Sunday, March 19, 2006

I AM - the Blackjack Guru

Am hungover so bad that the typing on the computer is too loud for my injured brain. I've been trying to rehydrate myself but I didn't want to go all the way downstairs to get a glass so I was drinking out of one of those little dixie cups. You know - like the one they hand out meds in a pshyc ward in? I was up half the night and I think I only managed about 3 oz. So now you know I got a wee bit tipsy yesterday. You may have used your powers of deductive reasoning to come to the conclusion that it was in my drunken genius that I thought the dixie cup was big enough to supply water to anyone larger than a barbie doll. Probably what pygmies use as a highball glass. If you guys knew how hard I laughed at that last thought - you might think I was still drunk, actually thinking I might be myself.
So we were going to play laser tag but somehow ended up at a casino. (?) I started playing blackjack and everyone was awed at my card betting abilities.
Two things helped me here; I was pissed so really didn't care if I lost and two I had no clue what I was doing. I had the perverbial horse shoe firmly inplanted in my buttocks and I just couldn't lose. I could see how that could be dangerous - and painful... This redneck beside me (you know the type - yer perty I like yew) kept saying, damn - what are yew independantly wealthy er something? and - you shoor do have a perty smile. He was uber creepy and normally would have sent me fleeing from his presence but instead being drunk and blackjack playing superstar that I was - I didn't flinch. (Might have been the 7 1/2 foot military trained bodyguard who stood behind me the whole time watching like a hawk. The redneck totally thought that I had a bodyguard - and was like some princess or famous person. Hysterical. My girlfriend's fiancee guards like heads of state or some cool shit like that. He has this total military aura about him - standing there behind me with no expression and nods almost imperceptibly when you talk to him. He's awsomely terrifying.
I so wish I could have my own bodyguard - not that I need one but it sure makes it a hell of a lot more fun to go out places and deal with the roadkill that always hits on you. Could have used him back in highschool hey ladies?
Anyhoo - off to Victoria today to go whale watching. That should be fun - going on a boat when you are severely hungover eh? Or maybe the casino is still open....? Just kidding. Har har har. I think I need to go into detox when I get home. LOL. I hope they have dixie cups there.


Kat said...

Ok black jack mama,
but when r u comin home?!
I need your funniness
to be back on this side of
the country LOL

Carrie in BC said...

I swear, I still can't see the pypmy anywhere, but I laugh everytime I think of my comment and his stare down at you..

elizabeth said...

Actually as I recall he was looking up.... being a pygmy...har har

Anonymous said...

I’ve always been sceptical about gambling. At University friends did a lot in the casinos in the city and lost a load of cash to some dodgy people and places. But eventually a friend said “Play online casino”, and I agreed to give it a go (after about four hours and debating the risks). So I signed up and played my first game of online casino blackjack, I lost but it was fun! Kept playing and was lucky enough to break even until I got the hang of it!
Has anybody got any tips or any success stories?