Tuesday, April 11, 2006

How to keep a healthy level of insanity... (thanks Dee - an all time favorite)

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point ahair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gottenover their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. ( I like this idea,this would be funny)
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical soundsall day at work.
14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend theirparty because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, RockBottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lotyelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going tohave to let one of you go."


Elizabeth McClung said...

I laughed. Probably because I have done so many of these in real life - particularly when I taught high school and have a terrible time with names so I created "secret" nicknames for the kids to try and help me remember thier real name, only eventually I could only remember thier nicknames: "Yo, Big Ears can you go ask Freckle Explosion to start the DVD player?"

I hate Shoppers Drug mart the way they ask you if you have "the Optimize Card" so I tell them no, "I just have the Demoralize Card" which usually confuses them into say, "I don't think thats for our store." - "Oh yes, trust me, it is."

elizabeth said...

Sadly - I do have one of those cards. But only because they kept asking and asking - finally I caved in.

elizabeth said...

Boo me.

Carrie said...

Now that is funny sh*! I just laughed my ass off. Thanks Liz! I really needed that. I'm still laughing...