My kid is a stud. He kissed the girl across the street. He's 6. She's 9. OH MY. It was only on the cheek but - still. I didn't think that I would need to even start thinking about this kind of thing for at least a couple of years.

Next time she wants to come over and play - think it would be over the top if I played pirates too? I think she might have to walk the plank. Little temptress.

Yesterday morning at 3:30 am - a little bird woke me up singing... well more like screaming actually. I thought they were supposed to sing the sun up? Nocturnal little bugger. Don't get me wrong - I love animals. Birds are among my favorite. But not this one. This one is evil and I am going to hunt it down if it wakes me anymore.

I was watching this show about Egypt and a pharoh who had been returned there from a museum near where I grew up. Evidently it was a really important discovery. I saw that mummy. When I was a kid. It was in a museum complete with a two headed snake, a one eyed cat and a five legged cow. When I went searching for a picture... I found this. Strangely - must make me a pervert - what I really want to know is... did both his sets of man parts actually work? If so - which I doubt is likely - then does that make for a child with different DNA? He had 4 so - well you know. Creepy.

holy crap

39 days... till paradise. I am packed and ready. Is that kind of silly? Perhaps - but what it does do is allow me to pack, unpack and repack more effectively.... another 39 times. Though this could potentially backfire. By the time we are ready to go I will have gone in one of two directions; a carry-on or about 10 suitcases... at least 3 of which are filled with shoes.

***

My son had show and tell today. He had to bring something that started with "A". So, he and his sister spent the morning gleefully catching ants in the front foyer. Guess that's what you get when your house is 137+ years old. I noted mentally that the good thing about this is that we have part of the alphabet already at our fingertips... ants, beetles, centipedes, dirt, earwigs, fruit flies (double points), ground hogs (that will have to do for both g and h), icky spiders, June bugs.... soon... anyhoo you get the point. I want to live somewhere without pests. Back to that bubble. Spartan is currently searching all of North America to come up with a place with as few of these creatures as possible. No scorpions. CAN'T DO THOSE. No poisonous spiders. No snakes. Those are all big ones.

OOH - and no pervy neighbours.

So the other day - my dear dear wonderful mother was having a bit of a rough time.

First, I watched her putting away a cookie sheet... but instead of getting it in the cupboard she ended up dropping it on her head. THEN - as I watched perplexed - she opened up a bottle of Tylenol, tilted her head back and threw them in her face. She looked a bit shocked. She had expected eye drops... not too sure how you mix those up but she did. I'm all heart of course, I sat there clutching my sides with laughter while she picked up the spray of pills.

Sigh. I should have to pay admission to hang out with her.

Ouch.

Pinched my sciatic nerve a couple of days ago.

I am walking around hunched over and feeling rather foolish. Puts a bit of a kink (pun intended) in my workout regimen. Despite that, either today or tomorrow I plan on going anyways and avoiding anything that hurts overly much... except breathing since that hurts too. So, 43 days left and likely a few less of those at the gym than intended will not add to my anticipated beach physique.

What I have discovered is that Tylenol 3 and Celebrex make for a happy girl. HOORAY. For someone who rarely takes pain medication of any kind - I've certainly saved myself for the best. I've felt a bit guinea piggish as of late - I think I've become somewhat of a medical marvel. Just this time last month and I was perfectly healthy...

So... off I go to watch the hockey game and make soup. I was going to garden this weekend but unless I can figure out a way to do it upside down - doesn't look like I'm going to get a jump on it just yet...

Things you learn growing up with brothers and raising little boys...

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiche s even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. (Earl, Slyde etc...)

Okay. What the heck is with my yard?

I walked outside and my cat had caught this. The cat has injured her wing. She can still hop-fly but when I attempted to put her up in the tree she sat there a while and then fell out. Our cat - or someone's will eat her if she can't fly. She's feisty. I had to catch her hopping along the ground and then she bit me all over. So... here goes me messing with mother nature again. I put her in the greenhouse in a bird cage. Maybe if she rests overnight she will be able to fly.

