Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I Believe

I believe- That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe-That no matter how good a friend is,they're going to hurt you every once in awhile and, you must forgive them for that.

I believe-That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe-That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe-That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe-That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them

I believe-That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe-That we are responsible forwhat we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe-That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe-That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and therehad better be something else to take its place.

I believe-That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,regardless of the consequences.

I believe-That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time!

I believe-That sometimes the people you expect to kick you whenyou're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe-That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe-That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe-That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe-That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe-That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe-That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe-That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe-That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I believe-That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe-That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I believe-That it is hard not to judge people but it is worth trying not to.

I believe-In saying you're sorry and meaning it with all of your heart.

I believe-That putting a free toy in cereal is a really great idea.

I believe-That we should help people in some small way every day that we possibly can, even if that just means smiling at someone or opening a door for them.

I believe-That kisses are wonderful.

I believe-That everyone has a story that can make you cry.

I believe-That you should share this with all of the people that you believe in.

...I believe-I just did.

(Thanks Jennifer, notice I added a few)

Another One - This one is for all of you...

1. FIRST NAME? Elizabeth

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? not that I know of

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY ? Last week watching a movie



6. ANY KIDS? Two, the girl and the boy


8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? (does this count?)





13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Ones without zippers? Sometimes.

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I know I am strong


16. SHOE SIZE? 8

17. RED OR PINK? Red

18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOUR SELF? I dunno if I wanna say this here...lol.





24. FAVORITE SCENT: anything orange or lime

25. WOULD YOUR X's SAY ANYTHING NICE ABOUT YOU? Of course - what's not to like




29. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer, I hate being cold

30. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolatey stuff




34. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don't use one



38. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I have many, many stupid human tricks up my sleeve

39. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? March 1, 1976 St Catharines Ontario Canada

40. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Carrie from BC

Saturday, January 27, 2007

I'm an Idiot and Other Stories...

So by now, most of you have ascertained (by first hand experience or in the reading of da blog) that I am known to have this little theme that follows me around.

Today was no exception to this rule.

I woke up this morning (very content) and meandered downstairs to have a cup of coffee. Outside, the ground is covered in fresh white snow and as I open the door to let the dog out, I step outside into the relatively mild winter morning and inhale the fresh air with a little smile. The dog bounds around kicking up snow and gets into a riveting game of "gonna getcha" with the cat. All is well in my world. I hear a strange sound. Shhhhhhh. Frump. A rather large and very heavy chunk of snow - that must have been balancing precariously on the deck - dislodges itself and lands on my head, and in my coffee. I stand. I do not move. *Blink blink*. I reach up and gingerly remove my new hat. I frown. Then I smirk and emit what can only be described as a humour laden whimper.

I turn to go inside. The door won't open. I have locked myself outside in the snow (in my pajamas) and have NO way of getting in, since the spare key that is supposed to be outside is within view - on the kitchen counter. Another whimper - this one... not so much humour mixed in there.

I walk next door to the little old Russian ladies house and knock - she opens the door and ushers me inside. She exclaims over how nice it is to see me and plunks me down at her kitchen table and begins trying to feed me various things. It doesn't seem to occur to her that it is in anyway out of the ordinary for a neighbour to show up in her pajamas wearing a fur coat and running shoes. Instead she seems content to have company and someone to talk to about Larry King.

After a few minutes - I explain my conundrum to her and she darts for the phone before I can ask her if I can borrow her ladder. I had formulated a plan. The door on the upper deck was unlocked. I figured if I climbed up there I could just hop the railing and - tada - into the house. But she decided to call our neighbour Ben.

Ben is a gentle giant. I have only met him on one other occasion. I was strangely wearing my pajamas that time as well. (Mary came to the door one morning at 8 am and had an emergency at her house - so I followed her there to find Ben at her backdoor.) I considered explaining to him that I actually DO wear real clothes most of the time - but couldn't think of a way to say it without sounding .... if possible... any stranger than I appeared to anyways.

To assist with the mental picture - here is an idea of the fun...

Ben is kind enough to retrieve her ladder - now on board with my re-entry plan and carries it to the house. He steadies the ladder and I begin my ascent. (I am not a fan of heights - now would be a good time to mention this). Two stories up - and over the railing. My polar fleece fully bonded with any snow I have come into contact with, I now resemble a snowman. BUT - I am granted access to my house and all is well. Unfortunately, I am now the new crazy woman on the block and am sure to be a topic of conversation for years to come.

Sigh. I think I might go back to bed and hide under the covers for a spell.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Pregnancy, Estrogen and Women

Pregnancy Q &A &more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband/boyfriend is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..

