each year I am surprised by it. I also continue to wear spring attire until I nearly contract frost bite on my digits and finally give into the winter garb. This usually happens on a day when I am forced to either clean off my car (this tends to hurt the fingers after a few minutes) or when I am outside and my anterior nose hairs freeze. This is a good indication that I should put on a coat. Maybe a matching balaclava... and the open toed shoes must be put away for a few months.

Spartan and I have planned our Christmas. Last year - our Christmas was so much fun! - he even decorated a little tree - which stayed up until July and was the cutest thing I've ever seen. Well - in actual fact he is - but the word "cute" doesn't really suit him... (more like dashing - which goes with the Christmas theme anyhoo...)

Here begins the three week countdown to my angel and the four week (plus two days) countdown to our Christmas! Hooray!!

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Christmas is coming....

And here are a few things on my list for this year;

Thought this was clever.


I want a Clay Aiken Doll. Don't you?



This is a must. Funnier still if it came with a matching toad wallet.


For those cold wintry days. Actually - this one is for my dad... it suits him somehow...



I know you ALL want one of these. Maybe I will get one and breed it...

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Finally November Is Here...

Spartan comes home to me on November 30, so - since I am impatient - I decided to start getting ready now. I went shopping today... I got an outfit to greet him in. Very cute if I do say so myself. I am very excited - and I am going though withdrawal...

In other news, yesterday I was driving along listening to the radio. On came this story about Senator McCain stopping in Cleveland for a rally - at the Spreadeagle Inn and Tavern... n0 shit... and better yet the event was hosted by a gentleman named Mr. Johnson.

... SNL doesn't have to look far for political fodder seeing as it is pretty much handed to them on a platter... at the Spreadeagle Inn and Tavern. (I just had to say it one more time)



˙puǝʞǝǝʍ pooƃ ɐ ƃuıʌɐɥ llɐ ǝɹɐ noʎ ǝdoɥ ˙ǝuıʍ ɟo sǝssɐlƃ lɐɹǝʌǝs ɹǝʇɟɐ ʇɐ pǝʞool ɹǝʇʇǝq sı sıɥʇ ˙ʍou uʍopǝpısdn ƃolq oʇ pǝpıɔǝp ı ƃuıʇsǝɹǝʇuı sƃuıɥʇ dǝǝʞ oʇ ʇsnɾ os ˙˙˙ʎɐʞo

Friday, October 24, 2008

Suffering post workout leg soreness... but Friday is here. I like Friday.

Decided to do the leg work out to end all leg work outs yesterday which is making me walk as though I am about 50 years older than I actually am. It's funny - as long as you aren't me. Luckily today is my day off. Tomorrow, however, is going to be the return - and I will probably feel worse tomorrow. Oh well. Maybe I will miraculously heal between now and then. Likely not though.

I thought that the scale at Spartan's gym was a liar - however - it seems they are all sticking together. Some kind of massive scale (see what I did there? massive scale has more than one meaning... oh ho ho ain't i clevah?) "let's stick together" on this type thing. So - clearly they are all liars. Just thought I'd share. Though things are looking up. I'd really like to lose a couple of pounds before the wedding - though it doesn't seem like a lot - it's harder to do when you really only have a couple of pounds left that you can lose... since your body really wants to keep them just in case. So I came up with a back up plan; I have purchased a most delightful corset with which I can widdle my body down a further 2 inches without losing any poundage. This is great really... but it seems that I can't bend, eat or breathe whilst wearing it. Perhaps if I pass out we can change it to a theme wedding (Sleeping Beauty). Then someone can unlace it and revive me in time for the vows...

I have not managed to figure out what gift to present my prince with for the holidays - though I've come up with a few small things. I have, however, come up with an excellent idea for a gift to give him on the wedding day! Don't worry - I'll share.... in 261 days. (What - it gives you people something to look forward to.) I can't tell you here - Spartan will read it.

So glad that Friday got here... I like Friday. Tis a happy day.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

I braved the toy store on a Saturday

I don't recommend you do it. Unless you must, of course. I thought I should get a little jump on my extensive Christmas shopping list. Every little monster in Monsterville (just down the road from Whoville I understand) was there. If I was Santa... well let's just say that there would be some additions to the "naughty list". Like - 500 or so. You would think that being a mom myself that I would somehow be more understanding of such behavior but I think, in fact, it makes me somewhat worse. Lucky for me, my little monsters were perfect angels. Luck of the draw perhaps - or maybe the promise of going out for lunch if they behaved... regardless - they were so good. If they had misbehaved the stink eye I was generously passing out would have seemed somewhat hypocritical...

Now... back to the fact that I am finding myself Christmas shopping already... *shiver*. The shiver is both - uh oh Christmas as well as uh oh - snow. I have visions of brushing off the car and freezing my toosh off for 5 months. I hate winter. Positively loathsome. No redeeming qualities whatsoever in my books... well... maybe Christmas. But - I'd like it better if it fell in July. Really I would. I'd like it even more if Spartan and I were together... well - now there IS something to look forward to isn't it? Next year. All I will want for Christmas is to wake up with his wonderful heart beating beside mine. That would be just about the greatest gift I could receive. Ever.

So... wedding plans are coming along and I have managed thus far to only purchase two dresses. Kudos to me. It may seem excessive to some - but for me - well let's just say I think I've done very well. (There are a LOT of nice dresses out there people - and I simply must look the part on that day in particular... so I may end up changing several times throughout the actual day ---- one dress for the aisle, one for the pictures, dinner, the cake, dancing... etc. But the plan is somewhere in there I will get it right. LOL. Actually - I'll likely stick to just the two... I think.) The shoes, however, well that IS another thing entirely. I have only purchased one pair - which go with the first dress... but then there is the second one to consider. 266 shopping days left. I'm sure it will all work out.

Now I am off to change into some very warm and fuzzyfied pj's and plan on spending the rest of the evening tucked up under an equally warm and fuzzy blanket eating popcorn and perhaps watch some romantic movie... and daydream about my darling prince. *yay*

P.S. What DO you get a prince for Christmas anyhoo?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I found some stuff from when I was little....and a funny story about babies.

My mom kept all of these little school and camp related badges for me. When it came to track and field day - I ALWAYS came in second. I have a vast collection of blue ribbons. Had to laugh at that. Also... I had lots of little academic badges... don't know for what. All together, I envision myself as somewhat of a wee geek in my growing days... but then seemed to make up for that somewhat with all of my water sports achievements.

Totally unrelated but - funny story; one of my friends (we shall call her Jessica) is pregnant and was telling another one of my friends (who we shall call KAT) that her sister couldn't wait to smell the baby. This prompted KAT to tell her that babies come out smelling of... well... va jay jay. (No subject is untouched here people). LMAO. Furthermore, that they continue to smell that way for months. I can't stop laughing. Seriously. Poor Jessica.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Pyramids, road trips and such

I am back. The wine weekend was a smashing success. Luckily for us ladies we travelled very well together and the laughter was nonstop. There were Chinese fire drills, secret handshakes and plenty clothes sharing and hair products. In other words; we were total chicks. We basically hit every winery in the okanagen valley. Never done it before but would love to do it again... maybe next year.

