Friday, May 30, 2008

WOOOOO HOOOOO! I pick Spartan up tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!

The kids and the oldest of the kittens are playing in the backyard; bugcatching. This includes molluscans. (Snails). Yuck. It reminds me of when my brother was little, about three. He was playing in the yard collecting them. He was wearing overalls and decided to fill all of the pockets of his overalls with the creatures - unbeknowst to my mother, of course. Back then, we had no washing machine and Mum washing our clothes by hand. So, the next day she sits herself down and washes the overalls - what comes next? Why, ringing them out of course. Squish, crunch, ooze. Pockets of squished snails. Though we didn't have much money back then, Mum opted to throw them immediately into the garbage. I think I may have done the same thing.

My brother used to do all kinds of gross things. That same year he was pretending to be a cat. Mum was gardening and he was playing along side her. She glanced over at him and he was crawling around mewing. Then she spotted something in his mouth... upon closer inspection she realized that it was a dead - beef jerky like - mouse. In. His. Mouth. She bleached him from head to toe - and sobbed dreadfully the entire time sure that he was clearly going to die. He didn't. He went on to grow into a lovely teenage boy who exploded frogs with fire crackers on the trail behind our house - usually timed to shock people walking by. He was a creative fellow... now he uses these techniques to nail al-Qaeda terrorists. Much better use I should think...

Well, blog friends... this may be my last post for a week or so. I may pop in while I am away just to say 'ello... but it depends on Internet access and all that... and um you know.... how *hehem* busy I am... ;o)

Can't wait to come back and read up on what all of you guys have been up to!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

The lovely Paige has given me an award! Tada!

Ookami Snow has also bestowed an honor upon my blogdom;

I'm a happy girl!

I am so grateful that you guys come to hear my general ramblings. To my blog family - BIG HUGS!!
Today was fun; I have the Kat's kittens. Yes, I still speak to her even though she has abandoned us in blogland. It happens... we've sadly lost some good ones; Kat, Badge, Greenfish and Moxy. Sigh. But the rest of us are here - hopefully for the long haul. And now we can bitch about them since they can't hear us anyway ;o)
So, I've packed and repacked so many times that I can't even remember what I've decided to keep in there... but I moved the suitcase to the door - ready to go. I remembered sunscreen, a bathing suit, pepto and Tylenol so - all is good.
Tomorrow is the last day that I have to get through (for a while) without my Spartan. JOY. Tomorrow should zip by. What with the kittens and then - I have to pick up my parents at the airport back from their latest adventuring. I won't get home until midnight, not so bad as that should allow me to sleep in a tad. I may even manage one last trip to the gym to get bikini ready. Then Saturday I will tidy up the house one last time, get dressed and head back to the airport to await his arrival. I am really looking forward to seeing him. I've missed him a lot. (Have I mentioned how wonderful he is?)
Oh yeah, and after all of those sit ups - pain. Breathing hurts. Awesome. That means it's working...
Side note - Right now, Babs is sitting beside me eating green beans. You would think I was forcing her to eat bat droppings from the look on her face.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Went to the gym. Had a great work out... would have been better except, I accidentally wore my crocs instead of my runners. I am such a dork... but that's nothing new. At least I can laugh at myself - and often. I did a grand total of 240 crunches - 210 with a five pound weight on my chest. I am sure that by tomorrow even breathing will be an effort. I will sleep standing up since being able to sit up in bed may also be an impossibility.

Happy to report that the sun is shining, the tomatoes are growing and the strawberries are almost ready to eat. I also love that I can throw the children into the yard and they will happily entertain themselves for hours digging up worms. Keeps my patience for them in check. Patience is something I have become quite an expert at, to say the least. Patiently waiting for the love of my life to turn up at the airport, waiting for my god daughter to come into the world, etc. Now - IF ONLY THEY WOULD HURRY UP. Those last few days are always so much harder for some reason - actually those last few minutes waiting at the airport to see his lovely face appear very nearly send me into convulsions. It doesn't help that there is a coffee shop right there (and we all know about me and coffee) and I always show up an hour too early - as though by sheer force of will it will make him turn up sooner. I never learn. He's worth the wait - but by golly I miss him. (I just said golly, hahahaha)

So, I'm off to fill my day full of stuff that feels mundane -- all in the hopes that it will distract me momentarily from getting totally hyper and extraordinarily impatient - since I am a self professed expert at it after all ;-)

Monday, May 26, 2008

Further to the mowing of the lawn...

