Friday, March 28, 2008

A few random ponderings....

2. This made me laugh... but then I got a little scared.

3. If a hearse is carrying a corpse... can they drive in the car-pool lane?

4. You know the signs on restaurant doors that read; No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? What if someone goes in with no pants?

5. Kat - this one is for you...

6. This clip made me think of very ungodlike things.... specially that bit where... nevermind.

7. After you get bored stabbing your monkey... try teaching him this...

The Onion: China Celebrates Status As Number One Polluter

Thursday, March 27, 2008

And now for something terrifically fun...

So - here's a few fun little hairstyles I played with. I didn't have time to crop out my actual hair which is peeking out above most of them - but it was still fun. From a site called I can't tell you how fun this was. You gotta try it (specially you slyde!) Then you will all waste away for hours in front of the computer... wait... you guys already do, right??
I call the first one - "Ditta".

Clearly this one is "Posh Funnygirl"

Isn't this awful!! LOL "Beauty pageant winner"

Just slightly different from number one, this one shall be - very creatively entitled "Ditta Deux"

Christ. I think I might actually do this one... unexpected benefit to goofing off on the computer...
Wow. Whood a thunkit. A blonde? "Marilyn"
"Malibu Barbie"

This is cute. What do you guys think? The red head or this one for my next look?
Seriously. This shit is addictive...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Had a brilliant day.

Managed to remember to get the garbage out AND Roo didn't miss the bus even though we overslept ever so slightly. The sun shone all afternoon.

Went shopping. Got a wonderful dress - but it had those big baggy pockets that you see on the runways these days. I just think they look stupid. So upon realizing that I really loved the material and the fit of the dress - (the price was also verra nice!) I decided I would remove said pockets thereby creating a brand new pocketless dress. Hooray. Betcha that's why nobody had bought it yet. (I would sneak into the store and start altering designs for fun... but I'd end up in jail... )

Also managed to book all of the necessary things for the birthday of the Babs on Sunday. She and Kat's gal will be getting wee manicures - and there will be all manner of girlyness that day. Princess cakes and crowns... you know. *YAY* Also got AND wrapped her presents. Now I just have to wait for Sunday.

On top of that, I cleaned the bathrooms, did the laundry, tidied the kitchen and mopped all of the downstairs floors.

I think I've earned a nice yummy beverage this evening... and perhaps just a few more after that ;-)

Monday, March 24, 2008

Having firmly established that my punishment for eating my children's Easter candy is that my face has broken out - I have now decided that I will not steal any more candy from children. At least not this year. Or... at least not candy belonging to MY children. (Your children? Different story.) Damn Easter for coinciding with PMS. The gods must be angry. Probably because I curse them so often... and so loudly. Especially when stubbing my toe... which come to think of it I do more often than most people for some inexplicable reason.

Today - I gazed into the mirror only to recoil in horror upon realizing that I have two spots upon my previously spotless visage. Certainly not the end of civilization by any means - but it is at least disappointing. More so because Spartan will possibly witness this mini-catastrophe next week. I figure a few more spots will appear in the next few days - and they may not completely go away. Which means I will have to hold my arms at a very odd and completely unnatural angle in a vain attempt to disguise my new flaws (he's used to the old ones... or... he may be visually impaired...) . I am also considering employing a new hair style that is sort of Veronica Lake-ish - only covering slightly more than half of my face. Perhaps a paper bag* with a great big happy face will accomplish two things; tell Spartan how happy I am to see him - and hide my hideous disfigurement.

Lastly - and to make you all point at me and laugh - I finally decided to use the hair dye that I purchased a few months ago to rid myself of the grey hairs... I only left it on for 15 minutes but I figured it was long enoughish. Rinsed it out... styled it. What do I see??!!! Grey hairs. Hmmm. I read the box - OHHHHH - it doesn't cover grey. Fantastic. I should get some kind of trophy for that one. For some reason I have been granted some level of intelligence that only presents itself when completely unnecessary. Which makes it about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

*When I looked on ebay to see how quickly one might appear on my doorstep - I found that people are quite shameless and will evidently sell anything....

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter!!!

Hope you guys get lots of chocolate goodies. And eat em. ALL. Without guilt.

I'm off to dress the kids up in pastels and try to keep them from overdosing on sugar.


Thursday, March 20, 2008

Okay people. I made these two cuties. I can't believe that they are growing up so fast.... (now watch it to the end - if you love me ;-))
Time for some more ramblings...

