I've been tagged by Mark to see if I'm interesting... I think I should have been drinking prior to attempting this one...

1. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Open sometimes, closed sometimes. Depends how drunk I am when I fall into bed.

2. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
I have no idea. I was away. I'll let you know for the next one though...

3. What kind of winter coat do you own?
If I told you how many winter coats I own - you would think me a glutton. Rightfully so. That is all I will say here.

4. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Does that thing on the bus in the Dominican count? Otherwise it would have been last week when I picked up the intercom at a local store and paged myself just for shits and giggles.

5. Where do you keep your change?
Everywhere. Fricken EVERYWHERE. Something must be done.

6. Describe your keychains?
I have all manner of silliness including a huge pretend diamond ring key chain. I still haven't managed to track down that miniature cactus in a bottle keychain that I so covet. Several of the keys are only decorative since I don't know what they belong to - but I have to keep them there "just in case".

7. What is your favorite flavor of jelly?
Blackberry - but the jam not so much the jelly. So... I guess I should say that I don't have one. I think I messed this question up...

8. Some things you are excited about?
Oh! This question.... until I realized I had no clue what to say...

9. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
No. Germaphobe. There might be germs there - clean ones maybe - but germs none the less.

10. Have you ever been in a planetarium?
This is ME we are talking about. I love this shit. Makes me feel clever.

11. Have you ever received one of those big tins with three kinds of popcorn?
Yes. And I ate it.

12. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
No. I don't like it in the least. I'm sure underwater I look all mermaidian but the second my head comes out of the water I look like a drowned rat and my hair never EVER feels dry on vacation. Much as I love the ocean - I need to spend all sorts of money on conditioners to get a comb through my seawater infused hair.

13. Any plans for Friday night?
Bubble bath and sleep. Maybe Carrie's garage? Let's have a ho-down. *smirk* What say you ladies?

14. What is out your back door?
A really big yard that I really don't want to have to mow come summer, a greenhouse so that I can try to grow something for the garden (which is also out the backdoor incidentally) and the crazy man named Bob's backyard. Crazy Bob is a nutjob but that's for another day. And a squirrel... hullo little squirrel. (I gave him some of the tinned popcorn and now we are friends)

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've ever had?
Wisdom teeth. The doctor was a sado-masochist. (How do you spell that anyways?)

16. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
No. I make pretty pictures and sometimes write angry letters to god. (I'm joking)

17. Who did you lose your concert virginity to?
This is bad - MILLI VANILLI.

18. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
Yeah, but I often speak in accents, pretend to be someone else entirely or imitate the message recorded on the machine.

19. How many different beverages have you had today?
One - it's early. Coffee. A giant bowl of coffee (oooh that Alice in Wonderland thing is happening again)

20. Last thing you received in the mail?
Junkmail, a book I ordered for school and a thank you card.

21. Have you had to take out a loan for school?
Yes. Why not. (we have to pay that back! Crap. Guess I should bring back some of those coats!)

22. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Yes. But when I tell people this they look at me like I have an ear on my forehead.... Little John (Little). And the clan Colquhoun of Scotland. Cnoc Ealachain! (War cry). We were rebels. Famous for a feud - remember Braveheart? Yep, that's us. Damned heathens.

23. Your prom night?
Errrr. Cnoc Ealachain!

24. Do you know all the words to the song on your MySpace profile?
I dunna have one.

25. Are you any good at math?
Yes. I'm good at fricken everything. (That's why I noticed that the numbers 24 were repeated twice, hehehehe - unlike some people - my powers of observation are astounding - YES?)

26. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
This.

26. What were you doing this morning at 8 AM?
Trying to sleep but it wasn't working.

27. When was the last time you shaved?
Yesterday - my legs - diiiirty birds.

28. Explain what ended your last relationship.
An axe. Wishful thinking. LOL.

Since tagging is fun - I tag Green Fish, Earl, Elizabeth and Bad(ger) Daddy and anyone who comes to visit my blog and is so inclined... seriously... this was fun.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! OR HAPPY WHATEVER HOLIDAY YOU CELEBRATE!

Here's hoping you get lots of sparkly things under the tree... and eat as much as humanly possible!

Well - as it's almost Christmas

A little post to boost our spirit...

Apparently, Christmas tree stealing has reached pandemic proportions. Oh, yes. Find your self with a loverly pine on your lawn - and when it's just the right size...CHOP. Someone steals it.

Now, in recent years I have started using a beautiful, albeit fake tree. I don't do this so much to save trees as I would like to pretend. Nope, I just hate having to remember to water it and I hate vacuuming the needles. (Less spiders, too.)

Due to this horrible crime being commited all around the world where evergreens grow.... some solutions have been suggested.

The first is to spray the tree in fox piss. (I know. Makes you wonder who got THAT job.) I guess the point of spraying this on the tree is that, in colder temperatures it has no odour. But bring it inside and it becomes a tree of the "odiferous" variety. *smirk*. Apparently, the smell never leaves the house.

