Thursday, May 15, 2008

I awoke this morning to the sound of a herd of elephants making their way across my house. I reached in vain for my hunting rifle only to realize that I was still in a dream sequence involving zebras and lions and the sound of the herd was coming from mine and one of Kat's children stampeding through the house playing starwars. The reason I was still in a dream is that I still should have been fast asleep; it was only 6:00 am. Oooooh. Guuuuhrrrrrr.

In stage whisper, "Downstairs before I duct tape you to the walls." ! "Quiet, like mice. The baby is sleeeeping, just like the rest of the sane population."

The stampede retires to the living room where they begin the (no doubt premeditated) mass destruction of the toys I so painstakingly organized just the day prior. They should work for the military.

****Thought: Why do I bother "organizing" them anyways? Clearly it isn't for the children. So it must be for me. Also, for several days after I have to run around behind them putting everything back exactly where it came from and telling them to sit quietly. Very stressful. Isn't the point of toys that the kids get to play with them? Perhaps. But I still contemplate giving out "quiet children drugs" on occasion just so that I can feel like everything is where it ought to be for a short spell. Is there such a thing as a "quiet children drug"? I'm calling the pharmacy to check...They suggested gravol. Can you believe that? LOL... do I have any?....

So anyways, I got up and made my way weaving down the stairs in a state of sleep deprivation and realized two things; I really wanted coffee (bane of my existence) and also, my throat hurts in that kind of a way that tells me that by tomorrow morning I will be in a coma in bed and unable to breathe. Double nice. I have this ability to feel incredibly sorry for myself when I have a cold. It's an art that I am very proud of. Sadly, despite the fact that I have surely caught the plague, *images of the wheel barrow and yelling "bring out your dead..." go through my head...*I will still have to force myself to go to the gym. So - I will be that person on the treadmill that I loathe so much - hacking and coughing my way through my work out. The only reason I can't rest is - I only have two weeks and am bound and determined to look better in a bikini than I ever have in my life.

Oh yes - and I also inadvertently caught sight of myself in the hallway mirror this morning and realized that if I had four children - I would spend the rest of my life looking like something from the Dawn of the Dead.

In other news (having a wee pity party this morning - care to join?) - my lovely handsome Spartan was going to be joining me this week for a couple of days - but his work schedule changed and he can't come - I have to wait to see my love for two weeks. The only good thing is - he won't catch the plague from me... but who will spoon feed me chicken broth and run my bath? (I joke... okay you got me - I'm not).

Lastly, I went to the shed to feed the plants (for some reason I think I thought I would have to grow enough veggies to feed a small army... I have waaaaay too many plants in there. What the hell was I thinking? WHOooops.) ---where was I before I so rudely interrupted myself? --- ah yes - and the door to the shed was being guarded by the biggest jumping spider I've ever seen in my life. GOD TAKE NOTE: I HATE BUGS. HATE THEM. I threw several plastic planters at it and all it did was stare me down in a way that so said he wanted to arm wrestle - so I got out the hunting rifle... (if it rains because of me - I'm okay with it - that way I don't have to water the garden...)


B.E. Earl said...

OK...I just mentioned in the comments over at my blog how you were far from a mommy blog.

Then this post. ;)

(Just kidding...but there is nothing wrong with a mommy blog. Perfectly fine. I only have a problem with boring blogs, and are never boring!)

limpy99 said...

I would think that the introduction of rifle fire would just make a game of "Star Wars" that much more realistic.

Kids today are just too coddled.

Slyde said...

you are actually lucky that they will attempt to play without you.

now me... i get the 7am jumping on the stomach yelling "cmon, lets play legos!".

and thats from Friz....

sprinkle4 said...

Remember what I told you about spiders? Huh, huh? Okay then.

I have a little spare room where I put all the boys toys and that's where they go to play...that or the backyard. I don't care if the yard DOES look like a toy cemetary, it's better than me tripping all over those darn matchbox cars first thing in the morning! (Of course that doesn't help when the 5 year old comes and wakes me up at 4:30 a.m. and says "come on mom, it's almost rise and shine!!(sunrise))

I have some spare duct tape you can borrow if you need it.

Get better sooner and please wipe off the treadmill when you've finished hacking all over it!:)

sprinkle4 said...

Oh the way. Your current meez....I say that you are signing something in American Sign Language. Grover says that you are picking your nose. Which one of us is right?? Bragging rights are riding on this!!! LOL

elizabeth said...

Earl - I laughed a little at that. The thought did cross my mind... but what the hell.

limpy - oh no no. No coddling here. I regularly rub their faces in the dirt to "toughen them up" a touch. Healthy. That's right.

Slyde - you rock.

sprinkle - yeah. I think you may have been right. I accidently left the window down on the car last night and there was one IN it. I think I just need to get some good drugs. -- oh and about the meez so funny... I thought the same thing. It's actually crying (pity party and all... lol)

Jason said...

That's phunny stuff!

Tamara said...

You poor thing - being sick sucks eggs. Especially when you're expected to carry on being super mom while your coughing up bits of your lungs. And now your man won't even be there to commiserate!

Well, if it helps, you have sympathy all the way from South Africa.

Try bribing the kids - 'If you're really, really quiet till Mommy gets out of bed, you can have...' OR... you could send them on a bug hunt - whoever finds and disposes of the mst wins a prize. So long as they don't bring them all to you to show you ;-)

elizabeth said...

jason - well... who said life wasn't funny after all? ;o)

tamara - zactly. And of course the children have been acting like animals... so they plan this type of behaviour just for when your ill? One wonders.

Yeah - right about now I'd give them a new car if they behaved all day --- quietly. Sigghhhh.

At least I won't infect Spartan with the bug. Poor Spartan had to bear witness to the sound of my children acting like vile little beasties... and amazingly enough I don't hear him running away, LOL.

I need some drugs... off to search for them. How much baby tylenol cold do you think I'd need? I'll get a straw...

Jason said...

Thanx lol! I am able to walk to the fridge now...though I still limp a little. Dunno if it's the foot or from the crash.

elizabeth said...

jason - nothing would stop me from walking to the fridge... LOL