Tuesday, December 20, 2005

That guy at the gym is a hobbit - I know it

I went to the gym this morning and there is this little old fellow there that spends an entire hour walking uphill on the treadmill REALLY slowly with a back pack on for like - an entire hour. He is always wearing this little back pack and the more I see him - the more I am tempted to tackle that hill climbing midget and see what he has in there. He is all of 5 feet nothing and older than the hills. At first I thought the little guy was kinda cute but for some reason that back pack is seriously driving me mental. His entire workout - even the stretching and there it is securely fastened. (I bet it is something really awful like his dear wives ashes, his dead cat or his scab collection. That would serve me right for looking though wouldn't it.)
So then this other old guy comes in - balding and sporting a lovely belly - and he nearly trips over himself watching me on the elliptical. Now, I'm not exactly sure why someone would want to watch that ----but he did. To the point where I had to stare him down until he finally looked away - but I caught him looking back a couple of times. (And then I ran to the bathroom to make sure I didn't have 'wine mouth' - I was safe...phew.) I was sooo close to heaving a barbell at that big bald head - you've no idea.
Then I was ready to leave so I thought I 'd weigh in because - what the hell - I was having a skinny day (and that bald guy was checking me out afterall). Wanted to let all of you know that THIS SCALE IS A BIG FAT LIAR. (Just putting that out there.) Can't figure out how I can work out for three months - 3 days a week seating my ass off and still only have lost 3 little pounds. (And if anyone out there is tempted to make some wise crack comment about all the little red flags that may - or may not - live in my cupboards - the punishment will be swift and merciless) And none of that crap about muscle weighing more than fat - cuz that just doesn't cut it. Shut yer pie holes would ya!
Merry f-ing Christmas to all - and no xmas pudding for me.


Kat said...

...if the cookies that Alex leaves out for Santa go missing...it means it really was Santa...not me, no never!

Jennifer said...

Hey Lizzie... actually, three pounds in three weeks is excellent! It's extremely healthy to lose one to two pounds per week... it means that it will more likely stay off than creep back on. Good for you! I'm very proud of you!

elizabeth said...

You suc. Suckity suck suck suck. I SAID THREE MONTHS!!!!
But - if slow weightloss is good then yippy for me. I only need to lose 15 more pounds so - I figure it should only take me another 5 years. But - THANK GOODNESS IT WON'T CREEP BACK - or I'd have to start wearing a backpack and walking aimlessly uphill for an hour a day.

Nanna said...

I'll leave you a copy of my book I willed to your father called, FAT LIKE ME!!!!!LOL

Nanna said...

Of course the lol part is because the FAT part is someone else's perception SO SHOULD NOT BE YOURS TOO.