Thursday, June 08, 2006

The Value of a Drink - Some Lovely Philosophy

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams
If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,We fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
"~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move a s fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel a little smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Thanks for sending this in Carrie L.


B.E. Earl said...

Ah...a post after me own heart! I always thought Winston Churchill had the best booze quotes.

Dame Lady Astor: "Sir Winston, your'e drunk!"
Churchill: "Yes, madam, and your'e ugly. But I'll be sober in the morning."

Another great (non-booze) one from him went as follows:

Lady: "Sir, if you were my husband I'd put poison in your tea!"
Chuchill: "Ma'm, if you were my wife I'd drink it."

Anonymous said...

Alchoholic beverages were bein' produced before gods. Me question be this: are gods therefore merely fanciful dillusions caused by th'effects of alchohol on th'brain? Ye know, kinda like pink elephants an'th' dancin' girls I see on me deck all th'time...

Slyde said...

how did i just KNOW Earl would be the first to respond to this one?

elizabeth said...

earl - the latter of your two quotes is one I use regularly...

capt - I AM one of the dancing girls (so's anna I suspect) after some mescal


Slyde said...

Awesome, hon! i was getting worried there.

Hope you enjoy it! Let me know....

B.E. Earl said...

OK...there's no way to do this without sounding snooty, so I'm not even gonna try.

This is the second time you have typed "mescal" when it's actually "mezcal". The other time was over on Annaland. Please forgive me, in advance, if I'm wrong here.

It's a serious flaw in my normal good nature...correcting people. Ask Slyde. I'm constantly correcting him (or just giggling when he messes up).


B.E. Earl said...

I'm an ass! Here is me admitting that I am wrong. While I have only seen mezcal with a "z" in my somewhat illustrious drinking career, it turns out that it can be spelled either way.

Let the spanking begin!

No seriously, I'm waiting. ;)

elizabeth said...

Well if you stop bothering me I'll get there faster... ps I'd say this means you owe me a drink.

elizabeth said...

Slyde - sent you an email about Lost! Do you happen to know the seson premier date?

B.E. Earl said... time I'm in Canada. Shouldn't be too long. I saw The Who play in Toronto in '89.

I'm just about due.

word ver: exusff (like that one)

Slyde said...

nope... havent checked for premier dates yet. I dont think the major networks have released them yet. I think most of them get released in July.

My guess is we will see Ep3.1 of Lost in late September.

elizabeth said...

89' heh? So you aim to visit every 20 years or so? (The Who.... how old ARE you?)Check out the new casino next time around - a couple of hours closer.... and pretty cool. Also - sometimes Paul Anka plays nearby...

(I'm only kidding - about the old thing - *smirk* Paul Anka...hahahaha)

ps - wv: jmywbuf (sort of screams jimmy buffet... sort of_

Slyde said...

oh boy! now you're gonna send Earl off on a 20 min Jimmy Buffet Tangent.....

p.s. you're right.. he is really old

B.E. Earl said...

39 years young (I always hated it when people used that expression).

No Jimmy Buffett (two t's kids...aaah, there I go again!!!) tangent here. I'm too tired. Out way past my bedtime last night and I need a nap.

Wow...I am old!

funchilde said...

my comments are showing up! arrgghhh. i bet it will now!

funchilde said...

i knew it!

elizabeth said...

I hate it when that happens. Evidently blogger has been experiencing some technical difficulties as of late.

badgerdaddy said...

Love the google ads this post generated: 'Drink driving' 'Drink problem' 'drink too much' 'alcohol abuse'.


And check out my word verif:

"The future of word verifitcation enforcement."

elizabeth said...

lol. Didn't notice that. Funny.

elizabeth said...

I'm so proud.