My yard is quite large - large enough that some of the people around here with similar sized yards actually use a riding lawn mower to complete the task. Not I, however. I instead, use a lawn more that shuts off every 3 seconds or so. The yard very quickly takes on the appearance of a patchwork quilt. Eventually, I decided that I would go next door and ask the neighbour to borrow his. No problem! Here you go...

So, here I am with their lawnmower - very kindly lent. As I peer down at it, I notice that the little grass chimney that usually guides the cuttings into neat piles is pulled up so that it aims for the sky and secured into place with a wire. The quirky little old fellow explains that he likes the grass to spread out onto the lawn instead - like mulch sort of. But as I look at it, I think - that is going to shoot it straight up in the air - factor in moving forward and I fear that I, not the lawn, may end up covered in it. But I shrugged and began the task of very neatly mowing the lawn... and indeed I am very quickly covered from head to toe with grass cuttings.

Since the lawn is quite large and some of the grass was quite long - a generous amount of clippings made their new home upon my head.... and in my top, down the back of my pants and, well you get the general idea. I was indeed very glad that I didn't run over any animal droppings. All I could do was laugh and keep on mowing. Once I thought I might be near done *wipes copious amounts of grass from eye area* I turned around and peered at the lawn... I must say it does indeed look lovely. I, however, am still finding bits of grass clippings wedged in my hair despite several showers.

Yes, this weekend was a very busy one. I am sort of spring cleaning. Moving couches and carpets etc., to clean beneath them. I even organized my junk drawer, planted some of the seeds I grew in the greenhouse, weeded a touch, washed the car, caught the laundry up, visited my Nanny - waxed her eyebrows and still managed to go to the gym all the while making sure to remember to feed the hobbits. A busy weekend. But it doesn't stop there - NOO - I have a list of things to do over the week that should keep me very busy... not by accident. I wish it would hurry up and be Saturday already!

Happy Monday people!

Friday, May 23, 2008

I am SO excited! In 7 more sleeps I get to pick up my lovely man from the airport and spend a whole bunch of time with him! What could be better?

My cold is finally going away... today is the first day I actually feel my old amount of energy returning. So I'm going to make a list of 7 days of stuff that I need to get done - which won't include a bikini wax since I have no desire to go under general anesthetic right now... but will include cutting the grass with scissors since the lawnmower still isn't working...

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Weird Objects

Watch out. This may make you wet yourself.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Weee. Back into the world. Went to the gym today. Starting out a little slow since I am still under the weather but - it felt great.

It's funny how working out can become an addiction. As long as it is kept in check and healthy eating accompanies it - it's a good one. And it has some fabulous side effects; a tight tummy and a body that defies all of those things I read about what happens to you after you have kids.

Don't get me wrong. I gained enough weight to have qualified having to wear an orange triangle on my butt. I took it as a license to eat everything in sight. (I hate to admit this --- Spartan skip this part... lol... but I think I tipped the scales at almost 200 pounds when I was expecting my son... that would have been okay if I had been giving birth to a 10 year old...) That was also back in the day when I allowed things such as fast food into my person. I rarely, if ever, do now. Partially because I have come to love my body too much and also because the caloric intake is just plain stupid. (Plus that super size me movie sent me a very loud unpleasant message that stuck in my head) Nothing tastes as good as I feel right now. I have to remind myself sometimes, but all in all I think I've come a long way. I still eat chocolate - even ice cream AND I even eat french fries. But I make healthiER choices and in moderation.

There is so much information available online to help you choose foods that are good for you - though I have a sneaking suspicion most of us know already... it's just easier not to sometimes. There is also a tonne of info on the web to help you devise a good exercise program and save you those dollars spent on a personal trainer. If you can afford it - it's great - if not - research. You'll be surprised. OR... any of you single folk might just want to hire them cuz they are cute - that's okay too :o) And if you are in a relationship - why not work out together... when you leave you're already hot and sweaty so... he he he.

