I thought I was having a shitty day...

.... until I saw this.

Bachelor # 1 This is Biff. He likes long walks in the forest and getting involved in arm wrestling competitions (he cheers). An avid hunter and taxidermist this Pisces wants to rock your world. Our Biff wants to rescue you from the mundane.
Bachelor #2 - This is Jeremy. Jeremy is very detail oriented. He believes granola holds the secrets of the universe. This Cancer loves to Tango (naked). He currently holds a record breaking ant farm that takes up an entire basement and is currently perfecting a breeding program for earth worms. He feels they should be a protected species.
Bachelor #3 This is Chuck. Chuck is a rocker and wants to be the next Michael Jackson. He wants you to look past his handsome exterior to see the stud beneath. Chuck is learning to speak Spanish. He believes re is Casanova reincarnate. Chuck has recently decided to tell David Hasselhoff that he is his true father. Good luck Chuck!

Ba

Christmas Part Deux

Cute soap,huh? When you use it up - there's a skeleton inside! That's so creepy. Love it.
Twister bed. Yeah, I went there.
If I'm going to golf, I'm only do it with this golf ball. I want, like 20 of these. How annoying is that?

Man dancing

Now... why didnt I think of that?

A quick post to welcome Badger back to the blogger world - I have found you a profile picture and know your sense of humour enough to know you might appreciate this...


And a little work story:
Tell me I'm not a team player. Yesterday I am helping a client, who needs her American passport and birth certificate to apply for an extension to remain in the country. Her former friends that moved into her old apartment told her that they threw them out - because they had a disagreement. This is illegal so we are going to have her press charges. Anyhoo - just to verify that the documents are not where she left them I call in a police escort to the residence to search. Unfortunately the people had moved out a month ago so I will have to try to do some detective work to track them down. Luckily the people who moved in were very understanding and directed us to the basement, where a room was filled with stuff from the previous tenants.

Talk about Itchy Bitchy spiders people. Anything that was left was in the damp recesses of a horrid basement filled with refuse, some of which formerly belonged to our client was filled with every creepy crawly known to man. While the (very cute*) cop held a maglite, I donned rubber gloves and in a fashion only comparable to a CSI episode started sifting through this stuff - alas no documents. But any of you know my position on spiders will know how hard that was for me to do. I still feel like things are crawling on me, even after I showered 3 times and sprayed "Off" on myself (just in case).

So now - off to the American Consulate in Toronto on Tuesday morning to try to get these replaced. I'm sure that will be another adventure. Toronto always is...

* oh yeah, cute cop was called to a dispute of mass proportions just down the street, since the tenants were being co-operative, he asked if it would be okay to leave us to it. I told him that was fine and thanked him. Then he told me to hang onto the flashlight - I said, "However, will I get it back to you?" (using my very best Scarlett impersonation and a few batts of the eyelashes for effect), and he presented me with his phone number and email. All in a hard days work people.

- Seriously though - I think he just figured I needed it more than he did. But it was nice of him none the less.

Have a wonderful weekend people

- and as a postscript - what the hell happened to Grey's Anatomy??!! They showed the second episode first. Damn them all to hell. Now I'm mad. The season opener was fraught with the Plague and featured our darling Izzy crying on the floor in her prom dress. It was smashing! It had a bit more oomph than the second episode (that they showed first) and as I see it - I think someone out there should send us (me) McDreamy to personally apologize. In lieu of McDreamy, Alex or George will suffice - or even Dr. Mark if he's wearing that towel...

A couple of tidbits....

1. Jackass Two is coming out - will this be a rental or a go to? Please advise. Keep in mind my fear of midgets. Do you think they will look less midget like on the big screen or just like really big midgets?

2. Yippee it's Thursday - this means good TV. What snacks should I get on the way home for good TV? Feedback people.

3. Where the hell did Badger go?


4. Should I "Kill with kindness", or "Kick the bottom" of a co-worker - who is a complete and utter wench (but she has great smelling hair, at least she's got that going for her... and she's not stupid so there's that, and I suppose she is pretty, and she dresses really well - but she's mean to me for no reason that I can surmise) I think kindness. But thus far it has not worked for me. (insert mental image of me pouting here)

5. Is it a sign of mental illness that I am overly fond of statistics? 28% of people think so.

6. Why do men, on the highway IN A CAR try to pick you up on the drive to work? Unless you think I can telepathically send you my phone number, there is little chance of further communications. And even if I could - it is likely that I wouldn't give you the phone number - since boys are dumb. Especially ones who talk on cell phones and try to pick women up on the highway.

7. Lastly, is it bad that my daughter sings "Itchy Bitchy Spider" instead of "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and I have started doing it too? Wrong message?

borat

aaaand... they actually sing along. I think I saw Mel Gibson in there somewhere.