I never ask you guys for anything (do I?) but I need your help - one of my favorite blogs is threatening to come to and end. Please help me BEG her to reconsider. It's making me really sad. Boooooooooooooo. Please, everyone go there and tell her how wonderful she is. (Cuz she is).

Why do I find this funny? I mean laugh out loud - teary eyed funny. I'm sick and need some medication. Clearly.

In other news, Spartan was in a parade. It made the news, watch it here.

I have to go now. I have some shopping to do.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I love peanut butter. I may have mentioned this before. But I was just thinking about it since part of my lunch consists of yummy red delicious apple cubes that I am dipping in the lovely stuff. I also love Brazil nuts - but damn are they high in fat. Holy cow. I am going to eat 9 of them - that roughly translates to 300 calories. YIKES. But damn are they yummy.

Easter weekend approachith. I have yet to go and buy scads of candy. I may have to scale back this year... there is still some in the pantry from last year. Kids and sugar = mommy and headache. Besides - I steal half of it and eat it. (Remember bikini countdown....74 days to go.) Luckily between now and then there is only one big family dinner at Grandma's house - so I won't have to watch greedily while everyone else gets to eat the scalloped tatoes cept the once. But I might just have to allow myself this one little insanely high caloric treat (or two if you count the Brazil nuts...). Otherwise I might make my family members uncomfortable when I watch them eating them and start crying.

This has been all about food. I need to talk about something else... ho hum...

Oh - I know!

Spring is coming - I know this for sure since the tulips have ignored the snow and are coming up anyways. ***JOY*** I was out there with a hairdryer helping them along. (The people next door were driving by and I pretended to have a radar gun... LOL - they have taken to running and hiding when they see me now...)

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Things that make you go hmmmm.....

I think I know one of her clients... lol.

I am sitting here drinking my coffee and contemplating what time to go to the gym. I have a crick in my neck from poor sleeping posture. I'm sure it will only make my running appear more mechanical, LOL. Though I have to admit that I feel less and less like Frankenstein's monster the more I do it. I actually am getting to be "not so bad" at it. (Plus, I only have 77 days to get bikini ready and I imagine that will fly by faster than I think. Between now and then my goal is to complete somewhere in the range of 7,800 crunches, 1,375 minutes of cardio and 576 lunges. Nevermind all of the reps of weights etc. So not kidding. Guess I'd better get going... ;-))

.... and now just like Starbucks I give to you an inspirational saying for the day (that I stole from a Lulu Lemon flyer...)

"You ALWAYS have choice and the conscious brain
can only hold one thought at a time. Choose a positive thought."

(mmmmmmk. thought chosen ;-)...your turn)
Oh yeah.... and one more thing...

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

A few random things...

Today I was cleaning and I think I may have gone a little over board. This occurred to me when my daughter asked me why the soap dish was full of water and I responded - rather matter of factly - that I was cleaning the soap. We both kind of looked at each other for a moment and then back at the soap dish and laughed.

In other thoughts - ever have those moments where one second you are a perfectly capable human being and the next minute you can't seem to string a coherent sentence together? For some completely inexplicable reason you become a completely awkward buffoon, only to minutes later regain your usual cool demeanor and have absolutely no idea why?

Mary Anne smokes pot. Illusions shattering everywhere. Audibly. Maybe she was growing pot on the island - perhaps that's why they all stayed there so long...

I like the library. (*whispers* they give you books for free... or let you read them for free anyways...) I went a little overboard. I think. (50 books - I have to read them all in three weeks...and they were rather heavy to drag to the car...)

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Wow. From that to this... several feet of the white stuff. At least the sun is shining today. What an adventure. It still feels like a dream.

Poor Spartan is still in shock. I am still in shock that I actually managed to pull it off - I did of course, have the help of a few people -some his friends and some of mine. Without them it would have been impossible.
I missed him the second I drove away. I think I always leave a little bit of my heart with him.

Things I've learned about some different cities...

Toronto - When people "check people out" it looks like a business deal; they look at the person the same way they would look at a car they were considering buying. Vancouver is the same way but the people kind of appear to be happier for the most part.

Buffalo - No one looks at anyone. Seriously. How they procreate - I dunno.

Montreal - They kind of make you feel dirty with just their eyes; like you need a shower. They are a little more open in voicing and showing their admiration.

Ottawa - There really aren't any people there... that still creeps me out.

Miami - People spend all of their time looking at themselves. It's actually pretty funny.