One of the wineries we hit and toured was called Summerhill. These people run a winery with a cult like atmosphere. They believe that aging the wine in the pyramid does something funky to it - something to do with negative ions etc. (Cough*hack*bull*cough*shit) It was also suggested that any emotion you enter the pyramid with would be exemplified... so I imagine I exited the pyramid a bit more of a cynic and with a serious case of the sillies. I was hoping the next stop might be the Church of Scientology. I wanted to walk in there wearing the tinfoil hat and do the alien test - but when I had my hands on the metal hand thingies I was going to start shrieking like a maniac. That might be a fun way to spend the afternoon, yes?

Time after the weekend was spent with Spartan and was fleeting. As it always does, the clock seems to go so fast. Now I am home. Thanksgiving is looming. (Remember Canadians do it earlier than our friends below the 49th parallel) Looking forward to turkey. Then - to ease the pain of missing Spartan - I am lucky enough to actually get to see him on Sunday. So, as always - there is a reason to smile!

Have a great weekend you guys - off to read about your adventures...and practice dance moves for the wedding...

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Here I go again...

...tomorrow morning I will be hopping back onto a plane and going to my other home. I will be arriving around lunch time and meeting up with friends and then home - sadly Spartan is on the road - but at least I get to snuggle into his comfy bed and pretend he is there...and then.... then...I will be away with a gaggle of girls for a weekend of wine and fun. Then home again to my darling boy. Looking forward to all of the previously mentioned things - really looking forward them.

Ever miss someone so much you feel like you can quite breathe? I do. I keep trying but the air just won't seem to quite go in. Kind of feels like there is a great big weight upon my chest... I keep telling myself it's not forever... but sometimes when you have a mountain ahead of you it's best not to look to the top but rather put one put in front of the other and glance behind you every so often to see how far you've come. That and have the occasional wine weekend or 90's dance off to keep you laughing.

Off to make sure I've packed enough shoes and to wax my eyebrows.

Have a great weekend!!!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The 90's shouldn't have happened...

This weekend - I ventured to a friend's house to have a relatively tame glass of wine (or two) but somehow ended up dancing around the living room to vile 90's rap music... (isn't that vid annoying? But it kind of illustrates how cool we looked...) and I knew every word. It was like instant brilliant flash back to the 90's - I envisioned myself - big hair and terribly untamed eyebrows*. It was quite the evening. This particular evening resulted in more photos floating out there in the universe of me acting like a total jackass dancing .... like just last month - when I thought I was one of the Charlie's Angels... didn't remember much the following morning but - thank goodness - there are pictures to remind me. *YAY*










* which makes me mad at my mom cuz... why'd she wait till I was 18 to take me to the salon to get my eyebrows waxed anyways? I'll be waxing Bab's when she's in - like grade 7. Cuz I'm cool. Cool mom. I'm going to make myself a badge - in my narcissistic cool mom-like manner. It's going to be big and diamond encrusted too... maybe with one of these pictures on it.






Thursday, September 25, 2008

I'd like to thank the academy...my first grade teacher and...


Being Brazen has given me the following lovely award;




Here are the rules....


Link back to the giver. - The lovely and fabulous Being Brazen (linked twice for extra points). Nominate up to 7 other fabulous blogs and link to them (also let them know they got an award). -
Well... that IS a tricky one. I love you all. But for the time being I will nominate the following people (they have ALL bribed me). Except Slyde and Earl - but they already know I love their blogs so I'm going to leave them out - you all know them anyways. They are omnipotent.
Lane - she writes. And I laugh like hell.
Real Live Lesbian - she is real. she is live and she is a lesbian. She is also quite witty.
DONNNNN - I'm new to his blog. All the much better so I can look over all of the genius stuff he's already accomplished over there. It's really quite fun. Have a boo. Slap on your tinfoil hat before you go there... the secrets of the universe may reside within it's pages...
White Rabbit - He's clever. Oh yes indeedy.
Hullaballoo - She's adorable. I want to adopt her.
Tamara - She makes me giggle.
Crap. Only one more....
Okay... Limpy - It's his sarcasm. It's catchy. You may want to keep on the tinfoil hat. (If anyone needs directions for this go here - it's a very helpful site indeed.)

A following...westward and a curious thing...

(I like this new following posts thing going on.... so that you guys get an adorable little icon on my sidebar. So go ahead - all the cool kids are doing it...I'm going to start too.)

It is exactly one week tomorrow that I will be going westward again. The beginning of this very exciting trip will be a wine weekend with about 8 gals. Oooh. Just imagine the pictures that will follow this particular gathering. I met my Spartan when I was out visiting my BFF but since then (well over a year ago now) I've only stayed with Spartan and my BFF and I haven't had any of our solo adventures - which we have done semi annually pretty much for over a decade. Then - once the end of the weekend rolls around I am lucky enough to come home to Spartan! HOORAY!! I miss him oodles. I always miss him - even when we're together and in different rooms - imagine what a couple of weeks is like?

Also... tonight is the season premier of Grey's. I have my outfit picked out and the popcorn waiting. I am shamelessly addicted to this show. One day I plan to guest star. (Stay tuned - I'll give you the heads up).

Lastly, there is this strange fellow that inhabits my neighbourhood. He is always either on drugs or drunk, or perhaps suffering from a brain injury? He's just not quite "right" - for lack of a more politically correct term. He walks his dog quite frequently. It is a vicious pitbull type dog that appears to want to ingest all of the children of the neighbourhood. Along with the monster on a leash - there is a tiny itty bitty puppy that - for all appearances should require batteries - and bounces along beside them (no leash) and.... also a cat. All four of them go traipsing by at all hours of the day. Never one missing. It is quite the eclectic little bunch. It makes me kind of stop whatever I'm doing just to watch. It has started making everyone they pass by do the same. The man, and his little entourage have managed to make quite an impact on the quiet street on which I live. In the near future, I will endeavor to video tape the curiosity of it all and post it here for you.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

1. Yesterday I mowed the lawn. I started out trying to avoid the crickets but an hour later it was almost like I was aiming for them...

2. I decided in a brilliant flash of craftiness that I could make a hair fascinator (hair clip adorned with feathers worn for wedding hairdo's...) myself instead of paying 100 bucks for it (actually 3 of them...) - end result; fantastic hair fascinators + what appears to be a bird explosion in my living and sitting room. (Evidently the cat enjoys not only birds - but feathers too. Who'd have thunk.) Her playing with them might have been what kept me awake ALL NIGHT.

3. My stagette weekend is actually in the process of being planned already. So... do you think if I invite my future mother in law it might make for a tamer weekend - or a wilder one?

4. This morning all hell broke loose at my house at exactly 8:25 am. Which, of course, is when the bus comes. First, my grandfather came THEN to get a tool I borrowed from him... and then decided to go inspect how I had mown the lawn... apparently I passed his inspection. Then Babs got upset because her pants kept falling down and decided she MUST have them changed... and then acted like putting socks on was an equivalent task to solving a rubix cube. I suddenly realized it was garbage day... and then almost let Babs get on the bus without her homework (which means the entire neighbourhood got to witness me running down the street wearing red pants with reindeer allover them paired very fetchingly with a red pj top covered in fuzzy penguins and my hair standing up all about my head in a radiant halo of fuzzy wild curls....at least I grabbed my movie star glasses before hand... and oh yeah - crocs. HAWT.) Upon reaching the bus I realized that Roo was nowhere - oh gosh - I think he's still preening in the mirror trying to get his hair to stop standing on end... I get him on the bus... I return to the house and sink down to the floor - let out a wimper and crawl into the kitchen - because -

5. All of this was BEFORE my coffee. I have a feeling this is going to be a rather long day...

Monday, September 22, 2008

It's the Little Things...