Otherwise I'm going to have to mush up worms and feed them to her and hope that her wing heals with a little cage rest. I hate worms... unless they are part of a yummy dessert I have heard of... just ask my Spartan...

Take three gummy worms and place in the bottom of a bowl.

Cover generously with chocolate pudding and top with crumbled up

oreo cookie crumbs = "Worms in dirt".

Great for when you have the boss or mother in law over for dinner or are entertaining new neighbours.

So my little old apple people next door keep bringing us bread. Carbon dating has clearly indicated that eating this bread could prove fatal. They are sweet - well SHE is... he's kind of dirty*... but sweet as they are, I wish and I pray that they stop bringing us food. (!)

First of all - everything they make smells and tastes old... and faintly like oregano. They also insist on giving the children sweets - also old... so old in fact that some of them have worms in them. So, they are amazed that the kids don't like chocolate. Go figure. They do. Just not the worm infested oregano flavored kind.

*I think I blogged about the time that he hit on my mother? If I stopped laughing long enough to type it out... it was absolutely horrible. He put on his special blue mesh 80's top and proffered his ex rays and medical documents so that she would know he was ready to "get it on" (insert horrible porn music here). Almost as funny as the time my dad was lighting candles for a romantic evening... and accidentally set my mother's bra on fire...

What a week. A little update of all of the stuff swirling about...


Baby raccoons have been safely carted away by mummy and relocated to a nearby hollow tree. Mummy is approximately the size of a german shepherd.


I miss Kat. She comes back from the sand and sun in a couple of days. Our dear friend got married there! Weeeee. I'm sure she looked like a supermodel for the big day... can't wait to hear all about it and peruse pics.


Another friend got engaged last week - we've all been waiting for this for a while. Very exciting!


My dearest girl from the land of the west has 7 weeks left until my god daughter comes wailing out into the world. Can't wait to drink wine with my friend and kiss that wee baby. I have been slowly collecting up lovely and adorable baby things for her. I may have to spoil this tot a wee bit. Her older sister - and one of the most adorable children in the universe- had surgery yesterday, is home now and was a very brave gal. So proud of my Tater-tot.


My parents are the proud new owners of a lovely 40 foot Caliber. They will use the afore mentioned floating house to leave me next year...sobbing on shore waving pitifully and holding up their grandchildren in a vain attempt to make them turn around and come back. ;-)


Spartan is still my hero. I am so very heart burstingly proud of this man. It is 7.43 weeks till we run away to a tropical island... where I will insist we build a tree house and never return. I can't wait.

Six year old quote of the week;

My mother says to Roo, "You can run, but you can't hide..."
Roo says..."I can hide. But you can't run."

How true...

The adventure of the day....

So lookie lookie what was down behind the hot tub. Pulled up the tarp and uh - oh! What the.... are those freakin ferrets?? Then I had to throw myself nearly upside down in a very cirque de soleil style to retrieve them from where they had gotten wedged. I nearly got wedged along side them. A few bruises later.... tada!! They were none to happy about it. Trilling and crying the entire time. I placed them in a shallow laundry basket wrapped in an old towel to await mum safely atop the hot tub. With the amount of noise they were making I am surprised she didn't attack me while I was getting them unstuck.

I hope she comes soon... otherwise I will be Elizadolittling it up by making them a temporary home in the greenhouse until they are old enough to go free. I don't really wanna do that...yikes.

CHINESE CHILD BALL

Screw the kids. I wanna try!

Okay people. My new challenge; to do a pullup unassisted.

There is something to be said for saying out loud in a room full of people (this being the room - you being the people) that makes you somehow slightly more committed to the goal. So in effect, I am using you guys to be my own personal cheering section. ;-)

As most of you know, I have become increasingly addicted to the gym over the past year and a bit, the last 6 months in particular. (This is by far a better addiction than my highschool addiction to coffee and happy meals - so I've come a long way.)