LA - The women spend more time looking at other women. Even if they don't appear to be outwardly attracted to that particular sex. Also - A LOT of people there wear PUMA shoes - seriously - like a large percentage of the population. OOH - also, LAX is the most confusing airport in the universe. I thought Toronto was bad - it really isn't. LAX has 7,000 terminals and they make you stand in line ups that don't really appear to have any purpose. But at least they have palm trees and Wolfgang Puck pizza. Yum.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Well.... it was number 1.

As I type this I am sitting looking outside at a number of palm trees and am perspiring ever so slightly because.... I am in LA. LOL. (Funny thing you should mention sunny California Jahooni....)

Spartan got the surprise of a lifetime when he stepped out of the elevator and I was standing there - he is in LA on business and had a couple of days off - well poor Spartan! Can't leave him all alone now can I? So I did what any good girlfriend would do - I flew across the country and TADA!! His chin hit the floor and it took him several minutes to regain the ability to speak.

We went out last night and Spartan got me absolutely wrecked after feeding me margaritas. It was delightful. He is delightful. I would follow him to the moon...

Thursday, March 06, 2008

That is it.
I have had it.
I am leaving.
50 cm of snow. Beginning tomorrow.
If I go missing it is for one of three reasons;
1. I have made true on my threat - and run away, FAR AWAY and where I am going may not have a computer readily available or even if I did I wouldn't care because I'd be busy sipping a Mohito on a beach,
2. I am refusing to get out of bed and will happily eat cereal for the next three days and not lift the snow shovel - not even once to say I tried...or,
3. I may have stupidly decided to try to shovel and am somewhere stuck under a mountain of evil white snow and can't get out. Not to worry - I will place a bottle of tequila in one pocket and some margarita mix in the other before I venture out... that evil snow should be used for something after all - I will drink myself free...
I am so not kidding. Pick one. Place your bets. I'll be back someday to let you guys know who has won. Kat isn't allowed to guess because she already knows which one I'm leaning toward-- ;-P (Kat? You have any lime at your house? What about salt?)
Last night it was my friend's birthday. I ended up going to this concert by Leslie Gore. It was actually pretty fun. I didn't really know who she was initially - but I recognized several of her songs. She had some new ones, that were actually pretty good. But it was kind of sad seeing someone who really made the big time reduced to playing in these little off beat towns where half the people there are over 100 years old and they only remember 2 of her songs...then after she came out to do signings and my friend practically stalked her. She used an entire roll of film (yeah - I said roll...). It was weird but really funny.


When I was googling her Disney came up for some reason and it reminded me of when we were little we went to Disney Land. We got stuck in the Small World ride - for about 3 hours. The music doesn't exactly change much AT ALL. The puppets look a little luck Chucky at the beginning but you are scooting through fast enough that true terror doesn't take hold. After several hours, however, of little dancing creatures that look vaguely like Eskimos - they start to look truly evil. Horrible trauma...and the music sounds like the stuff nightmares are made of.


Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Leapt out of bed this morning looking very much like Dawn of the Dead. Hair sticking up every which way - with a confused and harried expression. Not sure what time it is exactly - no matter. I hear the house awake which means it is high time I drag my burnt little butt down the stairs. Wednesday means I must hurry a little - I've got to get to Roo's school first thing to volunteer. Have to get the garbage out too... and tonight I have to drive really far away to go out for this thing I agreed to...

I come flying down the stairs ready to take on the day. At the base of the staircase I stop. I stare. Say it isn't so. My eyeses deceive me. A huge snow storm. I open the back door and a blast of cold air mingled with SNOW hits my face.

I hate this. This is getting silly. We've set all manner of records this year with respect to snowfall. It's MARCH. What the heck is going on?

I'm going to run away....

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

When I sit and look back at my life, it strikes me that it is somewhat similar to a Woody Allen movie (whom I loathe) that has been spliced with Seinfeld and Friends.

I remember being really little and looking up at my mom thinking that she must be a movie star. She was so pretty. And her wardrobe was vast and sparkly - not to mention she owned a shoe collection Imelda Marcos would have envied. I remember sitting and watching her do her hair and make up and wondering if I would ever be able to emulate her.

When I was a kid I had really long hair. I could sit on it. And I had spindly legs and arms with really long skinny fingers. I sort of felt like a spider. I used to try on her shoes and even though I was aiming for feeling glamorous, I only succeeded in feeling desperately awkward. I always felt awkward as a child. Right into my young adulthood. The things that made me feel awkward then are the things I miss the most now.

