Monday, July 31, 2006

Letter I recv'd in my inbox today...

The following is a letter I got in my inbox. Thought it was kind of thought provoking... so what are your thoughts dear blog readers?

Hi Everyone;
I just had to write this to get it off my chest. You may or may not agree with my sentiments however they are my opinions.
I was watching CBC news coverage this morning of the events concerning the returns of Lebanese-canadians. You'll note I did not capitalize the word Canadians when referring to these people as it was evident by their comments that they consider themselves to be Lebanese first and Canadians second. The more I watched the madder I got and I ended up turning off the television.
A host of the returnees to Canada were complaining about the Canadian Governments and it's slow response. Some of the returnees commented that Canada should be ashamed of itself for it's slow response in getting them out. One person complained about taking 11 hours to get to Cyrpress and also complained about the sandwiches that they were given. I was stunned at the ingratitude of the people being interviewed. Considering the logistics involved in getting thousands of people out of Lebanon I think the Canadian Government and other governments did well.
I got to thinking about the situation and came to the conclusion that Canada now seems to be a land of opportunists, not opportunity. The only two people in my family who got a free trip to Europe were my dad and my uncle Charlie who were shipped overseas to serve in World War 11. No-one asked most of these people to go to Lebanon so a free trip back with minor inconveniences is a good deal. Better than being dead I suppose.
Here is the deal. I will arrange to pay for a trip back to war torn Lebanon for any Lebanese- Canadian ingrate who agrees to the following. If you feel ashamed of Canada and it's response you should renounce your Canadian Citizenship, pay back the government of Canada for the free services you received when you came here such as medical, dental, education, job start programs, housing, ESL classes, business venture grants etc. and for those going back to live in Lebanon give up your CPP benefits ( a great many Canadians are ignorant about the programs your tax dollar is paying for). As I stated earlier Canada seems to be the land of opportunists. I wonder what the percentage would be of these ingrates serving in our Armed Forces?
Now, you might view me as a radical and a bigot. That is your opinion. The above is mine. I am one of many CANADIANS who are just fed up with the ingratitude of some and the milking of our government by others. It's about time that people stood up and said enough is enough. Political correctness is a way to stifle people from speaking how they feel and in some cases speaking what is the truth. Affirmative action is nothing more than reverse discrimination. As I stated earlier I am fed up with the hyphenation of Canadian citizenship. You are either a Canadian or you are not one.
I intend on sending this letter to my M.P. and anyone else I can think of. If you agree with me please pass this on, if not, then press delete.

Mike Crawford A Canadian from Winnipeg Mb.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Thank you Kat - for helping me find my obit...

'What" will your obituary say?' at

I knew I was meant for greatness. (but that infected toenail doesn't sound like the way to go, and what's up with the hot tubs? Could it be that Kat and I both die in the same one - on the same day??)

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Caesar - Part II

Being the responsible blogger that I am - with none but journalistic intentions - I met up with Jennifer and set about finding for you the perfect Caesar...

It started at a pub called Slainte (sp?) whereupon I ordered and received a glorious concoction and - evidently they were fresh out of celery so it was garnished with a lovely cucumber. It was tasty and spicy but I fear that due to the garnish - something wasn't quite right. Being the loyal blogger I quickly moved on...

Arrived at the second establishment (The Brassy) with great hopes... and as the Caesar landed in front of me - my eyes grew large and some may have noted a wee tear slipping from the corner of my peeper - when I did see something rather horrific afloat in my lovely cocktail. It was....hold on to your seats.... A GREEN BEAN. Why? This was not very nice to do to me. I've never done anything to these people. Almost so offended I did not drink my poor Caesar - but being dedicated to the cause - I forced down every drop (after I flung the bean far from my person). Immediately left with high hopes that the next place would stop this nightmare...

The Coach and Lantern (yeah, I know - but that idiot doesn't own it anymore, a new idiot does). The old stomping grounds haven't changed much - same decorations, same chairs, same pretend ghost. But instead of sports teams imbibing in the weekend past time of beer consumption - the pub was littered with baby boomers snapping their fingers to the bands rendition of Brown Eyed Girl. (Worth mentioning - there was a man at the bar who I think may have been there in the same spot he was 10 years ago when I worked there drinking out of - quite possibly the same glass). I order and am presented with the most hideous thing I've ever seen. The stuff that nightmares are made of. There was - a stick of pickled asparagus in my glass. At this point I am looking around in earnest for the candid camera crew. Surely someone is making a mocktail of my cocktail? The laughter bubbles up and hysteria takes over. I have given up. I am now convinced that somehow - the Caesar I had come to love has been forever changed. Never again will I taste the crunchy celery stalk between sips and revel at its crispy deliciousness. I resigned myself to go with the joke and enjoy the ride. I removed the offensive vegetable from my drink and drained its contents swiftly. Then my friend and I escaped before we found ourselves clapping offbeat and bopping about in our bar chairs.