Not only can I now complete a guy push up - I can do three sets of 10. A far cry from not being able to do even one of them last summer. This makes my new goal seem possible.

Recently, I saw a woman do a set of pull ups and I thought, "Self, you could look that cool too.". I know that it is commonly acknowledged that women can't generally do pullups. Pasha. If she can - I can. So, when Spartan and I were working out one day I told him that I wanted to master the pull up. Being ever so supportive he marches me over to the pull up bar and encourages me to try. I fail - MISERABLY. But that won't deter me - I am driven. Instead we redirect our idea over to the Gravitron. This allows assisted pullups. I think I managed to do pull ups less 70-80 pounds of my body weight. I felt like a wimp - that isn't even 50% of my mass. But I kept at it. So now - NOW - a few short weeks later I am able to do three sets at 60 pounds and on my first set - this is where the magic happens - I am able to do 2 of them at 50 pounds. This might not seem like a huge accomplishment - but to me it is. You don't climb a mountain all at once.

Now each day I am at the gym - I eye the Gravitron warily and approach it with the stealth of a predator in the hopes that if it is more afraid of me than I am of it - it will help me progress toward my goal. I don't know if this is working - but it sure as hell provides entertainment to the other gym rats.

I have given myself 8 weeks to get there, which I hope is enough time. The eight weeks is because that is when we hit the beach and I want to look good and feel good. Good and strong. Which is why I am also aiming to have a four pack - maybe even the suggestion of a six pack. I figure if I up my ab exercises slightly this can be achieved no problem. I wanna look like those girls on the cover of the fitness magazines. It would help a bit if I axed about 4 pounds as well. (If I don't get there on my own, I am going to paint them on. Cuz after doing this many sit ups and not eating deep fried food - I deserve it. lol.) 4 pounds might not seem like a lot - but my bmi is pretty low and my eating is pretty healthy so it will take some work. I'm going to up my running an extra 10 minutes 4 times a week as well - so that should help.

This is where you guys come in; I am going to report my progress to you all - and you have to cheer me on. I won't make you do it every day... just once a week. Sound alright? I think it will help.

In between, I will still entertain you with my usual pointless banter. (And no Earl and Slyde - I won't post before and after pics, LOL)

Cheers. Have a happy Monday!!

Logdriver's Waltz

Did anyone watch this when they were little?

Just back from a lovely weekend of Sparanesque adventures. Always fun. Clearly. But everytime I come back down to earth - the ground feels a little harder ;-) A bunch more wonderful memories tucked up safely into my heart to replay in slow movie-like fashion in my head.

The sun is shining. The birds are singing. It feels like spring. I may even do some yard work today after the gym. Though... that might be a tad ambitious. Once I get back I just might want to soak up some rest in a slothlike ball on the couch... eating chocolate. Okay. No chocolate. But I can still pretend I'm eating chocolate. Indeed, I'm going to pretend that I live in a chocolate universe where everything is chocolate... for the next 57 days... then I'm actually going to eat a lifesize chocolate bunny. Or maybe several. ;-) Maybe even a little town of them... and maybe the entire chocolate bunny village where they live...actually... after all that work I probably won't. But it's worth a thought ;-)

Off to pump iron. Then home to wander about the house singing Moonriver at the top of my lungs for a few hours. Then... maybe I'll sigh happily looking at pictures of my favorite people, eat some dinner, watch some tv and go to bed.

Now that I've tortured you for a sufficiently long time with that.... riveting dancing purple thing... I thought I should post something new.

I took the baby of the Kat and my own littlest monkey to the nail salon for manicures on Sunday- it was Babs 4th birthday. It was just about the cutest thing I've ever witnessed. They were two little angels with pink nails when we left. I think this might have to be an annual thing.

Also, seeing as today is April fool's... I just sent Spartan a text message telling him that my mother is 4 weeks pregnant and wants us to keep the baby. *evil grin*

Have a lovely day!