Remember, you can go a long way on your own. Start slow. Push yourself and you will be amazing and proud of what you can do. AND - don't forget to check yourself out. The results will show and you will find that looking in the mirror becomes more and more enjoyable. Don't forget to reward yourself either; pick a day to overindulge if that idea appeals to you. Eat that one thing you really love even if it is horrible for you. You might find that after a while, you don't even want to do that as much.

I'm no expert, but this is what works best for me. Stick to food that you recognize. In other words, if it looks like it did the moment it came off of the animal, off of the tree or out of the ground - it's better for you. Ground meat (sausage, burgers, hotdogs etc.) are a great place to hide things you really wouldn't want to know you're eating. They also put tonnes of additives that are really bad for you in there. Healthy fat? Absolutely! Your body needs it - it can be found in nuts and fish. And your brain will love you for it. Carbs? Sure. Body needs them too...but not as many as we usually choose. I am a recovering carboholic. They really ought to have meetings for people like us. Stick to brown rice, whole grains and avoid white. The white gums up your insides - like glue. Your body can't process it and it makes you feel yucky.

People spend their whole lives taking care of the people they love and why you shouldn't you include yourself in that? You'll have more energy to give and more time on earth to do it. Plus your time here will be spent in a body that feels good and looks good too. OH yeah - and look for people to give you a positive response - I lived for a long time without one and having Spartan encourage me makes all the difference.... so be it a friend, family member or better half -- let them know how much it helps.

Oh yeah - I'm one pound away from my "goal". Not so much a goal really - just figure it's something to aim for. More important is how you feel in your body and that has zip to do with a scale.

I'm not done my rant.... sorry if I'm boring you guys. But this shit really interests me.

I've been trying to figure out my BMI and body fat percentage as of late. More out of interest in it than a goal per se. There seems to be a common misunderstanding about what a good range is to fall into. Your best bet is to ask your doctor - they generally are in the know about these things. Some information found on the web seems to deem my body fat percentage too low - while other places seem to think it's normal... one of them even told me to join the biggest loser... hahaha.

What you have to consider is that - I am training really hard right now and a lot of my fat has been replaced by lean muscle. I currently seem to be estimated at at 17% body fat (which sounds like a lot) based on measurements alone. It's not completely accurate but it gives you an idea. The thing is, different body types will produce some results that are inaccurate. The only way to know for sure is to take the water displacement test - and I dunno about you ladies but I spend wayyyy too long doing my hair to do that.

The average body fat percentage for U.S. (couldn't find Canada) females is around 32%, with the ideal at 22%. Athletic, very fit females should be around 15-20%. The average body fat percentage for U.S. Men are typically lower in body fat percentage, averaging around 23%, with an ideal of about 15%. Highly fit athletes are between 5-10%. So remember that the boys get to have 10% less fat on their person... guuurrrr. Lucky ducks - you are actually supposed to jiggle less. It makes sense though ladies - we aren't supposed to look like those boys - we're supposed to be kind of softer and that's what makes us women... and that's not such a bad thing.

Now, let's look at BMI. I clock in around 20.3 to 20.6 depending on where you look.
Below 18.5 is underweight. 18.5—24.9 is normal. 25.0—29.9 is overweight and 30.0 and above
is considered obese.

What really surprises me is that I fall into the 10th percentile for women my height and age. The average woman my age, weighs somewhere in the region of 160 pounds - which for my height (5'6) is considered overweight. I know that on MY body (from right after my son was born - that this weight doesn't look so good on me... not to say it will look the same on you... we all carry it a different way) Drop 6 little pounds and you in the normal range - and THAT is a good thing. That just means you should cut out the pop... lol. It makes a world of difference.

Don't worry - this won't be a blog all about health from now on... just once and a while ;o) It's one of my new hobbies - thanks for humouring me. Now - gimme 20.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Just in case you haven't voted...

It's the last day and we are even in the race right now.. uh oh!! HELP.

OK people...10 days till my love is in my arms. HOORAY. I am really really excited! I think the official countdown begins when the expiry date on the milk coincides with the date - which might make me strange but we already knew that.

