Monday, September 04, 2006

I didn't used to get headaches... and other bitching...

I think that getting older starts all of a sudden. Things like headaches, indigestion, back pain and bouts of insomnia/narcolepsy seem synonymous with the aged. Or perhaps it is the ravages of pregnancy - the one that I cannot see - but certainly feel. Besides the fact that people no longer call me after 9 pm - because sometimes I actually am asleep. The other day I literally fell asleep before I got the covers up. My head hit the pillow and it was la la land. I woke up several hours later shivering- and sadly holding a bowl of melted ice cream in my hand. What a heinous crime.

Yes, today I feel old and wonder when all of that exciting stuff you get to do as an adult starts. You know, all that stuff you spend your childhood and angst filled teen years looking forward to. Perhaps it's happening right now but I won't notice till it's over? That would be fitting somehow.

The worst part though - hands down - is the fact that I can no longer throw a temper tantrum to vent in public. I would give anything some days to melt down completely in Costco and it be acceptable because it is deemed age appropriate. Or maybe to tell someone I was never going to snuggle with them again because I was mad at them - only to have forgotten this and crawled into their lap five minutes later and happily nestled in close feeling safe and warm.

Ahhh - that's interesting. Seems, when I was younger I looked so forward to getting older BUT as I get older I wish I could regress. I might not be the first to feel this - but this is the first time I've felt it out loud*.

While I'm at it, I also wouldn't mind going back to a time when every little accomplishment was so huge - and there was always someone there to hike you up upon their shoulder and dance you around the living room because you made it all the way through nap time without an accident in your pants. And I miss Santa, but the Easter bunny always creeped me out - so did the tooth fairy. I always thought it was gross that she wanted my old teeth. What kind of person collects spent body parts? Yeuck.

Anyways, lately I think I've gotten my first inkling of what the old people meant when they said that youth was wasted on the young. The perfect person would be 100 on the inside and 20 on the outside - painfree and just past the pimple stage.

*(This being the out loud - though to be literal this is just an extension of my thinking self - and that means that all of you people are more or less.... in my head. See now - the headache is back...)

24 comments:

Stef said...

Woah, "mortality" post alert! I've had a few of those...

I know what you mean about it being sudden though. I can't blame the ravages of pregnancy though, in my case I think it was the sudden collapse of a large web of denial. A few little things (e.g. grey stubble) and BAM! I'm suddenly old.

*sigh*

Have a glass or 3 of wine, you won't give a toss* then. ;-)


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* FYI "toss" is British slang (I know you love it) for a wank. Masturbation. "Not giving a toss" is a slightly more polite version of "not giving a fuck"

elizabeth said...

Much more colourful verbage than our everyday. I do love the British slang so keep on bringing it. When - one day - I am fully fluent perhaps I will pop over for a vacation and give it a go at blending in... now that would be funny. More than likely worth a blog or two.

I think I'll start on that wine. ;-)

B.E. Earl said...

* Just so you know...I am in your head. I'm the dude with the kilt and the tambourine towards the rear of the crowd. I hop up and down every time you giggle.

Scared now?

Stef said...

Earl, for the record, there are no blokes with kilts and tambourines in my head. I'm pretty certain of that. ;-)

Elizabeth, if you want to broaden your knowledge of British slang, check out the Profanisaurus. The online version is pretty small but the printed one has over 10,000 different rude words in it. How twatting cool is that?!

elizabeth said...

Earl - I found that ridiculously amusing

Stef - fantastic! I'll study it tomorrow.

PS - had several glasses of yummy red wine with dinner and for my troubles... I sat on a cactus. But I did so quite giddily. So s'all good.

elizabeth said...

OOh Stef - I bunked off this arvo and though I was all over the shop - I didn't cause and argy-bargy. Now I'm off to get my baffies and get my cactus infused bahookie to bo-peep. (did that make any sense t'all?)

funchilde said...

lmao. i got to that stage you are describing at about age 31 and decided to regress in the GOOD ways, meaning: have enough time and money to do what the hell i want, when i want. one of the best pieces of advice i ever got was: you don't have to figure out what you want to do for the next 50 years, just figure out what you want to do next. That has been one of the top 5 guiding principles of my adulthood and one of the reasons I'm on my way to becoming the Black Laura Croft: Tomb Raider!

Yoga Korunta said...

Elizabeth, exercise and proper diet help prevent aging.

Elohelae said...

Elizabeth, exercise and proper diet prevent aging but its still not as good as sex to make you feel young :) Just think of all the things you know now and the boys you would have wasted them on if you had known then anyway lol

Cheezy said...

I think you realise that the "first flush of youth" is officially over when you fall over for the first time... and it really hurts.

elizabeth said...

funchilde - "you don't have to figure out what you want to do for the next 50 years, just figure out what you want to do next." I think that is my new motto. I really like that.

yoga - Um. yeah. I think I've heard that before. I'll up my daily push-ups to 2 just in case.

eloh - Yeah. I'm thinking I could join a nunnery soon.

cheezy - Absolutely. And when you fall on a cactus it hurts even more. LOL.

Slyde said...

I still cant take a nap without having an accident in my pants..

Kat said...

Yer so old even your wrinkles are jealous.

Yer so old moth balls no longer work for ya.

Yer so old you think the microwave is the bird cage.

badgerdaddy said...

There's a story you must find and read, it's wonderful. Should be findable in an anthology like this, I hope my crappy hypertext works in this.
It's called 'Death to the Easter Bunny', and it's fantastic.
I'm loving getting older. Shame my romantic situation is stuck in my fucking teens.

Duh.

Kat said...

Yer so old, even the flies are done with ya.

Gordy said...

"Elizabeth, exercise and proper diet help prevent aging."

Not as well as dancing all night on Jack and Jill's.

elizabeth said...

Slyde - then there's not much hope for the wee fellow now is there?

Badge - I'll look into that. Love life not all it's cracked up to be these days? Sorry to hear that.

Kat - I hate to point it out that - yer no spring chick yerself. I think I smell a birthday coming...

Gordy - welcome. "Not as well as dancing all night on Jack and Jill's." Is that another one of those charming english sayings - or am I a tad thick?

Kat said...

Only poking at ya cause I know you 'think' you're so old. sheesh girl. Chances are you're going to live atleast another lifetime. So that would make ya perty darn young in comparison to say...a petrified tree.

Cap'n Dyke said...

Actually, I think I be about '3' inside.

Gordy said...

Jack and Jills == disco biscuits

elizabeth said...

Are we being delighfully absurd?

elizabeth said...

(t)

Cheezy said...

Disco biscuits = ecstacy :)

Oooops! Who said that?!

elizabeth said...

Aha. I'm not naive at all, am I? (never done it - seriously. Think I'm too old.)