Bits and Bobs...

Well, one thing I have learned in the last year is that time may always be relied upon to be consistent. There will always be 24 hours in a day no matter how hard I try to wish them hurry along... at least for the next week and a half...

I have recently concluded that my hair in the morning resembles what would have been found atop the offspring of Einstein and Diana Ross. (Especially with humidity.)

Flash tape is freakin amazing!

Pygmy monkeys are damn cute.

Life is more fun when you are really living it...

Shopping for pretty things is one of my favorite things to do - for me or for whomever. Lucky for me - lots of weddings, showers and babies coming up...

I go back and forth between wondering why life is so damn hard sometimes and thinking that my life is actually kind of like a real live fairy tale. Think I'll try to focus more on the latter.

Pop and fast food are likely responsible for a very large percentage of North America's health issues. I'm going to start trying to have them made illegal. (well, maybe we could keep just one McDonald's open - you know - for that twice a year when I will actually eat there... and then spend the next couple of days feeling like poop...imagine the line ups?)

Before I die, I want to zip line across the amazon, buy some article of clothing in Paris (maybe even eat a real french croissant), see a real live Opera and attend a masquerade ball. (There are more things, but these are some of the more recent additions.)

I really miss my friends right now.

I wish I had a really big slice of chocolate cake, a glass of yummy red wine and a bubble bath. Maybe tomorrow ;-) (the only thing that could make that better is Spartan there feeding me the cake, lol)

When you go looking for trouble...

You know how the saying goes.

In a momentary lapse in being my usual confident self - one of those pms inspired... "insecure moments" - I was telling my Mother about how Spartan's ex girlfriend showed up at one of their mutual friends birthday parties on the weekend. My Mother was all "so what"... and I said, well Mom she was really pretty. In fact, she was a model. Wanna see? - and proceeded to pull up her self worship site complete with pictures...

Should have so known better than to do that... but I did. And smack. Up appears a picture of herself and my darling boy with his arm around her. *mental vomit* Did NOT need to see that. Lol.

So I says, self... serves you right for looking.

Then, instead of letting my imagination run wild (because I love and trust Spartan more than anyone in the world - and didn't for a millisecond think anything of this -), I went to the gym and ran 4 k at the speed of light.

Then I called Spartan and said,

"Honey... I'm pretty angry at myself. I did something really stupid..."
and proceeded to tell him the entire sordid tale. I felt so much better for having gotten it off of my chest. I actually felt pretty guilty about it.

He felt so awful. He couldn't even remember posing for pictures with her.... then a few minutes later he checks out the pictures himself and text messages me that they were actually from last year before he even met me. LOL. I suppose there was life before Liz. But I have to admit that it kind of made me feel a little better - I wasn't upset with thinking the pics were from the weekend but I wasn't exactly thrilled about the idea either...

I feel the shame. But again... lesson learned. And it totally does serve me right.

I have finally recovered from Friday's festivities. Having regained the ability to walk in a straight line, I have returned to the land of blog. Thank goodness for water... and Tylenol.

As much fun as it was... I think this can only be repeated once every six months or so. I figure I can afford to kill that many brain cells - but only very occasionally.

My ability to recover from such a ridiculous amount of drinking seems to be somewhat more limited now than in my youth. Sigh. Youth really is wasted on the young, init?

I think I will have to rejoin the land of the sober until my little trip westward... but then all bets are off and bring on the Cesars. Spartan makes some incredible Cesars... so sad for those of you who can't get Clamato juice. It makes all the difference. (If I ever move Stateside - I will make semiannual trips to procure enough of this yummy elixir to keep me giggly).

Today... finally the rain ceased falling... the basement started to dry up (I call it the river runs through it room) and I have managed to catch up the laundry. The lawn, however, must wait until later this week. My mother had a fantastic suggestion; buy a goat. Let it keep the grass short. I think my entire family is just a little "out there"... pretty darn sure of it as a matter of fact. She also reminded me that goat's milk is a valuable commodity... me - milking a goat. Isn't happening. Just can't picture it...

Hope you had a wonderful weekend blog friends!

Oh yeah...bom bow...chicqa chiqa chicka

Just came from the gym. Trying to figure out how to convince more of my friends to come with me so they can spot me on some of the more tricky things... hard to find people who want to be tortured daily and actually enjoy it.

Now I am to begin preparation for the girl's night out on the town. We are going to grab dinner and drinks... and then maybe some more drinks. I am ridiculously excited about this. Have no idea why... I think mayhaps it's been too long a spell for me in between such evenings. One of the best bits is that I will be leaving the house - not sporting yoga gear. Hooaw.