Remember how I said I was going to keep going to the gym? I didn't. I felt/feel like hell. I plan on returning tomorrow. Wish me luck with that. It's gunna hurt. Lots. Not only will I look like the dawn of the dead - I will move like it too.

So, my parents are sailing away... they told me they made it to Key West. I don't know why they went there... not exactly on their route... but anyhoo. They told me they got a GPS tracking system and will be emailing me the link to some website so I can track their progress. That's pretty cool. I love technology. They also mentioned that they were having some minor electrical difficulties and needed to stop and get them repaired.THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME NERVOUS.

Now... I am going to go tackle the laundry. It burped the last time I walked by it. I think that's a bad sign. I'm bringing a baseball bat with me just in case.

Monday, May 19, 2008

A rant about soda pop.

Yep. We've all had it. I grew up, in fact, in a house were it was slightly revered even; hidden in secret places in the house by my father. We always knew where they were, of course and raided his stash all the time. He used to pop a wee bit of rum in it after a long day of work.

It's addictive, because it gets you high. They took the cocaine out almost a hundred years ago. You know why? It was superfluous. In other words - what with all the sugar and caffeine it wasn't necessary to have a similar effect.

10 teaspoons of sugar hit your blood stream 10 minutes after you drink a pop. One can has all of the daily recommended sugar. Now, try to remember that there is sugar in a lot of what we consume in a day and can be found in surprising places... start reading your labels my little angels.

Did you know that you would immediately vomit from the amount of sugar, but because phosphoric acid cuts the sweetness so you can keep it in (and this substance is p.H. 2.8. This is the substance which will dissolve a nail in 4 days... that's comforting).

After about 20 minutes, your blood sugar (not surprisingly) shoots sky high. So your liver goes into overtime and turns any sugar it can into fat. Oooh yes and it also has ethylene glycol in it, which is also used in anti-freeze.

All of your organs receive an undue amount of stress attempting to process this lovely bevvie. Undue stress can injure or scar your organs - which results in them working less effectively in your old age.

After 40 minutes, it is completely into your system. Your pupils dilate and your blood pressure shoots up.

And here's where it gets interesting....45 minutes after drinking your pop, your body ups your dopamine production. Dopamine stimulates the pleasure centers of your brain. Heroin does the same thing. Bet most of us didn't know that.

After an hour, all that delicious phosphoric acid binds calcium, magnesium and zinc in your lower intestine. Then you pee it out - all of it including any water in the pop. Then comes the sugar crash. When you feel tired. Followed about an hour or so later by a caffeine crash.. but the good news is... if you have another Coke, it’ll make you feel right as rain.

It can also dehydrate you even though it is a "beverage, and that can lead to Chronic Cellular Dehydration thereby weakening your immune system. If you drink one can of cola, you will need to drink 8 glasses of water to replace the water loss.

AND - that stuff you are putting into your bloodstream is actually used to dissolve blood off of the road at accident scenes. Comforting.

And that's not just coke kids, it's all pop. And sweeteners? Don't get me started on those...

Friday, May 16, 2008

Spartan really deserves an award. Is there an award for being the most incredibly wonderful person in the universe? If there was - he'd get it.

No matter what happens in the world - no matter how many things go wrong in a day - there is always something that is so right. That something is him.

He makes me feel like I'm beautiful - even with my hair sticking up all over and no make up on. He makes me so happy and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Always kind, accepting and encouraging. He is positive and loving. Handsome and giving. He works so hard, but no matter how tired he is he makes time for me and makes me feel special every single day. I am so proud of him and proud to be loved by him. What have I done in my life to deserve something so wonderful to have happened to me? I intend to spend the rest of my life trying to earn it.

So as Sprinkle said, let's hear it for the boys! Well said.

Two weeks until I get to look into his beautiful eyes and breathe him in. Hooray!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

I awoke this morning to the sound of a herd of elephants making their way across my house. I reached in vain for my hunting rifle only to realize that I was still in a dream sequence involving zebras and lions and the sound of the herd was coming from mine and one of Kat's children stampeding through the house playing starwars. The reason I was still in a dream is that I still should have been fast asleep; it was only 6:00 am. Oooooh. Guuuuhrrrrrr.

