I woke up really early this morning so I have just been looking for things to fill my time.... thought I'd pop in here a spell.... and admit that I turned a squirrel into a carnivore when I was 5.
I used to stuff my hotdogs into a hole in the apple tree in the backyard. I did this with increasing frequency since the squirrel seemed to enjoy his little offerings. (Far more so than the garden snake who didn't really like it when I decided he was thirsty.... don't even ask....I'kll just tell you that I have a history with those dixie cups...) I don't think my Mom clued in to the goings on until the squirrel started gaining copious amounts of fatty tissue as the summer progressed. I think it weighed in at about the same my cat did by the time September rolled around. He couldn't even jump across the branches of the tree anymore.
So anyways, just thought I'd tell you that it's my fault if squirrels start attacking farm animals or summer picnics. I take full responsibility. Good time for the warning since BBQ season is just around the corner...
Ta.
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17 comments:
Anything that turns animals against humans is a good thing! Put in your copywrite claim now for your lawsuit against Fox for Animal Attacks XII: deadly squirrels.
If you were destroying the feeding patterns of nature by 5, what did you do when you were 12?
When I was 12 I caught two Praying Mantis - fed them spiders (I had more curiosity and less phobias back then) and waited to see if they would breed and the female would eat the male like on Discovery Channel - except I think they were the same sex so they just hung out and ate the spiders.
Oh yeah - and I let a crayfish go in the basement to see what would happen. (Nothing happened by the way - it just disappeared - puzzling)
Yes, nothing like nature to teach us the finer points of mating: like ripping guys heads off and eating thier bodies.
Considering your fearlessness with animals, and bugs I have to say a) Your poor mother and b) how many times did you have to have rabies shots?
Yes - my poor mother indeed. I think she never really got over the excited little girl who appeared in her kitched holding a 3 1/2 foot snake. She kept saying - yes, dear it's lovely now go back outside please... she was a good sport and in all. I think she almost drew the line at the giant bucket of toads being loosed on our front lawn but.... they did look pretty cute wearing little kleenex and masking tape inspired diapers.... ;-D
Yes - my poor mother indeed. I think she never really got over the excited little girl who appeared in her kitched holding a 3 1/2 foot snake. She kept saying - yes, dear it's lovely now go back outside please... she was a good sport and in all. I think she almost drew the line at the giant bucket of toads being loosed on our front lawn but.... they did look pretty cute wearing little kleenex and masking tape inspired diapers.... ;-D
(that would be kitchen)
AAAAND I just felt like repeating myself there.
See, now I'm disturbed by the thought of you as a small girl with a grim look on your face as you tape "diapers" on a bucketful of toads - did you name them as you pulled them out of the bucket?
Well - you see my sense of funny told me my response should be "No silly - they TOLD me their names." But you don't know me well enough yet for that kind of humour.
But they did. Tell me their names I mean...is that bad?
Yeah, I talk about ripping people's heads off and eating thier bodies and you think I can't handle a little amphibion/human telephatic bonding humour?
No, it's not bad, in fact it's probably the sign of a first rate novelist - the only difficult will be later when people are asking ou about your magic realism fiction and you keep going, "What do you mean fiction?"
You must be a pretty good writer as I am constantly being distracted from my film of watching a girl dance naked around a dead guy on a medical gurney (okay, the part where she keeps complaining that her living boyfriend was just "too warm" is a little creepy). It's like my mind can't decide which it want more: little girl who plays with snakes or girl who likes smelling of embalming fluid. (no, not a stalker - that was my sense of humour).
I think the most appropriate response at this juncture is - an emphatic THANK YOU. Since you are published - and that makes you a greater god than I. Mere mortal that I am, one day when I write something interesting I may beg you to give me your verdict. In the meantime this is the only way I will ever get published so it will have to suffice ;-D
OKAY - why do my comments keep coming up many many many many many times? I mean - seriously I like repetition. I like repeating things. Saying something twice can be amusing but - come on now. Am I repeating myself here?
(I think I'll trash the duplicates - it fools me into thinking I'm more popular than I really am - and no use getting a big head now.)
This server is currently experiencing a problem. An engineer has been notified and will investigate.
Status code: 1-500-138
(That was the message I got when I attempted to delete my duplicates.)
See there - I have overworked the people at Blogger.
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