Like when you get an "surprise" raisin in your last bite of raisin bran.

When you get a message from an old friend that you miss telling you that they were thinking about you.

When an old movie that you love comes on T.V.

Your favorite show - coming back after a long summer without it. (And it will be a two hour premier!!)

The scale seeming not to notice those oreo cookies ;-)

Receiving a card in the mail.

A note from your child's teacher telling you that they were an exemplary student.

Finding that perfect pair of shoes!

Eating a perfectly ripe pear.

Receiving a text message from your true love just to remind you that you are cherished.

Free samples in the mail.

When your hair just works.

A random compliment from a stranger - when they clearly expect nothing in return.

The first stretch in the morning after a good night's sleep.

Comments from blogfriends.

When the sun peeks out after the rain.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Coffee and Cold Meds

These two things have kept me somewhat alive over the past week. I am suffering the first cold of back to school season. It has kept me in bed over the last few days feeling terribly sorry for myself. Waking in the middle of the night when the world is mostly quiet - staring out my bedroom window wistfully envisioning my Spartan where he is in the world and wondering if he is awake or shrouded in the bliss that the blanket of sleep bestows on the healthy. Desperate to return to it's comforting arms myself. Or even better; his arms.

"In the wee small hours of the morning.... while the whole wide world is fast asleep, you lay awake and think of the girl (boy) and never ever think of counting sheep..."

But not to keep things all melancholy... while I lay awake I am now kept company by my wedding dress, *hooray* which hangs in my room reminding me of all of the fairy tales coming true around me. So despite the fact that I cannot breath and my eyes are leaky... I manage to smile and sigh and eventually drift back into a broken sleep to have dreams of dancing with my very own prince charming.

Now... I'm off to make coffee and muddle through my day, trying not to walk into too many walls and maybe even muster enough ambition to tackle some cleaning...

Monday, September 15, 2008

I was just saying...

...as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."




WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
It may also make you think you can fly...

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Giant bugs and supersonic gadgets! Wee!!

A recent discussion with local friends has led me to believe that I am living amidst some kind of Jurassic bug park. Evidently it is not just in my head; crickets are not supposed to be the size of a toonie (our two dollar coin for those of you who don't make it above the 49th parallel). While mowing the lawn - on several occasions I thought I was about to run over a toad when in fact it was a cricket. A giant black cricket. *shivers*. So large, in fact, that I do believe that some of my daughters Polly Pocket outfits would actually fit. Also, spiders are not supposed to be large enough to have recognizable facial expressions...



BUT!!! I have found a most miraculous gadget! You plug it in and it emits some high frequency noise combined with some kind of subliminal "Spiders don't like to live here" message. Evidently this also works for wee mice and other bugs. Now... if only I could find one that is battery operated to affix to my clothing...

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Hullo...

Okay... how long have I been engaged? Almost two weeks...

So far we have the place and date picked, most of the dinner planned, the dress ordered, Babs's dress purchased, the save the date cards completed, the flowers figured out and a few other minor details. Which is likely why my blogging has been scant...

How's that for excited???!!!

Poor Spartan. I call or email him several times a day about it. I pretty much had the wedding planned in my head for months - and he and I are so similar in what we want that it all pretty much fell into place with little effort. The hardest part will be waiting until next July.

Spartan will be here on Monday so I am spending the weekend getting ready.

~ totally unrelated, but...

Yesterday at the grocery store, there was a woman shopping, in her cart she had 9 cases of bottled water, 2 protein bars and a box of cake mix. I was confused. It took everything in me not to approach her and beg an explanation. I should have though... I'm still wondering about it.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Weddings weddings weddings

The Princess and her Prince.

"Ahhhh - fuaw fuaw fuaw fuaw"


For some reason - gotta have this shot. Every wedding. It keeps happening... but for some reason only after a couple of glasses of wine...hmmmm....
I think directly after this we went tumbling down onto the golf green behind us...

My friends. All of them from highschool. I lurves em.
Some sneaky beotch was taking pictures of us self professed dancing queens from the padio...
Muaw! (Zoolander... finally got caught. Boon will be happy to see this one.)
My Kat. Doesn't she look smashing?


A friend of mine from waaaay back got married to her very own prince charming and fun and celebrations were had by all. Somehow we got pointed out as the party table (wa??) and set the tone for the evening. I pretty much danced ALL night. Actually I jumped up and down all night and now my legs are still sore. LOL. Kat accompanied me since my darling Spartan couldn't make it. I missed him all night but it was so nice to attend a wedding right after getting engaged. Gave me some great idears.


I wasn't even aware that I ever used this gesture... though there are worse gestures I spose... I may have to do this again when I myself am walking down the aisle.






Thursday, August 28, 2008

OH MY!




I woke up Monday morning thinking I was still in a dream because - when I looked down at my finger there sat the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. About a million times a day - I glance down at it and gaze in a dream like state at what it symbolizes. You are reading the very first official blog of the future Mrs. Spartan. I guarantee that there has never been a happier girl in the world. I feel like Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and just about every other fairy tale princess out there all rolled up into one - only a tad more dimensional and with better shoes.

He asked. I said yes. (Well, actually I said; "Hypothetically?" He laughed and said, "No. Would you be my wife?" and proceeded to unveil the ring which he had clutched in his hand against his chest. Then there were tears and laughing and all sorts of skipping about...lucky for me this time I managed not to trip and go careening off the balcony. So, once I realized that Spartan was actually literally asking - I responded "Absolutely YES!")

I have been wandering about bumping into walls and smiling and humming to myself since I got home. I still can't believe it. I am going to marry the love of my life. My own wonderful prince charming. The most incredible man I could have ever imagined has swept me away and my heart is bursting with joy! I am so in love!

Dreams? They do come true. Really truly.

Now... whatever am I going to wear?! *JOY*

Friday, August 22, 2008

Just popping in to say allo!

Oh the fun.

This week I have become quite adept at Rockstar (game much like Guitar hero... only cooler). Well, when I say I've become adept at it, it simply means I am not being boo'ed off stage any longer.

I have also learned all manner of new torture techniques to employ at the gym. I've actually been lucky enough to have been able to work out all week with an amazing trainer and one of the fittest people I know (you know, Apollo aka Spartan). I've also been stuffing my face with wheat grass which clearly will make me strong like ox. This is like boot camp - but really fun... and I have to admit that I really enjoy watching Spartan in the gym. It's very sexy.

I am just having such a brilliant time - I miss my little people though. Ooooodles. But I wish I could just bring them here instead of leaving. I don't wanna leave. Not going to think about that just yet though.

Tonight - girly fun at the spa. *JOY* Tomorrow - romantic getaway that Spartan is being oddly mysterious about (?).

