Saturday, February 02, 2008


There are no boundaries to what I write. Clearly. Sorry boys. I'm totally going there. I haven't before - but this time I just must.

I have period cramps right now that are so bad I want to scream. (again - sorry boys) I can honestly say I don't think I've ever been in this much pain at this particular time of month. IT HURTS. In fact - there have been many times when I haven't felt even the tiniest twinge of discomfort.
Yet for some reason - this month - I feel like someone is stabbing my lower abdomen repeatedly with a knife. I also broke out. NIIIICE.

Now - according to all of the people who "know" - diet and exercise play a big part in finding supposed relief from this monster. I have an excellent diet. I exercise almost daily. So clearly the universe is just trying to get back at me for something. Evidently the people who "know" in fact know very little. So I think I will NOT exercise today and I will eat salt (in a bowl with a spoon) and drink buckets of coffee filled with sugar.

I am seriously doubled over right now with no relief in site - though I am fully expecting the pain killers to kick in at any moment. Until then I am going to continue feeling very sorry for myself. I suggest all of you do too. (you can also feel free to send me alcohol... for medicinal purposes of course)

15 comments:

elizabeth said...

I don't know if you guys can read the add for "Fibs" but it points out that "...you pay for no mechanical device to aid with insertion..."

OH. MY. GOD. (I kind of want to see what one would look like though...)

Kat said...

What? A mechanical device? Do they mean applicator? I hope that's what they meant.

Have a nice HOT bath with a big fat glass of wine. You'll feel mucho betta. ooo! ooo! and use epsom salts. They're magical!

Elizabeth McClung said...

I used to, for reasons unknown even to myself collect those disposable bags from toilets, if they had interesting pictures (talk about one weird hobby). It was just the juxtiposition between traditional feminity pictures on a bag where you dump the bloody mess. My favorite was from an estate house, gian manor house who added the bathrooms later (so they were stuck to the side of the building and the wind whipped through), and there was a perfect "Belle of the ball" with at least 8 or so layers of petticoats and dress overlay with a HAT (of course, must have the wide brimmed hat) holding in a gloved hand, this bag which had been neatly and perfectly folded three times at the top with the world, "Please Dispose" written in totally girly cursive.

Sorry bout your cramps, that's why I'm on the pill. Stairmaster helps sometimes as does masturbation for some reason. Got any good smutty books? It's MEDICINAL!

elizabeth said...

kat - screw epsom salts - I'm going straight for the wine... good plan.

beth - no. No smutty books. No stairmaster at home either. I think I'll just roll up in a ball and wimper. Drink wine. Wimper. Drink wine. Eventually fall asleep.... only to wake up tomorrow feeling wonderful. (a girl can hope)

elizabeth said...

kat - screw epsom salts - I'm going straight for the wine... good plan.

beth - no. No smutty books. No stairmaster at home either. I think I'll just roll up in a ball and wimper. Drink wine. Wimper. Drink wine. Eventually fall asleep.... only to wake up tomorrow feeling wonderful. (a girl can hope)

B.E. Earl said...

I'm sorry, but whenever Gia is experience bad period cramps I wish for all women to have them as well.

Spreads the pain among everyone, I say. Looks like my "harmless" wish caught you like a deer in headlights.

Sorry, again.

kaylee2 said...

I GET LIKE THAT TOO!!!!!!!!! they arew horrible huh? hope they dont last long :)

Böbø said...

I'm sure if men had periods we'd be bragging about it:

"I was just giving a presentation to the CEO and wouldn't you know it, my period came ... blood everywhere. We had to stop the Board Meeting and find a mop it was that bad!"

Sort of thing ... you know, in that tasteful way blokes can be.

elizabeth said...

kaylee - that sucs. ;-(

bobo - lol. Yes - I'm sure men would have fun inventing tampons with the names of fast cars too...

Slyde said...

the girl in that picture is HAWT!

Slyde said...

p.s.

i just took another look at that picture.

apparently, if you start using those things, you'll be able to play BACKGAMMON again!

i'd say go for it....

Melanie said...

CHOCOLATE!!!!

when are you girls going to learn its all about the chocolate when you are cramping.

rookies.

elizabeth said...

Slyde - she's a cartoon. That's a bit sick.

I know - what does backgammon really have to do with anything - that's part of why I thought that was so funny.

Melanie - I'm on it.

Böbø said...

You inspired a bit of tampon nonsense. Yes, I'm blaming you for such tastelessness!

elizabeth said...

Blame away - it was really funny.