Lucky for me there appear on the horizon - a couple of such events. One of my friends is getting hitched at the end of August so there will be some fun in a couple of weeks in preparation for such a momentous event... and maybe even some tiny little sandwiches filled with cucumbers. Then - when I am at my other home many miles away - there is a spa night to ready for with my BFF. A pedicure and some wine - and then meeting up with Spartan and her hubby to continue the festivities. *JOY*

Okay... off to begin the plucking of the eyebrows and hairstyling. This time I will endeavour to try to leave the part of the eyebrow that is meant to be left in place... and try to figure out where I keep the clothes that do not fall into the workout category.

Sometimes Life Sucs... Well I Guess it Really Doesn't After All...

There you are minding your own business and BLAMO. Whether it's the roof leaking, the car needing somethingoranother or just people being... well people. Generally speaking, I think I've finally realized that after all of these years - some people are just f@ck!d up. The older they get - the more it seems to become a prevalent part of who they are. Well to you - you mental people (they know who they are) I say: PISS OFF!!! To you - the car that squeaks, I say: PISS OFF and to the roof... please don't leak anymore... if you stop I won't tell you to PISS OFF. Pinky promise. Just one of those days that feels like I have been walking up a hill for years... carrying two kids and a cat... and some fish... except Speck because she is dead...

I think I'm just feeling rather grumpy off and on about missing Spartan. It's funny how you wander around this world kind of blind like - then one day out of the blue - you realize that the time you feel most centered, grounded and truly loved - and when you really feel like really YOU - is when you happen to be with this one particular (handsome, wonderful and truly amazing) person who sees you and loves you exactly the way you are. (No not you Slyde...I know you enough to know you were going to comment there...not that you aren't' all of those things I'm sure) Then to cast a wee shadow upon this wondrous discovery - he just happens to live thousands of miles away. BUT - it won't be forever and the sun will come out tomorrow... my sunny disposition right along with it ;-)

But for NOW - I am going to go rob the nearest junk food superstore... and then the liquor store... and then...THEN I am going to go to sleep and feel guilty about it. Okay. Maybe I'll just eat a fig newton and go have a long hot bath... and then raid the liquor store. BRING ON THE BOOZE - i have some people need peeing on.

Okay. No booze either. Too much sugar. One MORE reason to be very grumpy indeed. BOO.

This week marks three weeks to Spartan. This means that I have survived a full week without him. I truly feel that every day that goes by without him where I manage to survive - I should get a trophy. It only seems right ;-)

This weekend ended with a dinner last night at my Grandparent's house. Nan made spaghetti. Enough spaghetti to feed an entire army regiment - but only needed to feed 4. She also decided to spice things up a bit - and the sauce had quite the bite... I think I still have heart burn - or I actually burned a layer of tissue along my esophagus.

During dinner, my Aunt K came in and started telling us about my Grandfathers new pastime; shooting the squirrels with a sling shot to keep them out of the bird feeder. (Papa! You can't do that!) While he was at it last week he shot a clean hole right through the bird feeder - in one side and out the other. Then he taped it back together with scotch tape. We were killing ourselves laughing. (Hope he never mistakes me for a squirrel...) A few minutes later, standing outside on the back porch I feel something watching me. I looked down and there was a young Robin staring at me... so I spoke to it quietly and then reached out and picked it up. Then I went to the door and my Aunt yelled, "Hey Dad. There's a bird here. Wants to talk to you about something you threw through it's window." "No really. It's a real bird. Come see."
He comes around the corner and says - "Oh no. Shouldn't do that. Causes em TrAma." (as opposed to "Trauma") I'm sure that shooting squirrels with A SLINGSHOT doesn't.

PS. Don't worry - I just opened up my hands and the bird flew away peeping. ;-) No trauma evident.

Liquor Head

1. Those who suffer from high blood pressure, mental disease, horrifying of highness and liquor heads are refused.

None for you - you know who you are (Earl, Slye, Limpy.... lol)

A Whirlwind of a Weekend...

Spartan has returned to his home far away and I am left to survive the next month waiting until we are together again. Less than a month.

While he was here we went to the gym a couple of times so that Spartan could demonstrate his newest and most advanced torture techniques to me. One of the exercises involves putting an exercise ball up on a flat bench and then using your upper body to hold the rest of your body stable while you proceed to lift your legs up into the air into a 45 degree angle. I thought; um... are we going to be trying out for that new Circus of the Stars show? Like hell I can do that - but surprisingly I did... the one exercise I couldn't quite master was the one where you roll out onto the exercise ball and using one toe to balance in a plank position preform a set of push ups... I could only hold myself in the plank position - no push ups. Something to aim for at any rate.

My arms were so sore that I couldn't lift a blueberry to my mouth and had to lean my face into the plate this morning.

