Ants, birds and a dripping faucet and not in that order

I'm annoyed.

Birds in my dryer vent scared the shit out of me this morning while I was looking for socks for Babs... hadn't quite woken up yet either. Very disturbing. For a split second the irrational thought; "This is it the end of the world... tiny squeaking aliens are about to come through a porthole that just happens to be right where my dryer is. Fanfuckingtastic." I think I read too much science fiction. I'm afraid to turn on the dryer and cook those suckers.

Ants. Fucking ants are trying to turn my very lovely home into an ant farm. They appear to like the cracks in the corners of the doorway... which means I have to call out the pest folks who appear in the form of one very young giggly fellow who I'm not sure does anything useful at all.... CUZ ANTS ARE EVERYWHERE and he just came 3 weeks ago...

Lastly - my faucet in the kitchen is dripping. It's slowly making me lose my grip with reality. Last night when the house got quiet - it seemed to get much louder to the point where I jumped up and yelled "I'll tell you what you want to know - JUST MAKE IT STOP."

I'm going to the store to buy one of those tiny blowtorches they use for creme brulee... I think it might be able to solve all of my problems - even if only temporarily...

Oh and seriously if Donald Trump runs for office why don't we urge Madonna to take over as Treasurer and maybe one of the reality stars from the hills could get in there... or maybe a character from sesame street.