Monday, March 24, 2008

Having firmly established that my punishment for eating my children's Easter candy is that my face has broken out - I have now decided that I will not steal any more candy from children. At least not this year. Or... at least not candy belonging to MY children. (Your children? Different story.) Damn Easter for coinciding with PMS. The gods must be angry. Probably because I curse them so often... and so loudly. Especially when stubbing my toe... which come to think of it I do more often than most people for some inexplicable reason.

Today - I gazed into the mirror only to recoil in horror upon realizing that I have two spots upon my previously spotless visage. Certainly not the end of civilization by any means - but it is at least disappointing. More so because Spartan will possibly witness this mini-catastrophe next week. I figure a few more spots will appear in the next few days - and they may not completely go away. Which means I will have to hold my arms at a very odd and completely unnatural angle in a vain attempt to disguise my new flaws (he's used to the old ones... or... he may be visually impaired...) . I am also considering employing a new hair style that is sort of Veronica Lake-ish - only covering slightly more than half of my face. Perhaps a paper bag* with a great big happy face will accomplish two things; tell Spartan how happy I am to see him - and hide my hideous disfigurement.

Lastly - and to make you all point at me and laugh - I finally decided to use the hair dye that I purchased a few months ago to rid myself of the grey hairs... I only left it on for 15 minutes but I figured it was long enoughish. Rinsed it out... styled it. What do I see??!!! Grey hairs. Hmmm. I read the box - OHHHHH - it doesn't cover grey. Fantastic. I should get some kind of trophy for that one. For some reason I have been granted some level of intelligence that only presents itself when completely unnecessary. Which makes it about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

*When I looked on ebay to see how quickly one might appear on my doorstep - I found that people are quite shameless and will evidently sell anything....


Jahooni said...

you are so funny! PMS = Candy Eating, didn't they tell you that when you were like 12!?

Gray hairs already? it must have been the candy eating.

**giggles and walks away**

Kat said...

Liz. You don't have enough grey hair to see. At least I've never noticed. But then again I'm blind as a bat. And Spartan LOVES you. He doesn't care about 2 spots. He really doesn't. And I lurve the chocolate teapot metaphor. I may have to eat it ;o)

B.E. Earl said...

Wait, so you can dye your hair with a product that will only dye the non-grey hairs?

That's just crazy talk!

John said...

Witch stick. It's brilliant. Dries spots up in an instant*.

*This is a blatant lie. It does, however, dry them up within a few hours.

Paige Stanton said...

Love the Air Canada Paper Bag. Seriously? Who does that?

Böbø said...

My sweetheart became Hullabaspotty over Christmas, sporting an on-the-cheek scale model of K2. I think it must be the feminine body's way of testing that the heart of your man is true, and we're not just saying I Love You for underwear access related permissions.

Anonymous said...

Awww, Bobo loves me, even when my face is a spotty disaster. Yay for new men.

Bad mummy eating your kiddies' candy, I would never do that - or at least not now they are old enough to notice and tell me off.

OMG grey hairs AND spots. What WILL Spartan say lol? {{{{Elizabeth}}}}}

And what is the point of hair dye that doesn't cover grey? I hope you got it half price lol.


elizabeth said...

jahooni - yes, surely the grey hairs are a result of all my candy splurges ;-)

kat - lucky for me the spots are a {{{hugs}}}

earl - EXACTLY

john - never heard of such magic... I'll have to google it.

paige - I know - really? I'm thinking of listing some empty potato chip bags... ya never know.

bobo - LMAO. That's funny. So what's our test?

hullaballoo - indeed - yay for bobo and spartan who love us all spotty. ;-)

As for the chocolate eating... I know by next year there won't be any way to get away with it. ;-) boo.

It's alright - think the spots are going away HOORAY AND I've managed to pull out most of the now I'll just have a bald spot or two. (I know - what IS the point of hair color that doesn't cover'd be like shoes that don't have a bottom... or to use my previous metaphor we could refer back the chocolate teapot ;-))