Hope you guys aren't missing me too much ;-D

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Insects, Insomnia and One More Day...

Yesterday, I decided to tackle the evil basement. You know - sorting through boxes, throwing stuff in the bin and generally making it tidy. You would naturally assume that a basement in a house that is 130 + years old would have it's creepy things but - I'm sure it isn't normal to hear spiders walking across the floor before you see them. Then there was the house centipedes *shiver* and we know I'm not much better with those. By the time I was finished each and every one of them had been assaulted with bleach and beaten into tiny carpets. (Some of which were big enough to actually become throw rugs.) I don't expect to recover; I am seriously damaged from the experience. Maybe not as much as the creatures - but badly enough.

I went on to clean out cabinets in the bathroom and mow the national park that makes up the backyard. All of this in a vain attempt to make time go by and to ensure that when I lay my head down to sleep that by force of sheer exhaustion, sleep would actually come... errrr... did not work. I was wide awake till two in the morning. So, I watched the Olympics and marvelled at their ability to defy gravity in the men's gymnastics.

Eventually I did fall asleep for 5 whole lovely hours. At least there's that. Now, I just have to get through the next day without my darling boy - and then two glorious weeks!

Now... for today - I'm off to do last minute packing, playing with babies and painting my toes!

I'll be back around sometime next week to say allo!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

I guilt tripped Slyde into tagging me...

S'okay...

1. What is his name? SPARTAN (but not really)

2. Who eats more? Well clearly him... cuz he weighs more (is that not logical?) and I'm a dainty little lady... *shhhh

3. Who said, “I love you” first? I think I "thought it at him" first but he said it. Cuz he is verra brave ;-) I immediately answered back; "I absolutely love you too!!" Which I do. Cuz he's lovely.
4. Who is taller? He is.

5. Who drives most when you are out together? He does. I preen in the mirror. (No, I don't really. K - maybe little bit...)

6. Who is more sensitive? Well. I have to say me - since I'm the one who breaks down sobbing massive amounts of tears on poor Spartan's shoulder for - well - no reason in particular except that it just seemed like a good place to put them. (It was just the once. I try to limit my psychotic episodes to once annually... kind of like a pap; not fun but seemingly necessary)

7. Who does the laundry? Well, we both do because we have our own houses BUT likely I will take over when we live under the same roof because I like to fold things... cathartic.

8. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? We both sleep in the middle. Stacked like.

9. Who pays the bills? What bills? You mean, I'm supposed to actually pay bills? I thought they were just decorative.

10. Who cooks more? Spartan is in charge of steak (because he's gifted that way) but in most other ways - kitchen wise - I think I'll be slightly this side of "more" - as long as he's good with that.

11. Who is more stubborn? Well - see now... I will say me and he will say him and we will very stubbornly keep that stance.

12. Who is the first to admit they are wrong? Neither of us have EVER been wrong. But when one of us is - it'll be him ;-D (I JOKE).

13. Who has more siblings? We both have one. (Luckily it isn't eachother. Did I just say that? That's awful)

14. Who wears the pants in the relationship? Um. We really don't wear pants very often. (Just being honest)

15. What do you like to do together? Everything - as long as we're together. That's the most important part. I've never had more fun doing the most mundane tasks - as long as he's with me it's a great place to be.

16. Who eats more sweets? (me - but not like ALOT more... just the odd wee cookie now and again...booooo)

17. Guilty Pleasures? Me? - Those gossip magazines - once and a while.

18. How did you meet? My best friend introduced us (he lives next door to her).

19. Who asked whom out first? I really don't know... we just kind of ended up together every chance we got.

20. Who kissed who first? *blushes* we crashed into each other full speed and met right in the middle. Then I lost my breath and I still haven't gotten it back.

21. Who proposed? Haven't gotten there yet. ;-) Sheesh. You guys are pushy.

22. His best features and qualities? How long have you got? His heart, his smile, his sense of humour, his integrity... his ... him. All of him. Every bit. He's the best person I've ever known.

23. Tag some people... Hullaballoooooo and Stace... and anyone who else who likes these... I feel bad tagging just in case you loathe them. But let me know if you do it so I can come and be nosey!

Friday, August 08, 2008

Sleep deprivation, packing and grumpiness

For the last week, I have not been able to sleep properly. I wake up all night long, tossing and turning and trying to get comfortable - but to no avail. Sleep eludes me. I figure that eventually - I will be overcome with it and suffer an involuntary fit of narcolepsy (likely in the middle of driving or running on the treadmill - just to keep things interesting)

Good news - I am packed. I think. I'm so sleepy that I may have ended up only packing cocktail dresses and running shoes. But the suitcase is zipped up. As long as I don't forget my makeup - I'll survive somehow.

I'm also kind of grumpy and have been unintentionally shooting stink eye at inanimate objects and sweet little old ladies. This must be a combination of being tired, missing Spartan and cramps that are so horrible it feels like I'm being torn in half.

I also spend the last 30 minutes cleaning up an explosion of tiny red sparkly stars that one of Kat's kittens discovered, and decided to sprinkle about the living room while I made them all breakfast. Everything in the house was covered in them. COVERED. Nice.

I'm going to go hide under the bed.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Shopping, Packing and Fluffiness


I just got back from running a few errands - which included picking up a gift for a lingerie shower being given for a very good friend this weekend. So - of course - there happened to be a rather enticing sale on at the store... and so clearly I ended up with some lovely night apparel for next week. Very exciting. Said items are packed away and safely ensconced in tissue and scented rose petals awaiting their debut for Spartan *JOY*.

Unfortunately for me - it is right around that time of the month when I'm feeling absurdly fluffy (due to impending communist visit - you were all just dying to know that). For some reason the lighting in the store is from above - which anyone knows just makes all the flaws that much louder and more obvious! I think I will open a store for these types of purchases where they are lit only by candle light - and maybe have a team of hair stylists and make up artists as well - you know - so that you feel divinely sexy. Maybe even serve wine. I'd sell more - Or less. Or more of the items that are made of less - if you catch my drift.

As it stands - what I initially set out to purchase looked devilishly burlesque - what I ended up with more resembles a burka with a matching robe. Ah - but still somehow sexy in that middle eastern type of "leaving absolutely everything to the imagination" type of way... (not at all like the top picture sadly for me...)

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Babs had a photoshoot... poor kid.



Love this one - she is looking at her feet because they got dirty - yeegawts.


Huzzah

Getting ready to travel soon got me to thinking about all of the booze infused fun of yesteryear's with the people I will be visiting. This year - to add to the tomboozery there will be some aspiring Rock Stars thanks to Spartan's newest addition to the fun bucket; Rockband. OOH. This could make for some seriously funny pictures. Or videos. That would be funny - a Rockband 80's themed video; not for the purposes of blackmail (although...) more for posterity... really...


My BFF and old roomate is finally not preggo - (pic below is from about 10 years ago)

which means that she can once again join in the imbibing. Then she can once again do naughty things to Don Keigh (that would be Spartan and Ises "memory pinata"...

the cheesiness of our relationship cannot be outdone...and Carrie may burn me at the stake for taking that picture because I totally set it up to make it look much worse than it actually was...lol... what are friends for?) and we may all, once again dress as ninjas and... not be seen.