Our final destination was chosen with the Caesar in mind. A new - and rather posh establishment called Faloney's was next on our list. Here, I fully expected to order my drink and be blown completely out of the water with what was garnishing my drink. A chicken wing, perhaps? A shish kabob complete with a wee sausage? A toy poodle? I order my drink and wait with bated breath. In slow motion the drink lands in front of me. I stare. My eyes widen almost to the point of bursting and grow moist. I throw my arms up in the air and begin to cheer, jumping up and down. There in front of me - a glorious thing to behold - a mighty Caesar complete with a stick of celery. I revelled in this wondrous drink savouring each spicy drop. Mission complete - time to go home. Besides finding a perfect drink - we managed to convince the bartender that we were not entirely normal. I don't think he's ever had this reaction to his bar-tending skills. He looked sort of pleased and wary all at the same time.

From now on - I think I shall take it upon myself to make my own Caesar. It's just safer that way - and a good way to stay out of the crazy house.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Friday, July 21, 2006

What you get when you send your kid to camp these days...

a pet worm. You heard me right. A worm. No more camp called "A Bug's Life" Lesson learned.

Maybe if I hurry I can sign him up for fishing camp...
Kerpal: The Movie

I love the jerky boys. I'm such a child.
frank just wants to dance!!

What a stud!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Caesar - just in case you aren't Canadian - the drink.... read on

So here I was looking through a magazine the other day and I stumble across an article that says Caesars (the drink - NOT the salad!) were invented here in Canada. Isn't that fabulous, thought I. The world must envy our Canadian genius. But then I read on - --- and it says that they do not drink this anywhere other than here. I said - PARDON? How can this be? I do not believe it, so me being me I research it. Low and behold I have had it confirmed from two sources on separate continents that Caesars (in all their glory) are not served there.

Hence forward - it is the mission of my blog to bring the mighty Caesar to the world. One small problem is that Motts Clamato isn't available world wide... but maybe I can ship it to you guys in little bottles. (?) We shall see.

The following is a recipe - and though it may sound odd - it is superb and will be life altering.

Caesar Recipe
1.0 part vodka 5.0 parts Clamato (if you MUST substitute Tomato juice here - but it isn't nearly as yummy)
Directions: Fill a glass with ice, add Clamato juice mixed with vodka 1/5, mix in Worcestershire sauce 3 drops, Tabasco to taste, dip the glass in lime (or lemon) juice and dip it into celery salt put a celery stalk into the glass -- enjoy!!

PS - Let me just say that this is really not like a bloody Mary. It's better. A bloody Mary is like the trailer trash cousin.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Things That Are Bad

Being hit on by a married man.
Being thrown up on by a two year old.
Having your finger slammed in a door.
Drinking sour milk.
Missing your friends.
Getting grease on a favorite outfit - and trying to get it out of daughter's hair.
Forgetting your cell phone on the charger.
Having a tummy ache.
and having a magic 8 ball predict nothing good for the rest of your life.
and all in the last week. Yay me.

....But then again - nos so bad because;
Getting hit on could be viewed as a compliment,
I love that two year old,
She didn't mean to do it (she was helping Mummy),
At least I have milk to drink whereas some people are starving,
I have friends to miss,
It made me laugh and it will wash out eventually,
I'm lucky enough to have a cell phone,
At least someone is there to hear me complain about my tummy,
I don't believe in magic 8 balls anyways.

Sigh. Trying to see the glass as half full makes me happy.

Postsecret postcard of the week

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The rain in spain falls mainly on the plains

It is raining and raining and raining here. And not just a light drizzle - a full on storm every few minutes. This makes it fun because it appears to be stopping so you go outside - you know to get to the car - and it inevitably starts up again with ferocity the minute you reach the halfway mark. Nice. And of course - the curly hair goes mental in weather like this so I look like a lion. Double nice.

And all of this lovely weather happens to be the week that Kat is away camping.... wonder if she brought a towel...or a boat? (see what you get for leaving your friend Lizzie behind??) But seriously - gotta give a pregnant woman with a 2 year old credit for braving the elements. She rocks. My style of camping involves egyptian cotton and chocolate mints on my pillow every night. (and there is a place like this I assure you - Carrie I still think we need to go here) I used to be able to camp - but then that incident with the racoon happened and I have never been the same. And then there was the guy on the motorcycle who was camping with his girlfriend and gave me the note that said he wanted to "meat" me. That was special. Special enough it made all the girls laugh until we almost peed.

So in leui of a camping trip I decided to go out west for my girls stagette in Whistler - I just have to wait until Oct (so not exactly summer vacation but close enough). This is the same gal I'm the maid of honour for in the Dominican in Dec. (case you're keeping notes). So this will be some fun times. Plan on drinking bellini's to my hearts content. (ask Carrie what she can sculpt out of a bellini folks).