In stage whisper, "Downstairs before I duct tape you to the walls." ! "Quiet, like mice. The baby is sleeeeping, just like the rest of the sane population."

The stampede retires to the living room where they begin the (no doubt premeditated) mass destruction of the toys I so painstakingly organized just the day prior. They should work for the military.

****Thought: Why do I bother "organizing" them anyways? Clearly it isn't for the children. So it must be for me. Also, for several days after I have to run around behind them putting everything back exactly where it came from and telling them to sit quietly. Very stressful. Isn't the point of toys that the kids get to play with them? Perhaps. But I still contemplate giving out "quiet children drugs" on occasion just so that I can feel like everything is where it ought to be for a short spell. Is there such a thing as a "quiet children drug"? I'm calling the pharmacy to check...They suggested gravol. Can you believe that? LOL... do I have any?....

So anyways, I got up and made my way weaving down the stairs in a state of sleep deprivation and realized two things; I really wanted coffee (bane of my existence) and also, my throat hurts in that kind of a way that tells me that by tomorrow morning I will be in a coma in bed and unable to breathe. Double nice. I have this ability to feel incredibly sorry for myself when I have a cold. It's an art that I am very proud of. Sadly, despite the fact that I have surely caught the plague, *images of the wheel barrow and yelling "bring out your dead..." go through my head...*I will still have to force myself to go to the gym. So - I will be that person on the treadmill that I loathe so much - hacking and coughing my way through my work out. The only reason I can't rest is - I only have two weeks and am bound and determined to look better in a bikini than I ever have in my life.

Oh yes - and I also inadvertently caught sight of myself in the hallway mirror this morning and realized that if I had four children - I would spend the rest of my life looking like something from the Dawn of the Dead.

In other news (having a wee pity party this morning - care to join?) - my lovely handsome Spartan was going to be joining me this week for a couple of days - but his work schedule changed and he can't come - I have to wait to see my love for two weeks. The only good thing is - he won't catch the plague from me... but who will spoon feed me chicken broth and run my bath? (I joke... okay you got me - I'm not).

Lastly, I went to the shed to feed the plants (for some reason I think I thought I would have to grow enough veggies to feed a small army... I have waaaaay too many plants in there. What the hell was I thinking? WHOooops.) ---where was I before I so rudely interrupted myself? --- ah yes - and the door to the shed was being guarded by the biggest jumping spider I've ever seen in my life. GOD TAKE NOTE: I HATE BUGS. HATE THEM. I threw several plastic planters at it and all it did was stare me down in a way that so said he wanted to arm wrestle - so I got out the hunting rifle... (if it rains because of me - I'm okay with it - that way I don't have to water the garden...)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

(My son told me he caught a praying mantis in his sister's room. He put it in his bug catcher. I am sooooooo not joking OR looking. )

So anyhoo - the other day a kid in our neigbourhood went missing. He is three. He had been gone for several hours before his mum noticed. I presume she thought he was sleeping. Anyways - instantly the entire block emerges from their homes and starts searching. I ran directly towards the train track a few blocks up. About an hour later - the police call them and tell them he has been picked up. They bring him on home and he is reunited with Mummy who is hysterical at this point.

My questions are several. How the hell does your kid go missing for 3 or 4 hours and you don't notice? How'd he get out? Don't you keep them locked in the attic like I do? (kidding)

Dunno. Suppose it could happen to anyone. But then again. NO. Maybe not.

They are a tad wee tiny bit strange this family. Their older kids are on the street all day until long after dark. Like 11:00 P.M. They are all of 7 and 9. They are reportedly "home schooled". They have these massive bible studies once a week but otherwise you never see the adults. Just the kids. It seems a bit eeeerie to me. Maybe the kid was trying to escape?

He could come live here... I do need someone, seeing as the dishwasher is broken... muah hahahaha.

P.S. Is this cheating? (yes. I think it is. Hmm. Ho hum.)

I need you guys to vote for me... I'm a big loser...