My Christmas List Part 1

Here are a few things I will be asking Santa to bring me...

1. I want blue water. Because that's fricken cool. It's an LED light - I would always brush my teeth in the dark. But - I'd need one for the shower too - and the toilet.

2. A mini cactus that I can carry on my keychain. Because that would be really neat and I might actually be able to keep it alive. Be better if it could talk though - or at least burp.

3. Both of these. Everyone should have a urinal and a toilet. This would get more comments than the trout in the tub for sure.

4. Him.

5. This shirt. It is actually sound sensitive.

6. Then I'd have to get these to match. (Okay, scratch those two... I fear even I, could not make this cool)

7. Aren't these just so me? I could fix things - and match all at the same time. Only, I'd have to change a few times throughout a project to accomplish this. Still, these are a must.

There will be more later - I just wanted to throw a few ideas out there.

Silent Auctions

I have learned something about myself this week.... I should never attend silent auctions. I am now the proud new owner of a baseball signed by Tony Fernandez. For some reason I simply HAD TO HAVE THIS. At least the money went to charity... who is Tony Fernandez anyways?

Monty Python - Crunchy frog

As per Cheezy's comment - here is the frog sketch. (I've never seen this one!)

So, I was sitting here thinking about the odd things people eat. Like chocolate covered ants, for instance. Then I googled it - just for fun and found this site.

There are some people who may be getting some of this for Christmas. I particularly like the chocolate covered scorpions and the salt and vinegar crickets. (Who thought that idea up?)
The monkey tea actually sounds kind of fun. I might try it just so I can tell people I had tea that was picked by specially trained monkeys. Or perhaps the coffee bean that are "regurgitated by weasels". That might even start a bizarre trend. If I was famous - I'd use my fame to mess with people. I'd seriously drink "regurgitated by weasels" coffee and try to make everyone do it too. I'd make it cool.

I'll leave you with some food for thought...

My next dinner party will include the following; Oyster and strawberry milkshakes, marshmallow and spam fried sandwiches, jello sushi and -- for dessert... I'll have to include some of those gross insects from the site above.

Who wants to come?

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

the post with the Mister Rogers soundboard. That was the one I used to crank call my Dad - with hilarious results. This was on you tube... brought back memories...

Only In Kenya.... Live!

I went grocery shopping with my Mom and my daughter the other day. When we left the store, a wasp started attacking my daughter. So I started pushing her really fast (in a shopping cart) to escape. It would be seemingly gone only to reappear again shortly after. I am deathly afraid of them so this entire experience was a little upsetting. It went on for quite a while (about 4 turns around the parking lot) before I seemed to be rid of it and could unbuckle my daughter and get her into the car. The drive home was uneventful and nothing was said.

Then, today I was talking to my Mom and brought up the wasp incident at the grocery store. She didn't know what I was talking about.
I said "You know, last week at Costco with the baby---- remember?---- and I went running around the parking lot like a lunatic?"
Then recognition washes over my Mother's face followed by laughter - hysterical laughter. She apparently didn't know there was a wasp. Her eyesight is awful anyways and a wasp is pretty small. She just remembered thinking to herself, "Boy she's acting peculiar today.".

Then it occurred to me that there were probably 400 people in that parking lot - none of them close enough to see the wasp. I must have looked like a lunatic to everyone.

9-11 Tribute

It felt like the world stood still that day. With thoughts and prayers to all of the people affected that day - and all of the days since - because of this tragedy. I am amazed at how strong people are.

Went to Kensington Market in Toronto yesterday. Love the smells in the market - all the fresh produce and spices. Wandered around China town - bought some Chinese PJs for the kiddies. Went to this fantastic place for Thai food and then bought a dreamy jacket from Lululemon on Queen Street. Fabulous day.

Toronto is seriously one of the best cities in the world to people watch. Crazies are everywhere. And they don't know that you know that they don't know that they happen to be crazy, you know? -- and that makes it much more fun.

Anyways - I'll leave you with this...I learned the art of Chinese handwriting.














(now tilt your head to the right...)

So.... is this good?

Lizzies Highway Hobotown 3 Bewilderment Avenue 17 Tower of Commitment 49 Bog of Eternal Marriage 111 Fame City 448 Please Drive Carefully

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School Starts...

So - my son's school started today. He was very excited. Lot's of cute girls this year. He walked up to one kid, extended his arm for a handshake, told the child his name and then added, "I'm a fan of video games." This made me bubble with laughter. Such a funny kid. Then they ran off into the playground to play with sticks and dirt until school commenced.

On the way out the door, my poor daughter kept telling me that she was big too - and getting her backpack stuffed full of everything she could find so that she could go to school with her brother. Soon enough, I'm afraid.

