"The baby will love - CAUSE I LOVE IT!"

How not to hide. LOL.

So - here are some pictures of what I got to eat over the last few days.... I mean look at - hehehe.

And it actually snowed.

Don't worry - she didn't fall (far).

The adventures of Liz and Carrie continue...

What a fun trip. This was one of the most incredibly beautiful places on earth (see for yourself). The first day I got there my friend and I stayed in Calgary for the night at the Fairmont Palliser. This place is heaven. I endeavour to make enough money to live there a few months out of every year. It was absolutely fabulous. We went out for a fantastic

dinner and I ate enough to nearly burst - a must for every vacation - and drank enough wine that we had to stumble back to our nightly abode.

The second day found us on our way to Banff for the day...us three giggling pals gallivanted around a little park looking for bears but only found picket pups. I learned to speak with them and despite many failed attempts continued to try to catch one for a good hour (this entertained both of my friends... as well as the picket pups...). I also entertained the other tourists by wearing "antennae" made of blades of grass.

Everywhere was like a picture post card.

I'm BaaAAaack....

...very shortly I will fill you up with all of the stories of the shenanigans that resulted from my most recent trip.

But for now... I will tell you that, I learned to speak "ELK" and be at one with the picket pups. I also did a fair amount of drinking and fondue eating. (I am paying for both). I also visited the holy Lulu in Ban'f''f' and enjoyed my plane ride home (THAT is a whole story unto itself) sporting my "sporting" clothing and feeling very cool. I also ate way too much and will now have to dine on only lettuce and water for a few weeks (so that the Lulu still fits, lol).

I am packing away suitcases full of shoes for my trip westward. I don't know why it is but - when I go on vacation I have to bring an entire suitcase of shoes. Surely this isn't a normal thing to do? I could be on an island starving and someone could offer me food or really nice shoes...I'd have to pick the shoes hands down. I'm sure there's a name for this disorder.

So the next few days will be a whirlwind of greatly anticipated events (most of which will include some really tasty beverages of the alcoholic variety). I'm sure there will be some photographs following these events that I will post right here *pat pat* on my loverly blog. My big brother will get married to the most incredible woman ever - way to go bro - and fun will be had by all.

This has been quite the year folks... and as of the beginning of May-- I am one year out of my old life. Now I actually get to decide for myself what my life will consist of - and not to get to deep there people my new life will consist mostly of shoes, ill mannered pets, wonderful friends, a new job and some tequila. It is a life like no other and I am glad it is mine.

Thanks for putting up with me!

When Will I Learn

Okay. Some things are just not a good idea. For instance: Tandoori Sizzler Doritos.

Imagine, if you will, a Doritos style chip but lightly coated with crushed mealy worms, maybe a light dusting of some sparrow vomit for good measure. Okay, maybe not. But just about as horrific an experience. Maybe a bit worse. I implore you - do not venture forth thinking you are feeling adventurous and pick yourself up a bag; you may wish you were dead as a result. (aaaand, if YOU don't wish you were dead - anyone nearby that smells your breath may help you out in that department).

Other bad food ideas:

Pastry stuffed with sewage.
Roast porcupine (with quills) with a hint of eucalyptus oil.
Battered deep fried cockroaches with a side of lime.

And someone gets paid for this people. I need a new line of work...

A bit more of the story...

It's always interesting to run into people from highschool (some of whom you wish you could have run into with your car). Better yet - it's funny to run into the "mean girl" and see that she is no longer a goddess. Not only is she no longer a goddess - but she has four children who resemble terrorists. On this particular day - in the boutique de Wallmart - when I ran into my arch nemesis from highschool my two normally busy and sometimes misbehaved children were absolute angels. I may have promised my soul to the devil in exchange for this one moment - and I don't regret it for an instant.

Not only did she look about 50 years older than she should have, but her previously long luxurious light blonde hair was now blunt cut, greasy and a mouse brown. I take such pleasure in being petty. To make my day feel even more of a triumph - I just happened to be wearing a very flattering outfit and having a fabulous hair day. I was all sparkly and... strangely managed to escape the house without a single cheerio or gummy bear affixed to my person. A good day - a great day. The planets aligned. Not only did all of those hours on the elliptical pay off in that moment - but somehow I managed to get over all of the nasty things this girl did and even manage to find an ounce of pity to bestow upon her (albeit in a very condescending fashion, lol).

Just remember girls; if you're mean to someone in Girl Guides - maybe not today - maybe not tomorrow - but someday what goes around comes back around. SHABAM.

WTF???!!!!

Life's Like That

So the short people have been vomiting. I actually found myself at three a.m. cleaning vomit out of my 5 year old son's ear. In all my visions of mommy-hood I can definitely say that without a doubt this didn't factor in. Poor little tot. The most heartbreaking of moments came when it was time to slip back into the recently de-puked bed and go back to sleep - the holy teddy had a throw-up encrusted head. Again...not nice. So with much coaxing and soothing I managed to get him to accept 50 other stuffed stand in's while teddy was given an impromptu romp in the washing machine. Now he smells like Downy - and this is so, so much better. I - on the other hand - am quite sure that no matter how many showers I have I will forever forth smell of sick. Sure of it.