Friday, January 13, 2006

Have you met the squirrel woman?

Throughout my somewhat sheltered and short life I have been lucky (?) in that I have come in contact with some of god's most questionable creatures. They invariably claim to be human. I am left questioning this possibility again and again. I question this as some bear (ha ha) an undeniable resemblance to animals - such as the flying squirrel lady. She appears at family functions and no one is sure why or how to stop this from happening. She garbs herself in clothing that some (few) might consider fashionable but most just find confusing. It is reminiscent of the clothing that one of the golden girls used to wear - makes me wonder if she too was a member of this secret race that we shall now refer to as the "Squirrel People". They hide their wings in copious amounts of fabric - that would be superfluous to most humans - but not the "Squirrel People". For them it accomplishes two things; it provides warmth for the wings and more importantly disguises them so they can raid Christmas dinner (again and again). Another reason I have come to believe that this is a squirrel descendant is - the manner in which she packs her generous cheek pockets with astonishing amounts of food. She also had an odd accent that I can only assume is a remnant of squirrel speak. I have attempted to woo her from the home with peanut butter and marshmallows but she seems oblivious to my ploys (too busy stuffing all the pine nuts from the stuffing in those billows). I have, however, recently enlisted the aide of one (who shall go unnamed) family member who also questions her presence at such family gatherings and wishes to shoo her back to the forest from whence she came.
Please let me know if you have experienced something similar and have and ideas for me.
PS. You know I just had to Google 'squirrel people" right?
I bet she's from Venezuela. Thus the accent. Aha! I'm onto you squirrel woman!
Yeegawts! More clues!!
Who knew?!


Kat said...

Oh my god.
That poor kid suffered from
some serious neglect...
atleast by people.
Sounds like he was raised at a
drive in and must have lived
off popcorn with the squirrels.

elizabeth said...