By the time I catch up to Spartan in the gym - I will be able to be a contender on the Gladiator program.

Hope all of you guys are enjoying your summer! Now I'm off to catch up with what all of you guys have been up to all week...

The other day my Mother took my Grandmother out shopping and then returned to her house with her for a cup of tea. Nan always has a cup of tea. Always. She is the cutest woman in the entire universe.
She sits down with her cup of tea and flips on Jerry Springer. The topic was S & M. My nan is 82. She wondered how much more she might have missed in those 82 years after seeing this. She keeps turning to my Mother and saying. "WHAT is she doing to him, dear?"
My Mother would reply, "Well Mom, she's whipping him."
"What?"
"A whip mom."
Nanny; "And he likes that dear?"
My Mother; "It appears so, Mom." and then laughing her ass off.
There are also puppets on the stage - like stuffed people about a foot tall... she was wondering if those were real. Then there was the man with no legs and what appears to be only half of his abdomen - she will spend the rest of her life - tea in hand - trying to figure out how he uses the toilet...

NKOTB

When I was a teenager I loved the New Kids on the Block. They have returned... I remember being quite sure that when I grew up I would marry Joey McIntyre. I was never one of those fans who stopped liking them when their popularity waned... but I became a closet fan... and stopped wanted to be Mrs McIntyre. Now they have returned. No matter how cheesy - I still like them. I know. I need a good reprimanding - and this is surely the place to get it.

Yesterday - I worked on a surprise for Spartan. Obviously, because it is a surprise I cannot talk about it here.... except to say that I'm excited. I'll fill you guys in later. (I'm sure that wasn't annoying at all)

Off to do some of the million things on my list of things to get done in the next couple of days;

1. Hunt the bird down and make it into a center piece... or use to adorn a hat.

2. Water the Mulberry tree with bleach... in the middle of the night when the little old apple people who live nextdoor (and fertilize it every year) don't see me. Or maybe some rusty nails...or both... *ponder*

3. Stock up on wine, turkey bacon and omega eggs - and coffee.

4. Write a scathing anonymous letter to the people across the street who let their home schooled hellions knock on my door every hour... and then proceed to ask nosey questions like, "Are you divorced? My parents were talking about that. Do you know anyone else who is divorced?" (I'm a marked woman round here).... screw anonymous - I'll sign it "The Divorcee".

5. Reply to a few invitations floating around my desk... and actually mail them.

6. Shave my legs. Tres importante.

7. Find a million magical and brilliant uses for the two *free* Mr Clean erasers that I got in the mail. I love LOVE love free samples.

8. Disassemble and hide the Spartan shrine... oops... just kidding sweetheart.

9. About 300 other things...

10. ... and finally - sit back in my very clean and shiny house, with my lovely shaven legs, look relaxed and await the arrival of the love of my life.

I've sucked at blogging lately...

I've been busy with life - but I promise to try harder. Summer. You know.
Last week Roo ask me if I've married anyone yet. LOL. I said "Nope, why?" He replied, "I was just hoping you might wait until I've grown up and marry me."
AWWWWWW! I told him he was a darling and then explained that a Mummy can't marry her own little boy... and he started to cry... ;-(

Babs came around the corner this morning with a Superman book and ask me if it was Spartan. I, of course, told her that indeed it was... since he is after all a hero to me... (and he does look like Superman.) AWWWWWW!

Aren't kids adorable?

6 days to Spartan!!! Better get the roof re shingled before it gets too hot outside ;-)

I was just outside - wandering through the mess of mulberries that has become my patio... I think mother nature just sits back and laughs while the entire outside gets turned purple... along with all of our feet... and of course the floor. Every once and a while I glance outside and see the little old man next door coming and collecting them... they eat them. Which is fine but - well - some of them are a bit gross... and bugs are happy to claim them first - which I don't think he can actually see. I would climb up into the tree to get them for them but that would require several things including me magically overcoming my fear of heights and learning calisthenics.

At the end of next week, my Spartan comes. This means I have started the very methodical obsession with cleaning and organizing my house - and all of the cupboards. Oh - and if he lays down on the kitchen floor he might even notice that the base boards have also been treated to a good scrub. Very important to have shiny baseboards... you just never know.

Also, Roo is about to lose his first tooth. The first of many and depending on how many organized sports he plays - perhaps the first of very many. I remember whooping with joy the first time his baby spoon made a tic tic sound when that little tooth first emerged into his little baby mouth. I think I shall have to do something quite gross with that little treasure - perhaps a necklace? Oooh - or it might be cute to gorilla glue it to a stuffed animal. LOL. Okay. Maybe, I'll just put it in a box. What? I can't throw it away.