We will also be attempting our Murder Mystery dinner once again... this time with the actual Murder Mystery to add to the mix. Didn't quite come together last time - which is cool because boy do I have a cool hair idea for round two. (Ditta Von Teese (sp?) here I come, lol)









Now I'm off to continue the long and laborious task of packing (and repacking) some of the stuff I will be dragging westward... and this time I think I may limit myself to 10 pairs of shoes... not counting my running shoes... so a grand total of 11. That's a good number.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Kids Amaze Me

For the last little while my daughter has been asking to get her ears pierced. I was not one of those moms who could take her baby to get this done even though I thought it looked cute. I couldn't hurt her for ascetic reasons - I am not judging those of you who did though - I just couldn't myself. So, when she started asking I explained that it does hurt when they do it but -not for long. She is only 4 - so I really wanted her to understand. She just kept nodding and saying that she wanted it done. She begged me all the time.

So yesterday - my Mother and I ventured to the mall and took her to the place where they pierce ears. She scrambled up into the chair with a very determined look upon her face and prepared herself. The ladies scooched up beside her while she stared me straight in the face and *POW* - her eyes got wide and she looked a little shocked and then I said, "That's it - you did it! The worst is over-what a brave girl!" (and then I turned around so she wouldn't see MY tears and looked at my mother who was also crying - lol). It reminded me of the first shots my son ever had - I was crying so hard they had to let me sit and regain my composure - Roo was only upset for about 15 seconds and then rapidly returned to the happy cooing baby he was before I subjected him to such necessary torture, I however continued to wail for about 10 minutes - incoherently babbling something about being a terrible mother and asking how would my baby ever trust me again. (I also wept slightly when the supermarket was out of Cornish game hens recently - but that's another story.)

It looks cute. But I don't think I will ever get over the guilt of it all. Well - maybe... if she ever comes home with her nose or belly done... maybe then. Since the guilt will be overridden by shock and horror... even though I had mine done (nose only for about six months - it didn't work for me). Hypocrite? Absolutely. I have already told her she has to wait until she's 30 to get any more piercings... or go on a date. LOL.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Bits and Bobs...

Well, one thing I have learned in the last year is that time may always be relied upon to be consistent. There will always be 24 hours in a day no matter how hard I try to wish them hurry along... at least for the next week and a half...

I have recently concluded that my hair in the morning resembles what would have been found atop the offspring of Einstein and Diana Ross. (Especially with humidity.)

Flash tape is freakin amazing!

Pygmy monkeys are damn cute.

Life is more fun when you are really living it...

Shopping for pretty things is one of my favorite things to do - for me or for whomever. Lucky for me - lots of weddings, showers and babies coming up...

I go back and forth between wondering why life is so damn hard sometimes and thinking that my life is actually kind of like a real live fairy tale. Think I'll try to focus more on the latter.

Pop and fast food are likely responsible for a very large percentage of North America's health issues. I'm going to start trying to have them made illegal. (well, maybe we could keep just one McDonald's open - you know - for that twice a year when I will actually eat there... and then spend the next couple of days feeling like poop...imagine the line ups?)

Before I die, I want to zip line across the amazon, buy some article of clothing in Paris (maybe even eat a real french croissant), see a real live Opera and attend a masquerade ball. (There are more things, but these are some of the more recent additions.)

I really miss my friends right now.

I wish I had a really big slice of chocolate cake, a glass of yummy red wine and a bubble bath. Maybe tomorrow ;-) (the only thing that could make that better is Spartan there feeding me the cake, lol)

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

When you go looking for trouble...

You know how the saying goes.

In a momentary lapse in being my usual confident self - one of those pms inspired... "insecure moments" - I was telling my Mother about how Spartan's ex girlfriend showed up at one of their mutual friends birthday parties on the weekend. My Mother was all "so what"... and I said, well Mom she was really pretty. In fact, she was a model. Wanna see? - and proceeded to pull up her self worship site complete with pictures...

Should have so known better than to do that... but I did. And smack. Up appears a picture of herself and my darling boy with his arm around her. *mental vomit* Did NOT need to see that. Lol.

So I says, self... serves you right for looking.

Then, instead of letting my imagination run wild (because I love and trust Spartan more than anyone in the world - and didn't for a millisecond think anything of this -), I went to the gym and ran 4 k at the speed of light.

Then I called Spartan and said,

"Honey... I'm pretty angry at myself. I did something really stupid..."
and proceeded to tell him the entire sordid tale. I felt so much better for having gotten it off of my chest. I actually felt pretty guilty about it.

He felt so awful. He couldn't even remember posing for pictures with her.... then a few minutes later he checks out the pictures himself and text messages me that they were actually from last year before he even met me. LOL. I suppose there was life before Liz. But I have to admit that it kind of made me feel a little better - I wasn't upset with thinking the pics were from the weekend but I wasn't exactly thrilled about the idea either...

I feel the shame. But again... lesson learned. And it totally does serve me right.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I have finally recovered from Friday's festivities. Having regained the ability to walk in a straight line, I have returned to the land of blog. Thank goodness for water... and Tylenol.

As much fun as it was... I think this can only be repeated once every six months or so. I figure I can afford to kill that many brain cells - but only very occasionally.

My ability to recover from such a ridiculous amount of drinking seems to be somewhat more limited now than in my youth. Sigh. Youth really is wasted on the young, init?

I think I will have to rejoin the land of the sober until my little trip westward... but then all bets are off and bring on the Cesars. Spartan makes some incredible Cesars... so sad for those of you who can't get Clamato juice. It makes all the difference. (If I ever move Stateside - I will make semiannual trips to procure enough of this yummy elixir to keep me giggly).

Today... finally the rain ceased falling... the basement started to dry up (I call it the river runs through it room) and I have managed to catch up the laundry. The lawn, however, must wait until later this week. My mother had a fantastic suggestion; buy a goat. Let it keep the grass short. I think my entire family is just a little "out there"... pretty darn sure of it as a matter of fact. She also reminded me that goat's milk is a valuable commodity... me - milking a goat. Isn't happening. Just can't picture it...

Hope you had a wonderful weekend blog friends!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Oh yeah...bom bow...chicqa chiqa chicka

Just came from the gym. Trying to figure out how to convince more of my friends to come with me so they can spot me on some of the more tricky things... hard to find people who want to be tortured daily and actually enjoy it.

Now I am to begin preparation for the girl's night out on the town. We are going to grab dinner and drinks... and then maybe some more drinks. I am ridiculously excited about this. Have no idea why... I think mayhaps it's been too long a spell for me in between such evenings. One of the best bits is that I will be leaving the house - not sporting yoga gear. Hooaw.

Lucky for me there appear on the horizon - a couple of such events. One of my friends is getting hitched at the end of August so there will be some fun in a couple of weeks in preparation for such a momentous event... and maybe even some tiny little sandwiches filled with cucumbers. Then - when I am at my other home many miles away - there is a spa night to ready for with my BFF. A pedicure and some wine - and then meeting up with Spartan and her hubby to continue the festivities. *JOY*

Okay... off to begin the plucking of the eyebrows and hairstyling. This time I will endeavour to try to leave the part of the eyebrow that is meant to be left in place... and try to figure out where I keep the clothes that do not fall into the workout category.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Sometimes Life Sucs... Well I Guess it Really Doesn't After All...