10. Cats' facial _expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One Number One thing only women understand:

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The other day I was stopped at a red light. As I waited I glanced around to see if any of the locals might offer up something of entertainment value. Boy did I get my wish.
There was this old man dressed in the most peculiar garb I have ever seen. He also sported an mp3 player. I am not entirely sure what kind of music this odd fellow might choose to listen to. It would not have surprised me if he had in fact he had no music at all playing... since I suspect he is the type that could imagine it in his head.
He approached to cross the street. The closer he got the more he began to demonstrate his unique ability to - oww owww - break it down. As I watched in utter fascination he progressed to the middle of the cross walk. The journey there was made up of several frantic movements that culminated into an all out dance a thon. While this was happening the lights changed and it was our turn to go...but on we sat. We were trapped by the crazy. Sitting in our cars. The other drivers began angrily hammering away on their horns. I just laughed. I mean come on... free entertainment. (Besides - I thought - gotta blog about this dude.) I even took a picture on my cell phone - and if I can load it I will get it up.
Eventually our green light came and went -- and on he danced. He soon made his way across the street and faded into some distant place in our memory. Everyone hammered their gas petal with various looks of exasperation on their hurried faces. But on I laughed. Because - who said life wasn't funny?

Friday, January 19, 2007

Bonus Blog

1. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
Conception. (Merry Christmas to you!)
2. Only 14% of Americans say they've done this with the opposite sex. What is it?
Skinny dipping. (Missing out people. I think this is a lie.)
3. What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV show?
No theme song.
4. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
Their birthplace. This is propinquity.
5. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
6. More women do this in the bathroom than men.
Wash their hands: Women - 80% Men - 55% (Um, okay guys wassup with this?)
7. What do 100% of all lottery winners do?
Gain weight. (Because good food - tastes good...)
8. In a recent survey, Americans revealed that this was their favorite smell.
Banana. (That is disgusting.)
9. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
One thousand. (Holy crap)
10. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
All invented by women. (Rock on sistas)
11. Married men revealed that they do this twice as often as single men.
Change their underwear. (OMG)
12. This stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous.
A kiss. (I need to relax.)
13. This is the only food that doesn't spoil.
Honey. (It has bacteria inhibiting qualities)
14. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year.
Father's Day.
15. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is most ironic?
He was allergic to carrots.
16. 40% of all people who come to a party in your home do what?
Snoop in your medicine cabinet. (Guilty)
17. 3.9% of all women surveyed say they never do this.
Wear underwear. (Dirty girls)
18. What common everyday occurrence is composed of 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen and 9% dioxide?
'Breaking wind'
19. About 1/3 of all Americans say they do this while sitting?
Flush the toilet.
20. What person, not a "Seinfeld" regular cast member, is featured on every episode of "Seinfeld"?
Superman, either by name or pictures on Jerry's refrigerator.
21. 85% of the guys who die while having sex are doing this.
Cheating on their spouse. (See - it all comes back around.)
22. What's unique about the Beatle's song "Eleanor Rigby"?
The Beatles did not play a single note in the song.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Already Been Chewed Meme

A- Available or single? Who really needs to know this? Tell you what - if you're dating me you'll be the first to know... and if I'm your wife --- I've got some splaining to do.
B- Best Friend? Carrie (well really there's a bunch)
C- Cake or Pie? CAKE
D- Drink of Choice? Water or coffee. Milk.
E- Essential Item? Lipgloss - joking (sort of) ummmm..... cellphone.
F- Favorite Color? Toss up between Green and Blue
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Worms (bigger)
H- Hometown? Hoitytoityville
I- Indulgence? Chocolate, coffee creamer and mmmm potatoes
J- January or February? WTF?
K- Kids? Two, a boy and a girl and they are darling.
L- Life is incomplete without? Friends, Borat, my kids (in that order) (um - kidding).
M- Marriage Date? I am going with the response Mark had - wtf kind of ? is that?
N- Number of Siblings? One - and he likes guns and rocket launchers
O- Oranges or apples? Apples - red delicious
P- Phobias/Fears? Most of you are very familiar with this by now. Spiders. Midgets. Pro wrestlers & Stalkers. Also the special needs crossing guard near my house scares the living shite out of me.
Q- Favorite Quote? "I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down." - Mitch Hedberg
R- Reason to Smile? Ummmm. I am so not telling any of you guys this...
S- Season? Salt and summer.
T- Tag three people! K Fish yer up, Kat and Moxy baby bring it on! (and if badge is around...)

Monday, January 15, 2007

Winter Wonderland

Today. Nice.
This is horrific. I am ill.

I am also very glad - and I don't think I've ever said this before - that I am not a snail.


Sunday, January 14, 2007

As commanded....

My blog today folks will be about how much time I think I have spent on this computer in the last week. My eyesees are little squareseez.

Yes. It has happened. I have finally joined MSN. It is addictive. It is really truly a dangerous past time. I think I need to join a support group. (Do they have any online?)

I dream I am getting messages and that I am the most prolific immer to have ever lived. I see nothing good that can result from this. My fingers are all at least a centimeter shorter than when this began.

So what is the attraction to this? I certainly wouldn't stay on the phone that long. I just wouldn't. So why on the computer. As I type this someone I know signed on and I am desperately fighting the urge to instant message them. I have issues. I have to go now ... can't...fight...it...
I have changed my pic. If you all hate it I may be persuaded to change it back. But you have to make me something yummy to eat first - I am really really hungry right now - LOL.