Friday, July 07, 2006

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Potato Bugs (actually not real potato bugs - they just got that nickname)

Depending on where you live you may or may not be familiar with what we here call potato bugs. They look kind of like little armadillos and when you scare them they do indeed roll up into a tiny perfect ball. I remember playing with these by the hour when I was a kid.
You know how climatic conditions are such from year to year that one species of flora or fauna does exceedingly well? This year seems to be a very good year for the potato bug. Henceforth 2006 will be known as the year of the potato bug - pretty catchy yes? It seems to be everywhere I go. I've come upon "nests" of them for the first time in memory. It is horrible. Hundreds of babies all milling about in the same patch of rotting vegetation or leaves, sometimes just gathering together for no apparent reason... like yesterday when I was inspecting this fantastic climbing tree to see if my little fellow might be able to climb it and voila - big pile of them (translation - making sure no big icky bugs are lurking on it - since there is no chance in hell that I will get them off the child if they climb upon him. I am afraid of bugs. Mostly spiders - most people within a 1 km radius of the park found this out when the Daddy Longlegs climbed upon me at lunch - but I have interrupted myself so on I go...) I have this vision of them - tato bugses'- getting together and forming one - very large - potato bug that fully intends to take over the world. Or maybe it will shape itself like a man and wear a cape (like in that movie with the big cockroach things that could mimic man - was it called Mimic or something?Reeeeeee....). They creep me out. And my son LOVES them. Can't blame him really - kids like bugs and this one actually does tricks -- more or less.

In other nature observing type stories - went to feed the ducks yesterday and befriended one of the Canada Goose / White Goose hybrids. Pictured here...
Very gentle and ridiculously large bird. Fed it brown bread and told it Mother Goose stories all the while it waddled along behind me. Also noticed that turtles like bread... absolutely did not know this. Bizarre. Might mess up the evolutionary chain somewhat with that one.... next thing you know the painted turtles will be milling about having tea parties or something.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Total Cheese Music Videos that I love (and Anna does too)

Africa Sailing and a bonus or two... or three.

I know you dig it.

Lancome Lip Plumping Debacle

So my friend Carrie decides to buy this new lip plumping lipgloss at the Lancome counter last week. When she put it on she felt this tingling sensation and she looks in the mirror and thinks - geez this stuff really works. Except her lips kept "plumping"... and losing feeling. Every time she looked her lips were bigger and bigger - like in the Nutty Professor - they pretty much took over her face. She couldn't feel a thing and even drinking water was a challenge. (dribble dribble) This seriously made me pee my pants.
Man - allergic reactions are some funny shit.... when they happen to someone else. LOL.

Carrie - Monkey Poo For You

Monkey Poo

The Car Rally and Other Stuff...

This weekend marked the second annual Car Rally and party (with fireworks) by my friend's parents - Jim and Kathy. This was the first year that I participated in the actual rally - and came in 4th (well, okay now Patrick if you hadn't cheated we might have slid on into 3rd... but I digress...;-P) During the rally itself I was required to chugg a beer (- well okay - it didn't specify that... it may have been self imposed but I was not the only one here people). It also required my removing my bra for the "something sexy" part of the scavenger hunt - only because the only other option was a 20 year olds bra and I didn't want her corrupted. (I'm such an angel.) I managed to get a pretty nasty sunburn and eat spicy Indian food (I loved these things - what are they called again?) and drink oodles of beer and have a matching amount of laughter. This was a good weekend. Kathy puts on a party like Martha Stewart - but mix in some rude jokes and tonnes of booze and SHABAM pretty fun soiree. Jim - roasts corn like no other and plans a car rally that seriously kicks ass. I can't wait for next year... and more stories about Kathy using (oops!) Pledge as bug spray - sorry Kathy it was too funny not to mention. The entire eventing was concluded with a very nice fire works display - I think all parties should end this way, don't you?

Yesterday I went shopping with my parents and we ordered a pizza to go from the mall - it had artichoke hearts, pesto and chicken - how great is that? From Pizza Pizza - who knew?? As we sat and waited in the food court we took up our family past time of people watching. This was a people watching event like none other I had ever experienced.

First of was a couple beside us - the guy had a teensy pony tail in his hair but... his hair was really short so the effect was like that of Alfalfa - just this little twang of hair sticking straight up in the air. He also had these huge coke bottle thick glasses and socks pulled up to his knees. They were enamoured with one another - and they sat right beside us so the conversation was a bonus... they were talking about Warlocks and Dragons --- and the most romantic fast food joints in town (as they crammed McDonald's into their faces and gave pause only to pet each other between scarfs). I shit you not. And they weren't teenagers either.
Then there was the family of EXTRA EXTRA large people ordering from New York fries - the odd thing was that all 5 of them were gigantic except one of them - and he was the polar opposite. He was beyond scrawny and he had on a toque and was sporting a goatee that was at least a foot long. The large members of the family scarfed their fries hand over fist and the little one just couldn't keep up. Eventually they were all finished and then they all turned and stared hungrily at the skinny one. So funny - at this point my parents and I get into a conversation about something and lose our focus and when we look back the skinny one is gone - my Mother was convinced that they ate him. I can't even begin to tell how funny the whole thing went down.
Then there was the guy who kept blowing his nose so loud and disgustingly that people around him stopped eating and looked like they might vomit. I felt like I was in some David Lynch movie or something.
I was laughing so hard by the time our pizza was ready that I am sure the people who worked there thought I was on a weekend pass.
Seriously - I love this town.