There you are minding your own business and BLAMO. Whether it's the roof leaking, the car needing somethingoranother or just people being... well people. Generally speaking, I think I've finally realized that after all of these years - some people are just f@ck!d up. The older they get - the more it seems to become a prevalent part of who they are. Well to you - you mental people (they know who they are) I say: PISS OFF!!! To you - the car that squeaks, I say: PISS OFF and to the roof... please don't leak anymore... if you stop I won't tell you to PISS OFF. Pinky promise. Just one of those days that feels like I have been walking up a hill for years... carrying two kids and a cat... and some fish... except Speck because she is dead...

I think I'm just feeling rather grumpy off and on about missing Spartan. It's funny how you wander around this world kind of blind like - then one day out of the blue - you realize that the time you feel most centered, grounded and truly loved - and when you really feel like really YOU - is when you happen to be with this one particular (handsome, wonderful and truly amazing) person who sees you and loves you exactly the way you are. (No not you Slyde...I know you enough to know you were going to comment there...not that you aren't' all of those things I'm sure) Then to cast a wee shadow upon this wondrous discovery - he just happens to live thousands of miles away. BUT - it won't be forever and the sun will come out tomorrow... my sunny disposition right along with it ;-)

But for NOW - I am going to go rob the nearest junk food superstore... and then the liquor store... and then...THEN I am going to go to sleep and feel guilty about it. Okay. Maybe I'll just eat a fig newton and go have a long hot bath... and then raid the liquor store. BRING ON THE BOOZE - i have some people need peeing on.

Okay. No booze either. Too much sugar. One MORE reason to be very grumpy indeed. BOO.

Monday, July 21, 2008

This week marks three weeks to Spartan. This means that I have survived a full week without him. I truly feel that every day that goes by without him where I manage to survive - I should get a trophy. It only seems right ;-)

This weekend ended with a dinner last night at my Grandparent's house. Nan made spaghetti. Enough spaghetti to feed an entire army regiment - but only needed to feed 4. She also decided to spice things up a bit - and the sauce had quite the bite... I think I still have heart burn - or I actually burned a layer of tissue along my esophagus.

During dinner, my Aunt K came in and started telling us about my Grandfathers new pastime; shooting the squirrels with a sling shot to keep them out of the bird feeder. (Papa! You can't do that!) While he was at it last week he shot a clean hole right through the bird feeder - in one side and out the other. Then he taped it back together with scotch tape. We were killing ourselves laughing. (Hope he never mistakes me for a squirrel...) A few minutes later, standing outside on the back porch I feel something watching me. I looked down and there was a young Robin staring at me... so I spoke to it quietly and then reached out and picked it up. Then I went to the door and my Aunt yelled, "Hey Dad. There's a bird here. Wants to talk to you about something you threw through it's window." "No really. It's a real bird. Come see."
He comes around the corner and says - "Oh no. Shouldn't do that. Causes em TrAma." (as opposed to "Trauma") I'm sure that shooting squirrels with A SLINGSHOT doesn't.

PS. Don't worry - I just opened up my hands and the bird flew away peeping. ;-) No trauma evident.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Liquor Head


1. Those who suffer from high blood pressure, mental disease, horrifying of highness and liquor heads are refused.
None for you - you know who you are (Earl, Slye, Limpy.... lol)

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

A Whirlwind of a Weekend...

Spartan has returned to his home far away and I am left to survive the next month waiting until we are together again. Less than a month.

While he was here we went to the gym a couple of times so that Spartan could demonstrate his newest and most advanced torture techniques to me. One of the exercises involves putting an exercise ball up on a flat bench and then using your upper body to hold the rest of your body stable while you proceed to lift your legs up into the air into a 45 degree angle. I thought; um... are we going to be trying out for that new Circus of the Stars show? Like hell I can do that - but surprisingly I did... the one exercise I couldn't quite master was the one where you roll out onto the exercise ball and using one toe to balance in a plank position preform a set of push ups... I could only hold myself in the plank position - no push ups. Something to aim for at any rate.

My arms were so sore that I couldn't lift a blueberry to my mouth and had to lean my face into the plate this morning.

By the time I catch up to Spartan in the gym - I will be able to be a contender on the Gladiator program.

Hope all of you guys are enjoying your summer! Now I'm off to catch up with what all of you guys have been up to all week...

Friday, July 11, 2008


The other day my Mother took my Grandmother out shopping and then returned to her house with her for a cup of tea. Nan always has a cup of tea. Always. She is the cutest woman in the entire universe.
She sits down with her cup of tea and flips on Jerry Springer. The topic was S & M. My nan is 82. She wondered how much more she might have missed in those 82 years after seeing this. She keeps turning to my Mother and saying. "WHAT is she doing to him, dear?"
My Mother would reply, "Well Mom, she's whipping him."
"What?"
"A whip mom."
Nanny; "And he likes that dear?"
My Mother; "It appears so, Mom." and then laughing her ass off.
There are also puppets on the stage - like stuffed people about a foot tall... she was wondering if those were real. Then there was the man with no legs and what appears to be only half of his abdomen - she will spend the rest of her life - tea in hand - trying to figure out how he uses the toilet...

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

NKOTB

When I was a teenager I loved the New Kids on the Block. They have returned... I remember being quite sure that when I grew up I would marry Joey McIntyre. I was never one of those fans who stopped liking them when their popularity waned... but I became a closet fan... and stopped wanted to be Mrs McIntyre. Now they have returned. No matter how cheesy - I still like them. I know. I need a good reprimanding - and this is surely the place to get it.

Yesterday - I worked on a surprise for Spartan. Obviously, because it is a surprise I cannot talk about it here.... except to say that I'm excited. I'll fill you guys in later. (I'm sure that wasn't annoying at all)

Off to do some of the million things on my list of things to get done in the next couple of days;

1. Hunt the bird down and make it into a center piece... or use to adorn a hat.

2. Water the Mulberry tree with bleach... in the middle of the night when the little old apple people who live nextdoor (and fertilize it every year) don't see me. Or maybe some rusty nails...or both... *ponder*

3. Stock up on wine, turkey bacon and omega eggs - and coffee.

4. Write a scathing anonymous letter to the people across the street who let their home schooled hellions knock on my door every hour... and then proceed to ask nosey questions like, "Are you divorced? My parents were talking about that. Do you know anyone else who is divorced?" (I'm a marked woman round here).... screw anonymous - I'll sign it "The Divorcee".

5. Reply to a few invitations floating around my desk... and actually mail them.

6. Shave my legs. Tres importante.

7. Find a million magical and brilliant uses for the two *free* Mr Clean erasers that I got in the mail. I love LOVE love free samples.

8. Disassemble and hide the Spartan shrine... oops... just kidding sweetheart.

9. About 300 other things...

10. ... and finally - sit back in my very clean and shiny house, with my lovely shaven legs, look relaxed and await the arrival of the love of my life.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

I've sucked at blogging lately...