Childhood memories are so strange. Some of the things etched deeply into our minds are things that make sense to remember, while others seem not to belong. Random memories that take up space and don't seem to have much of a reason to be there - yet there they are mixed in with all those life altering events. Some sad, some full of happy.

I remember attending my Grandfather's funeral. I was 9. I remember trying to come to terms with what my parents were telling me; that that was my Grandpa in there... that it was okay - I could touch him. I remember placing my hand on his in the coffin and knowing without a doubt that this was not my Grandpa anymore. I remember thinking he looked too thin and too still, and that his hair was far too neat - and that he was in a box. The other thing was, the lack of his booming presence was leaving a black hole in the room. Nope. That wasn't Grandpa. He was gone and everyone in the room was so sad. People kept telling me how sorry they were - nobody could possibly understand how sorry I was. I really loved him. I miss him. Especially in spring when the wild violets bloom.

I also remember hiding gum in the green shag carpet that lived on my bedroom floor. It seemed to just become absorbed into the floor never to be seen again. Like magic. I had a magic floor. I loved my magic floor and the room it lived in. I remember all of the details of that room, from the old glass that rattled in the window to the closet with a stairway to the attic. Clearly a stairway to another world. It was, after all, a magic room. There was also a magic tree in the backyard - it had a hole in it. You could hide your hot dogs in there and they would magically disappear. Poof. (remember the carnivorous squirrels... that, my friends, is where it all began).

I remember playing in that back yard for hours and hours - coming in for dinner and then going back outside until dark and we were called in to go to sleep. Lazy summer days. The hum of the big box fan blowing in the window sill and the sound of crickets singing were summer to me.

In the winter, I remember getting so much snow that we could tunnel through the entire backyard and I don't remember ever getting cold. I remember coming inside and getting hot chocolate. I remember when my mom helped us make candles with crayons, ice cubes and an old milk carton. Treasures that we made for Christmas gifts. I remember Christmas crafts - horrible little creations made of macaroni and spray paint that were supposed to look like the three kings. I even remember having whooping cough and being so desperate to go to school that I pretended to feel better, got dressed for school and promptly had a coughing fit that caused me to vomit on the coffee table - a table that now sits in my living room - very much devoid of vomit... but if tables could My mom made me stay home. I was heart broken.

I remember the bird bath fascinating me for hours. I remember making mud pies, building forts made out of blankets and broom sticks that could transport you to another world.

Though I agree that childhoods really are what you spend your life getting over - (Hope Floats - great movie) - there are still times I would like nothing more than to watch gum magically disappear into my carpet and not have to worry about anything grown up. Just for a moment.

I think I'm going to go build a fort...

OH - and in totally unrelated news - I burned my bottom at the tanning salon yesterday. It smarts. (Please refrain from telling me how bad it is to go there - I know... I only go once a week - helps get rid of February blahs...)

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Just some thoughts...

I think that a world without coffee would be a sad place indeed.

I am very worried about my big brother being deployed soon.

I would love to kick Ann Coulter's ass.

I need some chocolate right now. The real stuff.

According to Oprah and Dr. Oz I am 5 years younger than my real age - physically speaking. (Now someone please explain the grey hair & wrinkles)

I'm glad the amount of coffee I drink wasn't part of Dr. Oz's calculation of my "true age".

I think Disney needs to write a Fairy Tale where the princess gets divorced from an evil man and finds her true prince charming. It's about time...

Do people really LIKE the taste of brussel sprouts? I don't understand that.

I enjoy the smell of cleaning products even though I know they are bad for me.

True friends are forever.

I have to go eat lunch and hurry to the gym now so that I can eat guilt free cake tonight ;-)

Saturday, March 01, 2008

32 years to get here...

Today marks a journey that took me exactly 32 years. That journey led me through all kinds of ups and downs and over and outs and - was certainly fraught with it's share of mistakes and difficulties, tragedies and triumphs.

But I love where it brought me and I wouldn't change it for the world - because where I am right now is my favorite place.

Today, I sit here and my cup is overflowing. I was out for dinner last night with my darling Spartan and some very dear friends. Ever have those moments - right in the middle of laughing and talking when you step back and realize that your heart is so truly very happy? That you're so glad you get to be exactly where you are? I am so grateful for the gifts in my life. So much so that it brings tears to my eyes.

THANK HEAVENS for such good friends (kat she's a kitty kat), laughter, yummy pasta and scrumptious wine.... and also for snuggles (yes you Spartan).


Wonder what the next year of the adventure will bring?