Though I applaude this little trick, it is a bit late to save your landscaping efforts.

Another solution is to use special paint to spray the tree bright orange or pink. It lasts only a few months and then fades away leaving the tree pefectly intact and unharmed. This solution seems better - but it would piss me off to have pink trees for two whole months. I'd probably cut them down myself.

Stupid is as stupid does...

I singed my eyelashes. Who does that?

Happy Times!

The firsts of many pictures to come of all of the lovely girls who came to the Dominican - I think this might be the only one where we weren't all loaded up with rum...

six weird things

I have been tagged by Elizabeth McClung in the "6 weird things" game in which I am to post six weird things about myself before tagging six others. (I don't think I have six people to "tag".... but onward with the challenge...)

1. I have mentioned this before - I have an irrational fear of midgets. I know this fear is unkind and that they are simply people who are only different in stature. Despite the logic that is right there for all to see - I seem unable to overcome this terrible affliction. As soon as one pops into view, I break into a sweat and have trouble thinking clearly. This will not change in my lifetime. ( I must also admit that when I see them, I get grossed out at the thought of them having sex with people of normal stature. I am sick. Sick and twisted. I am going to burn in hell.)

2. I used to sneak into a university where I was not enrolled and the professors treated me like a star student...I pretended that I belonged and so... I did. That was cool. But I still don't feel like I am as intelligent as I should be. So I read tonnes of really weird stuff and watch obscure shows to absorb useless information that I will more than likely --- never use.

3. I can squirt milk out of my left tear duct.

4. I have a freckle on my upper lip and one between my toes.

5. Sometimes - I feel like I am invisible.... no shit. And then when someone looks me in the eye - I feel like I have reappeared. (This can take days - but it happens much faster when I start singing that song ;-D They usually look alarmed...)

6. When people make repetitive movements/sounds - such as the tapping of a pencil, the shaking of a leg or the heinous crime of knuckle cracking- I get really REALLY agitated. I have been known to reach out and grab the offensive appendage (belonging to a perfect stranger) and demand that they cease immediately or the fear of death will fall upon them. Well, okay I don't threaten to kill them or make them think I might exactly... I just speak through clenched teeth with a psychotic look in my eye. It has proven effective thus far.

I'm not very interesting really. Sorry folks.

I tag Kat, Earl, Slyde, Cheezy, Fish and BigBadgerDaddio. (come on people - make me feel a wee bit less invisible and give it a go...)

More to add to the evergrowing list...

I found one more thing I want for Christmas... I think this goes with the whole theme.

But here is one more bargain for those last minute shoppers. This would be a great dish to serve snails in (especially if they were still alive). Okay maybe it would be better for a pet snail. Like a maze - you know - to exercise him in.

I find myself strangely attracted to this. Perhaps I could put it on the mantle?

Today's version of a gremlin? Who's to say.

This could be real. No? Naysayers. (Dude freaks me out).

I've been betaized. Everyone was doing it so I jumped off the cliff too. Plus, hee hee, I can add whatever freaky labels I want to now!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Speaks for itself, dunnit?

In other news...

My first Christmas present from "the list"... Kat got me the blue water light. Magical. Now if you all hurry - you can get me the rest before the big day.

Now for the remainder of the wish list...

This would make for a great hangover breakfast assistant. I also need to use this for a first date at the local pasta dive.

I am done. For today anyways...

Things I now know

1. Swimming with sharks and stingrays is not as scary as you might think.

2. Apparently I am able to meringue. (or is that a type of sugary food - I mean the dance -- someone spell that for me) .

3. Cocoa Loco makes for a very interesting drunk.

4. Humidity does wonders for my hair.

5. After several cocoa locos and some dancing, I am able to converse quite fluently with people from all around the globe. (Sadly, at breakfast the next morning they all come to talk to me and I can't understand a bloody word they are saying).

6. Those flamingos in the pond were not decorations (they bite).

7. I can barter with the best of them.

8. (even though) I cannot figure out how many pesos are in a dollar. I just can't.

9. Borat is a universal language (High five!).

10. You have accomplished something special when you go away with a group of 30 and they all still like you enough to run and hug you goodbye before you leave - and actually look sorry to part with you.

11. Above all else - I have learned that the best way hands down to overcome the effects of a hangover - is to open your slider and stare out into the ocean from the shade of a palm tree (and then flag down the bartender to bring you another shot of gasoline).

12. DO NOT under any circumstances get a pedicure in a less than stellar salon in the Dominican. (thank god for the Twinrex shots).

Sigh. The worst part of the trip was having to fly home to snow and have to sit through an entire day at court the next day. It took a very large and tasteless coffee to keep me awake.

Can't wait until next time.... pics to follow as soon as I locate the camera software...

I'm baaaaack

Hello bloggers! I'm back and I'm tanned. I've got plenty of stories and pictures - but for now my main focus is on trying to catch up on some much needed sleep.

So for now - HIGH FIVE! (in Borat accent) and I'll pop in later to amuse you with all of the insanity that was the last week.