I've been busy with life - but I promise to try harder. Summer. You know.
Last week Roo ask me if I've married anyone yet. LOL. I said "Nope, why?" He replied, "I was just hoping you might wait until I've grown up and marry me."
AWWWWWW! I told him he was a darling and then explained that a Mummy can't marry her own little boy... and he started to cry... ;-(

Babs came around the corner this morning with a Superman book and ask me if it was Spartan. I, of course, told her that indeed it was... since he is after all a hero to me... (and he does look like Superman.) AWWWWWW!

Aren't kids adorable?

6 days to Spartan!!! Better get the roof re shingled before it gets too hot outside ;-)

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

I was just outside - wandering through the mess of mulberries that has become my patio... I think mother nature just sits back and laughs while the entire outside gets turned purple... along with all of our feet... and of course the floor. Every once and a while I glance outside and see the little old man next door coming and collecting them... they eat them. Which is fine but - well - some of them are a bit gross... and bugs are happy to claim them first - which I don't think he can actually see. I would climb up into the tree to get them for them but that would require several things including me magically overcoming my fear of heights and learning calisthenics.

At the end of next week, my Spartan comes. This means I have started the very methodical obsession with cleaning and organizing my house - and all of the cupboards. Oh - and if he lays down on the kitchen floor he might even notice that the base boards have also been treated to a good scrub. Very important to have shiny baseboards... you just never know.

Also, Roo is about to lose his first tooth. The first of many and depending on how many organized sports he plays - perhaps the first of very many. I remember whooping with joy the first time his baby spoon made a tic tic sound when that little tooth first emerged into his little baby mouth. I think I shall have to do something quite gross with that little treasure - perhaps a necklace? Oooh - or it might be cute to gorilla glue it to a stuffed animal. LOL. Okay. Maybe, I'll just put it in a box. What? I can't throw it away.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Summer Hooaw

The crazy night singing bird is back, waking me up at 3:00 am. Guuuurrrrrr. Something must be done. I'm thinking of setting little traps for it.

I've been a tad neglectful of the blog as of late because soccer has literally taken over my life.

I have a wee mystery to solve this morning; my hands look like they have tanning cream on them - or more specifically streaks from tanning cream - but I didn't use tanning cream. It's odd. I've racked my little brain to figure out why I have a hand tan. If Carrie lived out here, I'd think it was some kind of prank. But she hasn't had the chance to manage it so it couldn't be that... but how? Spartan and I are a united team and have agreed that future pranks will not be applied to eachother. I can't figure this out. In the meantime I will be using an s.o.s. pad to scrub em.

Reminds me, when my parents were away my mother and their friend were sitting in the cockpit of the boat and the friend (the unic) said... "Can you hear that banging...O...S...O..." What do you suppose that is? My mother shrugs. Some time later - they can still hear it and suddenly my mom says, "You don't suppose Andy is trapped in the bathroom?", the friend ponders this..."O...S...O... you don't think he is banging S.O.S do you?"... my mother goes down into the salon and the banging gets louder... she follows it to the head at the bow of the boat and sure enough - daddio is stuck in the bathroom. He'd been there for some time. He was not amused. O.S.O, what is wrong with you?

(oh yes, and since Carrie is no longer prego - prank season is back on full force this August - any devilish ideas?)

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Summer vacation

Well, Roo is officially finished all kindergarten type things. He is now in elementary school. Grade one. So now Babs - is going to be starting Jr kindergarten. Two school aged kids... I feel the stirrings of the empty nest syndrome starting... well okay. Not really. I'm actually really excited. All those years of baby stuff; diapers, toilet training, spit up and on goes the list - almost done. In between babies (lots of work) and teenagers (shiver) comes this stage - they are more independent (for instance - they can wash themselves in the tub and clean their own rooms...sort of...) and actually quite a bit of fun. High five mommy. It's strange because so many of my friends are still in various stages of babydom - including just starting families, starting over again and so on. Makes me wonder what happened to all of those years. You hear it goes too fast - but when you are right in the middle of it, it seems to go on forever. Especially toilet training.

But when you are here... and you picture what your baby girl will look like in a few short months, in pigtails, turning around to blow kisses as she gets on the bus with her little dimples - and her little hands waving goodbye (that still look like baby hands with matching dimples on her knuckles...though not for much longer ), well when you are here... your heart does constrict slightly in your chest... and the suggestion of tears appears in your eyes... and it seems like tomorrow you will be sending them out into the world to see if they will make it better and be happy people... and not need too much therapy.

It's too early for all of this reflection... I think I am going to go sit in the middle of the strawberry patch and pig out. Then maybe I'll go buy some new shoes... new shoes make everything better, don't they?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The apple doesn't fall far...

Boats are small(ish). My father doesn't do well in confined spaces; he seems to underestimate his size. He was covered from head to toe in bruises from banging about - two rather large lumps on his head to complete the look. My mother attempted to fly down stairs with coffee - and as she lays sprawled across the boat floor gasping for breath - my father reprimands her for spilling coffee all about the boat. (I think the second lump on his head may not have been so much from the mast...)

So while I was there, I got up to move out of my Dad's way while he was doing some cleaning. As I got up, I was crouched down and moved forward. The result was the bridge of my nose crashing into the tridata box attached to the wheel. I immediately swelled up and had a great lump upon my nose. I locked myself in the bathroom for a few minutes applying ice until my eyes stopped watering.

OOOH - but then I caught a baby duck. I was playing with them off of the back of the boat and there were 10 brand new little babies. They were so cute I couldn't help myself. They just looked so delicious - kidding. I scooped one up and triumphantly displayed the peeping little cutie pie to my family. They looked kind of stunned. The mother looked at me with patient curiosity... and continued eating the bread I had given her. Baby ducks are the cutest little things in the universe. Except for Spartan when he wakes up in the morning with his hair all askew... Anyways - even though I thought it would make a nice addition to the pond, I returned it to it's mummy. (Next time I might bring some little ribbons to adorn them with....)

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Kids are yucky...

After months of trials and tribulations, my parents have finally returned their lovely sail boat home. I have to admit that I am kind of excited at the prospect of sailing once again; it's been many years. And what a way to return to it; a 40 foot boat complete with lots of places to sun myself and get a suntan.

Yesterday, I took the kids to see it. They love it, of course. Babs was like a little monkey; I imagine they will have her up in the rigging in no time. I can't wait to teach them how to sail a boat. It's so much fun.

I decided to leave the Babs there while I returned home to await Roo's bus and then returned there with him as well. They enjoyed their visit and it was hard to get them to leave. I eventually got them home; full of cheesies and hot dogs - not our usual dinner items by far but since the boat it limited as of yet it was all there was.

They were exhausted after all of the excitement (Babs spotted Nemo in the water near the docks) and they went to bed without a peep. I followed not long afterwards. At 1:30 am I awoke to shrieking of the *death is imminent variety* - I leapt from the bed fully prepared to open up a can of ninja on whatever was causing Babs to scream. When I entered her room she was sobbing hysterically. When I reached for her I was swiftly covered in hot baby sick.

This is the best part of parenting. It prepares you for things you never thought you could stomach. (Pun intended.) But despite that fact - even whilst covered in sick, you must still manage to soothe the poor patient and assure her that the beloved bunny will be right as rain after a short run around the washing machine.