Other fun stuff.... nope. Sorry folks, nothing else just now. OOOH - cept I found a really good recipe for meatloaf. I think I'm going to make it for dinner. Yippee. (never EVER thought I'd ever make meatloaf....)

To Lighten The Mood...

Some more dog costumes for you... (something kind of wrong with dressing the dogs like this, isn't there?)

Again - there is sad news from Afghanistan for we Canadians. Again - the sarcasm and humour that I so lean on to guide me through things around my blog - are not fitting in this post.

I am hard pressed to find words to express my thoughts and feelings. I think that I , however, ought to try. My own brother knew some of the boys killed - that makes it more than just my being Canadian that causes me to pause and write this. It feels like in some indirect way that I knew them. That it could have been - and still could be since he will tour again- my own brother. It is that I don't want these lives to be in vain. I want them remembered and talked about. I want us to be proud of them - and to give them the respect they and their families so deserve. Does it matter that only a handful of people read this - not so much as it matters that it is written.

It seems sadder still that one of our own Hamilton boys - a former Olympic contender - was killed by friendly fire. Graham died on Monday when an American jet mistakenly mistook our soldiers for the Taliban. Please don't get me wrong - I don't hate all Americans nor do I blame the soldiers flying the plane directly responsible for this mistake. I believe that a mistake in protocol is evident. I think the people higher up need to re-examine their methods and our manner of communication with our allies needs to be looked at. Sadly, Graham is not the first to die this way - in 2002, four other soldiers were killed in a combat exercise in Kandahar. Although deaths by friendly fire are an accepted thing in war - it is none the less very disheartening when it happens. I certainly don't know all the facts but, I hope someone out there re-examines the measures taken to assure that everything possible is done to prevent a repeat occurrence.

Four other soldiers will come home this weekend draped with our flag as they are put to rest and forever held in our hearts; Sgt. Shane Stachnik, Warrent Officer Frank Mellish and Warant Officer Richard Nolan (all based at CFB Petawawa, Ont) and Pte. William Jonathan James Cushley.

As I stated earlier - I myself didn't know these men. But something about their deaths touched me so deeply, that I found myself sitting on a bench with tears streaming down my cheeks while my children played at the playground this afternoon. Perhaps something to do with the empathy inherent in every Mother's heart when she thinks of a mother somewhere who will never again get to hold her child. I thought of the children who had to learn that their Daddy wouldn't come home to them. I listened to my children laughing and I felt my heart breaking. I held the kids hands so tight on the way back to the car - I think they thought I'd lost my mind. I must have hugged them a hundred times. I figure I might as well just hold on as tight as I can for as long as I can - simply because I can.

As Stef suggested, when 911 comes let's offer up our thoughts and prayers to all of the people who were victims of the original attacks -- and all of those that have given or lost their lives since as a direct or indirect result. Each and every one of them was someone's child.

I didn't used to get headaches... and other bitching...

I think that getting older starts all of a sudden. Things like headaches, indigestion, back pain and bouts of insomnia/narcolepsy seem synonymous with the aged. Or perhaps it is the ravages of pregnancy - the one that I cannot see - but certainly feel. Besides the fact that people no longer call me after 9 pm - because sometimes I actually am asleep. The other day I literally fell asleep before I got the covers up. My head hit the pillow and it was la la land. I woke up several hours later shivering- and sadly holding a bowl of melted ice cream in my hand. What a heinous crime.

Yes, today I feel old and wonder when all of that exciting stuff you get to do as an adult starts. You know, all that stuff you spend your childhood and angst filled teen years looking forward to. Perhaps it's happening right now but I won't notice till it's over? That would be fitting somehow.

The worst part though - hands down - is the fact that I can no longer throw a temper tantrum to vent in public. I would give anything some days to melt down completely in Costco and it be acceptable because it is deemed age appropriate. Or maybe to tell someone I was never going to snuggle with them again because I was mad at them - only to have forgotten this and crawled into their lap five minutes later and happily nestled in close feeling safe and warm.

Ahhh - that's interesting. Seems, when I was younger I looked so forward to getting older BUT as I get older I wish I could regress. I might not be the first to feel this - but this is the first time I've felt it out loud*.

While I'm at it, I also wouldn't mind going back to a time when every little accomplishment was so huge - and there was always someone there to hike you up upon their shoulder and dance you around the living room because you made it all the way through nap time without an accident in your pants. And I miss Santa, but the Easter bunny always creeped me out - so did the tooth fairy. I always thought it was gross that she wanted my old teeth. What kind of person collects spent body parts? Yeuck.

Anyways, lately I think I've gotten my first inkling of what the old people meant when they said that youth was wasted on the young. The perfect person would be 100 on the inside and 20 on the outside - painfree and just past the pimple stage.

*(This being the out loud - though to be literal this is just an extension of my thinking self - and that means that all of you people are more or less.... in my head. See now - the headache is back...)