Thursday, January 11, 2007


The gym again.

My arm was shaking so badly when I was done that I could barely get the bottle of water in my mouth. I just kept pouring it all over myself and pretending that I was just really hot. Serves me right for my 6 month hiatus.

I nearly killed myself on the elliptical (I was trying to keep up with the fitness guru beside me- bad idea).

Then in the change room - I was busily changing into my winter boots when this little old lady (90) comes along beside me - fresh from the shower. Then - as silence swirled around us and as I laced up my boots - she farted large. I am talking the biggest most horrific fart know to man. Then she turned and looked at me and giggled.

That was damn near the funniest thing ever. I fricken love the gym.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I'm spending too much time on blogthings

but this was too funny to pass up...

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh.
You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum.

Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Figured it out! I AM so clever!

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!
You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

I'm trying to catch up for my recent lack of posting..

Stole this from Cheezy...

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Her Excellency Liz the Sentient of Melbury Bumpton
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title


My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Most Noble and Honourable Elizabeth the Lachrymose of Hoptonshire by Leer
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

The Darwin Awards

My friend Angela sent me this email - had to share.

The Darwin Awards

It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest serviceby killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out. This year's winner was a real rocket scientist.

And the 2006 nominees are:Semifinalist

#1 A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

Semifinalist #2 Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

#3 A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,"Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major head trauma."

#4 A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.

Semifinalist #5 Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found theyhad difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration! , none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion.
The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award:

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable atthe scene.Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery...

An amateur rocket scientist... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuingat full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing hi! m to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing thetires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not on the ground.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

What are you lookin at? VOGUE.

Oh little shrimp. Poor little fellow.

Mother of the Bride. (My other Mom) kissing the wee fellow.

This is the dog (I called him Randall) who followed me around a lot. (Maybe it was that shrimp in my pocket?)

Let's do Zoolander....smirk.

This was where the wedding took place. It was bootiful. As the flamingos watched and I shed tears, my best friend married the man of her dreams. ("You remind me of my wife!") Then we all got drunk.

Highe Fivhe!

Gotta love a bride who nearly pees her pants during the ceremony.

Zoolander. Finally. Carrie from BC has been waiting for me to actually do this for years... there are hundreds of pictures of her doing it ( - and me laughing at her.)

This is the picture Carrie is using to send out her thank you cards.

This is sushi. This is the bride eating sushi. Some kind of fun.

These people are just plainly drunk. Crazy drunkards.

Here is the beach at sunrise. This was just before a rogue wave attacked me. It was as thought the ocean spit at me. Surprising since everything around me was perfectly dry. Kind of like Mother Nature's idea of a practical joke.

I ordered the Goat Cheese au gratin with peanuts and Money... still policing for the money. "Easy but fabulous!" "The best invention since wheel"
The menus were are whole other level of funny. We were usually "easily amused" by dinner so this always struck us as ridiculously amusing.

Here is a picture of me molesting some giant puppets. This was some kind of fun, almost ended us up in Dominican jail...

Here are vacation feet. Here I am showcasing my near death pedicure.

Finally uploaded some pictures from the Dominican...

I'll start off by telling you a little tale about The Cannelloni. We went to an Italian restaurant one fine evening in the Dominican. There were several "theme" restaurants that we had the pleasure of visiting whilst there. In this particular restaurant - my darling friend ordered The Cannelloni.

Many a reader is familiar with this common dish. It starts out with a noodle - wrapped around meat or cheese. It is then smothered in sauce and served to the hungry patron. Sometimes - they even add antennae. (?) The problem here was... somehow they forgot the noodle. I don't know how this is possible - but I assure you it was done. Yes, the only pasta in this traditional pasta dish were the feelers you see here (that ended up on my head at some point during the evening). The rest of the plate was filled with cheese, sauce and um... mashed potatoes.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Nice way to start the year...

I got a flat tire today. On the highway - on the way to the gym. Someone out there trying to tell me something?

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Ow. Wimper.

I joined up at the gym again. NOT a new year resolution... nope... just missed the gym. (Who "misses" the gym?) Here's the trouble - it's been six months since I've been in a gym but for some reason I just figured I could start up where I left off. Big mistake. I am so sore today. I feel like someone beat me with a bag of oranges. Yes, I said bag of oranges.

Anyways, not the smartest idea I've had recently. I can very nearly say that I am unable to walk - or lift my coat up to put it on. In fact - lifting a sandwich very nearly made me cry.

I hope all of you had a splendiferous (is that a word?) New Year's eve celebration - and that everyone has gotten over the hangover that no doubt followed the festivities. I would be interested in knowing what - if any - resolutions my blogfriends made. I personally am not a big beleiver in the whole resolution thing. But to anyone who commits to something and does it - well, I applaude you.

Happy 2007!