I stripped the bed, stuffed animals, pillows and clothing and remade it all in record time. I cleaned her little face and had her rinse out her mouth, returned her to bed and bent down to bestow a wee kiss upon her little tear stained face - and realized that her hair was full of vomit... a trip back to the bathroom - a stiffled gag - and a shampoo in the sink and she was finally clean. I, however, still had to strip my clothes and bleach myself from head to foot to get rid of the smell ... since at that point if I caught a whiff of it I would surely vomit myself...

I love kids, they fill life with all kinds of smiles and laughter - but also with the occasional throw up... kids are cute, but yucky.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Playing catch up...

For those of you who may not have been around from the beginning - a little collection...

Old posts... near the beginning... I did a Marzipan babies post. Featuring a soul searching discussion pertaining to cannibalism...

Then I moved onto making fun out of horrid holiday celebrations - that as I recall left me in all actuality feeling lonely and sad - but I found the fun. Lucky for me this was the last holiday with these tree dwellers (or cave dwellers, really).

I went to see my friend - it helped me remember who I was and made me smile about it. It was that vacation that made me realize I was losing a bit of who I was, and missed myself too much to let it continue.

I remembered some soul searching. I shared it with you.

I turned 30. This was tough for me. I was soon to be single and 30...

I finally knew that I was going to be okay.

I also managed to get mad!

I dreamed of a magical tent in the woods - which almost a year later to the day I would actually be inside of - falling in love with Spartan! Life is such a funny thing.

I came to terms with being single again after 10 years... more bachelors... and yet more...
and even weddings. This blog has been there for my closest friend's nuptials as well as my brother's.

And then finally a new home.

Until finally the paradigm shift. (meeting my love)

Which brings us to 2008.

I love the journey thus far....

Don't worry - I'll post something new very soon ;-)

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Blogging

It has taken over my life... lol.

This is my place to go, that is always my own. I use it to vent, to laugh and yes, even to feel loved. It is a very important place for me. You are all very important to me. So, to you - all of you - I say thank you from the bottom of my heart; Thank you for coming here everyday and listening to all of my ramblings. This blog was here years ago through my divorce - from beginning to end - most of you without knowing it was happening because this was my escape... but more than once it provided a smile when my face was literally starving for them. This blog and you, my blogdom, have also been here to witness the past year, where I found my Spartan... and you have all helped me to get through the missing him and the looking forward to seeing him. I love being able to share my joy. Even after an entire year - it still feels like a dream. You have all been happy and excited for me - and it means the world to me. It really does.

Just thought I'd let you know. You are all very much appreciated and though I have met very few of you, are all considered friends.

Now...seeing as how I just waxed away a good portion of my eyebrow... I'm off in search of an eyeliner to disguise it before I venture out to be a soccer mom for what feels like the umpteenth time this week...

Have a wonderful morning/evening/night - wherever these words find you in the world...

Monday, June 16, 2008

I debated sharing this story... but what the heck. You guys already know what a spaz I am.

One evening hanging out in our room... after a bit of wine... a lot of wine maybe... we were getting ready to go out for dinner and suddenly - I was inspired to give Spartan a "sexy dance" by this song. (I was hitting on him). You know - keeping things fun. Or... funny as it happened.

Part way through the dance, which was very good - if I do say so myself (I got quite into it), I tripped over my own feet and went careening across the room.*

Starts out sexy as hell (or my attempt at it) and ends in a sheepish grin. I think I do "cute" not "sexy". I'll have to try to remember that. But I have to tell you - it was quite an empowering feeling there for the first few minutes... you know, before the "me" spilled out. You should give it a try ladies... ;-)

* Spartan was kind enough to tell me he thought I did it on purpose to emulate True Lies... wish I'd thought of that before the furious blushing kicked in. It did make me feel better though. ;-)

Friday, June 13, 2008

I've just returned from seeing the new Indiana Jones movie.

My theory is this - if you are a fan of Indy - you will see this movie regardless of what the critics suggest or, what my humble synopsis of this movie will be.

I've mixed feelings about it, but in the end I have to say that I just love Indiana Jones. *side note - bright light of an ex thought this movie might be appropriate for a 4 year old and 6 year old to see... this clearly explains that people should require a license prior to being allowed to parent...* I have to admit that second I heard the song - It reminded me of that feeling I had when I watched the first three films. You know, that urge to seek out adventure, travel to far off places to unravel riddles and solve puzzles, overcome fears of creepy crawlies and have a romantic encounter (but of course, that encounter would be with my own man of adventure; Spartan - he'd be one hell of a sexy Indiana Jones *pause for fantasy*) while beating away evil and coming out victorious.

It was, predictable and the plot line was kind of silly - but that is what makes it Indiana Jones after all. It's not like Raiders of the Lost Ark had an anymore believable story line in a way... I won't spoil it. There was a fantastic line at the end that went something like this, "How much of our lives are wasted waiting." Too true.

I did also recently see Prince Caspian and the Chronicles of Narnia - and I must admit that I feared that even this might be too old for my kids, but in the end I opted to take them to it and they both rather enjoyed it. I loved it. I especially loved this song. I've been playing it over and over again for days.

Movies. The way to lose yourself for a few hours and go somewhere entirely different. Sometimes that is just what you need and is why I love them so very much.

Now, there is a huge thunder storm rumbling around my house and I am sipping a delightfully strong rum and pineapple juice. I think it might be prudent to turn off the computer *gasp* until it passes and pay full attention to this delightful beverage... and daydream about... well you can all imagine who ;-)

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Thwamping Lettuce and Other Foibles...

Feeling adventurous, Spartan and I asked our friendly cab driver if there was a restaurant he might recommend. He very promptly and excitedly said yes, that indeed there was and he could make a reservation right now - he went on to insist that if we didn't love the food he would foot the bill.



We arrived at this quirky place, filled with interesting and unique wall decor -such as the coveted plastic vegetable wall arrangement including a large plastic lettuce. So. Not. Kidding. All joking aside, it was obvious that they had worked very hard to create a nice environment.



When we first sat down, I told Spartan that I myself have many times considered slapping Babs toy plastic food on the wall - voila! - instant art. We chuckled a bit and ordered some wine.



The wine was brought and the waiter went about trying to uncork it. Both Spartan and I surmised very quickly that it was a twist off top but - we very subtly looked the other way while he spent about 10 minutes trying to uncork it. Once he figured it out - we acted as though we hadn't a clue what had transpired and ordered our dinner.



Dinner arrived and each plate contained enough food to have fed a family of 4. We have no idea how the people who live there aren't all well over 300 pounds. It was delicious!



Part way through the meal - and all the way through the bottle of wine - I was trying to describe how a snorkel worked using my fork to aid the illustration. When I did this - I accidentally forked the wall lettuce thereby dislodging it and send it careening into my head.



At this point - we couldn't contain our laughter. I pointed out to Spartan that - he picked me... because of my specialness. I very quickly returned the wall lettuce to it's place in the arrangement, fixed my hair and acted as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred....



Then, I went to the bathroom. (All it needed to spruce it up was some wall lettuce) Let me give to you, my dear bloggers, an illustration of that adventure;



It was fantastic. The food was amazing, the laughter was ridiculous and the company was enchanting. I hope we get to go back there one day... and that perhaps I don't have need of the facilities ;-)