Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Good Morning Sunshine

Family dinners around my house were always really fun growing up. Especially when we played little tricks on each other. But sometimes this backfired...

I played a joke on my Mom with the aid of these really magnificent fake carpenter ants... they appeared to be walking all around the kitchen counter and into the food and all the way to the fridge. And into the fridge. Anyways - many laughs about the fake ants after we scraped my Mother of the ceiling (she thought for a millisecond they might be spiders). Apparently she didn't notice the ones in the fridge. Well - our cleaning lady did. And she flipped out. It was an unexpected reward for my previous nights efforts. She really didn't beleive they weren't real. Too funny. They kept showing up for years and years in the most unexpected places.

Then the very next week I awoke to hear the same lady shrieking from somewhere in the house - I ran all over the place (assuming more ants...) and found her in the basement curled up in a ball on the floor waving a broom about her head. I managed to calm her enough for her to tell me that there was a bird or a bat flying around the basement trying to "get" her. (since most birds and bats find housekeepers delicious - little known fact). So - I see the creature in question - a starling - and I get a dress shirt from the pile of ironing. My idea being that we could sort of catch the little fellow in the shirt and get him outside. Problem was - every time we got close to catching him Sheila (housekeeper) fell to the ground and took her half of the shirt with her - and it took my half of the shirt and it in turn took me down. This wasn't really effective but we kept on doing it since we hadn't a better plan -- until we scared the bird into a window (house was a walk out) and it seemed to have broken it's neck. I picked up the bird. Lay him gently in my hand (on his wee back with his curled little yellow feet sticking up in the air) and walked somberly towards the door. Once outside I decided to look really closely (and I have no idea why really but did so nonetheless) and CAPOW he wakes up and flys directly into my face. I nearly shit my pants and almost knocked Sheila into the pool.
That was the last time Sheila ever showed up for work. Imagine that.

19 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

Tell me, Clarice - have the starlings stopped screaming?

elizabeth said...

Well - let me just pop my head out of this phone booth and --- arrrrrrrrrrrrh!!!!!
(no - seriously I am a tad afraid of birds since that incident)

Slyde said...

ouch! when Earl starts quoting Hannibal Lector, we all need to head for the hills....

Tobiwan said...

You'll be happy to know that while I was reading this, a small bird smacked right into the window near my desk~Freaky!

Stupid pigeon...I blame inbreeding.

elizabeth said...

Okay - are slyde and earl the same person? Or is that one of those things I'm not supposed to say out loud? (Just curious)

Tobiwan - what are the odds of that? Spooky.

Kat said...

good question Lizzy....
hopefully it's not true what they say about curiosity and cats.

elizabeth said...

Well if I don't post again - you'll know why....

elizabeth said...

PST - Kath are you ever going to read your comments? (on your blog?)

funchilde said...

oh man, i literally had tears in my eyes reading this and the closing 2 sentences...perfect. and of course the first damn comment set me off and i'm in a public internet cafe in mexico laughing my ass off.

elizabeth said...

That's why I lurve you - (and why everyone in Mexico things you are loca. lol)

Anna said...

I had a goose attack me one night when I was in high school drinking on a golf course.

Guess he didn't like that we were drinking underage or something.

B.E. Earl said...

No, Slyde and I aren't the same person (Thank God!). I reference his website because he is too lazy to post often so he asks me to contribute, while I am too lazy to have a blog of my own.

Oh yeah, I'm the cute and funny one.

elizabeth said...

Anna - no shit goose attacks can be dangerous (but funny to watch) - also don not piss off a swan. Swans have teeth.

b.e.earl - Thanks for clearing that up. All this time I thought you were one person and was just too polite to say anything. lol.

Kat said...

liz- are you ever going to read my responses?

elizabeth said...

As we speak...

Slyde said...

One person? Nah, im not quite that nutty yet to be posting in the 3rd person. We are too different people.

Actually, i think i have a picture of Earl dressed up as a wizard from an old Halloween party. Maybe i'll post it on Slydesblog to embarass him.

elizabeth said...

I'm all for it.

B.E. Earl said...

Slyde will, of course, never post anything on his site to embarrass me because he knows the wealth of treasure that I hold on him that would truly kill him.

Believe me, it's all great and funny stuff, but never-the-less, it would kill him.

Don't make me go there, man!

elizabeth said...

PST - Slyde - just email it to me...I won't tell. I'll be waiting.