Friday, May 26, 2006

Once Upon a New York Evening

I was just reading a blog (cheezy's) and it reminded me of the time I got roped into going to New York for a friend's birthday party. Not anything so glamorous as one might think, it was in Buffalo New York. We started out okay - drinking Dom and taking a Limo to this restaurant that the couple we were with liked to frequent. They warned me ahead of time that this wasn't my kind of place. (I like how they centered me out since there were several others along for the trip) They keep making jokes about how I would react and ...I keep drinking. We arrive. Well - the limo pulls over and we are in a slum. I am SO NOT exaggerating. There were boarded up shacks and a guy pissing in an empty lot (facing the road) when we got out of the limo. The couple organizing this debacle lead us to a shack. Uh huh. A shack. Like as in falling down boards and old card tables strewn about a bar type of thing. I place myself safely against the wall in a corner and order a bottle of beer in the hopes that somehow it hasn't been contaminated. The look of apt horror on my face must have been impressive. There were people actually asleep on the bar. You had to go into the kitchen yourself to order food. I was starving but couldn't bring myself to do it. The others did and I wonder how it is they survived what came out on plates, surely it was roadkill. I remained with my back securely attached to the wall for the remainder of the evening. This was a great vantage point to observe the festivities. I saw an old man with no teeth hit on my friend and buy her a drink (since it was her bday) and his son flipped out about how these young whores go around robbing old men blind... tekkin vantage of em and all. He was ready to fight. Um... ya see in my books taking advantage of an old man would be like.... getting him to buy you a car not accepting a $3.00 drink at his insistence. How rude would it be to shove it back to him and walk away? Now thems fightin words. Remember how I told you I'd been pounding the champagne? Right well - that means I eventually had to pee. Shudder. The bathroom consisted of a whole in the floor and a blackened type of pot on top. It was like something you might stumble upon in Tijuana. After I got the crack whores to leave I peed standing up and hoped for the best. How is it that this place hasn't been shut down. Easy. Buffalo New York people. Need I say more. Next time someone says it's not my kind of place I think I'll stay in the limo.

7 comments:

Slyde said...

Sounds more like Jersey to me....

elizabeth said...

Remind not to visit. lol.

Elizabeth McClung said...

on behalf of us young whores, I like to point out that men rob themselves blind, we are just the cosmic hand of justice - a sort of sexual social equalizer.

Ever since the "pit hole" toilets of the third world and Trail, BC I keep a wide mouth sport bottle handy...just in case.

elizabeth said...

Smart! Wonder how well I could aim after a few shots?

Slyde said...

btw liz, i was able to find the final lost episode still in my deleted folder on my tivo. If you need it, i can put it to a dvd for you.

elizabeth said...

Slyde - you have reached hero status. If I wasn't desperate to see it - I would never trouble you. Would you seriously do that for little old moi?

Slyde said...

sure thing. You have a DVD player, correct? i can burn it to a dvd which should be able to play in any standard player no problem.

if you want it, just shoot me an email at apedone@optonline.net with your address and ill get it to you this week.