(When you get there scroll down a couple of posts...and tada. Vote - ME since Earl has way too many friends... I'm just little miss "last one picked for red rover". Don't let me end up that way. I beg of you... puhleeeeeeeze.)

Earl - just for you; a link directly to the actual post... :o)

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mother's Day was yesterday here, though I think there are different days for it in different parts of the world...

My Mother's Day was spent without my Mum. She is sailing her boat back from Florida as we speak. My children were with their Father.... and then the dishwasher broke. So I spent the day doing dishes.


I miss Spartan. And I hate doing dishes....

oh yeah - and the lawnmower isn't working properly either. NIIIICE.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Remember the story about how I called and spoke dirty to the Frenchman? Well, Spartan thought he was very funny by picking up the phone saying "Bonjour?" the next day. Though it sounded like him - I wasn't about to fall for it just in case so it stopped dead. "Uh. Hello? ... Spartan?" *side splitting laughter from the other end* "You are a brat Spartan. You will be punished." That punishment will commence in less than 8 hours...I'm so looking forward to seeing my Spartan! There is nothing in this world that can put a bigger smile in my heart. The punishment might have to wait...maybe.

24 days to paradise. For all you numerical wizards that is a mere 3.43 weeks. As mentioned before, I have already packed... but I think I will have to take everything out just to reassure myself that I haven't got any centipedes hitching a lift. I don't think I want to put on my sundress and glance down to see a broach with legs. That might put me in a padded room. Permanently.

Babies babies everywhere. My friend D had a little girl last week. She's adorable. Like a doll. My bff Carrie is due in a couple of weeks - can't wait till she can drink again (priorities). There are several others will growing tummies scattered about. What amazes me is how quickly you forget how little and helpless they are when they come out... and how much fun it is to get them out. Easier the second time. They shoot out like a well oiled cannon. (kidding...sort of) But then there they are, like cute little blobs - leaky blobs that cry but have really cute toes. They don't really do much at the beginning. They sleep and they don't really "learn" to cry until their lungs develop. So it IS kind of like having a toy. I like that I can visit them and then go home and sleep ALL night. ;-)

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

I am in bug hell.

You heard me. HELL.

This week; a tick ON MY DAUGHTER and moments ago a centipede. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand they bite. I'm moving. Into a bubble. This is surely the most -the most- fearsome creature ever to enter my home, the house centipede. It is freaky and it is VILE. It also has waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many legs. Who needs 15 pairs + of legs. And they can run so freakin fast you have no idea - so can I - IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. They can run 50 cm a second. That's speedy. They have 40 eyes. OMG. Also - it appears they are flame retardant. Even immune to bleach and draino... (then again thrown from across the room if I actually hit it). Also seemingly impervious to being screamed at. Oh yeah - and you'd be surprised at how quickly they can move when partially dismembered. It kind of looks like a toupee running like hell across your floor. I did some reading and it appears if you have an allergic reaction to their venom you develop something akin to a goiter - for the rest of your life. Which would kind of make me paranoid - as though it laid eggs in you.

Oh - and speaking of which, if you ever decide to call Kat for moral support - She doesn't help. She ADDS to it by coming up with all of this random and hideous information to support your paranoia. Then she branches off into things like ticks tunnelling into your head and staying there - also a particularly fascinating recollection of someone she knew who had a GIANT maggot in their head. An African fly larvae. Soooo - I think Africa is out. Forever. Don't need to go there. Don't want to need to live in a padded cell for the rest of my life.

I think that I may have to purchase a hasmat suit for sleeping in. Anyone happen to have one I could borrow?

Monday, May 05, 2008

HAPPY ME! Going to see Spartan in THREE days!!! Hooooooooahhhhhh!! So this makes me cheerful and annoying - even more than usual.

Everyone say congrats to Spartan - he has gotten a "promotion" of sorts. Everyone say it - I command you as god of this blog.

I have lost one pound. That is 0.77% of my body weight. I know you may not think it's a great big deal - but I do... and it means that my muscle has that much less to struggle though to be seen in only---- drumroll---- 27 more days. I figure if I keep this up I should be verra svelte verra soon. Hopefully "verra soon" will be in 27 days. To assist me in this I have downloaded the theme from Rocky to add to my running... I replay it over and over and punch the air dramatically. I fit right in with the rest of the nuts at the gym. FANtastic.

Today I decided to go shopping for a dress to wear out for dinner with Spartan. I found this really slinky black dress - that is - how shall we say.... a bit more *sexy* (aka slutty) than I normally wear. I think I generally dress with a more school marmish flair. This dress - It's short. Like really short. Spartan says I have nice "get away sticks" so I thought I might as well - before I'm too old. (Which will be sometime next So anyhoo - got it home and realized that I have to perform this sort of contortionist act in order to get INTO the dress. Plus I need help zipping her up...

Preeeety short hey? I'm afraid to sit down in it. lol. But once I manage to zip it up - I feel verra nice! I don't think I've ever worn a skirt/dress above the knee. High five!

K - I'm going to open up the fridge and stare longingly at the food now... and then grab a rice cake and go crash onto the couch.

Three days!! Weeeee.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Friday, May 02, 2008

Spartan is in Montreal on business. So I call his room this morning and he answers the phone in a very cleverly disguised voice - in french! I can play too, thought I - seeing as how I'm the one that actually took French in school.

The conversation proceeds as follows (please excuse the incorrect spelling etc - my french is rusty);

Cleverly disguised Spartan - "Oui?"
Me - *supressed giggle* "Bonjour, comment cava?"
Cleverly disguised Spartan - "Bonjour. Cava Bien. *insert some impressive made up french garble here*"
Me - (thinking I'm OH so funny and the entire time trying to come up with something french to say back) "Voulez vous couchez avec moi se soir, mon chere?"
Cleverly disguised Spartan - "Pardon?"
Me - (I'm so winning this) "Oui, se soir, dans ton chambre, d'accord? ***pause***J'adore toi!"
Cleverly disguised Spartan - "*insert a whole wack of very convincing excited french garble here*"

Wait... um. That sounds kind of real. Oh. No.

me - "This isn't Spartan cleverly disguising his voice - is it?"
The man on the phone who certainly isn't Spartan - "*something very quick and very much in real french"
me - "I am so sorry" *furious blushing* "wrong room". *click*

So children of the blog, the lesson I have taken away from this morning is - do not call a place where they speak another language before you've had your coffee. It pays to be awake so you actually know who you are speaking to. Also --- stick with your first instinct... if it doesn't sound like Spartan and is speaking a different language... it likely isn't him. That poor poor man. Probably some french diplomat or something. Well... at least he'll have a funny story for his wife. Or maybe not. LOL. I'm going back to bed.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Recent Keyword Activity...

You would expect people to google, Pamela Anderson naked pics, sexy pics or something perverse... but no.... they google this; teeny shaving gunt - I don't know what to say here. I thought about not putting this here - but it's too demented not too - and the person googled it more than once and on different days... and it brought them HERE. I feel dirty.

AND - why is someone wondering it is illegal to pawn your wooden leg - was this person going to? I want it. Seriously.

Some people find themselves faced with deep questions that bounce around the universe confusing the masses, such as - is a duckbill platypus more interesting than a guinea hen.... well duhhhhh. Of course it is. What is wrong with you?

Poor people also ponder, does putting a pillow between your legs make you skinnier - wtf? Seriously? I'm on it. I learn things from myself daily... or did I? Where am I? Who are you? Give me back my pillow, I'm feeling fat. If I cover myself in pillows (we know I have enough) will I lose pounds everywhere - or is this only effective for legs? What about wooden ones?

Someone out there has wondered about a chickegeon - someone actually "googled" this. I'm confused. Wonder if they are all as tasty as the one I just had for supper? Funny thing is the only result was me. Oh no! Did I just eat the last chickegeon???!!!

Then there was the old, funny things you can do with super glue - apparently I'm in the results somewhere. Glad this kid doesn't live here...

what the heck is the CHAKARON MAKARON - I love how some people demand answers of google as though it is a live person - a knower of things if you will - an oracle - and you don't even need to travel to Tibet and make an offering to ask...I'm going to ask some questions randomly and see what happens...I'll be back later to tell you how it went...